For Louise Hargadon. Because I literally heard her screaming from 50 miles away when Tunnels of Time not only turned out to be a Gordon episode, but also contained some genuinely hilarious and completely unexpected shipping. Gordon and Penny is now a thing, folks!
Spoilers for Tunnels of Time and EOS, and a tiny one for Crosscut. TAG015 belongs to ITV, Weta and Pukeka Pictures. (And the Andersons.)
(Big) Walls Have Ears
Lady Penelope.
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward.
Penelope.
Penny.
Penny C.
Lady P.
Lady Penny? Nah... that's stupid. Sounds like a drag act.
Gordon rolled over in bed and stared at the wall. The nice, non-moving wall of his own bedroom. Her blue eyes bored into him even from there. He rolled back over and stared up at the ceiling. There she was again, those sapphire orbs narrowed at him. He closed his own eyes, eyes the color of golden syrup, and smiled happily.
She thinks my elbows are lumpy? Just wait until she feels my knees!
His pleasant daydreams were rudely shattered by the blaring of a klaxon right in his ear. He jumped clean out of his skin, adrenaline coursing through his body- but not enough, apparently, to actually make him get out of bed. He didn't have to- he knew who it was. His rapidly thumping heart sank down in his chest like a crippled bird.
"Wakey wakey, little brother!" John flickered into life right there in the middle of the room, hovering over Gordon's bed like the ghost of a long lost relative. "Hope I didn't... disturb anything!"
Gordon glared hard at John, but John remained where he was, bobbing gently up and down in mid-air. "You need to stop appearing in people's bedrooms like this," he grunted.
"Be glad I'm not there in person to tip you off the mattress," John replied drolly.
"Why are you stalking me? There's no emergency, unless you count Scott running out of Honey Nut Cheerios, and it's not a school morning- I'm not eight years old any more. Please, please don't tell me you showed up just to say 'penny for your thoughts'. I don't even know how you guys found out!"
"Walls have ears."
"That's a stupid saying. What you mean is, Thunderbird Five has ears. Scott and Virgil have ears. Cable cam has ears, even though it's broken. Ears everywhere! ALL the ears! I can't even!"
John looked crestfallen. "All righty, then. I won't say it."
"I've heard it more times already than you've had hot bagels."
"Yikes," said John, immediately understanding Gordon's predicament.
"Just because we connected," Gordon persisted. "Doesn't mean I wanna marry her or anything. Just because she thinks my elbows are lumpy and I have a big head, doesn't make her my bae."
"No one says 'bae'." John winced.
"I do, and I just did. So what if she's my sarcastic soulmate now? I mean, even Scott! 'Penny for your thoughts'. Like it's the first time anyone's ever said it. He's such a dork!"
John remained silent.
"Okay, maybe he's not a dork. Don't oppress me with that silent judgmental thing you do. You know, John, you're kinda scary when you do that."
John cracked a small, lopsided grin. "I'm making the most of it while I'm up here out of the way. Besides, do you know how many times I hear, 'Wow, you're much smaller in real life'? More times than there are fish in the ocean."
"Yipe," said Gordon, immediately understanding John's predicament. "That's a lot. Especially since over fishing was made illegal in 2045." He sighed and sat up in bed, stretching wearily. "Oh well, looks like I'm not gonna get much sleep now. Not that I could sleep anyway- spent the whole night thinking about how I nearly got smushed by a giant statue. I mean, how ironic. The joker of the family gets killed by the Laughing King. I can see the headlines now! 'International Rescue Heart-throb Perishes In Pyramid Collapse. Lights go out all over the world in tribute to one of the world's most colorful characters.'"
John laughed. "'Two other people killed'."
"Yeah. I'm sure Penny and … what's his name again? would get a mention."
The space monitor shook his head at the tow-headed, irrepressible aquanaut. "That's a fine way to talk about your 'bae'."
"I told you, she's not my bae. Can I help it if she has a little crush on me? It's an occupational hazard for all of us. Look at Scott, started out with Marion hating his guts and ended up with her sitting in his lap in the back of the Mole. And you, with your scary little female friend - 'oh, John, giggle, what do you want on your bagels today, look, I drew a heart on top of your coffee.' It's part of being a Tracy. Gotta learn to live with it. Why does everyone suddenly want to sabotage a budding friendship? Unless, of course, you're all jealous?"
