Hello everyone. It's been quite a while since I've published anything to be completely honest. My inspiration pops but I can never find myself the time to write or desire to right so to speak. I had a falling out with MerDer I feel like, especially after watching who Meredith Grey has become since Derek's death. I had not planned on writing anything or this at all but it's been a notion in my head a piece of me just felt like it was necessary to do. Derek Shepherd will forever be my favorite television character and I want to give him some kind of justice.
This is different for me. I have never done a canon story besides a one shot over a year ago. I want to try and make you all proud and realistic as possible. Of course there are going to be the bumps and certain things that just don't make sense but I will do my best to do so.
Basically this is a tale of the over used trope, what if Derek didn't die? I'm trying to make this version unique as he is reappearing in the season 15/2018 time frame. A small disclaimer, I do not own Grey's Anatomy or the storyline previous to this one. I haven't watched a lot of anything since season 11 but I know enough to make this story accurate. Also, I am not a doctor so anything medical in the story is all from google or the show.
Thank you for your support. I hope those MerDer fans who are still out there enjoy this tale.
The air was moist. Not something he particularly found strange but just a detail he happened to notice. Seattle was the rainy city. A small smirk finds his cheekbones, remembering that notion one of the many reasons he'd chosen to move down to Seattle in the first over a decade before.
A lump forms in his throat thinking upon life before now. If do overs existed, maybe he would leap at the chance to wipe his slate clean. Then again that would come with the price of losing all the memories he'd made since moving to Seattle. The people he met. The stories he encountered. The trauma. Perhaps the agony he faced dissipating wouldn't be such a burden as would everything else.
Derek Shepherd inhaled the woodsy scent of pine. The fragrance fluctuated to his nostrils and brimmed at the space of his lungs. The smell of wet grass a scent he found himself jovial to encounter again. The air around him was misty. Light drizzles of water cascading on his coat. The droplets plopped and slid against the nylon jacket, his worn baseball cap, and the cross trainers.
He doesn't know exactly what he'd expected after traveling from England back to his roots. It sure as hell wasn't an older man with round glasses and a cane answering the door.
"I'm sorry sir, Meredith Grey doesn't live here anymore. Not since 2015."
Derek's stomach tumbled at the confession. He would've rather his wife or maybe ex-wife to meet his gaze and wack her palm across his cheek then to be given the dreadful news that she was no longer a residence here. The home he built from scratch for her was just a house now. The woodsy cabin was a Shepherd/Grey household only. Somehow the person he trusted more than God himself gave up on it so easily she sold the abode without hesitation.
Maybe his wife felt the house wasn't her own with him not in it, but that didn't mean she had to get rid of it that way. This land was sacred. A multitude of memories spent right there below his feet, on the grass, in dream house, the trailer.
The trailer.
It was gone.
GA
Meredith sank boneless against the squeaky springs of an on-call room mattress. Her toes curling and wiggling. A lopsided grin stretching from ear to ear like a child on Christmas morning. Of course the present she received moments earlier was much less PG than a Barbie doll or bike. A coat of fresh sheen slathered her collarbone. The beast between her legs was still trembling, tingling, popping, a sensation she never wanted to die.
Bringing the paper thin sheet around her exposed breasts and torso, Meredith flips to her side and meets a chocolate brown haze. The eyes of a resident in which she never expected to be in such a daunting position with, much less any other position they enjoyed over the last half hour. "I've got to stop having sex with you." She croaked, sliding her tongue against the dry lips of her cavern.
Her secret lover preened. His body still exposed against the beige sheets, showcasing all his glory. The bits between her legs zapped with arousal.
"Seems to me like you're enjoying this." Surprisingly his hand fled to her inner thighs. He cupped her, soothing his fingertips to the supple skin.
A breath hitched in Meredith's esophagus. He was making this difficult to say no, especially when his iron hard-on burned her memory with a porny haze. But she couldn't. Not when there were patients who needed assistance, surgery to be done, people to-
"Oh fuck." Meredith whined. She was his harp. Her resident strummed her so well she was begging for more.
No man since Derek was able to make her tingle like this. Not even Nathan Riggs who she hooked up with a multitude of times. "Stop. You have to stop." Her tone slightly more demanding. While it did feel great, in retrospect there most likely were people searching for her.
