"They're coming..." Featherdust frantically burst into Blazestar's den, her eyes wide with terror.
"Th-They're coming now." She spilt out in half sobs. This immediately roused Blazestar to his paws, because who could sit by while their love cried. He wanted to comfort the love of his life, and he wanted to hold her close, but what if anyone walked in? What if someone saw? He decided then and there he didn't care. This was going to be their kit; the world would see soon enough.
"What should we do?" Tears pinched at the edges of her beautiful sapphire eyes. "I've been hiding this secret for so long... We can't keep them... What will we-" Blazestar didn't have much control over the situation, but he did know one thing. He stepped over gently and pressed his muzzle into her soft neck to calm her.
"We are keeping them. The clan will understand. The leader's word is law, remember?" Blazestar's voice was so decided, Featherdust was still unsure. "It's about time for change."
As of late there had been talk that the cats of their clan were unhappy with their leader. Too young, they said, too indecisive. Always wanting change and reform. Blazestar had realized he could never make every single clan cat happy, even with all his benevolence. In recent moons there had been talk from Blazestar of change to the warrior code. Featherdust was sure it had something to do with their relationship, but it wasn't the deciding factor
The main factor was that the code was written years ago by cats who had held plenty of prejudice in their heart. It was only as in recent years that the clans even accepted rogues. When Blazestar began to spread his ideas the clan cats had become indifferent and unhappy. Though Blazestar continued to reassure her that they would turn around.
Change was inevitable, he said to her often. She supposed he was right.
"But what if they don't-"
"They will..." He nuzzled her cheek gently. "The code is so old fashioned... It's about time there were changes... Like the bit about medicine cats sworn to a life of solitude. It's not right." He still saw the fear those wavering sapphire eyes and sighed deeply. "Remember what I told you when I first saw you, crying under that willow tree? All those moons ago when you thought the world had been coming down." Blazestar's voice grew rusty with emotion and memory.
"You do not need to do this alone." Featherdust answered easily, because it was a phrase Blazestar often used when Featherdust fell into a depressive episode. "Though the world feels dark and cold know it won't feel that way for ever… I'll be here to melt that away… Even if just for the night." It was those very words that had been a crutch to Featherdust and they kept her going.
"Perhaps you are right..." Though the words that came out were still strangled with doubt. What if, what if, what if. Those words haunted her every day, more now than ever. He smiled and nodded toward the entrance, because the kits were most certainly on their way.
The pain in her swelling belly was extraordinary as she took her first steps toward the nursery. Featherdust didn't know if she would make it in time, but after a few labored, encouraged steps she did.
Once inside Featherdust barely had room to breathe, everything inside felt constricted and suffocated. She flopped over heaving as if she had run in from a fox. The queens, who were currently in the nursery, watched her in shock. It didn't take long before they all quickly jumped into action after they realized what was happening. Blazestar had disappeared, but quickly reappeared with Hollyberry, Featherdust's apprentice, in tow.
Hollyberry was a jet black she-cat with a pair of piercing green eyes, that turned onto Featherdust as soon as she walked in. They were filled with disgust and disappointment, but she did not say a word, much to Featherdust's relief. She set to work setting up the herbs and shoving some towards Featherdust. Then Hollyberry began to order Blazestar and the queens, giving them orders to bring her specific herbs.
The entire kitting process took from midnight to dawn and throughout that entire time period Featherdust on multiple occasions believed she was actually going to die. There were a million reasons for Featherdust to rue the day she had decided to love Blazestar. She should have. She should have screamed his name in a fury like no other, but she couldn't. Not when she saw the bundle of living, breathing joy she had produced suckling against her teats. How could she hate Blazestar when he had been the one to help her create this beautiful creature? When he had been the one to help her survive all these years.
"Any ideas for a name?" Blazestar whispered, pride gleaming in his weary golden eyes. Despite his announcements and duties he'd be busy with in the morning, he stayed up with her all morning. His midnight speckled fur was shifted in every other way and he was curled up next to her, pressing into her for comfort.
"Dawn..." Featherdust cooed sweetly, nuzzling her beautiful kit. Her daughter was dark like her father, but also had streaks of ginger spotting her back. She had the coloration of a fawn, and it filled Featherdust's heart to the brim of explosion. "Dawnkit. My sweetheart." She purred, pressing her nose into her wriggling kit. Dawnkit, whose closed eyes scrunched in disapproval, let out a loud wail of protest when her mother poked her.
Now Featherdust understood what it was like to feel so responsible for one being, and to love them eternally.
"Feisty, stubborn... Just like me." Blazestar grinned, leaning down to face his kit. "Hi there little one. Welcome to the world." Dawnkit snorted when her father poked her with his nose, whining in even more protest. "You'll do a great many things one day… Like the coming of dawn, you'll light up this world." His smile was so soft and gentle than Featherdust had ever seen it.
"Great many things indeed..." Featherdust echoed his words, knowing deep down in her heart it was true. She didn't know how, but it was a sensation that filled from her toes to her ears that screamed it was true.
Hollyberry, who had left after the kitting was over, suddenly stepped in through the linen that guarded the nursery entrance. Doveheart, the deputy, followed her through the linen, eyeing Blazestar and Featherdust coolly.
"You do realize that you will no longer be able to serve as clan medicine cat, Featherdust?" Doveheart murmured calmly, her eyes might have been quiet, but they were just waiting for someone to question her. They crackled with fury and revolution and it sent waves of humiliation through Featherdust. Blazestar noticed his deputy's attitude and Featherdust's discomfort, so he stood to his full height and looked down to Doveheart.
