The Shikon Jewel Shattered…Again!
Standard Disclaimer: I do not own "InuYasha". If I did, we'd see this sort of thing more often.
Warning: I make no attempts at being serious or accurate in this story. Just sit back and enjoy.
"There!" Kagome said, fitting the very last shard of the jewel into it's place in the jewel. "Finished! What a relief!"
"Happy day, indeed." Miroku added, in his usual calm tone. "Naraku defeated, my wind tunnel gone, the Shikon Jewel is, at last, fully repaired, and Sango has agreed to marry me, so now I can get away with touching her in all the wrong places!"
Slap!
"When I have permission only…of course." Miroku said, rubbing the newly formed red spot on his cheek.
"Feh! After all that, you can still only think that!" InuYasha sneered at the monk. Then just crossed his arms in his usual manner and added: "Of course, that probably shouldn't be surprising." He turned to Sango and pointed a finger directly at her. "Just don't let any male offspring you two give rise to take 'too much' after…him."
"No worries there." Sango added, giving Miroku a look. The monk merely turned away, whistling innocently.
"Well, gang, let's start back and decide what to do from there." Kagome said, heading in the general direction of Kaede's village, which was only about a thousand miles away at this point.
"Still wanna be a full fledged youkai, InuYasha?" Miroku asked him as they started.
"Feh! Don't count on it! Never again." InuYasha muttered.
"Then I'm going to train so I can be on full youkai watch at Kaede's villag to protect it!" Shippo added, proudly, turning to InuYasha, "In your stead."
"Whatever." InuYasha smirked, "At least you'll still be on the this side f the well and out of my hair!"
"Now, now, InuYasha…" Kagome said over her shoulder. "Don't be mean!"
"Feh!"
Their journey home was actually rather uneventful. No Band of Seven encounters, no Sesshomaru encounters, no Jewel carrying youkai to fight, nothing. Just peace and quite. Enough of it to make a certain hanyou bored as all get out.
"Are we there yet?" InuYasha muttered as he limply walked along, his eyes darting here and there.
"For the 1, 314, 293, 407, 346th time: No!" The others shouted.
"Ugh!" InuYasha moaned, "There's nothing to do! No fights, nothing! What's this world coming to when they're no fights to mutilate people at the end of?"
"You would be disappointed at the lack of that, wouldn't you?" Shippo asked, sarcastically.
"Why you little…!" InuYasha yelled and started strangling Shippo.
"K-k-kagome! Help!" Shippo quealed.
"Sit, boy!" Kagome yelled, causing InuYasha to sfall flat on his face hard enough to make a crater in the ground…right on top of Shippo…
"Shippo!" Kagome cried out in alarm and ran over to InuYasha. She pulled him out of the crater, and knelt down to retrieve the smashed kitskune. "Shippo, I'm so sorry…" Kagome said, cradling the little kit, who currently unconscious.
"Shoulda let him strangle me…" he muttered in his sleep.
Kagome immediately leapt into action trying to revive him..
"Hey, how about me?" InuYasha, recovering from the spell.
"Hmm." Kagome said, turning to him, then waved a dismissive hand at him, "Oh, I hope you're fine, too, InuYasha." Then returned to trying to revive Shippo.
"Feh! Wench!"
The rest of the trip back to the village had no other such happenings.
"Ah! Thy welcomes you back, children." Lady Kaede greeted them as they entered the village.
Pulling out the finished Jewel, triumphantly, Kagome declared: "We did it! We repaired the Shikon Jewel!"
"Ah! About time, too. The ratings were beginning to slip." Kaede said, giving the director a quick glare for making them endure the quest for three series, 18 seasons, and over a dozen movies.
"It's not over yet." He replied grinning evilly, but quietly enough so that no one would hear.
"So what now, Kagome?" Kaede asked. "What shall become of the Sacred Jewel now, Kagome?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, here!" Kagome yelled, irritably, "I have to chose! It's your stupid era!"
"And thy are thy sister's reincarnation, who's duty to protecting the Jewel has not been lifted." Kaede replied simply.
"Oh, yeah. Don't remind me." Kagome muttered. She turned to the others. "I guess this comes with me to the modern era."
"Hey, what?" InuYasha yelled, "What about me?"
"What about you?" Kagome replied, "You more than welcome to come along."
"Looking like this!" InuYasha screamed, pointing at his hair, his ears, his claws, his eyes, his outfit, his fangs…
"Oh, yeah." Kagome said, thinking. "Well, what do you want to do about that?"
"You could use the Jewel to become full human, InuYasha." Miroku suggested.
"Why? So I can be some weakling?" InuYasha sneered.
"If you're going to Kagome's era after her: Will you needing it?" Sango asked.
"Well…" InuYasha said, thinking about it. He reached a hand to Kagome. "Here, give it to me."
Kagome gave him a suspicious look. "You are going to do what Miruka suggested, correct?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." InuYasha said, rolling his eyes, "Just trust me."
Kagome hesitated a moment longer, then gave it to him.
