The Pokemon Weirdness
Hiya. It's been awhile since anyone's heard anything from me, so here I am again, in all my sarcastic glory. I realize this may shock some of you, but I've outgrown the whole "Hooplah" thing, so you won't be hearing that much anymore. By the way, have you registered on Nintendo Papercraft's Forum yet? Try to find me (Pikmin King) on there if you can!
Ever notice all the strange things that go on in Pokemon? No, disregarding the electric rodents, flaming lizards, and floating chunks of gas, I'm talking about the things that don't have to actually do with the pokemon themselves. I'm talking about…well…let's just wait and see, shall we?
"Dang! I always hate starting a new game!" A trainer exclaimed as he entered his name into Pokemon Spleen version. (Hey, they ran out of gems to use, so they started to use organs!) "Let's see...Z-A-C Zac....enter....rival's name...hmmm....B-O-Z-O....enter!"(I actually named my rival in Fire Red that) WHEEEEEEEOOOOOOO.... The sound played as Zac was warped into the game.
"OK! Now to get my starter pokemon!" He grinned as he walked around the starting town.
"...Wait. where the heck do I go?" Zac stated while jiggling the DS. "The professor isn't in his lab, and this little midget won't let me leave the town! Every time I try to leave, he just about tackles me and forces me to read a half hour speech about the dangers of GRASS! Maybe mom can help me out..." Zac said as he walked slowly over to his character's house. "...Man. Why the heck can't I run?!" He yelled to the sky. Just as he said that. his mom walked out of the house and started to talk. "Here honey!" She said as she handed him a box. "These just came in the mail for you. The Speed Sneakers! With them, you can move much faster! Which, in effect, means that you will never walk anywhere again!"
"YES!" Zac yelled as he exchanged his shoes with the new ones. "Now I can run!"
"Wait a second honey!" The mom said placing her hand on his shoulder. "You need to know how to use those, see? They came with instructions!"
Zac paused and thought to himself. "Instructions? What, the shoes explode if misused?"
She continued. "Let's see, "press the B button to run"." She said smiling.
"...and?"
"That's it!" She beamed.
"How much did you pay for-no, nevermind. What B button anyway....?"
"I assume it means your bellybutton."
"WHAT?! There's no way I'm running around town with my finger in my belly-"
JAB! His mom had run up and stuck a stick into his bellybutton. (She has ninja training) This sent Zac running uncontrollably throughout the town.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" He screamed as he collided with various town members. Shortly therafter, he ran through the midget that was blocking his path, allowing him to run into the first route.
He removed the stick from his B button, and looked around a little bit. The music had suddenly changed, and there were multiple patches of grass and sets of ledges. He then noticed the professor's daughter a little ways up the path, and tried to make his way over to her. He managed to get past the first set of grass, but when he tried to step over a ledge, he was stopped by one of the kids nearby.
"WAIT!" The kid yelled, grabbing Zac by the shirt and yanking him off the ledge. "You can't climb that ledge! You can only jump down from it!"
"Er...why?" Zac asked, brushing off the kid's hand. "I'm TALLER than the ledge, and I don't want to risk running into a pokemon when I don't have one myself."
"It is forbidden." The child said smiling. "After all, you can't- HEY! Where are you going?!" Zac had jumped onto the ledge and was running toward the daughter when the kid wasn't looking.
After talking to the daughter, he found out the location of the professor.
Now knowing how to find the professor, Zac selected his partner (Piplup), and did the obligitory battle with his rival, Bozo.
"Dang it!" The rival shouted as he started to run away. "Just you wait! I'll become the strongest trainer in the world, and then I'll beat you!"
"No duh you'll beat me..." Zac thought to himself. "You selected the starter that is strong against mine. AGAIN. How the heck do you DO that anyway?!"
Having done most of the starting "quests" so to speak, Zac finally started on his journey.
A little while later...
"Hooo boy!" Zac sighed as he entered the pokemon center. He had just finished a battle with a gym leader and had gained the First Badge. (They aren't very creative with names anymore) Zac rummaged around his bag for his Pokemon and handed their Pokeballs to Nurse Joy.
"Hello!" She smiled creepily. "Welcome to the Pokemon Center! Would you like to rest your Pokemon?"
"er...why the heck else would I be here?" Zac thought. "Sure!" He handed the Pokeballs to her.
"OK. I'll just take your Pokemon for a few seconds!" She said as she placed them on the machine.
