Started: April 2014
Finished: January 2015
A/N: I thought it could be interesting if something so terrible happened to Amy that she wanted to leave The Doctor, so soon after they started traveling together. This has an alternate universe, Twilight Zone type of story. With it being his fault, I imagine how he would deal with it. The good Doctor probably wouldn't do anything that I described here, but it was fun to write. No Rory.
"Amy, Amy I'm," he began apologetically as she stepped into the TARDIS, walking right past him and ignoring him.
"Take me home," she said numbly under her breath. He didn't want to and felt he had to fix this somehow. He wanted to comfort her.
"Amy, come, come here." He went to wrap his arms around her. She pushed and clawed at him to let go. Her fingers made contact with his cheek and jerked away, a hand flying to his cheek checking if she had drawn blood, she hadn't.
"I said take me home!" She shouted. He didn't move. "I hate you," she said venomously.
"I think you should go to the medical bay," he preceded gently.
"I'm not staying with you any longer." she said as she swiftly walked to her rooms. He caught up to her.
"Let's go to the medical bay," he said, Touching her back and guiding her. She jerked away from him. Blinded by anger and tears she fled to her rooms. She couldn't stand the sight of him and his sorry face anymore. The Doctor knew she should have medical attention but he didn't want to force her, especially in the state she was in. He took a few deep breaths to calm his fear and the rapid beating of his hearts, telling himself that she'll be more amiable to approach later, which he knew was unlikely.
He promised to never watch her in her living area but the situation called for him to check on her. He watched her on the monitor and stopped when she threw herself on the bed. He felt guilty for watching because he knew she didn't want to be seen. He saw her go into the shower and he quickly went down below the console to work. Minutes passed that seemed like hours. He kept checking his watch. He tried to busy himself but couldn't get her anger out of his head. She had said she wanted to go home. He dreaded those words. An hour passed. He wanted to help her and found himself at the console again. Her room was empty, meaning she was still in the shower. Still? He thought. He felt a tiny pinprick of fear. He again, had promised her privacy but he couldn't remain true to that under these circumstances. Just a glance, just a glance to make sure she was still breathing and ok. He was relived and heart broken at the same time. She was sitting in the shower crying. After she was out of the shower he went to see her.
She heard a knock at her door. "Amy, we should talk. Are you ok?" He heard her clear her throat and footsteps stop at the other side of the door.
"Are we on Earth, my Earth, and my time?"
"No."
"Then go away."
"Amy, I'm here." He spoke carefully. "I've swept you away. Let me look at you, touch your hair, hold you close," he charmed. His voice was like an undertow, every word dragging her into a sob where she could barely breathe. She had adored and waited 14 years for him it was difficult to deny him anything. He heard her sniffle on the other side of the door. He was torn between his respect for her space and his desire to comfort her. It was maddening. He sat with his back against the door and continued to speak, not knowing if she was listening.
A day passed and he found himself at her door again. "You need to eat Amelia, Please," he implored.
"I already have." she said shortly.
"No, you haven't."
"Have you been spying on me Doctor."
"Let me care for you."
"How dare you. You proved how much you care for me," she said sharply. "Your time is up."
"I'll wash all those bad feelings away. I'll wipe away every tear, Amelia" he said softly. He spoke his words like a magic spell and she wanted to let him in. Her protests stopped in her in her throat. His powers of persuasion were astounding, like he had made her believe the impossible for 20 minutes that day he saved the world from Prisoner Zero and told off the Atraxi. She couldn't say anymore. They'd just go back and forth and she'd end up letting him in, so she backed away from the door.
She drug a blanket and a cushion to the deepest of her rooms, the furthest from the entrance to the rest of the ship. There she lied down and cocooned herself in the blanket and thought. Thought that The Doctor wouldn't spy on her, even though he could. That he didn't know what she was thinking even though he did. It would only be a matter of time before she came around and she'd fight it till then. She didn't feel like her mind was completely hers. She was usually always so resolute.
She knew he could make things better, though she was afraid of it, knowing that if she could forgive him for this, she could forgive him anything. The feeling that she'd put herself in harms way again for him and that he'd use her again, if need be, was paramount. She was conflicted, not wanting to stay in a cycle.
She found a note that had been slipped under the door It read:
My Dearest Amelia,
I'm sorry for what happened. let me make it better. please come see me. I miss you. -Your Raggedy Doctor
The note hadn't worked. He wasn't used to his charming or brainy persuasion failing him, even if it failed, it wouldn't for long, he just be forced to change tactics.
Three days had passed and she still hadn't tried to speak to him or spoken to him when he knocked on her door the past few times. She hadn't stepped a foot outside her room. To his utmost dismay, she had barely eaten. She had got viciously angry a number of times, throwing things about the rooms and screaming. He watched her hopelessness, uncontrollable anger, withdrawing and sleeping a lot for days on end. He wanted to respect her wish for him to leave her be, but he was concerned at how long this would go on and far it would go. His worry for her drove him to his next move.
