Sian didn't want to storm out. Well, she sort of did but she didn't have the energy. Instead she had gone upstairs and was slowly pacing the length of Sophie's bedroom, her hand rubbing at her stomach as she went. Her feet were dragging and everything just seemed too much right now. She didn't need this pain at all, and she didn't need the aggravation it was causing between her and Soph.
But then why doesn't she believe you? Sian pondered.
It was a good question. Sian screwed up her face as she inwardly whined at the nauseating pain, and walked herself round to the other side of Sophie's bed so she had her back to the door. She lifted her head up and sighed heavily, closing her eyes as she flopped down onto the bed. She leaned over slightly on her one arm as her free hand scrunched at her stomach in a vain attempt at pain relief. It wasn't working.
Sophie had been jealous girl all day. They had been fine on the way back from hospital, fine when they were getting ready for shopping and fine whilst they had been out. Well, actually Soph had dragged her feet a bit after Sian had been sitting on the arm of Sophie's armchair just before they left. Oh yeh and then that thing with Ryan outside the house all resulting in that conversation just now. Sian sighed again. Why couldn't Sophie just trust her? She wanted to be with Soph, if she didn't she wouldn't be, she loved her, for God's sake!
Wait, you love her?
Sian's hand had stopped rubbing her stomach in quiet contemplation; her mind had just blurted that out and she needed to think about it. What she wouldn't do for a hug from a gorgeous brown haired, blue eyed girl she knew right about now. Sian pouted and lay herself down on her girlfriend's bed, still facing the wall away from the door. Their bed, pretty much as it had now become. That thought made her just that little bit more miserable, she was alone in it, after all. The dull ache in her stomach was driving her insane, and the aching pain in her chest wasn't helping, either. The bed smelt like Sophie, the room felt like Sophie. She had enveloped herself somewhere belonging to someone she was trying to be mad at.
Sian closed her eyes.
Sophie had tidied away the pizza and for the last half hour had been aimlessly straightening up the kitchen and had just finished re-organising the cutlery drawer. It had seemed a mess and therefore it needed to be tidied. She closed the drawer and stood with her back to the counter and sighed. She thought she heard something upstairs and looked to the ceiling. Her arms had folded across her chest. The solemn expression on her face had intensified threefold since Sian had gone upstairs, and she had just been making herself more miserable by the minute ever since. Pottering around the kitchen was not helping things, all it was doing was postponing the inevitable.
More arguments?
Sophie shook her head and put the kettle on. She would go up in a minute. She sighed to herself and rubbed her forehead. She supposed she wanted Sian to come back downstairs and tell her how much she wanted her, how much she was totally over Ryan and would never speak to him again, if that would make Sophie happy. Sophie would like that. She wanted Sian to apologise for being so insensitive to how insecure Sophie was feeling.
You mean you want her to understand how unbelievably weak you are being? And get that you think she's gonna drop you at any second and that's why you've been so moody all day.
Sophie considered this as she poured the boiling water into two mugs. She ran her hand through her hair and brushed it back over her head before getting the milk. She finished off making the tea and then leaned her hands on either side of the mugs, her palms down on the counter. She closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the cabinet in front of her.
"What are you doing?" Sophie said aloud. You're going to wreck it...
Sophie turned and sprung herself up onto the counter and for a moment sat on her hands. She then picked up one of the tea's and began to blow on it. She had genuine concerns though, didn't she? Why couldn't Sian see why she was so scared? Sophie's eyes wandered to the other mug of tea, sitting all alone on the counter and she watched as the steam came off of it. She exhaled slowly as she thought of Sian upstairs, also all alone. Bet she could do with warming up.. In a minute.
The door to Sophie's bedroom slowly creaked open letting in the faintest streak of light, before closing again just as slowly and creakily. Sian's eyes flashed open in a kind of half daze, watching the pattern on the wall dissolve back to blackness before she let her eyes fall closed again. She didn't move. She heard Sophie creep towards the bed and then shuffle around slightly as if she didn't know what to do. Sian didn't particularly want to help her out and so she remained motionless, even though her heart thudded a little harder in her chest and the adrenaline in her body rushed to the side wanting to push her over so she could face her girlfriend. Sian fought it, her face crumpling up a little.
As Sophie paused at the side of the bed it took all she had not to reach out and immediately apologise. Sian was either asleep or pretending to be asleep. Sophie didn't know which one she wanted to be the truth. What should she do? Wake her up! No. Whisper something..see if she's awake. Oh you know she's awake. You hope she's awake! Feeling as miserable as you- Sophie sighed and closed her eyes, trying to silence her turmoil. She opted to get changed.
