Disclaimer: The L Word and all of its characters belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime. Enough said.
***
It was as if all of the confusion, all of the mixed messages, the missed opportunities, the hurt, the months of....missing...had all been resolved, removed, in that one moment when she had taken Tina's hand, pulled her towards her and brought their lips together in one instance of complete peace.
Nothing mattered in that moment. Or everything that did matter was here, in this room, in the space that remained between her and Tina's bodies.
And she felt like her heart was going to break, not because of any kind of pain, far from it, but because it was as if her heart had been so tightly compressed, so tightly bound, since Tina had walked away from their life that it was now, in this moment, ready to explode.
The only feeling she had was relief. She wasn't sure if that was strange. Or normal.
She didn't care. All she cared about was Tina. In this moment. In her arms.
***
Resting her forehead against Tina's, Bette took in a deep breath. She wanted to take a moment before she allowed herself to speak. Too often, she had forgotten the connection between her head and her mouth and she had said something that had led to...regrets. She didn't want to do that now. Not when this could be something.
"I'd forgotten what this was like" Tina whispered. She had beaten Bette to the punch. She realised that that was entirely representative of this new Tina that she was only just beginning to understand and learn about. She liked this new...assertiveness. Brought a new element of attraction that hadn't really been present before.
"So had I" She wasn't sure how much of herself to give away. In all honesty, she was scared. Possibly terrified. She hadn't figured it out yet.
More importantly, she had no idea of what to do next. What to say. She was satisfied not to deal with that just now. Just stay like this, Tina in her arms, her forehead resting against this woman that she had only just started to call her friend...again. Only just been allowed to think of her in that way. She didn't want to ruin that new and budding relationship.
Holding Tina's face, using her thumbs to stroke circles on her slightly blushed cheeks...God, how she'd missed that look...smiling briefly at the memory of past embraces, she took the opportunity to look into her eyes. "I should go" For a second, she swore she recognised disappointment in Tina's eyes but it was quickly covered by a smile.
"Yeh, ok. I'll walk you out" Tina moved away, leaving the space of intimacy that had been created between the two of them. Bette didn't let go of her hand. She knew she should leave but she was reluctant to let go of this moment completely.
Tina paused to look at their interlocked fingers and squeezed briefly. Then she released them and walked out of the room, running her hand fleetingly through her hair.
Bette paused a moment, watching Tina's slow exit, wondering what this had all meant. Wondering if this had meant as much to Tina as it had to her. She wondered...
She realised her wondering could wait until the new day had begun. For now, she was just happy to remember what it had felt like to be back in Tina's arms.
For now, she was happy to be happy. And, for that moment, it felt really good to just 'be'.
***