He decided to take precautions concerning a possible suicide attempt. He was hoping that she would come to him. However, it probably wouldn't go well. Like he predicted, she entered the console room.
"What is it that you want?" she shouted. He didn't look at her. His tone was neutral and a slightly biting.
"I've told you what it is that I want."
"So you punish me by taking my things because I refuse to talk to you? Half of my things are gone, just disappeared."
"You are on what your planet calls a suicide watch until you prove me otherwise. Until you eat and until you let me help you." She swallowed and furrowed her brows.
"What? Are you insane? she said, completely shocked. "That's not helping me. That's, manipulating me. I don't want to die. I just want to carry on," she said warily. "With out you, Doctor." He still didn't look up and that angered her even more.
"You don't mean that." She walked up to him, shaking and glaring into his eyes.
"I do. I mean it as sure as I'm standing here telling you. Listen to me. Why aren't you listening to me?" Her tone desperate. He finally looked at her. "How is that confusing?" she asked through clenched teeth. He began softly;
"When I touch you," he reached for her shoulder. She pushed him away before he could touch her.
"Don't," she said.
"You still push me away. If you truly didn't care for this anymore you wouldn't be worried about what my touch might cause you to feel." His eyes and voice where assaulting enough. She had loved it when he would touch her, in anyway.
"No. You betrayed me, she stated angrily, "and that's why I hate you and I don't want you to touch me."
"There's no one there for you. There's no one that can get you through this, except for me," he stated manipulatively, cruelly and selfishly. She backed a couple steps.
"There's plenty of counseling on planet Earth."
"But you can't tell them everything. Only I understand these, alien things. When you unburden yourself you can't hold anything back or else it will do no good." He didn't care if it was a lie or half truth. The ends justified means and he didn't want her to go. He truly cared about her. Her face had been seared onto his hearts and he wasn't ready to let go of all they could be. "And if you do tell them what happened, they will lock you up," he continued unkindly, walking into her causing her to back away, as tears formed in her eyes.
"Better locked up then with you," she said bitingly.
"You need to get through this so we, so you can get better. It's what's best for you," he said gently. He reached for her hand and face and they where again swatted away.
"What's best for me is you bringing me home. I'm never going to tell you anything," she said strongly. "How could you even suggest that? Why would you even want to know? How could you not want what's best for me? What am I even saying? Trying to reason with you? You're the reason I'm in this situation!"
"I will not allow you to hurt yourself," he said sternly.
"You are hurting me," she replied in a small voice.
"Go to my Medical Bay. Tests need to be run. It's important."
"No, I'll go to the hospital when you take me home," she said defiantly.
"No," he said and lost his temper. "You will go to mine!"
"Like hell I will," she turned to storm off to her room but he caught her arm. He injected her with a drug, and caught her as she passed out.
She woke to the Doctor standing over her with his hands folded and a worried look on his face. She looked around and realized she was lying on a bed in an exam room. She refused to look at him. "I hate you," she said with all the anger she could muster.
"I should've brought you here immediately when you came back," he said softly. "But I didn't want to force you to do anything you didn't want to do. And since you weren't taking proper care of yourself and could be a danger to yourself, I had to resort to this."
"What happened to me? Why am I so weak? Why can't I move?" she asked as fear swept though her body.
"A specific cocktail of chemicals tailored to your needs. Sedatives and nutrients you require."
"Doctor, I don't like not being able to move. You have to let me up."
"I can't, you need to rest." She finally returned his gaze.
"Please, this is utterly humiliating and frightening." He wanted to touch her to comfort her but remembered that she was very much against it last time they spoke.
"There's nothing to be frightened of," he told her delicately. "There's no one here for you to be humiliated in front of. I've already run the tests and your body will be fine. This will only be for a couple days till your body regains its strength, maybe longer if you still refuse to eat. I'll come back to check on you in a while.
"Doctor, wait," she called after him. He turned.
"Yes," he replied.
"Take me to a real hospital," she said faintly." He sighed at the mention of her not wanting to be with him again.
"Relax Amy," he said softly. "Everything's going to be fine."
He went to her living area and cleaned it up, using the video tape to put everything back exactly where she had it before she made a mess of it. He figuring she'd want a nice neat area for when she got out of his hospital room. The next day came and he wanted to check on Amy and he realized he could because she wasn't holed up in her room anymore, willfully disconnected from the rest of the universe. He came into the room and her eyelids fluttered open, still unable to move. He took her hand in his, hoping for a warm or at least neutral reaction.
"Doctor. I'm ready to get out of this bed now, to eat. I'm starting to feel much better." His eyes moved over her.
"Really?" he asked.
"Really," she answered.
"I don't doubt your body feels better. It's what's up here that I'm worried about;" he tapped his finger to his temple. "It's an area that I'm not able to fix as quickly or as easily."
