ZUKO IS… WHAT? KATARA FINDS SOME LETTERS
Katara flitted around the office as if she had been there many times before, when in reality this was the first time she had been in it without Zuko…Fire Lord Zuko, she had to get used to calling him that. She was the guest of honour in the Fire Nation Palace so the guards couldn't stop her from entering the Fire Lord's office; after all, his instructions were crystal clear:
"She is to be given free entrance into any room she wishes to enter."
Katara looked around on his neat desk, exasperated.
"Where are those contracts? I need to send them off tomorrow!" She grumbled as she sifted through mountains of parchment scrolls. She tried her best not to mess up the neat stacks of scrolls on Zuko's desk, but failed miserably. Tomorrow she was getting married and here she was looking for some contracts that should have been sent off last week but due to bridal dress fittings she had forgotten. "Zuko's going to kill me." She groaned. She tried to move around the desk but bumped her hip in the process. The jolt made the desk move and scrolls of parchment came thundering down. "Nooooooooo." Katara wailed. She bent over, ignoring the sharp pain in her hip, and started stacking them up. "I hope he won't notice." She mumbled.
A sheaf of parchments tied in a red ribbon caught her eye – they weren't any standard Fire Nation parchment stationary which puzzled Katara. What was Zuko writing? She thought that they could have been notes from the meeting they had attended yesterday – Zuko was writing something on similar stationary – so she picked it up. It wasn't notes, it was a letter; she quickly scanned the letters and gasped. Zuko was writing letters to his uncle Iroh… why? She picked up the tied stack of parchments, ignored the fallen stacks, and sat numbly in Zuko's chair as she untied the ribbon. She made the decision of reading the letters before contemplating the consequences – if she had known what the letters were about, she wouldn't have read them.
Dear Uncle,
This will probably be my last letter – I have found it therapeutic writing all of this stuff down. Sometimes, I wonder how life would have turned out if I were Lu Ten's brother, if you were my father. I never told anyone this but when I was younger and I used to spend time with you and my cousin, I would pretend for just a moment that you were my father and I would think that all the other children would be jealous of me because I had the greatest mother and father in the world.
You wouldn't have given me this scar for disobeying orders; you wouldn't have banished me at thirteen and made me regain my honour. During our hunt for the Avatar I was cruel and rude to you – that was the most dishonourable thing I have ever done. I didn't realise it at that time but I was resentful toward my cousin and, by proxy, to you. Lu Ten had a father who mourned him years after his death while my own father chose to banish me, to exile me from my country, my home, my future and sent me on a mission hoping that I would surely fail. I wanted to be your son for so many years, feel the love you had for your son and instead I turned my wishful desires to hate and malice. I only realised in the recent years that you being my uncle was better than having you as my father – without the contrast of you two I would never be the person I am today. I would never have learnt what hardship does to a person, what hate can do – and I learned that atoning for your mistakes your whole life is what makes you honourable.
I won't write another letter because I've assuaged my fears of loneliness; it can't be that bad being alone your whole life. Perhaps I can adopt Sokka's kid and teach him actual manly stuff – saving Sokka the embarrassment of steering him the wrong way. Actually, that's mean: Sokka has come a long way since marrying Suki and, believe it or not, he actually wins when they spar (although, I am a bit dubious about that fact since Suki is one of the best warriors I have ever met, better than me even, and she can beat Sokka at any type of fight). Do you think I would be able to be the uncle you were?
The answer probably lies within me – this is where you would give me some cryptic proverb that I would never get the meaning of. I miss those proverbs – but more so, I miss having the people I grew up with around me. I found a surrogate family in Aang, Katara, Toph, Mai and her husband, Sokka and Suki but it's not the same. I think they sometimes fear me – I am still a bit unstable and, just yesterday, I lost control of my temper with the fire sages (they keep berating me for cutting taxes in half) and burnt a small portion of the palace gardens. Sokka is the closest thing I have to a brother – he teases me all the time for being Fire Lord and when I have to go to all the functions and act all proper – I get annoyed at him but, to be honest, I secretly like it. Aang is the closest thing I have to a best friend – he is away most of the time, but when he drops in with Sokka, they tend to cause mayhem – and I enjoy talking to him about my work and take his advice almost every time he gives it to me. Toph – well Toph will always be Toph; as an Earth Kingdom noble and Ambassador (I now do not doubt that King Bumi is actually crazy, he made Toph Ambassador to the Fire Nation) she is always in the palace – she has grown into a beautiful woman and she knows it as do all my generals – but hardly spends any time with me, instead she's off on picnics with one of her never-ending string of suitors. Suki and Mai think that I still have to be taken care of – there is no awkwardness between me and Mai, instead she and Suki have taken it upon themselves to mother me (more like smother me) and are always making sure that I am healthy and safe. Katara… she'll always be Katara to me.
When I saw her for the first time in her home so many years ago, I was just a boy who was hell-bent on regaining my honour. I didn't know that meeting her would change the course of my life forever – meeting her was when my real adventure began. I know her now as a man and my feelings have changed so much in these past years that I sometimes don't know what these feelings mean. Tomorrow everything will change – there will be nothing I can do. Not that I would – over the years I've had many opportunities to express my feelings to her but I never took them.
So why do I love her? I've given you six reasons why I would… but the main reason is because she's herself – she's the greatest person I know. Thoughts of her plague my dreams while in my waking hours all I can think of is her; this sounds like an obsession, but that is what she is to me. I need her in my life – if I can't have her as my wife, my partner, I have to have her as a friend because if she leaves she's going to take a huge chunk of me with her. I can't stand the idea of her not being in my life.
Zuko
Katara reached the end of the parchment, eyes wide. Zuko loved her? She leaned back into his chair and contemplated over what she had just read. Zuko couldn't be in love with her, he couldn't. She was marrying Aang and… and he had never said anything to her before! Katara turned to the desk and sifted through the rest of the parchments spread out before her. These were all letters to Iroh and they probably contained a lot of information about Zuko's feelings toward her. Katara had to make a decision, and fast, about whether to continue reading the letters or stop. These were, after all, Zuko's private thoughts on paper and if he found her reading them… Katara froze. If Zuko found her reading these letter he would be furious, and rightly so since she was invading his privacy.
She looked out the window and saw the sun dial – she still had another hour since Zuko was in meetings with various Fire Nation nobles until dusk, that was plenty of time. She made her decision, she would read these letters and confront Zuko about his feelings when she saw him.
A/N: This chapter is REALLY short because there is not much to say except that she found letters and I want the focus of the story to be on the letters. Expect a longer chapter later on : )
AuroraFireMadness