Alrighty then! Thanks to my extreme fanboyism of MGS and Full Metal Alchemest I give you...FULL METAL GEAR ALCHEMEST! Catchy ain't it?
Anyways forgive any typo's. The Internet has ruined my ability to spell.
Alright gotta do the disclaimer thingy right? I don't own any part of Metal Gear or Full Metal Alchemest. Both are kick ass though!
Cast
Ed: Snake
Roy Mustang: Colonel Campbell
Whinry: Meryl
Scheska: Naomi
Rose: Mei Ling
Riza: Nastasha
Al: Liquid Snake/Miller
All other cast: TBA
Now on with the show!
FULL METAL GEAR ALCHEMEST!!!!
-Chapter One: The Hero Arrives-
(We find our hero sleeping peacefully in his bed at his alaskan home when an intruder "luckly" sneaks up to him and punches him in the stomach)
Ed: GAH! WHAT THE F... (passes out)
(Several hours later, Ed(Snake) wakes up tied down to a chair, half naked, and a slight bit pissed off.)
Ed: Alright! Which one of you assholes punched me in the stomach when I was sleeping! I'll rip your fucking head off!
???: Oh come now... is that anyway to treat an old war buddy?
Ed: Eh?
???: Oh come on can't you recognize my voice?
Ed: Listen I can't really think staight at the moment! And plus I think the rope is starting to give me a rash.
Roy (Colonel): Oh Full-Metal, It's me. Roy.
Ed: You!??!!? I thought I got rid of you at the whole "Outer Heaven" deal.
Roy: Nope!
Ed:...fuck.
enters Scheska(Naomi)
Scheska: (whips out a huge needle) Now hold still shorty.
Ed: WHO YOU CALLING A BEAN SPROUT MIDGET!?!?!?!?
(After a few nameless lackeys were able to hold him down Scheska was able to give him his shot)
Ed: OWIE! What was in the shot?
Scheska: Oh vitamins, anti-freezing peptide, nano-machines, foxdie...
Ed: What was the last one?
Scheska: Uhhhh...nano-machines?
Ed: (shakes head) Oh well, you can inject me with whatever you want hawt-stuff. (wink)
Scheska: Okay...i'm just gonna walk this way now... (walks away)
Ed: (stares at Scheska's butt as she walks away) Daaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmnnnnnnn... turns to roy So why am I here?
Roy: Well do you want the long version or the short version?
Ed: Did you say...short? (gives evil glare)
Roy: Urr... I mean brief description.
Ed: Okay... I'll take the brief description.
Roy: Crazy people with super powers, nukes, metal gear, your daddy's dead body, a shit load of money, my hot niece, etc, etc.
Ed: Hmmmm... I like the last part.
Roy: glares at Ed I'll just pretend I didn't hear that. Anyways you're the best guy we got. Whadya say?
Ed: Will there be feme fatals?
Roy: Chances are good.
Ed: Sweeeeet... I'm in.
Roy: Cool. Okay guys release him.
(The random lackeys cut the ropes and Ed gives big strech and walks over to Roy)
Ed: Oh Roy, before I get sent off there is one thing I need to say.
Roy: What's that?
Ed: (punches him extremely hard in the mouth) CALL ME NEXT TIME BITCH!
Roy: X.X
(After several hours of preperation, Ed recieves some basic equipment except for the guns he needs.)
Ed: Hey why am I not getting any firepower?
Random Lackey: Because we just don't like you
Ed: (knocks random lackey's brains out and gets into torpedo thingy.) Okay I'm ready! In 3...2...1...FIRE!
(Ed is launched through the dark void of the Alaskan waters all the way to Shadow Moses, finally he's able to get out and swim to the dock)
Ed: (thinking to self) COLD!!!! COLD!!!! COLD!!! COLD!!!! (Makes it to the dock and shivers alot)
(Meanwhile Al(Liquid Snake) Is talking to some of the random guards)
Al: Okay guys, he's going to be here any minute. So you guys get ready. I have a few flies up in the sky I have to deal with.
Random Guard: Just one question though sir.
Al: (sigh) What is it?
RG: If you're expecting him to come here anytime soon then why are you only posting 2 guards here? I mean you could get all of FOXHOUND together here and they could kick his ass easily.
Al: DO NOT DOUBT MY PERFECT PLAN! (Grabs Random Guard and throws him aganst the wall) THIS WILL WORK! YOU GOT ME!??!?!?!!
RG: Yes sir!
Al: Good! Let's him go Now I have to go, make sure you don't fail on me.
RG: Right boss.
(Al goes up the elevator. Meanwhile Ed's CODEC rings)
Ed: Hello?
Roy: Hey Full-Metal. Listen you gotta get up there so you can continue on.
Ed: Geez... I wonder how long it took for you to figure that out?
Roy: Uh, about a good half an hour.
Ed: (sigh) You're a retard. (hangs up)
(Ed crawls under the pipe and pushes himself aganst the wall. The random guard is sitting down listening to his iPod.)
Ed: Hmmmm... I gotta get his attention some how... (knocks on wall but the guard doesn't hear it) HEEELLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (Guard still doesn't hear it) Urggghhhhh... (whips out boom box and starts playing "Du Hast" by Ramstien at full blast while singing along. But the guard still doesn't notice.) Seriously, what the Hell? (Finally Ed gets pissed and walks up to the guard and taps him on the shoulder) Yo! I've been trying to get your attention for like the past 5 minutes!
RG: Oh sorry. You're that Full-Metal guy that Al was talking about right?
Ed: Yeah. What of it?
RG: (pushes the down button on the elevator.) Just go on ahead. I won't stop ya.
Ed: Really?
RG: Yeah. The guy's fucking stupid and he's an asshole.
Ed: Oh... well... thanks. You want me to knock you out to make it look like you at least tried?
RG: Nah, I'll just lay down on the ground and pretend you did.
Ed: But you won't have the stars around your head and they'll know.
RG: Good point. I guess you better do it.
Ed: K, sounds good. After all this I'll buy you a beer or something. What's your name?
RG: My name is...(intterupted by Ed's fist pounding into his skull.)
Ed: Saves me a beer. (get's on the elevator)
(Sweet background music plays, Ed strips off his scubba gear, and the words "Tactical Espionage Action: FULL METAL GEAR ALCHEMEST" flash across the screen.)
Ed: Sweet...
(CODEC rings)
Ed: Hello?
Roy: Okay now you gotta get into the base.
Ed: -.-' Thanks for stating the obvious Captain No-Shit.
Roy: Oh and one more thing. See if you can save my niece Whinry. Okay?
Ed: Is she hot?
Roy: She's my freaking niece! I can't judge her on that Full-Metal!
Ed: I'll take that as a yes.
(Ed sees Al take off in the Hind)
???: Woah, that dude is crazy. Flying a helecopter in this kind of weather.
Ed: Who was that? She sounds hot.
Roy: Full-Metal, meet Rose. She's the one that invented your magical radar system and she'll be recording your save data.
Rose: Hello Full-Metal!
Ed: Woah! You are cute!
Rose: Liek OMG! I'm getting hit on by teh famous Full-Metal! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (Smiles with glee)
Ed: Okaaaayyyyyy... crazy fangirl. I'm outta here. (hangs up)
(Ed using his sweet ninja skills, tries to sneak to the other side but slips, falls, and cracks his head open.)
Roy: Full-Metal? Full-Metal!?!? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-----MEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
(Game Over: Continue Exit)
END OF CHAPTER ONE
Alrighty, I'll make sure to get you guys Chapter 2 soon. Drop me a couple reviews, K? They really do help me out in the writing process. Alright then. PEACE!