"Have it your way, Dr. Grey." He winked.
Meredith's retort was merely an eye roll, nonetheless an amused one. She searches the floor for her garments and shoes. Her porcelain colored skin is soon replaced by a royal blue. "Saved by the bell." She snickers when her pager echoes across the thin on-call room walls. Bender
"Stay five more minutes?"
"Nope, 911, seems important I'm being paged again. Hopefully someone was spleen is in two, I'm dying to get into the OR." She trooped to the threshold with a beaming grin.
Screwing Andrew Deluca felt so sinister when she thought about it. Except her deviant side fed off the secrecy. It was the first time since being with Derek that she felt, alive. Meredith's life no longer felt as if she were flying on autopilot. She'd taken back the reigns to her own flight. She was the pilot now.
If her beeper wasn't so off it's rocker she might have dashed back just to place a simple peck to his lips. Instead, she kept him wanting more. Meredith vanished down the hall without another a word.
GA
Derek's forehead touched the cold glass of the car window. Sights and scenery passed him by within the blink of an eye. Many were familiar while others drew his mind to a blank. He was still processing the ordeal pertaining his trailer. Maybe it had been one thing to sell their home but it was completely another to ship off airstream.
That tin cabin is what transformed his life.
If he remembers correctly, Owen was the one who last resided in the trailer. Even so it was still Derek's property which would have made it Meredith's after his death. The only person allowed to sell the trailer would have been Meredith's doing. What could have prompted her to get rid of it? He could ask the same regarding the home he built from scratch just to appease her. What the hell happened?
His Uber filed onto the Ferry leaving Bainbridge. With the notion of a twenty minute ride back to Seattle, Derek took the opportunity to get some fresh air, grapple at perspective just so he could make some sense out of this ordeal. A glimmer of sunlight peeked through the thick clouds. The drizzling halted a little after leaving his land.
Derek grunted in an effort to extract his body from the backseat. Moving around felt like a job rather than a normal bodily function. His calves were sore. They always throbbed in agony. Ever since the crash at least. When the idea of walking was inexcusable, he usually sucked it up and trailed along with his cane. It gave him balance when his knees buckled. Albeit he also felt shame. Like an elderly who needed such a tool just to get from one corner to another. Derek wasn't old by any means. His use of the cane dated from surgeries, scarring, and semis ramming him. Usually when he was either in a state of relaxation or knew migrating wouldn't be much on the itinerary, Derek left his stick behind. Besides, it was freeing without the sympathetic stares and confusion lacing strangers expressions.
Wind and water peppered his cheeks. He hadn't ridden a ferry since before the accident. Not because London was brimmed with them but he couldn't bring himself to enjoy a ride. Not when it reminded him of what he was missing back home.
His journey remains complicated. Something he's unsure how he'll explain to Meredith, Amelia, his children. He thinks maybe Amelia will be more forgiving. She's gone through battles just as he had. She wouldn't judge his actions, or so he likes to hope.
Meredith's been through shit too except she's more stubborn than Amelia. It's difficult for her to cave and he understands completely. Especially since he's provided on more than a single occasion how untrustworthy he can be. Except, in the years of their marriage he really had done all that he could to prove she could trust him. Then D.C. happened and he swapped spit with an lab tech. But even after their tumultuous year surrounding the brain mapping, their bond gave them a chance to pull through.
He's worried this time a romantic speech isn't going to patch up their mess. It's even worse because no one could truly begin to understand what he's gone through just to be here.
Derek rests his elbows against the cold metal bar. He watches water tread. An older female he doesn't recognize glances his way. A tiny girl, maybe three or four, sits on the woman's knee. A kilowatt smile stretches the toddlers rosy skin. She has gorgeous blue eyes. Something about her feels familiar. He's certain to have never laid an eye on her a day in his life. Except her features and soft giggle resemble clarity in a way.
A small hand grabs at his worn jeans. Derek shoots a grin at the girl whose escaped the older woman's hold. "Daddy!" She beams with joy. Her bravado constricts him. No one had given him the title since 2015. His stomach churns.
"Ellis!" Hisses her guardian. "I'm sorry about this."
"Oh no, it's okay. I don't mind." His lip curves.