BEE BEE BEEDOO BEE bee bee...
"There you go! All healed!" She bowed. "We hope to see you again!"
"Uh...thanks?" Zac said nervously. "What? She HOPES my guys get hurt again?!"
He then took back his Pokemon and continued his journey. But first, he stopped by the Pokemart to pick up some more pokeballs.
"Hello!" The shopkeeper beamed. "How may I help you?" (Hey look! Another shopkeeper!)
"Hmm..." Zac hmmm-ed. "I'll take 10 pokeballs, 5 quick balls, and 5 dusk balls."
"Ok." She answered as she rang up the items. "Your total comes to 23543 Poke. You also get a Premier Ball as an added bonus."
"Really? Cool! What's it do?" Zac asked as he examined the white pokeball.
"It's a special Pokeball that has the exact same power as a regular pokeball."
"Then...it's just a regular pokeball painted white?" Zac asked as he scratched the top of the pokeball. This peeled off the paint, revealing the red paint underneath.
"SECURITY!" The shopkeeper yelled. This prompted a large man to come out of the back room and throw Zac out.
LATER...
Zac had now made his way to the town that held the pokemon daycare, and he decided to make an egg of one of his guys so he could get its first stage.
After putting a ditto and the other guy in the daycare, he got on his bike and moved up and down the long path repetedly until an egg was made. He rode up to the old man and started talking to him.
"Greetings! We were taking care of your pokemon, and MY GOODNESS we were surprised. Your pokemon was holding an egg! We don't know how it got there, but your pokemon had it!"
"He doesn't know how it got there? Does this guy need me to explain anatomy? Or BIOLOGY?" Zac sweatdropped.
The old man continued. "You do want it, yes?"
"Yes please." Zac said as he accepted the egg. "Thank you!"
"Oh, sonny? If you have someone with magma armor or heat body in your party, you reduce the number of steps needed to hatch it by about half!" The old man said.
"So, if I have a party FULL of those guys...it'd only take a few steps to hatch an egg!"
"It's possible." The old man answered.
"Thanks!" Zac said as he ran off to withdraw some guys with those abillities.
LATER...
"AAAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!" Zac screamed. "MY EGG IS HARDBOILED!!!" He yelled as he shook the warm egg in front of the old man.
"Oops. Sorry kid." He sweatdropped.
"You know what, nevermind. I'll just take back my pokemon." Zac entered the building, placing the egg in a patch of grass nearby.
........
"If you want your pokemon back, it will cost 500 poke!" The old woman said with her hand extended.
"Wha-?! That's extortion isn't it?!" Zac gimmaced.
"NO! Not at all! Now pay up or never see your pokemon again." She growled as she stuck out her hand even further.
"Fine, fine..." Zac dug around in his pocket and handed her the money.
LATER...
"S...so...COLD!" Zac shivered. He was in the snowy region now, and was stuck in a blizzard. Soon, however, he found his way to a house and decided to see if anyone was home.
KNOCK
KNOCK
KNOCK
He waited a second until he heard someone say "Come in!"
"Hello?" Zac poked his head in. "Anyone home?" He entered slowly and turned on the light.
"HELLO STRANGER!" A large dutch man ran up. "You wont be able to pass by here until you teach one of your pokemon rock climb! I had the HM myself, but I lost it nearby and have been searching for it for years!"
"You mean this?" Zac asked as he took out a CD with ROCK CLIMB written on it. "I tripped on this outside."
"OH! THAT'S IT!" The man yelled. "But, you can have it."
"Wait, what?" Zac said shocked. "But, haven't you been looking for this thing for years?"
"Yes, but I want you to have it stranger!" The man smiled.
"Uh...thanks?" Zac said as he left the house. "Wow. I'll never understand why random strangers give me things in these games..."
LATER...
"BWA HA HA!!" A strange man with an even stranger outfit and an even stranger haircut laughed. "Now my plan to destroy the world will come to fruition!"
Somehow, Zac had gotten mixed up in the evil scheme of the evil villains in this game, and the boss was giving a very long speech about his evil plan, and frankly, Zac didn't care one bit.
"...and soon the entire universe will come to fear me and-"
"Can we move it along please?" Zac sighed. "There's no reason for you to do this anyway!"
"What do you mean?" The boss asked.
"Well, what's the point in destroying the world? What do you gain from it?"
"Er...revenge?"
