A/N: Inspired by two anonymous prompts, the first asking for an unplanned pregnancy AU and the other mentioning Killian finding Emma in NY and discovering Emma had a daughter. Also, there's a vague reference to abortions in this fic. One doesn't actually happen, but the topic is broached, and I know that can make some people feel uncomfortable.
"God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December." – J.M. Barrie
It's a cool October morning when she receives the call that her apartment in Boston had caught fire, destroying everything she and Henry owned. They're in Maine when they get the call, and Emma is immensely thankful that she had made the decision to show Henry her beginnings, if only because it saved them the danger.
Emma doesn't know why, but instead of finding a new place in Boston, she decides to start over with Henry in New York. She's never lived in New York, nor does she have friends there. But moving seems right, and nothing is really holding them to Boston. She can work in bail bonds anywhere, and the school Henry attends is hardly the best. Besides, she's been feeling restless lately. Maybe it is time for a profound change.
A month after she signs a new lease, and the landlord hands over the key, another profound change comes – a positive pregnancy test.
She doesn't remember the father very much – just dark hair, blue eyes, and a lilting accent. Embarrassing as it is, she can't even recall his name. The most vivid memory she has of him isn't really about him at all – it's the feeling of finally finding someone who understands her.
-/-
She doesn't consider abortion.
She's always been a strong proponent of a woman's right to choose, and wouldn't never judge another for making that decision. Her reasoning lies with the fact that she kept Henry when she was in a more dire position, and despite the humiliation of accidentally falling pregnant twice by two absentee men, she doesn't think it would be fair to get rid of this one when her life is more than alright.
Besides, most importantly, she wants this, wants it.
Emma considers herself lucky. A single mother of two is hardly an enviable position, but over the years she's made a few smart investments that have created quite the nest egg.
It seems magical, really, her luck since getting out of prison, but she won't question it, not since it allows her to provide a stable life for her and Henry, and now the newest addition to their family.
-/-
Emma waits until the start of the second trimester to tell Henry that he is going to be a big brother. She tells herself it is because she doesn't want to get his hopes up in case she miscarries, but no small part of her delay is because she's dreading explaining not just the inevitable mechanics of "where babies come from", but also that she has random sex with men whose names she doesn't remember.
Her son continues to amaze her, though, and he takes it all in stride, asking just a few entirely embarrassing questions.
What gets her is when he hugs her and says, "I love you, Mom. This is going to be so awesome."
-/-
Henry takes it upon himself to create a list of baby names. He checks out books from the library, and explains the meaning of each one. In typical ten-year-old fashion, the names Henry picks also correspond with his favorite fictional heroes.
"We are not naming it Peter," Emma says, her nose wrinkling in disgust. The name doesn't sit right with her, even though her son insists that being named after Spider-Man is 'totally cool'. "Besides, what if it's a girl?"
Henry rolls his eyes, and hands her the list of girl names. It doesn't escape her notices that the top names on the list are those of Disney princesses.
The day Henry comes home and announces that his class is starting a unit on Peter Pan is the day that Emma discovers that she is having a girl. They watch the movie that night, a giant bowl of popcorn between them.
"What about Wendy?" Henry asks midway through the film.
"What about her?"
"For my sister," Henry answers, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. "Wendy Swan."
And it is.
-/-
She notices a furniture store just a few blocks from her apartment called The Wizard of Oak. She's passed it a few times, but has never gone in due to not having the need. But as her stomach swells and due date quickly approaches, she finds herself wandering into the store, its bells chiming as she crosses the threshold from the outside.
The storeowner greets her, but there is something unsettling about his smile and the way his eyes linger down to her burgeoning stomach that puts Emma on edge. Trusting her gut, she leaves almost immediately.
Instead, Emma settles on purchasing a crib at Ikea.
-/-
"Did you know that in the play, the guys who plays Wendy's dad also plays Captain Hook?"
Her labor is an eight-hour affair full of screaming and nurses encouraging her to push. As with Henry's birth, she is alone. The realization alone hurts more than it should, but she does her best to tamp it down. She tells herself this is not the time to think of such thing when her heart is so full, because though both Henry and Wendy's fathers are gone, she still has her children.
They are more than enough.
Finally, finally, her daughter is born. When the doctor hands her over, swaddled and screaming, Emma reaches out to count her ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes. Tears in her eyes, she leans down to place a kiss on the top of her head, already covered with a soft smattering of dark hair.
