Audrie, Gimli, The Dragon, and Hagrid: A Love Rhombus
by Cayley Table
This is a story of an ordinary person named Audrie. Audrie was ordinary but she had something very out of the ordinary. You see Audrie had discovered a portal to other worlds underneath her bed. Periodically, people and creatures would come through the portal. Once they came through, they couldn't go back.
One of the people that had come through the portal was Gimli of The Lord of the Rings fame. Another person that had come through the portal was Hagrid of Harry Potter fame. If the people or creatures that came through were benevolent, she would let them stay with her while she taught them about her world. Gimli and Hagrid had become her friends and decided they would live in a house next door. Anyway, Audrie had a big problem. Gimli loved Audrie. Audrie loved Hagrid. Hagrid loved the dragon from Shrek who lived in a cave in the backyard. The dragon, of course, loved Gimli. It was a love rhombus of the worst kind. The worst part of the whole thing was that no one ever told the person they loved that they loved them. If they had, the problem probably would have sorted itself out.
This went on for years until one day Legolas Greenleaf came through the portal. As soon as Audrie saw him with his long, silky blond hair and his sexy, pointy ears, she knew she had to have him. She forgot all about Hagrid and focused all of her efforts on Legolas. Legolas, being the intelligent elf that he was, was not affected by her inadequate charms. He was determined to find a way to get home and away from the sick situation in which he found himself.
After a few months of unimaginable torture, he had finally figured out how to undo what Audrie had accidentally done. He couldn't wait to test his theory. The only trouble was, he couldn't get away from the insipid Audrie long enough to do anything. Then, one day while they were out shopping for groceries, he saw a cardboard cutout of Captain Kirk and a plan began to grow in his mind. By the time they got to the frozen foods, his plan was complete. He told Audrie that he had a surprise for her but he needed to go get everything ready for it.
As soon as she gave him permission to leave, he ran out of the store and down the street to see Uncle Sy the photo guy. He told Sy what he needed and asked how long it would take. Sy told him to come back in an hour and he'd be all set. An hour later, Legolas returned. He grabbed what he came for and ran home as fast as he could which was pretty darn fast considering it was snowing. Before Audrie came home, he set everything up and started a couple of rumors.
When Audrie returned, all hell broke loose. She found Gimli in her room hacking at Legolas with an ax and shouting, "Never trust an elf!" She leapt on top of Gimli and started ripping out his beard. "Not the beard!" Gimli yelled. Suddenly, the dragon ripped through the roof and started shooting fire at Audrie. Gimli, still in love with Audrie, began to defend her. He jumped off of Legolas and started attacking the dragon. Of course, Hagrid walks in just in time to see Gimli swinging his ax at his precious dragon. Hagrid reacted immediately and pointed his pink umbrella at Gimli. Out his behind sprung a pig's tail. Gimli squealed like a girl. While he was distracted, Hagrid who was so much bigger than Gimli squashed him. The dragon didn't take the death of her beloved very kindly. She took a deep breath and without a thought, incinerated Hagrid with a giant ball of flame.
Once the smoke had cleared, Audrie saw that the portal had somehow been closed and that Legolas was really just a cardboard cutout. He had tricked them all. He must have figured out how to get back through the portal and had left knowing how it would all end. Now Audrie was left with a charred bedroom and a bitter heart. And of course a lonely dragon.
by Cayley Table
This is a story of an ordinary person named Audrie. Audrie was ordinary but she had something very out of the ordinary. You see Audrie had discovered a portal to other worlds underneath her bed. Periodically, people and creatures would come through the portal. Once they came through, they couldn't go back.
One of the people that had come through the portal was Gimli of The Lord of the Rings fame. Another person that had come through the portal was Hagrid of Harry Potter fame. If the people or creatures that came through were benevolent, she would let them stay with her while she taught them about her world. Gimli and Hagrid had become her friends and decided they would live in a house next door. Anyway, Audrie had a big problem. Gimli loved Audrie. Audrie loved Hagrid. Hagrid loved the dragon from Shrek who lived in a cave in the backyard. The dragon, of course, loved Gimli. It was a love rhombus of the worst kind. The worst part of the whole thing was that no one ever told the person they loved that they loved them. If they had, the problem probably would have sorted itself out.
This went on for years until one day Legolas Greenleaf came through the portal. As soon as Audrie saw him with his long, silky blond hair and his sexy, pointy ears, she knew she had to have him. She forgot all about Hagrid and focused all of her efforts on Legolas. Legolas, being the intelligent elf that he was, was not affected by her inadequate charms. He was determined to find a way to get home and away from the sick situation in which he found himself.
After a few months of unimaginable torture, he had finally figured out how to undo what Audrie had accidentally done. He couldn't wait to test his theory. The only trouble was, he couldn't get away from the insipid Audrie long enough to do anything. Then, one day while they were out shopping for groceries, he saw a cardboard cutout of Captain Kirk and a plan began to grow in his mind. By the time they got to the frozen foods, his plan was complete. He told Audrie that he had a surprise for her but he needed to go get everything ready for it.
As soon as she gave him permission to leave, he ran out of the store and down the street to see Uncle Sy the photo guy. He told Sy what he needed and asked how long it would take. Sy told him to come back in an hour and he'd be all set. An hour later, Legolas returned. He grabbed what he came for and ran home as fast as he could which was pretty darn fast considering it was snowing. Before Audrie came home, he set everything up and started a couple of rumors.
When Audrie returned, all hell broke loose. She found Gimli in her room hacking at Legolas with an ax and shouting, "Never trust an elf!" She leapt on top of Gimli and started ripping out his beard. "Not the beard!" Gimli yelled. Suddenly, the dragon ripped through the roof and started shooting fire at Audrie. Gimli, still in love with Audrie, began to defend her. He jumped off of Legolas and started attacking the dragon. Of course, Hagrid walks in just in time to see Gimli swinging his ax at his precious dragon. Hagrid reacted immediately and pointed his pink umbrella at Gimli. Out his behind sprung a pig's tail. Gimli squealed like a girl. While he was distracted, Hagrid who was so much bigger than Gimli squashed him. The dragon didn't take the death of her beloved very kindly. She took a deep breath and without a thought, incinerated Hagrid with a giant ball of flame.
Once the smoke had cleared, Audrie saw that the portal had somehow been closed and that Legolas was really just a cardboard cutout. He had tricked them all. He must have figured out how to get back through the portal and had left knowing how it would all end. Now Audrie was left with a charred bedroom and a bitter heart. And of course a lonely dragon.