"Gordon, not everything is sabotage."
"This feels like sabotage. Gordon with Penny? No way, he's too young! Or, she's too sophisticated. Or, they only almost kissed because they thought they were going to die. Or..."
"Wait!" said John, abruptly, appearing to grow brighter for a moment. "You almost kissed?!"
Gordon's eyes flew open and then rammed shut as his face creased in dismay. "Tell me I didn't just say that out loud."
"Okay, I won't. But you did."
One treacle colored eye pried itself open. "John. This is serious, now. Promise me you won't go official with that. Please. It's one thing to literally barge into my room without knocking, but not to start telling everyone my genuine secrets. Okay? Please. John? I mean it this time. Please."
The bobbing hologram nodded calmly. "Sure, Gords. Your secret is safe with me."
Gordon let out the huge breath he'd been holding.
"And EOS."
Gordon drew the breath back in.
John looked back at something over his right shoulder. "EOS swears she won't tell. She says she'd never betray a Tracy. Even the less good looking ones," he added cheekily.
Gordon let out a dramatic gasp like the one he emitted when Penny told him he had lumpy elbows. "You're talking about Alan, of course?!"
"Of course," said John, as enigmatically as ever. "Like, I legit don't even know what Kayo sees in him." He gave Gordon a blue-tinted conspiratorial wink.
"John, no one says 'legit.'"
"I do, and I just did. And by the way, so does EOS."
"Right, because you and EOS finish each other's sentences. John, EOS is creepy. I bet she doesn't even let you go to the bathroom on your own any more."
"Hey! There are boundaries- even in space. Althoughhhh, since I created EOS, she's probably seen everything already." John's brow creased. "Wait."
"It's too early for existentialism," said Gordon. "Scratch that- there's never a time for existentialism." He shuddered.
John's disembodied torso continued to bob gently in front of Gordon, who shook his head and chuckled lovingly, yes, lovingly, at his space obsessed sibling.
"Since it's now our secret," the aquanaut confided, "we did almost kiss; but we both agreed to let some things stay buried. For the good of... well, I'm not sure what for the good of because it would have been pretty much the defining moment of my whole life, but that is what we decided. I don't mind being teased about lumpy elbows or having a big head, or 'coming prepared, haha.' But if the others knew we almost kissed- I think their reactions would be a little bit different. I just don't want to go there, what with Scott worrying about us every time we breathe the wrong way, and Grandma with her beady eyes reading even the smallest facial expressions."
He sighed again, a little longingly this time. "She's beautiful, though. Inside, and out. Can you blame me for wanting to steal a kiss in my final moments?"
"I guess not," said John. "We may have all the technology and machines at our disposal, but we're still people, still ruled by gut instincts and emotions. A kiss is a perfect way to say goodbye, and I don't think anyone would blame you for it. But as far as the organization goes, and the enemies we appear to have, it's true that some things, even the best things, need to be kept under wraps."
"Thanks, John. I guess you'll be going now?" Gordon said, pointedly.
"Why? Is there anything you're hiding?" John stared pointedly at the blankets covering Gordon's pelvic area and smirked again. Gordon gasped melodramatically again. He picked up a pillow and hurled it at his brother's image, but the hologram winked out just in time. Not that a pillow would have done much damage anyway. As predicted, it sailed through the void, bounced harmlessly against the wall and fell onto the floor- where it remained, despite the best efforts of Gordon to psychically will it back to bed.
With a great, big, weary 'thank god John's gone' sigh, Gordon snuggled under the blankets like a rabbit burrowing underground into its nice, warm, slightly fusty smelling warren. Penny's piercing eyes returned, along with her Cupid's bow lips and her spine tickling cut glass accent. He didn't need his eyes open to see her, or his ears to hear her perfectly timed and beautifully delivered wisecracks. He shivered, even though the interior of his blanket den was hotter than a blazing barbecue on the hottest day of the year.
Penny.
Penelope.
Lady P.
"When we were on the statue, I thought, for a second, that..."
"That... we were done for? Yeah, me too."
There were things that were best left buried. Things that could jeopardize the future of International Rescue, no matter how small and insignificant they appeared. But even though some things were well and truly buried, the summit of the aptly named (and very buried) Laughing King statue would always be their place. And that was something his brothers would never take away from him.
That was his most priceless artifact of all.