In a flash of rainbow light, Emma remembers.
-/-
BirthdaycandlesHenryknockingonherdoorReginaMaryMargaretGrahamTheDarkCurseOnceUponaTimeParentsherparentsherparentsloveherandTheEnchantedForestyouneedmealivebeantstalksloveandleavingandNealandRumplestiltskinTamaraGregNeverlandPeterPanand…
Hook.
-/-
Emma is ashamed to admit that she spends the hours after Wendy's birth in the daze, the combination of both it and the return of her memories too overwhelming. At some point, Avery's mother drops off Henry at the hospital. Her son is ecstatic to meet his younger sister, and tears spring to her eyes as she watches him delicately cradle Wendy in his arms.
That night she doesn't sleep, but instead lies in the hospital bed staring up at the ceiling. Henry is sprawled on the couch asleep, and Wendy is wherever they keep newborn babies. She loves her children. Truly loves them, so much so that a brush of her lips against their skin can break even the most powerful of curses.
She reasons that the only reason kissing Wendy restored her memories was because no one knew of her existence when Regina took away both her and Henry's memories. Wendy had been nothing more than a clump of cells at the point, barely developing in her womb. The magic must not have taken with her. It had only been a memory curse, after all, and Wendy had no memories of which to alter.
Emma spends an unreasonable time pondering if she should change her daughter's name. She's spent so long referring to her daughter as Wendy that it would feel almost unfair to change it, but it feels strange now knowing that the real Wendy Darling is out there somewhere. Besides, the name now feels a little too on the nose, considering the infant's father is literally Captain Hook.
She decides to keep it, however, unwilling to allow a world that may or may not exist dictate her daughter's life.
Her daughter is Wendy Margaret Swan, born on the Fourth of July, weighing six pounds and eight ounces – her other True Love.
-/-
Instead of going home like most new parents do, Emma piles Henry into the back of the bug, securely fastens Wendy into her car seat, and she drives. She drives and she drives – across state lines, through the afternoon and into the night, and finally, into the state of Maine.
The stop a few times along the way, mostly for sustenance and bathroom breaks. She changes Wendy's diaper in a truck stop bathroom, and feeds her in the parking lot of a McDonald's as Henry devours a large order of French Fries. It hurts a bit, the way Wendy latches onto her breast. This part of motherhood is still so foreign to her. She bottle-fed Henry, though more out of necessity more than desire.
Only she didn't bottle-feed Henry, did she?
The realization that the entirety of her memories of Henry's life are fabricated is a painful one, and she feels bile rise in her throat that she does her best to tamp down. She's spent so much time thinking of who was left behind in Storybrooke to focus on the fact that she's been living a lie for the nine month. Unable to stop herself, tears begin to track down her cheeks.
"What's wrong?" Henry asks. He's been uncharacteristically quiet this whole trip, for which Emma has been thankful.
"Breastfeeding just sucks, kid," she tells him. It's a partial lie, and Emma wonders how many more she will have tell him since he has not regained his memories. It's an uncomfortable reality they've found themselves in, and Emma doesn't know how long she will need to keep up the charade. Hours? Days? Weeks? Forever?
She needs to get to Storybrooke, if not for her own peace of mind, but for Henry.
Only Storybrooke doesn't exist.
-/-
She drives the familiar routes to where the town should be. White-knuckled, she grips the steering wheel as she nears what should be the town line. Only she never reaches it, or she does, there is no way to know. She drives and she drives, and all she passes are the dense trees of the forest.
Eventually, she gives up.
There is no going home.
-/-
She thinks of Hook often.
Wendy has inherited his hair and his eyes, as well as his ability to be equal parts maddening and charming. She doesn't believe in sleeping during nighttime hours, which drives both Emma and Henry crazy. After a particularly awful night, Henry had grumbled that he should sell her off to Captain Hook, and Emma felt her heart seize at her son's unknowing reference.
She wonders how Hook would have reacted if there hadn't been the curse, if Pan had somehow been defeated at an earlier hour, and everyone had been allowed to stay within the confines of the town line. Would he have wanted to be a fixture in Wendy's life? In Neverland, he had told her that he intended to win her heart, but another child had not been an explicit part of the deal.
Emma reasons that it is best that she does not know the answer to that question. It's much easier to pretend that he might have wanted to be in her life, than face the reality of him choosing to walk away. She'd already faced that reality with Neal once, she doesn't want to do so again.