"That is not the case Doveheart." Blazestar interrupted, holding his head high and firm. He was the leader and she was his deputy, there was no suggestion in his tone. "There is no reason Featherdust cannot perform her duties as a medicine cat in the future. Right now, that is understandable, because she is with kit. Later she will be able to work just as she has been doing for moons." Doveheart's fur stood up in agitation as she glared at her leader, but she said not a word against him.
"Do not look at me like that Doveheart... She didn't do anything wrong. It should not be a crime to love, no matter what part of the clan you are from." Doveheart's thin tail began to lash against the dusty ground, but she did not question her leader. His word was law.
Featherdust kept silent, not wanting to agitate Doveheart further. Blazestar got up, realizing that Doveheart was still angry. Instead of forcing Featherdust to be part of this obviously brewing argument just after she had kitted, he nodded for them to follow him outside. The two she-cats glanced at each other, a moment of some sort of understanding passing in between them before they followed.
Sighing deeply, Featherdust shifted uncomfortably in her moss nest, post kitting was never comfortable. She'd probably be sore for moons, at least that's how she felt. Then fear hit her as she noticed all the queens staring at her. What if the queens treated her as Doveheart and Hollyberry had?
They were shockingly very sympathetic toward Featherdust's situation, and all three of them circled her with wide eyes of admiration.
Duskstream, the oldest of all the queens, looked down at Dawnkit, who had quietly gone back to suckling at her mother for milk. "Look at her... " She cooed quietly, "She's going to be a beautiful she-cat when she grows up." Featherdust ducked her head shyly toward the older gray colored she-cat.
"Th-thank you Duskstream..." She meowed shyly, and the other queens all smiled back. The youngest queen, Smokestorm spoke next, her tailing holding back a small army of Duskstream's curious kits.
"Don't worry about Hollyberry and Doveheart, somethings I wonder if they have fox dung in their fur. They are always so uptight." She whispered in a matter of fact tone, throwing a glance toward the entrance to make sure no one was around.
"Everyone makes mistakes; even medicine cats fall under that category." Shrewpelt, the last queen, who still had a swelling bell full of kits just like Smokestorm, purred. Though then her eyes widened suddenly, "N-Not that this little bundle of joy was a mistake. Sorry…"
"It's fine..." She chuckled, bowing her head toward Shrewpelt. This was the warmest welcoming Featherdust could have imagined.
Finally, Smokestorm was no longer able to hold back the kits she had been keeping at bay, and Emberkit, Brindlekit, and Kestrelkit shot forward to meet the new bundle in their den.
"When is she gonna open her eyes?" Kestrelkit asked as he sniffed at the new kit. He scrunched his nose and backed away, "Ew she smells... Weird." Featherdust laughed, her tail absentmindedly curling around her beloved child protectively.
"She might smell a little weird for the first couple days... You smelled like that too when you were born." Kestrelkit made another face, then his mother Duskstream began to lead him away with her tail.
"Away from her darling, let her sleep." But another small kit interrupted, a ginger she-cat who was also Duskstream's kit.
"But I want to play with her! I wouldn't want her to feel left out." Emberkit squeaked, but was quickly herded away as well.
"No, no kittens. Come let's go play outside and out of Featherdust's care." But as soon as they started to step out of the nursery, one of the clan's warriors stepped in front of them. It was Beechpelt, a tall handsome tom with a broad pair of shoulders.
He smiled weakly, nervously sitting down in front of them all. Featherdust had this icy feeling form in her chest, something definitely wasn't right.
"Please move out of the way Beechpelt..." Duskstream spoke calmly, but with an air of authority. She was one of the oldest queen, but that also made her a senior warrior.
"No can do Duskstream... Blazestar has ordered you all must stay in here. S-Sorry." That sure didn't sound like Blazestar, Featherdust thought, fear pinching at her heart.
"Why?" She piped up, earning herself an apologetic glance from Beechpelt.
"Don' know. Orders are orders." He said firmly, sucking up his worries planting himself in front of the entrance so no one could leave.
"Can I speak to Blazestar?" Featherdust asked, but he looked away. He was hiding something, but why? Why would he act like this? He was one of the sweetest toms in the can.
"No." Is all he said, before spending the rest of his time there in silence, no matter how many questions the queens asked him.
Eventually night settled over all of them, and another warrior named Lilystep silently stepped in to feed them all and offer new bedding. Lilystep refused to look at any of them as she came in to leave them all their necessities. Featherdust quietly begged her ancestors for guidance, or advice, but they were oddly quiet. It wasn't even just plain silence, there was this empty void like feeling that had filled Featherdust when she had tried to reach out to them. When she woke up she felt sick to her stomach.
"What's wrong Featherdust?" Duskstream asked, watching her from the comfort of her own nest. It seemed that Duskstream and Featherdust were the only ones awake, and Featherdust had no quarrel with that.
"It's... very strange. It's been very strange since yesterday. I have not been able to contact Star Clan, and have not had any message from them... At all. It's like they're blocked..." Featherdust sighed, her ears drooping. Though Duskstream could not get up for the three small bundle that were settle against her side, her affectionate gaze helped Featherdust calm all the same.
"I'm sure it is all fine. They must be planning, or perhaps they realize you don't need their help. They know better than us, Featherdust." She murmured, and Featherdust had to believe her. Because if she didn't she would begin to fall, and this was not the time for her depression to over throw her.
Depression was something that Featherdust had been suffering from since she was an apprentice, and was the reason she had grown so close to Blazestar. It was something that had no cure, and something that didn't exist according to her former mentor. Those simple words offered by Duskstream calmed her nerves and eased her nagging anxiety. Now all that remained was the fear of what was happening out in the clan while she was barred in the nursery...
She wondered how long it would last. How long would they be trapped? How long would Star Clan remain silent?