This is the very first ( Sam) episode. This one is based on "Get The Message". Sometimes, they will be different from the actual episode, and other times, it goes exactly like the original episode.
Anyways, hope you guys enjoy!
[Some video game sound effects are playing; Lincoln and Sam are playing a VR game where you fight zombies with breakdancing.]
Lincoln Sam: [twerks] Feel our twerks, you evil jerks! [killing zombies; do pelvic thrusts]
[Lincoln and Sam continue to breakdance; they go up the stairs and do more moves in the hallway where they then enter one particular room.]
Lori: Lincoln! Sam!
Sam:Wow! This boss knows our names! Talk about interactive! Right, Linc?
Lincoln[gulps] I think I know where we are.
[The two slowly take their goggles off and see Lori making an angry face at them. As a result, Lincoln screams while Sam looks on, slightly less terrified.]
Lori: There's only one rule in this house: Stay out of my bedroom! If I catch you two in here again, I will literally turn you into human pretzels! [on the phone] No, not you, Bobby. [giggles] One sec, okay? [kicks Lincoln and Sam out]
Sam:(gets up) Jeez, what's her problem today?
Lincoln: Never mind her. I'll just go use the bathroom. [puts his goggles back on and continues to dance the zombies away] OH, YEAH! [goes into the bathroom; realizes what he's doing in there] Zombies don't need to see this. [takes the goggles off and sets them on the sink; whistles until he's done with his business] [comes out the bathroom] Bathroom's all yours, buddy.
Sam: Thanks, man. [heads into the bathroom] I think I'll have an easier time taking a leak with this thing off. [takes the goggles off and sets them on the sink]
[There's a knock at the door.]
Sam: Occupado!
[The knocking then turns into a pounding.]
Sam: Gonna have to wait your turn!
[Lori punches a huge hole through the door and throws Sam out.]
Lori: [on the phone] Bobby, you'll never guess what Whitney said to me today.
Sam: [rhetorically] That you like to throw people out of your room and the bathroom as well as disrespecting a man's privacy and punching holes into doors?
Lori: [ignoring Sam and gluing back the wood on the door] No, silly! Not even. She was all like...
[Sam and Lincoln head to Lincoln's room until they realize something.]
Lincoln Sam: (gasp) Our gaming glasses!
[The two rush to the bathroom but are stopped by Lola and Lana who are dressed in some kind of authority attire]
Lana: No running in the hallway!
Sam: We really don't have time for your little game right now.
Lincoln: What are you guys even talking about?
Lola: Lana, are these maggots giving you lip? [writes Lincoln and Sam up]
Lana: We're the new hall monitors at school, so we're practicing at home.
[They give Lincoln and Sam each a ticket.]
Sam: So, you two decided to majorly inconvenience everyone in the house instead of doing it somewhere else? You know what, never mind. The last time I saw a hall monitor do that, they ended up getting their teacher arrested.
Lola: If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown!
Sam: (looks around; points at Lynn) Oh my gosh! A jaywalker!
Lola Lana: (turn around) HEY! (tackle Lynn)
Sam: (to Lincoln) Alright, let's go before they're done with Lynn.
Lincoln: Agreed!
[Sam and Lincoln rush over to the bathroom, only to see their gaming glasses crushed into pieces.]
Sam and Lincoln: (gasps) Someone stepped on our precious glasses! (realize who was the culprit) LOOOORRRIIII!!!!
[Since Lori kicked Sam out when he left him in there and Lincoln left them in there after coming out, they automatically blame her and see that she left in the family van.]
Lincoln Sam: YOU DIRT BAG!
[Cut to Lincoln's room.]
Lincoln: (to the viewers) One minute we're electric-sliding with the undead, and the next... [groans] IT'S ALL LORI'S FAULT!
Sam: (to the viewers) It was one thing to kick us out of her room when we accidentally stumbled in there, and another when she punched through the door and threw me out when I was still doing my business, but the third thing when she broke our glasses is the final straw!
Lincoln: I know! Lori's a monster! All she cares about is talking on her stupid phone! Well, We're going to give her a call she'll never forget...
[Lincoln looks in his drawer and pulls out a sheet of paper and shows it to Sam.]
Sam: Good. How about "Why Lori is the worst sister/friend ever"?
Lincoln: [evilly] Great title suggestion. [writes the letter with Sam; dials Lori's phone number on his duck phone]
[While Lincoln is waiting, Luna is jamming, and riffs to the last note of Lori's ringtone.]
Lincoln: [impatient] Agh. Must be charging her phone. No worries. I'll just leave it on her voicemail.