InuYasha studied it. 'Now,' he thought, 'how do I make this thing work, other than eating it?' He shrugged and held it up and said: "I wish…"
But before he could finish his sentence, a hawk youkai swooped by and plucked it from his hand.
"HEY!" InuYasha yelled, "That's mine!"
"Well, after it!" Kaede cried, ushering them all off after the vile bird. The six gave chase, Miroku, Sango, Kagome and Shippo on the back of Kilala, and InuYasha on foot. To their horror, the hawk youkai swallowed it and became bigger.
'Why does this seem SO familiar?' Kagome asked, inwardly. 'Oh, yeah, because it's exactly like the situation that started all this!'
She aimed an arrow, but suddenly, the bow and arrow were sliced in two by a sword. Surprised, Kagome looked over at the assailant: InuYasha.
"It was an arrow that started all this!" He explained, "Don't you dare even try that! I'll get it!" He yelled, and jumped as high as he could, bringing Tetsaiga high into the air. "WIND SCAR!" He shouted at the top of his lungs and shot off a deadly wave as energy at the hawk youkai, shattering the little thing into many small pieces. Pieces went flying in every directions, looking for all the world like the Jewel Shards did when they the sacred jewel was first shattered.
"Oh, no!" InuYasha and Kagome wailed at the same time, realizing what had happened…again.
Kilala and InuYasha landed on the ground at the nearest clearing.
"YOU!" Kagome snarled and attacked InuYasha with enough force to bear the hanyou to the ground, and starred beating him with enough force that it actually hurt him. InuYasha was at a loss of what to do. Kagome was now a super strong psychopath.
"Help me! Somebody!" InuYasha begged, the others, who only cowered at the sight of this now very scary person that was, formerly, Kagome.
"Youstupidtwotimingclumsylamebrainednogoodstinkingslabberingsmalldickedblankshootingarrogantrudeloudsonofabitch!" Kagome screamed as she pounded InuYasha into the ground without the "sit" command.
"She appears to be have been possessed. I cannot make heads or tails of her speech now." Miruko said. "I wonder why they're so upset."
"Could it be because of this?" Shippo said, holding up a Jewel shard he'd just found.
"That could be it." Miroku said in his usual calm form right before breaking down into a weeping mess on the ground, shouting unrepeatable things up at the sky.
"The Jewel…it's shattered…again…" Sango said, with a despairing look in her eyes as she gazed at the small shard in the kit's hand. "All our work…" She said, then starting sobbing and collapsed on her knees. "Oh, fate, thou art cruel!" She shouted.
"Wow. I feel better now." Kagome said cheerfully, now with a look of madness in her eyes, getting up off the unrecognizable, unconscious form of InuYasha. She turned to the others, "Well, gang, let's go back to the village and announce that we broke the Jewel…again, and this time, it wasn't my fault." She cried gleefully, and skipped merrily away, humming: "La la la la tee tah!"
"Are you alright, Kagome?" Shippo asked, with a worried look on his face.
"NEVER BETTER!" Kagome shouted, while doing summersaults down the path to the village.
"Oh my." Shipp said. "I think InuYasha broke her." He turned to InuYasha, who'd recovered and was swaying back and forth, while curled into a little ball, cradling his chin on his knees, muttering frightfully: "Make bad shards go 'way! Please, make bad shards go 'way!"
"Uh…" Shippo said, backing away from him, turning to Sango and Miroku, whose state of minds were no better.
"To be, or not to be. That is the question." Sango monotonously said with a numb look in her eyes, as she stood, holding one arm out on front of her, with Kilala sitting in the palm of her hand, looking at her master curiously.
Miroku, meanwhile had curled into a tight ball on his side on the ground, and was sucking his thumb.
"Ugh. I think they all broke." Shippo said, frightened.
Later, that evening, once everyone's sanity, such as it was, had returned, thanks to Lady Kaede (of course), they sat around the fire in the middle of her hut.
"So, the Jewel has shattered once again, has it?" Kaede said, looking at the Jewel Shard. "Well, the only thing for ye to do is to collect its shards once more, until it is completed…again."
"Well," Miroku said, getting everyone's attention. "Now, we have a long road ahead of us…again. We need to make our hope hold out, because if we were able to reconstruct the Jewel after one horrible, exhausting adventure after another once, we can surely do it all…again." Miroku said, his voice growing weaker as he went on. "Now, let's take s vote. Who all just wants to end their lives now?"
All hands, except for Shippo and Kaede's, raised.
"Okay, who wants to go out and find all those Jewels shards…again?"
No hands raised.
Sighing, Miroku added, "Okay, regardless how we feel: Who here knows that this must be done, whether we want to or not?'
All hands raised.
"Well, that settles it. We go out…and collect…sobs…jewel shards…cries…again…" Miroku said as he walked out of the hut with his shoulders slanted and his head held low, followed in suit by the others. After the six travelers had left, Kaede merely shook her head and gazed upwards, towards the sky.
"Fate, ye are sadistic at times."
The End