The woman he's addressing is pudgy around the edges. She's dressed in black slacks and a burgundy sweater. Her chocolate orbs are kind and sweet. The type that draws you in. They make anyone feel secure.
"I'm her nanny, Melissa. She had a bit of a fever this morning so she's with me for the day rather than her normal daycare. Usually I look after her and the other children around three. I think she's just confused. Her father passed before she was even born and it's difficult explaining to a three year old that he isn't coming back."
Derek nodded, feeling heartbroken for the little girl he knew nothing about. Sometimes he pondered how lost his own two children must've felt after his departure. Had they ever ran to any strangers optimistic their father returned from the dead? "I'm so sorry."
"No it's not your fault. What happened to her father was traumatic or at least that's what I've heard. I came along a little after Ellis was born when her mother said she needed some assistance with the children. Poor thing, it was evident for a long while she seemed lost without her husband. In Ellis's defense, you do resemble her father. I've seen photographs in the house so I can see why she might've been confused."
"I lost my father at a young age and it's not easy. I can't even imagine what it must be like to lose someone before you even met them." Listening to this girls story only urges him to go see his family. Screw it if Meredith slaps him across the face, all he desires is to be back and present in their lives.
Derek sat with Melissa and Ellis for the rest of the ferry ride. He found comfort listening to the toddler babble and squeal in delight. She truly was a beautiful child. It broke him to think she didn't have a father around and a mother who was so busy they relied on the nanny more than her.
Derek was certain he'd find his estranged wife working. Initially he desired trying 613 Harper Lane in an attempt to find Meredith. Except the raging fear he'd meet eyes with Alex Karen or his intern girlfriend Jo wasn't something he was intended.
The very sight of Grey-Sloan Memorial was chilling. Things were different but all too familiar. Vehicles changed, new faces approached, but the building itself was still as it always was. He recollects back to when this hospital was simply Seattle Grace. A place he'd been able to reinvent himself for the better.
Derek thanks his driver, grabs his cane, backpack, and sunglasses as he struts down the parking lot. It's ironic that he doesn't recognize anyone. New nurses, interns, attending's.
Finding Meredith seems impossible. He tried calling her before boarding the plane late yesterday evening. Except he was greeted by a masculine voice insisting no Meredith Grey had this number anymore. He doesn't have a pager or one that he even thinks would be valuable anymore. He'd have to find someone to get her for him.
Almost is if fait knew his predicament, a rather scrawny, shaggy haired, who seemed to be a clueless intern bumped into him head on. Derek's cane dropped and a cluster of charts went soaring.
"Oh god." The intern trembled, scrambling for the lost papers and mixed charts. "S-Sorry! I was trying to get these to the lab, but I got caught up with sex- I mean not sex! That would be inappropriate in a hospital where we don't have sex but treat patients instead. Sorry"
His floppy brown tendrils brushed against his perspiring forehead. The glasses resting on the bridge of his nose appeared as if they were near to fall off. It took much of Derek's strength to withhold a chortle. It was evident he really was having sex. Of course as an intern it seemed he didn't quite know that most to all the surgeons here indulged on inappropriate carnal participation whenever they pleased.
"It's fine, don't worry about it." Derek quirked his lip while the intern handed him his cane.
"Levi, I mean, Dr. Schmitt. I'm an intern and even though I've been here almost a year I'm still having... trouble getting things the places they need to be. I can't remember where freaking CT is and if I don't get these scans there soon, Dr. Shepherd is gonna have my ass."
Instantly, Derek froze. He was speaking of Amelia. Maybe somewhere deep down Derek desired to cackle over how whipped this poor guy was. It didn't shock him in the slightest his sister was taking charge and making it apparent it was her way or no ones way. Much like many of the physicians here did to those lower on the surgical chain.
"How about we help each other out then huh, Dr. Schmitt?"
Levi's eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlines. He seemed to want a little bit of assistance. "B-But you're a patient, I don't know how you could help me."
"I'm not a patient. Dr. Shepherd is my sister. Tell you what, I'll talk to her and tell you where CT is if you help me do one thing." Derek smirked deviantly, raising a brow.
Judging by the euphoric beam masked over his face, Levi couldn't put two and two together that Dr. Shepherd even had a brother who is supposed to be dead as a door nail.
"Sure! Anything!"
"Page Dr. Meredith Grey. Tell her it's a 911."