"I understand but I feel fine. I feel a lot better about it," she lied. "I'm just glad, it's over now."
"Amy, you don't have to lie. I'm the one person you never have to lie to." A chill spread down to her toes.
"I'm not lying," she insisted.
"It's ok to be hurt, but I'll help you work through it. I'll take the utmost responsibility for what I did." She felt frustration and anger but she kept a neutral tone.
"I said I'm fine. I'm ready to get out of this room and be normal again."
"You are lying and you can't, you can't lie to me," he said gently.
"What?" Her mind raced into unthinkable territory. "What are you really saying? Are you saying that I can't leave?"
"No. I'm only helping you."
"Take your hand off me and I said I'm fine!" He let her hand go.
"You're just saying because you want to refuse my help."
"I can't refuse your help, obviously," she said. He looked at her sadly. He paused and thought deeply. "I could make you forget," he said slowly. "I never thought of it before. The thought of it now seems reprehensible though, because I'd be stealing something that was personally and privately yours, a few of your memories."
"Don't you dare."
"I dare if it will heal your mind," he said as a matter of factly.
"Selfish," she gasped. "How could you be so selfish?" she asked angrily.
"It's also merciful, isn't it?"
"Don't. Don't do it. It isn't right! You admire us human beings right? You can't just erase the things that happened to us that are unpleasant."
"I'm the Doctor. I can't cut out your trauma like a disease and with it your pain."
"That's utterly inhuman. Don't you realize that?"
"It could also be what humans call a blessing. You want to forget. I can see it in your eyes. Why are you fighting me so hard on this?"
"You can't make me forget. This is how people learn."
"Good point but there's nothing for you to learn from this. This was all my fault."
"But it's wrong. What will you be if you just start taking peoples memories away?
Certainly not a Doctor."
"And what will I be if I don't, just some monster you left behind?" he asked sadly. "What started out as a real life fairy tale come true. I was your Raggedy Man and you where my little Amelia Pond. We where going to go on amazing adventures and do great things. We would have all time and space and you would by my side. I'm, I'm not," he struggled to say. "I really care about you Amelia." He sighed and stoked her hair for a few moments. "And I don't want you to be gone from me too soon. I'll be right back," he stated leaving the room to go get the drug. He left her there on the bed apprehensive and upset. She took deep breathes to calm herself and to think rationally. She wanted to leave there with her memories intact. It was all important to her. It was detrimentally important that she knew who her Raggedy Man really was. Some one who used her as bait and failed to save her in time. And he deserved no more of her time. He returned with a vile of amber liquid. "Here," he said, "a couple drops of this and this whole nightmare will be forgotten."
"Just let me go home for awhile," she asked calmly. "A month or 2 for me won't be anything but a blink of an eye to you."
"Oh Amy," he said sorrowfully, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Your entire life is noting but a blink of an eye to me. Allow me to ease you pain, please."
"Why are you acting as though I have a choice?"
"I want your consent. I do feel unimaginably terrible about this." She refused to look at him. There was a long pause as he searched her face.
"I can't, I can't tell you that this is ok."
"You do want things to go back to the way they were," he coaxed. "Say you do. Say it. Tell me how I'm clever and mad and that I'm your Raggedy Man." She looked at him as if he was crazy.
"Why?"
"Because I don't want your anger and resentment etched on my hearts every time I'm reminded of this."
"No!" she said, outraged. "You deserve this. You deserve to live with the consequences of your betrayal Doctor and it's not fair that you insist on being immune to them."
"Oh believe me, I have my share of guilt," he said as he moved his hand out of sight and put two drops into the medicine drip. "I have destroyed entire cultures, races and worlds, but I, I can't loose you." She drifted off and he kissed her forehead, then picked her up and carried her back to her quarters. He laid her down. He took her hand and kissed it, then left the room.
The next morning, he squeezed his hands together in anticipation of her soon arrival in the console room.
"Hello," she said like it was any other day.
"Hi," he said hesitantly.
"You look worried. What's wrong?"
"Absolutely nothing." he clapped his hands together and forced a smile. "How are you? How did you sleep?"
"Really good, actually." She looked to him. "I love this thing we do, the traveling with you." She ran her hand across the console. "With all of time and space, it was definitely worth the wait. And you," she walked over and straitened his tie and jacket collar. "My clever, dangerous, and very mad man." The Doctor kept his eyes down. "I know traveling with you could put me in harms way but it's my choice. I know it's not the right choice, not really. Not the safe one, but it's what I want. And don't think you're going to just drop me off because it's the right thing to do because you don't want me to go either." At that he pulled her in for a hug. His sudden affection surprised her and she smiled.
"Hey, I just said I'm not going anywhere." She settled into the hug. "This is nice," she said.
"Oh Amy. I'll never just drop you off. Cross my hearts. I'm going to protect you from harm and disappointment with everything I have."