Yang sighs and changes her position once again. She's lying on her back now. She stares at the ceiling above her and tries to calm her racing mind. Actually, she doesn't know if "calm" is the right word. She feels so... numb. Paralysed, maybe? So far removed from the world, she can't really react to anything, which makes her "calm", she guesses. But there's something crawling under her skin that just won't let her rest. It bothers her more and more, and Yang just can't take it anymore. She vigorously throws away her blanket and gets up. Lying like this won't do her any good. She needs to move.
She quickly leaves the room, not bothering to change from her pyjamas. Maybe fresh air will get her out of whatever her emotional state is. She's getting really tired of constant rush of emotions trying to crush her. Why can't things just come back to the way they used to be? These were the easier times.
And now they're gone forever.
Just like her arm.
Yang sighs. She walks to the balcony and leans against the barrier. She watches the streets of Mistral beneath her. The way they move in irregular forms, always running, always changing. She's basically back to square one, she stands still even though all she wants to do is run. Only this time, she has a better view.
Ever since the Fall of Beacon Yang has got to know multitude of new emotions: all the shades of grief and anger. They change so rapidly and she just can't keep up. It exhausts her. Everyday Yang discovers something new about herself, but it only leaves her wondering what else she thinks about herself is a lie.
She turns her head when she hears something. She stays vigilant, but she doesn't hear it again. Hmm, it must have been a bird, she thinks.
Then she hears familiar footsteps and sees her Uncle Qrow coming onto the balcony.
He's fully dressed and not asleep despite the giant bags under his eyes. What was he doing at this hour? Probably some secret mission for Ozpin that none of them will hear about until it's too late and everything they love dies, Yang thinks bitterly, but stops herself immediately. It's not Qrow's fault. She has her issues with Ozpin, but Qrow tries. She knows that.
"What are you doing up, firecracker?" he asks her affectionately and joins her. The wind is slowly getting stronger and it feels wonderful against her skin. Yang tries to savour the moment.
"Couldn't sleep. Might as well come here," Yang says simply and shrugs. It's the truth, she supposes, or at least part of it. She thinks it may not be enough for her uncle, that he'll start asking more questions, but he just groans in agreement.
They both stand in silence and gaze into the distance. The sky on the east begins to brighten a little and Yang knows the sun will rise soon. Just like every other day. The life goes on, with or without her. She had failed to understood that before. As soon as she realized how wrong she was, she went off to search for Ruby. Sometimes, during long rides on her bike, she wondered if maybe she was too late and her sister had been lying in the forest, torn apart by Grimm, all because Yang was too self absorbed and stubborn to help her.
Qrow promised to take care of Ruby and Yang did trust him. He always tried to do the best he could for them and never treated them differently even though him and Ruby technically weren't related by blood. Still, she worried. Qrow was a great huntsman, but if the Fall of Beacon had proved something was that there were greater things out there, things that her uncle couldn't necessarily protect them from.
She was so relieved to see they were all alright. That she didn't have to deal with yet another loss so soon after the last one.
Yang takes a deep breath. Now that she thinks about it, there is one thing she feels she should do.
"Thank you," she says, still keeping her eyes on him.
Qrow turns towards her.
"Hmm?" he responds. He clearly was too deep in his own thoughts to register what she said. But Yang doesn't mind repeating her words for as long as he needs.
"Thank you," she tells him, a little loader this time," for protecting Ruby, when I was... when I couldn't. I've realized I haven't actually told you that, so... thanks."
He stares at her for a moment, clearly surprised. "I appreciate the thought, kiddo, but to be perfectly honest with you, I wasn't that much of a help this time. I'm pretty sure I was poisoned for almost half of the journey to Mistral," he jokes, but Yang can tell he's serious.
"And weren't you poisoned because you were stung by a scorpion faunus while protecting Ruby?"
"More like I was stung because my semblence really likes to fuck with me."
Yang squints her eyes, confused.
"Your semblence?"
It's funny, but it's the first time she has ever thought about Qrow's semblance. As a child, her uncle was already the coolest person she knew. He was a huntsman with a cape and an awesome scythe. He didn't need anything more to win a fight or save her from the hoards of Grimm.
"Ruby didn't tell you?" he asks instead of answering her. Yang knows it's a rhetorical question but shakes her head anyway.
Her uncle actually looks nervous, which is not something she sees every day. Or like, ever.
"My semblence is.. complicated. I bring bad luck. Everywhere. To everyone around me and to smaller extant, myself. You can say I am a bad luck charm," he smiles as if it was an old inside joke. It probably is.
