A/N: hey guys. Episode 4 really fucked me up ok. Ugh. But yeah a really shirt drabble about Lukes thoughts after he got the news. Nuke will live on though! I had a fan fiction in mind for them.

Hes…. Dead. The one person I thought I could be with through all of this. The one person that escaped Carver with me, that messed up but tried to make things right. The one person that I loved with every fiber of my being. And now he's gone.

And now we've lost another. Sarah. Poor girl. I wish I could've helped her but… I had no idea how to. And now she's gone too. It's all my fault.

People are dropping like flies and turning into walkers. Will this ever end?

Probably not.

I'm so happy to see Clem, though. Jane too. I'm so happy that at least more people survived. But Nick…. I just can't accept the fact that he's gone. It's not fair. I needed him. God why? Why did you take him from me? Why didn't you take us both? Why, damnit?

Walking through the forest was rough. All I could think about was Nick. I stopped, Jane and Clementine turning to look at me.
"Luke?" Clem started, "what's wrong?"
"I just… I need to go back"
"Back? Are you crazy?" Jane said.
"I need his hat."
"For what?"
"…" I couldn't. I can't think of it right now.
"Luke?" Clem tugged at my hand.
"I just… god Clem, I can't believe he's gone." I covered my face with my hand.
"Luke I… I know."
"We were close."
"We lose people that are close to us. It happens. I know It's horrible but theres nothing we can do to stop it once it happens. We just have to keep pushing forward." Jane was so straight to the point. I can't handle that right now.
"We were… we had a thing."
She raised an eyebrow, "A 'thing'?"
I looked at Clem, expecting to find words I didn't have. She just looked at me, worried.
"We were together. He was my partner. As in significant other partner." I could feel myself blush slightly.
"Oh… I'm sorry." She paused, "We'll go back. Quietly."
"No its alright. Nevermind." I looked down.
"Luke? What about the hat?"

I pursed my lips together "I just want something to remember him by, you know? And… I dunno. It's fine, I have something else to remember him by."
"Really? What?"
I reached into my back pocket, pulling out a picture. We took it with the old camera Sarah had found back at the cabin. I handed it to her.
It was a picture of me and Nick inside the cabin. Nothing complicated, just small and simple. But it meant the world to me. Clem smiled,
"You two had something special. I can tell."
"We did." I couldn't help but smile back, thinking about all the great times me and Nick shared before things went wrong. Holding hands by the river, sleeping next to each other, and the small awkward kisses we'd give when no one was looking. It's hard to believe that it was all taken away from me.

She handed the picture back, letting me put it back in my pocket.
"You know, I used to have a few pictures of people I really cared about."
"Really?"
"Yeah. But when I lost the woman I was with before I met up with you guys, I lost the pictures too. The only two that I really cared about. And now I've lost everyone in those pictures but one person, but now he might be gone too. And there's nothing I can do to stop it."
"Oh… oh god Clem, I'm so sorry." "Its alright, Luke. We all lose people. I know it's hard to accept. But we have to keep pushing forward." "… I know." I guess she's right. I need to survive.

It's what he would have wanted, right?

But with each step I take my feet feel heavier and I can't think. All I can think of is his face, especially those eyes. I wish I could've told him how much he ment to me…. I should've kissed him.

We should've done a lot of things before he died.

I don't feel like a human anymore. I might as well be a walker. Goddammit.

I miss you, Nick.