Thanks to FantasyHalfa for correcting my German.
(W= Wally, D= Dick)
D: Want to know how I remember how to spell 'Assume'?
W: Okay...
D: Don't assume or you'll make an ass out of u and me
D: 1rd, 2rd 3nd
W: The hell.
D: Want to freak out your neighbours?
D: Rename your wifi to 'FBI surveillance van 7'
W: You are evil
W: I love it.
W: Nvm, my bad
D: You nearly killed us!
W: Wouldn't be the first time
W: I am entirely convinced your last words will either be 'whoops' or 'shit'
D: Well it hasn't happened yet
W: You left your phone here
W: It's four AM and I woke up with a cat sitting on my chest
W: I don't have a cat
W: Did you know Einstein's last words were spoken in German to a nurse that only spoke English?
W: Quick place your bets on what Einsteins last words were
D: Geh und mach mir ein sandwich
W: What
W: Ever noticed how grades go A, B, C, D, F?
D: Yeah...
W: What happened to E?!
D: C and D ganged up, cuts it foot off, and turned it into F
W: Holy shit
D: I died once
D: Wally.
W: Oh no
D: Google Scotland's national animal
W: Have any other ways to remember words?
D: Yeah
D: Learn to spell them
D: The humans have been eradicated, cats took over
W: Life
D: Death
W: Corruption
D: Justice
W: Murder
D: I'm in
D: I need something more than caffeine but less than cocaine
W: I have you for that
D: I ripped the tag off a mattress
W: You have doomed us all
W: I am just saying!
D: There is no way Steve and Bucky is better than Steve and Tony
D: The rules of fashion; if it looks good, ware it
W: How am I supposed to wear you?
D: You smooth bastard
W: What did you do?!
D: Nothing you can prove
W: Why is there a sudden shortage of clothes in my closet?
D: I can't help it! There so comfortable!
D: Are you sure these pants aren't too tight?
W: Nope, their absolutely perfect
W: I don't like eye contact
W: Or tomatoes
W: They both make me uncomfortable
D: Eye contact is like a contract
D: And tomatoes are for throwing, not eating
D: Idiots
W: Who?
D: Sahara is the Arabic word for desert
W: Desert desert
D: Furthermore, Soviet means union
W: Union union
W: I would eat healthy
W: But then I remember that time Adam and Eve are an apple and doomed all of humanity
W: Better not risk it
W: Your like a mix between a hurricane and a cupcake
D: As far as I know I'm delightful
D: I have a untested theory
D: An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough
W: We could test it on Roy
D: We could
D: At this same ancient feast of Capulet's Sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so lovest, With all the admired beauties of Verona:
Go thither; and, with unattainted eye,
Compare her face with some that I shall show, And I will make thee think thy swan a crow.
ROMEO When the devout religion of mine eye Maintains such falsehood, then turn tears to fires; And these, who often drown'd could never die, Transparent heretics, be burnt for liars!
One fairer than my love! the all-seeing sun Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun.
BENVOLIO Tut, you saw her fair, none else being by, Herself poised with herself in either eye:
But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'd
Your lady's love against some other maid
That I will show you shining at this feast,
And she shall scant show well that now shows best.
ROMEO I'll go along, no such sight to be shown, But to rejoice in splendor of mine own.
W: Go to bed.
D: Good idea
D: I love your hair
W: You are literally sitting right beside me
D: It's so soft!
W: Roy got arrested
D: Again?
D: Wally
D: Bruce left me unsupervised
W: Oh no
D: I know, it freaks me out too
D: Anything is possible
D: You just wanted to look at my ass!
W: Well duh
D: It will rain in 5...
D: 4...
D: 3...
D: 2...
W: Bullshit
D: 1...
W: What is this black magic?
W: This is a bad idea
W: I am behind you 100%
W: I hate it when people assume we're a couple
D: Just because you bring me flowers for no reason, and we share a bed, and I make you breakfast, and you run from Central to Gotham when ever I say so doesn't mean we're together
W: Finally! Someone understands me
D: Come over
D: I'm going to walk along the beach
W: Be there in a flash
(Special gust appearance from Roy: R= Roy)
W: Hey Roy,
D: Remember that one time you dove off a bridge,
W: And almost killed us?
R: You guys are never gunna let that go
W: You kidnaped me!
D: Only for awhile!
W: I can believe you kidnaped me!
D: You weren't agreeing and you knew too much!
D: What was I supposed to do?!
W: I'm lost in the grocery store
D: Leave a trial of M&M's
D: The opposite of office is onfire
D: Ugh...
D: How long have I been out?
D: What year is it?
W: The year is 2017
W: Our president is an orange
W: Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the demons drag your soul down to hell :)
D: Damnit Wally, Bruce seen that
D: THIS IS WHY WE DON'T LET YOU NEAR SHARP OBJECTS
D: Try baking soda, it should help with the blood staines
W: What?
D: Oh
D: Wrong person
W: Did you just...
D: Yep.
W: Me...?
D: Yep.
W: Dose that mean...
D: Yep.
W: I hear explosions and you are missing
W: This is not a coincidence
D: Did you turn the lights off?
W: No
D: We have a problem
W: What are you doing right now?
D: Stealing everyone's left shoe
W: What if one morning your alarm clock hit you back?
D: That would be alarming
W: I love you
W: Roy wants you
D: Who doesn't?
W: You googled murder?
D: Yeah
W: Why?!
W: What's my name?
D: F-R-A-N-C-I-S
D: Everything is a boomerang if you throw it up
W: I have found the true meaning of life
D: Some kid was running with a cart in Walmart and he ran over my foot
D: I accidentally taught a 4 year old how to swear in Russian
D: Bruce is giving me 'The look'
W: You rich bastard
D: I can say the alphabet backwards
W: No one should have that much power
D: I am going to hit you so hard words describing it will appear out of thin air