Sophie eventually sat on her bed with her back to her girlfriend. She turned her head towards Sian and bit her bottom lip. This was stupid.
"Are you awake?" Sophie breathed, the words coming out a little shakily.
There was a pause. "Myeh".
An even longer pause. "I made you a brew but it went cold.."
Silence. Sian didn't know what to make of that. She would have come out with a snappy reply but her stomach was still distracting her. She simply rubbed at it again, trying to push the pain to the back of her mind. She wished to God Sophie would just come to bed and make it go away..but she wasn't about to ask her to.
That was a DUMB thing to say! Sophie's mind chastised. Why was she so rubbish at this?
Sian stirred a little bit but didn't turn over. Sophie flinched at the movement and then loudly exhaled. She was ready to admit defeat. "Do you want me to sleep on the floor?" she stated, matter-of-factly.
Sian rolled onto her back and looked up at Soph. Although it was dark she could just about make her out and Sian regarded the brunette, the majority of her anger fading almost instantly. Sophie's outline was all ruffled as her hair lay clumsily across her shoulders. Sian loved the way she messed it up and pushed it over her head when she was anxious or nervous or upset. She had clearly done it just now. It was incredibly sexy and the moment certainly wasn't lost on Sian as she watched Soph stand awkwardly in the darkness, shuffling a little bit as she waited for Sian to answer.
Sian sighed and reached out her arm across the bed, "No Soph, I want you to come to bed" she whispered. The pain was easing but her face remained creased up from of it.
Sophie didn't need telling twice. She quickly pulled the duvet back and got under it, scooting over towards Sian who was now lying on her side facing her. Sophie stopped an inch from her girlfriend and stared into Sian's downturned face, she wasn't sure whether or not she should touch her, or even if Sian was still mad at her. She had to stop overacting and being so insecure. She had decided downstairs that she would trust Sian's feelings for her and stop letting her fears get in the way of their relationship. Or at least she would try. She had to, the relationship would develop enough problems soon enough without Sophie creating some now. Sophie looked at Sian and let her eyes wonder over her. God she was beautiful. It despaired Sophie sometimes how much she felt for her, it was no use, she was absolutely in love with her. It made her insecure again, what if she leaves you? Sophie pushed it to the back of her mind, she had to stop thinking that way.
All of a sudden Sian reached out and grabbed Sophie's shirt, as if knowing Sophie needed some kind of contact. It brought Sophie away from her concerns and immediately she returned the touch, putting her hand on Sian's hip, gently caressing her through her PJs. Sian made an exasperated sound and brought her forehead down to Sophie's chest and rested it there, revelling in the warmth and comfort Sophie was providing. It was helping.
"Are you okay?" Sophie asked as she pushed her lips to the top of her girlfriends head.
"Yeh" Sian squeaked. She lay frozen to the spot. The pains had sort of gone, but she didn't want to move in fear of them coming back.
Sophie sighed. Something was wrong with Sian, maybe she was in pain after all, but how would that look after she had accused her of faking earlier..? Sophie didn't really know what to do. She pulled Sian's body closer to her and wrapped her arm around her back. Sian let her do it but still clung on to Sophie's top and pressed herself closer into the embrace.
"I'm sorry" Sophie whispered as she felt Sian relax. She kissed her on the head again. "I just get scared". Her tone was low and she looked off into the darkness, feeling a little pathetic, suddenly.
Sian stayed in the same position but opened her eyes. She let go of Sophie's shirt and wrapped her arm around her, playing lightly with the top of Sophie's shorts. They had got used to this familiar touching quite early on in their relationship as they wrapped around each other in bed, it was intimate but it never escalated any. They always stopped as the gentle touches eased them to sleep. Sian's touch now was helping Sophie's nerves.
"Scared of what?"
Sophie was biting on her bottom lip. "I dunno, you going back to Ryan, deciding that's easier".
Sian brought her head up and looked at Sophie. "You really think I would do that? Because it's easier?"
Sophie realised she could of put that much, much better. Sian's eyes were wide and she looked angry. Sophie sighed and her tone changed to a pleading one, she needed to get Sian to understand. "It's not that I think you will, it's just what comes into my head. What if you do? What if you can't take it? Sian you're my girlfriend and you're my best friend if you leave me I've got nothing". Sophie's eyes had welled up and the emotion was getting caught in her throat. She looked into Sian's eyes, her own eyes darting from one to the other, looking for some reassurance. She had laid it all out there, all she could do was wait for an answer.