"For what?! If you destroy the world, YOU'D DIE!"
"Ooh..." The boss ooh-ed. "I hadn't thougt of that...oh well. Time to try my OTHER master plan! To start a chain of fast food resteraunts!"
"....." Zac just stood there.
LATER...
"All right!" Zac smiled. "I've got all eight badges, and I'm ready to go for the elite four! I just have to make it to the waterfall first..." He said as he hopped on his surfing pokemon and started moving.
However, he soon ran into a couple of trainers.
"HALT!" The first one said as he swam up to him.
"Our eyes have met! We must do battle!" The second one said.
"Wait, why? Weren't you guys staring at each other until I got here? Why aren't you battling each other? Besides, I never even looked at you!"
"NPCs (Non playable characters) can't fight each other! That's just wrong!" The girl said.
"Right! Now send out your pokemon!" The boy said as he and the girl sent out Gyarados and Feebas.
"Ugh, fine." Zac sighed. "GO! Marowak!" The bone-pokemon appeared out of the pokeball. It then hit the water and sank into the ocean.
MAROWAK HAS FAINTED!
"Oops." Zac sweatdropped. "Return! GO! Empleon!"
"Poleon!" The penguin screeched.
"Now, GO! Electrode!" Zac said as he released his second pokemon.
Emoleon: LV 62
Electrode: LV 48
"It never fails." Zac said. "The ridiculously high level starter and the much, MUCH weaker teammates...anyway, GO!"
.................
After the battle, Zac's surfer had fainted, and he was out of revives.
"How the heck am I still surfing if my guy fainted?" Zac wondered. "And more importantly, why can't I swim like everyone else out here? While I'm at it, why can't pokemon learn more than 4 moves? If they could learn more, I'd teach Empoleon surf and move on!"
After much time, Zac finally made his way over to the giant water fall that led to the elite four cave entrance.
"OK. Now all I have to do is use the waterfall HM and...wait...WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DON'T HAVE ANYONE WHO CAN LEARN WATERFALL?!" Zac screamed. "DANG IT! Dangitdangitdangit...if only I could use Fly and get on top of the waterfall, but, like most things, it is forbidden. I'd probably get arrested or something if I tried...." So, after Zac went aaaaallllll the way back to the pokemon center, and then aaaaaaallllllll the way back to the waterfall, he finally was able to go up it. When he got up, he noticed a pokemon center just sitting there.
"What the heck? You mean I could've called these people and had them send me my Waterfall pokemon?"
LATER...
"AH-HA! I won!" Zac pumped his fist in the air. He had just beaten the champion after many times using revives on his strongest pokemon, and was being led into the Hall of Fame.
"This....is the Hall of Fame." The champion said. "It is here that all the champions are recorded for all time. Now, place your pokeballs on the machine." The champion motioned over to the large box.
"All right, I'll just-"
"WAIT!" A voice suddenly appeared. It belonged to the professor, who had somehow gotten all the way to the champion's room.
"Wha-? Professor!" Zac said. "How'd you get in here?!"
"I walked."
"No, I mean, how'd you get past the elite four? And more importantly, the bodyguard at the entrance? And even more importantly, the waterfall?"
"Going backwards: I flew over the waterfall, I bribed the bodyguard with a giant hardboiled egg I found, (Zac flinched at this.) and the elite four were too busy healing their pokemon to notice me come in." The professor said.
"What?! You mean I could've avoided the cave all-together and flew straight here?!" He yelled, annoyed.
"Yep."
"Um...Hello?" The champion interrupted. "Can you please put your pokemon on the machine here already?"
"Oh, sorry." Zac said. He then proceeded to kick the professor out the window and put his Pokeballs on the box.
BEE BEE BEEDOO BEE bee bee...
"Hey, wait a minute!" Zac said, looking under the machine. "This is just a pokemon center healer painted black! You tricked m-" Zac turned around and noticed no one was there.
"AGH! My wallet's gone!" He said looking in his pocket. "Where the heck did you-AGH!" He turned around again to the machine, and all his pokemon were gone.
"Great." He said. "How the heck am I supposed to get out of here now?!"
The champion stuck her head in the door, Zac's wallet in her hand. "Who knows?"
SLAM!!
Well, there you go. My first story in who knows how long! I hope you all enjoyed it. Oh, Matt and I are entering a Pokemond Platinum tournament soon. Wish us luck!