She thinks about all the times she was around her uncle. She remembers broken glasses and vases, and the numerous times Ruby tripped on her cape. All the little instances in her life start to come together. She ignores a little voice in her head telling her something doesn't add up. Instead she chooses to focus on her uncle who plays with his hands, waiting for her reaction.
"Hey, now I know why you were smirking so hard when Dad fell of the ladder that one time," she says and actually feels proud of herself when Qrow relaxes a little. She wasn't a black hole sucking the happiness from everyone around her. She could still have positive impact on people around her. She could do this.
They both fall into silence again. She can't believe how comfortable she's got, especially in contrast to the rest of the night. She doesn't feel the best and she won't be anytime soon, but the unnerving itch seems to have left her.
"Are you alright, firecracker?" Aaaand, there it goes. Yang sighs deeply. She really was a fool for thinking she could get out of this one. She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. She can't even manage to throw the obligatory "I'm fine." line. She just stands there feeling awkward.
"Do you want to spar?" Qrow asks suddenly and it's enough to catch her off guard. What?
What?!
"What, at four in the morning? Why?" she asks, because it is beyond ridiculous and she needs her uncle to know that.
Qrow however doesn't seem to share her concerns and just shrugs. But not before taking another sip from his flask.
"It's as good time as any. And the rooms are far enough from here so we won't wake anybody up," he assures her and then adds in a more sombre tone "As to why, well... No one knows the urge to punch someone in the face after talking to my sister like I do."
He gives her a small smile and she hates it. Her first instinct is to deny everything, but she quickly dismisses the idea. It wasn't that hard to figure out what was bothering her these days. Hell, she thinks it's harder to figure out what isn't. She learned from her conversation with Weiss that denial will get her nowhere.
Which leaves her with the original question. Does she want to throw all that frustration and anger into something physical, something that would hurt? She is so tempted to just let herself go and do what she knows best.
"I don't think using fighting as a coping mechanism would be a great idea for me right now," she finally answers.
Qrow stares at her for a moment, but nods in understanding. He actually seems kinda proud? She blinks and the expression is gone, but she knows her uncle well enough to know she wasn't imagining it.
Yang guesses that all that she has left now is actually talking about her problems to solve them, which at the moment seems more ridiculous to her than sparing at four in the morning. But a thought pops up in her mind, one that she just can't get rid of. The thought that she could potentially say out loud, that she could tell Qrow about.
She knows that her uncle is fully expecting to spend the rest of the night standing with her at the balcony in silence. That was his way of trying to respect her boundaries, but still supporting her. His "You can talk to me, if you want to, but if you don't, I'm still here for you".
"I miss Mom."
Qrow turns to her immediately, clearly not expecting she would actually talk to him.
"Yang...," he can't keep the sadness from his voice, "Raven is..."
"I'm not talking about Raven."
Yang makes sure to focus on his face when she corrects him. She smirks bitterly as his expressions play out exactly the way she thought they would. Firstly, shock and confusion, followed by realization and then, a tinge of guilt. All because everyone forgets that Ruby isn't the only daughter of Summer Rose.
Maybe that's why things turned out the way they did.
"Yang, I..."
Yang's held so many words that needed to be said for so many years. And now she wanted to say all of them.
"I miss her so much and I haven't even realized how much until recently. I've spent so many years, practically my whole life searching for Raven! Thinking that if I just found the answers, I would finally find my peace," Yang's hand begins to shake, but she doesn't even notice it, "But then I walked into the tribe's camp and looked at her. And I still felt nothing. Because all this time, I was searching for the wrong person. All this time I was the same stupid little girl who had just lost her mother and when she learned she had another one, one that's alive, she decided that having A mother would be enough. That maybe it would make missing Mom hurt less. How could I do that? How could I betray my Mom like that?"
She puts her head in her hands the tears start running on her face. Qrow tries to reassure her and puts his hand on her shoulder.
"Oh, Little Dragon, you didn't betray anyone."
She shakes off his hand as her sadness suddenly turns into fury.
"Didn't I? I chose Raven over her! How is that not a betrayal!" Yang asks him, but then realizes that she's shouting in the middle of the night. Her hair is beaming with energy and her eyes are burning red. She's lost control. Again.
She takes a deep breath.
"You didn't choose anyone. Love is not divided, it's multiplied," Qrow affirms her.
"Why didn't you stop me? You knew what I was doing and you knew how dangerous Raven was," she asks quietly.