The interns expression contorted like he'd just caught wind of something rancid. "I can't just page someone 911 when there's no emergency. And I thought you said Dr. Shepherd was your sister why do you need me to page Dr. Grey if-"
"Amelia Shepherd is in fact my sister one hundred percent, but I need to speak with Dr. Grey she's my wife."
"Dr. Grey doesn't have a husband she's a widow. Besides her boyfriend but I don't..."
Derek's blood ran cold. Boyfriend. His wife had a fucking boyfriend. Something twirled in his gut. A feeling that gave him incentive to charge his fist through a wall or maybe this "boyfriends" face.
"I'm telling you that I am Derek Fucking Shepherd and you're going to get me my wife immediately. I don't care if you have to get the entire floor to page her 911 a million and one times, you are going to get her here now." His fist clenched at the side of his jeans.
"O-Okay. I'll get her. I'll tell everyone not in an OR to page her for you."
Tension relinquished as Levi obeyed his request. Derek recoiled his tight grip at his hips. "Thank you. CT is second floor, east wing. When I see Amelia I'll tell her to go easy on you." With a flash the scrawny intern was out of sight.
Derek's gaze settled on the empty waiting area. His legs were pounding. He wanted a place to sit for a moment or two while he waited for Meredith.
"Derek?" A familiar voice caught his ear and a hand constricted at his shoulder.
GA
What was with the pathetic glances? Interns scrambled as she drew close. Meredith was certain the Medusa phase silenced after Jo Wilson's intern batch came through a few years back.
"Are you alright?" A scrub nurse asked, sympathy dripping from her tone.
"Yes, fine." Meredith retorted. Why wouldn't she be alright? She'd just had an awesome orgasm and was on her way to check out a new trauma. Things were fantastic.
"Does she even know?" A lab tech whispered to someone from oncology.
"God, can you imagine?"
"That must be traumatizing for her."
"No wonder she has trust issues."
"I bet her kids are never going to be the same."
"Dude what the fuck he's here?!"
"Did someone tell Amelia?"
"No, she told me!"
What the hell were these people talking about? Eyes pierced at every inch of her frame. She felt like a walking light show that no one could keep their optics off of.
"Meredith!" Shouted Maggie. She was breathless and trembling. She grabbed at Meredith's bony wrist and squeezed like her life depended on the constriction. "Oh my god, there you are."
"What's going on?" She demanded. "Where's the trauma I was paged 911 like forty freaking times. Why is everyone staring at me? Do you think they heard Deluca and I?"
Her sisters face dropped. Slowly her head shook. Trauma stole the usual jovial elixir in her dark irises. "Oh no, Mer, no ones told you have they?"
"Told me what?!" Her hiss echoed off the walls. Stealing glances from most everyone swarming the vicinity.
Without further questions, Maggie led Meredith down the hall to an exam room. The room was permeated by Richard Webber, Alex Karev, Jo Wilson-Karev, Miranda Bailey, and Amelia Shepherd. No one spoke besides Amelia. She was crying. A masculine back faced Meredith's eyes.
"Oh my god. Oh my god you're here. You came back, y-you're not supposed to be here." Her thin arms stretched along the man's neck. Her fingers sprouted through his salt and pepper curls. The mystery man was sitting on an exam table, still clad in street clothes. Jo was holding a hospital gown in hand. Maybe she was insisting whoever the hell this was put it on after Amelia finished her breakdown. Who was this guy anyway?
"Who is this?" She whispered to Maggie.
Everyone's eyes shot to her. Fear, guilt, horror laced their faces.
"Mer, you seriously don't know?"
"Am I supposed to know about some old boyfriend or family member of Amelia's?"
Richard cleared his throat. "Meredith, maybe you should sit down."
"I'm fine!" She replied aggressively. "Seriously what the hell is going on here?!"
Suddenly the word was moving slower. Everyone stopped. The room was no longer in motion. Her heart lessened it's thumping.
Holy shit.
GA
Derek was grappled by Amelia. Her eyes large, doe like, confused. Her eyes scanned him up and down almost as though if she weren't to give him a good run down then he wasn't real. It's not like Derek could blame his sister. He was in fact supposed to be dead. Really freaking dead. Except he wasn't. He was here at Grey-Sloan, locking orbs with his youngest sister.
