Prologue

22.12.2007

Journal,

I have seen things, but not done anything. My life is normal. So normal, that my life means nothing. I'm stuck in this dead end, meaningless, job. With no hope of spontaneity, just the dull shades of black and white. I want colour. I want excitement. I want to be a passionate person with dreams and hopes and ambition. I see all the love and beauty around me, but I only see sadness in my reflection. I'm trapped in this obsession to be different. I cannot find my way out. I'm trapped in this never ending circle of structure and familiarity. I need someone to help me. Help me change. Help me to become different. To influence my life so much that I feel like I am complete. I have seen things; realities that I could have prevented from happening. I feel emotions that I have never felt before. I see thoughts inside of my mind, that are not my own. I'm confused to what this all means. I am different. But my life is not.

Dean Winchester. I feel his emotions. See his thoughts. See his dreams. I saw his mother die. I have seen John sell his soul for his. I have witnessed Dean sell his soul for Sam. Those last two events have not taken place, at least I do not think. I feel connected to Dean's soul. I know most aspects to his life. Yet he knows none of mine. Is it wrong to want someone so much in your life, when you both have not come face to face? I feel like an intruder. Can I be classified as a stalker when I cannot help it? I can't stop these 'visions', feelings and emotions from entering my mind. How can you feel such emotions for someone when you have not even seen their face? I know most aspects of his life, except his appearance. Is he tall? What is his eye colour? I want to see him, in person; to feel his skin, and to look into his eyes. Will that ever happen?

I know it seems like I am saddened by my life. Truly I am not. I only wish for more. More substance, more meaning. I believe that Dean Winchester is my answer to my queries. The things I see I do not believe. Demons, spirits, they can't be true; people selling their souls for others. It cannot be. Can it? I don't even know if these people are real. Does Dean exist? Am I really just dreaming? All of these questions I want answered. But I'm too afraid to ask. Too afraid to realise that what I am dreaming about could be real. So for now I will shut it out. Pass off any dream, any emotion, and any thoughts that are not mine and live my life. My normal life. My dull black and white life.

Always and forever,

Audrey Hayworth

xoxo

A/N: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters or events that take place. I do however own anything that you do not recognise. Comment and tell me what you think! Thanks. Xoxo.