Sian brought her hand up and cupped Sophie's face, gently pushing her fingertips along Sophie's neck. She pushed her body into Sophie's, forgetting about her stomach pain. "Shhh Soph" she whispered and then kissed her briefly on the lips, "I'm not going anywhere".
Sophie's hand was still on Sian's hip however now she was gripping the material of Sian's PJs, as if holding onto them for dear life. They were scrunched in her fist. "But what if-"
"No buts", she looked sternly into Sophie's eyes, still gripping her neck, "nothing! Sophie I'm in this with you. I feel the same way so trust me". They looked right into each other, "please.."
Sophie broke the eye contact and looked down, she released Sian's PJs and rubbed her hand over the blonds back. She knew Sian meant what she said, but it didn't stop the niggling worry that was always there. She was going to have to trust her.
"And stop worrying about Ryan" Sian said as she smiled. Sophie looked back up at her, "whose bed am I in, every night hm?" Sophie smiled for the first time in what felt like ages. God she was in love. "There it is" Sian continued, "that beautiful smile".
Sophie started grinning and felt herself go red. Luckily the darkness concealed it. She made a happy noise in the back of her throat and placed a gentle kiss on Sian's lips. "Thanks for putting up with me".
Sian chuckled, "hey, someone's gotta!"
Sophie moved in closer so there was barely an inch between them. "I'm glad it's you". Sian was biting on her lip in that flirtacious way she always did. Sophie could feel that familiar sensation in the pit of her stomach that she generally got these days as she lay in bed with her girlfriend. As she lay this close to her girlfriend, their feet rubbing against each other and Sian's fingers teasing the skin along her neck. Sophie ever so slightly shivered. "Are you sure you're alright?" Sophie asked, as even though Sian was getting playful she could tell something was still not quite right.
Sian didn't want to think about the pain. It had subsided for now. "I'm fine Soph" she smiled. "But uhm, I think if you kissed me I would be even better".
Sophie could think of nothing else she would rather do. Well, she could but, thinking about that too much never did her any favours. She had a vow to consider. She just giggled and brought her lips to Sian's. The kiss started out slow at first, soft and ever so slightly teasing before Soph deepened it, pushing her tongue into Sian's inviting mouth. Sian loved the way Sophie tasted, and loved the way she was soft to touch, unlike Ryan who was rough around the edges in comparison.
Whenever Sophie kissed her she couldn't get enough, she wanted all of her, touching her and kissing her. Her mind went crazy whenever Sophie touched her while they were making out and it was getting harder and harder for her not to take it any further. She wanted to but was a bit scared of the prospect at the same time. She would have to wait for Sophie to be ready anyway, so that gave her a bit of time to fully get her head around it. Right then her mind was racing though, every time she wrapped her tongue around Sophie's and especially when Sophie would suck hers back it sent a jolt right through her down to her stomach. It was getting heavy; both of them were breathing heavily and were pawing at each other, Sophie's hand had run underneath Sian's top and she was running her fingers up and down Sian's spine. Sian's thoughts were getting cloudy and she was letting out stifled moans as her girlfriends fingers reached the bottom of her back and lingered there, before travelling back up again. Sian desperately wanted to roll on top of Soph or start kissing down her neck but she knew this would have to end, otherwise she couldn't be held responsible for the outcome. Sian broke the kiss.
Sophie's eyes opened slowly and she saw Sian lick her lips as she struggled to regain her breath. Sophie looked into her eyes. "..you okay?"
Sian gripped Sophie's shirt, screwed it up in her hand and then let it go again. She quietly cleared her throat as she smoothed back over the material, resting her hand on Sophie's chest as she did so, feeling the thump of her heartbeat vibrate beneath her touch. Sian felt a grin form on her lips and she rested her head into the pillows. "Myeah" she sighed as she brought her hand up and ran her thumb over Sophie's cheek. "You?"
Sophie regarded her girlfriend. She knew what Sian was thinking. But she couldn't go there. Yet. "Yeh" she whispered. She lay into the pillows as well and they stared at each other as they let their breathing return to normal. Sophie got lost in her thoughts and kind of drifted off into space. She wanted Sian so much, but that was another thing that scared her. She had someone to live up to as well. She didn't feel pressured, they hadn't really discussed anything like that, yet, but the subject was there hovering over them and it was getting so difficult not to get carried away when they were in bed together. Especially making out like that!
Maybe she should talk to Sian about it. She looked back at her girlfriend whose breathing was now even and she seemed so peaceful. "..Sian" she uttered, quietly.
Sian didn't move. She's asleep, great! Sophie's lips curved into a smile and she leaned over and placed the lightest of kisses on Sian's lips. It would have to be a conversation for another day.