Voicemail: Hey, this is Lori. You know what to do. [beeps]
Lincoln Sam: Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln and his friend Sam. There's something we've been meaning to tell you. You are... [go into a blindingly raging rant about Lori; Luna comes into his room and rocks out to censor the harsh and foul message for any profanity it may contain; finishing up] AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE THE WORST SISTER AND FRIEND EVER!!! [hang up]
[Lori enters the room.]
Lori: Hey, guys. I just wanna say I'm so sorry I stepped on your stupid toys. So I went out and bought you some stupid new ones.
Lincoln Sam: [shocked at her generosity] You did what now?
Lori: You're welcome, guys.
[As Lori leaves, Lincoln and Sam realize they made a terrible mistake.]
Lincoln Sam: (to the viewers) Oh man! What have we done? We called Lori a-[guitar riff] -when she's actually a- [harp string] What are we gonna do?!
Sam: [gets an idea] Lori clearly hasn't listened to the voicemail yet, or we'd be human pretzels. We gotta delete the message!
[Lincoln and Sam are peaking out the door; Lori has locked up her room and entered the security password and leaves.]
Lincoln: Perfect! Lori doesn't have her cell which means it's still in there charging. Our mission is to infiltrate her room and delete the message before she gets back.
Sam: Sounds good to me.
Lincoln: I need you to be a lookout for her.
Sam: That's easy. I'll never let you down.
Lincoln: Then let's do this!
[They fistbump for luck.]
Sam: [sneaks through the hallway] I'm in position.
Lincoln: Roger that. [sees Lola Lana] Drat! The po-po! I can't go through, so I'm gonna have to go over!
[Lincoln sneaks by while the twins check the sound he made only to see he's nowhere; he's hiding up on the top of the doorway and tosses a hamster treat that Geo goes after.]
Lana: Hey, fur ball! No speeding!
[The twins give chase to Geo.]
Twins: Hey! What did we just say? Get back here!
[Lincoln sneaks into the vent.]
Lincoln: I'm in.
Sam: [pulls up a schematic of the house] Great. Proceed two clicks north, hook a left, and you should be right over the target.
[Lincoln heads down that pathway.]
Lincoln: I've got eyes on the package.
[He breaks into Lori's room and finds the phone still charging.]
Sam: Lincoln! Lori's coming!
Lincoln: You're going to have to stall her!
Sam: On it! (tears off his clothes to reveal a security guard uniform underneath, puts on a security guard hat and sunglasses as Lori approaches) Good afternoon, ma'am. I will need your name and business so you can pass.
Lori: You know who I am, Sam. Now let me through.
Sam: (blocks her) I'm afraid I can't do that, ma'am. Name and business, please.
Lori: I don't need to tell you squat! You already know who I am!
Sam: Do we have a problem here?
Lori: (sighs from annoyance)
[Lincoln grabs the phone and starts playing the message.]
Message: Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln and his friend Sam.
[Lincoln deletes it.]
Phone: Message deleted.
[Lincoln sneaks out.]
Lori: Alright, fine. I'll tell you. My name is Lorelei Lindsay Loud, and I am here to go to my room.
Sam: (finishes writing down) There we go. Filled in all the information here. Now, was that so hard?
Lori: Just move over. [heads to her room]
[Lincoln drops down from the vent above Sam.]
Lincoln: Yes! Mission accomplished!
Sam: Yeah! (high fives Lincoln)
Lincoln: Now, let's just take care of this letter...(reaches into his pocket and finds nothing) Wait! What happened to the letter?! I thought you had it, Sam.
Sam: I thought you had it.
Lincoln: Well, if neither of us has it, then where could it be?
[Cut to Lori in her room.]
Lori: [talking to Bobby]If you want our couple name to be Lobby, you're going to have to show a little- [sees something on the floor] What's this? Why Lori is the worst sister/friend ever? Bobby, I gotta go. I'M ABOUT TO TURN LINCOLN AND SAM INTO HUMAN PRETZELS!!!
[Cut to Lincoln and Sam looking about and around the hallway for the letter.]
Lori: [reveals the letter to the two; enraged] LINCOLN! SAM! WHAT IS THIS?!
Sam: (winces) At least we know where the letter went now. [to Lincoln] Hey, Lincoln, I know what we should do now.
Lincoln: What?
Sam: GOTTA GO FAST! (grabs Lincoln's arm and rushes at sonic speed, away from Lori's wrath)
Lori: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU TWO, I'M GONNA-
[Luna rocks out to censor Lori's rant of revenge, just like she did for Lincoln. Lori rushes downstairs after the two.]