"Amy, it's me." He quips.
"Of course I know it's you, dumbass!" She wacks his shoulder. He's amused by her antics. "Oh you think this is funny don't you?!"
"No, I don't I..." He tread off. "I think I'm just happy to have you abuse me is all." Derek snorted. Through the years of growing up in such a small home with so many people running around, it was easy to suggest most of the Shepherd siblings, especially Derek and Amelia, found themselves in fights. Normally it was Amelia slapping her older brother because he wouldn't play Barbies with her or allow her to hang out with he and Mark.
His sisters expression softened. Tears brimmed her orbs. "Derek." She whispered. "How is this even possible?" He shrugs as if to say he really had not a clue himself. His journey and story is more complicated than anyone could imagine. All he wants to do is sit down and talk about his trauma except now he needs to rekindle with his sister and wife.
"I know this is confusing, I just, give me time. I didn't fake my death, I promise. It's not what you think or anyone thinks." Judging by her glossy tears, it seemed that Amelia really could trust him. He was being honest with her.
"Der, what happened? God, you're holding a cane and the scarring on your neck I..."
"I was hit by a semi Amelia."
She rolled her eyes at him, curled her arms around his torso, and squeezed. "We need to get you to an exam room. I need to do some scans, I'll have someone give you a checkup you don't look too hot, oh Meredith! I'll get Meredith-"
"Amy, I already have that covered. I'm fine I've learned to accept the cane it's not that big of a deal. Just get me someplace that doesn't draw much attention. Get the people I can trust. You know, Richard, Bailey, Torres. You can bring Karev, Kepner, and Robbins too if they wanna see me or something."
Amelia huffed before gripping his hand. "Derek, Callie, Arizona, and April don't work here anymore. A lot of shit has gone down since you were last here."
That many gone since his departure. It was setting in that things most definitely weren't as they used to be around here.
He was led to an exam room. Not the one he and Meredith consummated in back at the prom a decade before, but similar. Familiar faces flood the cubicle. First Bailey. He was greeted by a glorious, "You fool! You're supposed to be dead!" Derek most definitely grinned from that one. Of course Alex then filed in shortly after and his girlfriend Jo behind him. She was holding a hospital gown. Then Richard who appeared like he was doing his best to keep tears at bay.
Noises from Meredith and someone else somewhat familiar... Maggie! Yes, he'd met Maggie. He wanted Maggie to be apart of Meredith's family.
Derek kindly comforted Amelia while she became hysterical in his arms. Derek held her tight, kept her close to his chest, brushed through her dark hair. "I'm not going anywhere." Derek murmured to his sister. He was destined to commit this time around.
When his eyes find Meredith's time stops. The party in his exam room diminishes. He's alone. He's with the love of his life. His wife. Meredith appears flabbergasted, but says nothing.
Derek preens with joy. "Hi, Meredith." Derek croaks with heady emotion. "I came home." He whispers.
And so he has indeed.
Alright there it is, something I've been planning for a really, really, long time. I never knew when the correct time to post this would be. I knew I didn't want to have Derek wake up in season 11 because that's not the reality we know today. Like I've mentioned, I don't watch Grey's Anatomy anymore. But I tune in enough and research that I know what's going on. I don't like what they're doing with the show. I think it's not at all what Grey's was and I feel that for those who still relish MerDer, I want to give everyone something realistic but also intriguing.
If you aren't watching or haven't watched since season 11, I hope this makes sense or you too have gotten wind of things occurring in the show. I want to make it clear I do NOT condone Meredith with Andrew Deluca or really anyone other than Derek to be honest. However I can't just let Meredith and Derek get back together just like that with no issues involved. I have to let this play out and I really hope you all trust me enough to do this.
I love Derek Shepherd with every inch of my heart. He means more to me than any fictional character I know. While I support Patrick wanting to leave the show 100%, I'd like to give the character justice after everything that's happened.
I apologize for any errors, I have not had a beta look over this yet!
Thank you for the support. Any comments or suggestions are always highly recommended. Thank you again and I hope you enjoyed the chapter.
Ps: yes I know Jo and Alex are married but Derek doesn't. You need to remember that anything from his perspective is only things from season 11 and before. Think about that, especially that scene on the ferryboat.