Besides, this way, Wendy will never know the pain of being rejected. She will have enough love from one parent for her miss having two.
-/-
She begins a journal – two, actually – one for Henry and the other for Wendy.
She marks down their accomplishments on each page, detailing what is going on in their lives. For Henry, she writes about the subjects he is studying in school, the games he is playing, and the friends he's made. For Wendy, she describes the tiny things: her smile, her laugh, and the tiny noises she makes.
It's silly, really, because she's writing down all of these things in the hope that she will one day be able to hand them over to Regina, Neal, and Hook to fill them in on what they've missed.
It's all a futile effort, though. They aren't coming back.
-/-
Emma looks forward to the end of her self-imposed maternity leave. Catching skips was near impossible in her third trimester, and her body needed a recovery period after giving birth. Still, she misses working. It provides her a sense of fulfillment at doing something good and right. She also finds strength in serving as a role model for her children.
Every now and then, Emma checks her bank account, partially out of fear that her regained memories also broke whatever magic Regina bestowed upon her finances.
To a degree, Emma feels uncomfortable relying on the magical charity created by the Evil Queen that allows her, Henry, and Wendy to live stable and comfortable lives. It's all unearned and unreal, but Emma can't fault Henry's other mother for wanting to ensure her son had his best chance.
After all, it's what she did.
-/-
Emma dresses Wendy in pink frills and cute headbands. It's not her style, and the feminist in her loathes the obvious gendering, but it's something Mary Margaret would do. So Emma puts Wendy in dresses and bows to give her a piece of the grandmother she will never meet.
She thinks Mary Margaret would love being a grandmother again. Emma remembers her mother's confession in Echo Cave, and though Wendy isn't her own child, she's still a new addition to the family. Wendy would be doted on endlessly, had they lived in Storybrooke. Not just by Mary Margaret, but by David, as well.
She wonders how they are doing in the Enchanted Forest. Are they ruling the kingdom? Are they happy? Do they miss her? Is Hook with them?
It stings that she may never know.
-/-
She once said that the worst thing to give someone is false hope. She wishes she had taken her own advice. Every time her phone rings, she feels a swoop in her stomach a voice in her head thinks it could be Regina or David calling to let her know that somehow they had found a way back into her world.
That call never comes.
-/-
There's this tree in the park that Henry absolutely loves. Emma now knows that it is his subconscious drawing him there, that the tree somehow reminds him of Regina. The selfish part of her longs for it to trigger his memories into returning, so she always brings him over whenever he requests it. It never does, however, and she is surprised whenever she feels a slight wave of relief.
It's easier this way, his lack of memory. He's a happy kid, and Emma knows the knowledge that his family is out there unable to find them would destroy him. As much as she wishes she had someone to share the burden of memory with, it's for the best that is isn't him.
She does tell Wendy, in the dark of the night, everything about her family – David and Mary Margaret, Hook, even Neal and Regina. She tells her daughter of beanstalks and giants, and of pirate ships that can fly. Emma will stop when Wendy grows older and can retain memories, but for now the infant is her only confidante.
It's enough for now.
-/-
It shocks her how little she thinks of Neal. She spent so many years hating him, only to find him again, that it's a surprise how little he occupies her thoughts whenever they stray to Storybrooke and the Enchanted Forest.
It also shocks her how much she thinks of Hook. Along with her parents, it is him whom she misses the most. She tells herself that it is because of Wendy, and maybe if she says it enough time, she will believe it.
-/-
Some nights, she dreams of Neverland.
Some nights, Henry is once again taken, and other times, it is Wendy.
In these dreams, no matter how hard she tries to get them back, she fails, always fails, and when she wakes, she is drenched in a cold sweat.
As much as she misses her family, these dreams remind her that New York City is far safer than Storybrooke.
-/-
She finally begins to accept that it is best that she, Henry, and Wendy are where they are – the Land Without Magic – and that she will never be reunited with her family again. She wills herself to believe that things are better this way, safer this way, and that her children will be happier here.
And, of course, this is when everything changes.
-/-
It's early Friday morning when someone knocks at the door.
Henry is watering the plants, Wendy is asleep in her swing, and Emma is still clad in her pajamas. It's an idyllic morning, a normal morning, so when she hears the insistent knocking, she knows something is not right.
But she goes to the door anyway, and when she sees who is on the other side, her world shatters and suddenly it feels as if she cannot breathe. She is full of confusion, joy, fear, apprehension and oh my god, he came for us, because –
"Hook."