Lori: (angrily singsong) Lincoln? Sam? Where are you? [comes across a large tarp with a note on it] What's this? "Lincoln and Sam are NOT under this tarp." Do you really think I'm as stupid as Leni? [pulls off the tarp to reveal a ticking watermelon] What the-
[The watermelon goes off, covering the entire living room in watermelon. Lori is completely covered in it. Then, she sees a note inside the busted watermelon.]
Lori: "Told you Lincoln and Sam weren't under this tarp. Why didn't you listen?" Oh, hardy har har!
Luan: Hey, Lori, have you seen my exploding watermel-[sees the mess in the living room] Oh, never mind. A perfectly good April Fools prank completely wasted. [goes back up the stairs]
Lori: (growls in anger) I know you two are here somewhere!
[Just then, she sees the two about to leave through the back door.]
Lincoln: Good thinking using Luan's watermelon to mislead Lori, Sam.
Sam: Yeah, I know. Now, let's go to my house until this blows over.
Lori: I don't think so! [charges at full power towards the two]
[Sam quickly opens the back door and moves out of the way with Lincoln. Lori ends up charging out the door and towards a tree. Sam closes and locks the door back.]
Sam: Well, that takes care of that dilemma.
[Cut to a scene where an enraged Lori, with twigs and leaves in her hair, comes through the kitchen window and slowly walks up to Sam's back. Lincoln gets a scared face and points frantically behind Sam.]
Sam: Hey, Linc. Why are you pointing behind me?
Lincoln: (in a squeaky voice) She got back inside!
Sam: Wait, is Lori right behind me?
Lincoln: (in a squeaky voice) Yes!
[Sam looks behind him and sees Lori, only for her to tackle him and Lincoln.]
Lori: (chokeholding Lincoln Sam) Alright, you two! You have annoyed me for the last time! Now, you leave me no choice to turn you into human pretzels!
[Lori is about to beat the tar out of Lincoln and Sam,until...]
Lynn Sr.: And just what are you doing, young lady?!
Lori:(turns around, gasps) Dad! (stammering) Well, y-y-you see, I was t-t-teaching Lincoln and his friend here how to defend themselves against attackers. Isn't that right, boys?
Sam: No, she was going to turn us into human pretzels for basically no reason!
Lori: Well, that's only because you and Lincoln wrote a nasty letter about me!
Sam: Only because you kicked me and Lincoln out of your room just for stumbling in there by accident, punched a hole through the bathroom door threw me out HARD, and broke our VR glasses! Sure, you replaced them and apologized, but your apology didn't even sound sincere!
Lynn Sr.: Alright, I have heard enough. Lori, you're grounded for 3 weeks for physically abusing the boys and breaking their stuff. You also owe them a sincere apology. And you're going to clean up this mess in the living room. (gives Lori a sponge and a bottle of Pine-Sol) In addition, I'm taking away your phone privileges during that time. (takes Lori's phone) Do you understand?
Lori: (sadly) Yes, Dad.
Lynn Sr.: And Lincoln, you can still do your normal hobbies, but you can't leave the house for a week unless it's school, since you wrote that nasty letter about your sister. And you're going to help with the mess too. After this, just don't try to bother your older sister during the next three weeks. And Sam, you're free to go since you don't live here.
Lincoln: Yes, Dad.
Sam: Loud and clear, Mr. Loud. (laughs to himself)
Lynn Sr.: Yeah, I saw what you did there. That was a good one.
Lincoln: Alright, I'll go help Lori with the mess. [heads into the living room to help clean]
Sam: Hey, Linc. I'll help, too.
[Cut to Lincoln, Lori, and Sam cleaning up the living room.]
Lori: Hey, guys. Can I tell you something really quick?
Lincoln Sam: Sure. What is it?
[Lori goes over and hugs the two tightly.]
Lori: I am DEEPLY sorry for kicking you out of my room for little to no reason, (to Sam) throwing you out the bathroom, breaking your VR glasses, apologizing insincerely for that, and chokeholding you two as well as almost turning you two into human pretzels.
Lincoln: Apology accepted, sis. We're sorry for writing that nasty letter about you.
Lori: Apology accepted, bro. I should've seen that coming, from the way I acted today. Me and Bobby got in another argument, and I was just tense today. Then, I took my anger out on you too.
[Pan around the living room as it looks spotless and shiny.]
Sam: Well, we did a pretty good job here. I guess the only place I'll be seeing you two is here. And for Lori, longer.
Lincoln: Come on, Sam. Let's go finish playing upstairs.
Sam: Alright.
[The two head upstairs while Lori waves at them happily. She then turns the TV to "Dream Boat".]
THE END