He opens his mouth to answer her, but then she does it for him.
"I know why. And it pisses me off even more, because I can't even be mad at you for any of this. You were grieving – how can I be mad at you for that?" she says and groans in frustration. Part of her wishes Qrow had never come here. She wouldn't have to deal with old issues that should have just stayed buried.
"Yang, you have absolute right to be angry at us. You were just a kid and we were the adults. It was our job to take care of you and we didn't. You're right, we should have stopped you, but we were too caught up in our own shit. I don't have to tell you how things were, you were there. I thought..." he sighs and runs his hand through his hair," No, I didn't really think. The world was a fucking nightmare for me and Tai back then, but at least you and Ruby were fine. Or seemed that way. We didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. To at least have this one thing that always goes right. And then we turned around and you basically raised Ruby all by yourself and were on your way to Beacon."
It strikes Yang how calm her uncle is about the whole situation. Considering how much trouble she has being that way, she appreciates it now more than ever.
Qrow notices her surprise and says, „Yeah. I thought about it recently. A lot. How we dealt with things back then."
Her uncle becomes quiet and when he finally talks, his voice is just barely louder than a whisper.
"You were hurt and I thought I understood that. And then you appeared in Mistral out of the blue and I realized that you are already so much stronger than us. No one would have blamed you if you took your time after the Fall of Beacon. But you picked yourself up and came running for your sister. You did what we couldn't then. You put your sister first."
He shakes his head and takes another sip of alcohol.
„Bottom line is, don't sell yourself short, kid. Life is shit and we all are doing what we can. You're already doing so much better than us. Imagine what you'll do later. You may even stop Salem from destroying the world."
Yang feels a little better. She thinks. She's actually quite exhausted. Not only was the night emotionally draining, but she hasn't slept through any of it. Her eyes are closing on her own and she thinks that if she went to bed right now she would be able to actually fall asleep. She considers going to her room to put the last hours of the morning to good use.
She gets ready to leave when she catches the glimpse of her uncle's weapon under his cape. She freezes. That's it. She's figured it out.
"The Grimm incident! That's what I was thinking about!" she shouts and doesn't care, because the sun is almost up anyway. The sudden rush of excitement takes over her in a way she hasn't felt in a very long time.
"What?" her uncle asks, startled by the sudden change of topic.
"Your semblence! It makes absolutely no sense," Qrow gives her half-surprised, half-"I think I know how MY semblence works, thank you very much" look, "No, wait, hear me out. If your semblence truly is bad luck you wouldn't be able to find us in the forest. It's huge and we were nowhere near your usual route. There was one chance in a million that you would come through this part of the forest, but you did. That isn't bad luck, that's a good luck!"
Qrow seems like he wants to say something, but doesn't give him a chance. She is on the roll.
"And what about the fact that you came just in time to save Ruby from Tyrion? Sure, you were following her, but if you were there just a second too late she would be the one that got stung. You were the one that took Ruby from the tower after the Fall of Beacon, before any of the Grimm showed up. She was unconscious and the dragon was attracting Grimm. If one of them had managed to get to her before you she wouldn't have stand a chance."
Yang stops talking to catch her breath. Qrow's eyes are wide open as he looks at her in complete shock.
"What are you saying?" he asks carefully like he is afraid of the answer.
"What if your semblence isn't bad luck, but extreme luck? Like a trade off! You keep getting bad luck during the smaller stuff so that the luck can be on your side when it matters. Like when Ruby or I need your help."
"T-that, that would be…," he doesn't finish the sentence. He can't squeeze the words out of his throat. He just stares at her in bewilderment and wonder.
Yang waits for him to say something, but after her uncle just blinks couple of times, she realizes it's probably not going to happen. She smiles at him and slowly, so he knows what she's about to do, she gives him a hug. He hugs her back, though it feels more like an automatic response and not a conscious action.
Yang takes in the feeling of warmth and the familiar scent of dust powder and alcohol. She missed him.
She yawns.
Yeah, it's time to at least get a nap, she decides. She takes a step back and ends the hug.
"I'm going to catch some sleep. You know what they say about beauty sleep and all that. Although... Some beauty sleep wouldn't hurt you either, Uncle Qrow," she teases him and moves towards the door.
Qrow stares at her some more when he realizes that Yang is just going to leave him here and go to bed after completely shattering his perception of the world.
She is one step out of the balcony when she hears soft: "Thank you."
Yang turns to her uncle one last time. The sun behind him has finally risen. The new day begins. For all of them.
"Right back at you, Uncle Qrow."