So….I have been having writers' block recently but I undertook this little drabble project to help me get back to speed. I swear..after I finish this one, I'll update my other story.
Warnings: human names. University AU. USUK, possible spoilers for the Hunger Games movie (superficially wise), lack of plot, one-shot style.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, Hunger Games, or Battle Royale.
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Hunger Games: (noun) the name of a work written by Suzanne Collins that was adapted into a blockbuster movie that Alfred likes a bit too much.
o.0.o.0.o.
Hunger Games. Arthur Kirkland is no stranger to the name. In fact, he feels that he hears about it too much. Now, Arthur does not have anything against the book. Frankly, he feels that it's decently written and holds an interesting plot. He's not as critical as Kiku Honda, an avid Battle Royale fan, who claims that this book is nothing revolutionary or new. In fact, to him, it is somewhat of a ripoff of Battle Royale.
We won't go there.
If there was one thing Arthur hated about the work, it was the annoying effect it had on Alfred.
About two weeks ago, Arthur went to see the movie with Alfred F. Jones, his roommate and friend since high school that he perhaps fancies too much. At least, according to Francis Bonnefoy but pshh, he's a horny bastard and who listens to horny bastard? Anyway, Arthur still remembers that day.
For one, the Englishman took up most of his energy during the movie, hissing at every difference the movie had to the book.
For two, Alfred took up most of his energy, telling his roommate to "shut [his] tea sipping mouth and watch the damn movie."
Arthur thinks the movie must be amazing for people who have never read the book. Alfred, a person who has never taken the time to read the books, thinks it's one awesome movie that totally kicks ass. Arthur considers his point well proved.
Then, there's the dreaded raving.
Arthur does not know why but for some bizarre reason, Alfred feels the need to make it known to the world that he absolutely loves the movie by talking about it constantly. Despite not reading the book.
Every time Alfred says something like "Oh, didya remember that part where Katniss blows up the supplies? That was so cool! Did you, Artie?" Arthur resists the urge to tell him, "There are lots of things I remember about the movie…since I read the books and all, you know."
It should be known that Arthur Kirkland had an infamous hatred and prejudice against people who watch movie adaptions without reading the original books and then proceeding to treat the movie as the greatest thing ever. In his opinion, anyone who thinks that the movie is greater than a book without reading the book is ridiculously biased and deserves to be slapped in the face….with a dead fish.
Then, there is the dreaded pick up lines that Alfred concocted as the product for his avid love for the Hunger Games…movie.
Arthur is busy sipping his tea and proofreading Alfred's godawful Literature essay when Alfred experiments with his first Hunger Games pick up line. It must be noted that this was hot tea.
"I've received a phone call from Cinna the other day. His star tribute went missing after his makeover….He had blond hair and pretty green eyes…"
Arthur subsequently does something that was a mix between a spit-take and choking. After regaining his breath and swearing at the drops of hot tea splattering his pants, he turns to glare a cheeky looking Alfred. "I knew that my morning was too peaceful and quiet to be real."
Lying on his bed, Alfred merely grins crookedly at him and gives him a thumbs up.
It's the next day when Arthur receives his second pickup line of the day. He's in the cafeteria, hearing about Francis's latest date. Why the fuck he was sitting here and eating lunch while hearing what is quickly becoming a squeamish story-squeamish enough to make the prudes faint-still escapes him.
It is then when his roommate drops in from nowhere and pulls out a nearby chair to sit with them.
"Hey, Artie, did you know that the guy who acted as Haymitch is also Tallahassee from Zombieland?" Alfred starts happily. Francis rolls his eyes goodnaturedly. He's been around Arthur and Alfred to become aware of Alfred's obsession with the Hunger Games.
"You also told me last week that Panem came from the saying, 'panem et circenses.' I told you already, Alfred. I don't care." Arthur replies curtly, dabbing his mouth with a napkin after finishing his lunch.
Alfred, of course, brushes off his beloved roommate's biting tone. "So, I was wondering if you wanna head down to the downstreet plaza with me. There's this cool new comic book for the Hunger Games I saw the other day and-"
"No."
"-little bookstore for unloved hermits like you to thrive in!"
"…" The look on Arthur's face shows that he was clearly offended. Because Alfred is Alfred, he comes up with the perfect solution. Francis knows this and snickers.
"With those smexy killer eyes, I hope your next arrow is aimed at me." the blond responds sunnily.
Arthur's face changes into one of surprise and disgust.
Francis bursts into more snickers.
For the next following days, Arthur is bombarded with cheesy and horrible Hunger Games pick up lines.
"Hey, are you Katniss Everdeen? Cuz, girl, you on fire-Oh, fucking, ow! Okay, okay, dude! I'll stop! No, I'm not challenging your masculinity!"
"Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
"It's the Hunger Games and I'm hungry for you…"
Then, there's that creepy one that Alfred plants on him before the two go to bed. Propped on one elbow, Alfred turns to Arthur on the opposite bed and musters the most smoldering look he could put on his face. For a second, Arthur blushes at the intense gaze and then…
"I used to watch you walk home every day." Silence. "Everyday."
All feelings of possible arousal or attraction are savagely ripped to pieces and replaced with emotions of unease and the possibility that Alfred F. Jones is truly bloody insane.
However, he never really goes out of his way to stop Alfred from saying those blasted lines.
Now, don't get him wrong, they are all absolutely horrible. Arthur detests them with his whole being. If you don't count the fluttery feeling that he gets in his stomach every time Alfred smiles at him. Despite the utter cheesiness and creepiness of the lines, the affectionate lopsided look on Alfred's face makes up for it. It is utterly adorable and it reminds Arthur of what he liked best about the man.
About a week later, Arthur finds Alfred slumped over on HIS table, drooling on HIS copy of the Hunger Games. Complete with snoring. The Brit can't help but smile at the picture.
Alfred's quirks are troublesome and annoying but ultimately, they are endearing.
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I think…I lost track of the point of this chapter's plot…..Hrmm…what did I just write? Anyway, amongst the pickup lines, there is ONE that was actually in the movie. That's Peeta's line. Oh, Peeta….you and your bread…and your crappy pickup line.