Always Shall

by: thisislogical

Soon, soon, soon. It had to be soon. He knew this, and yet. Jim Kirk paced back and forth in his CMO's office, internally panicking. He couldn't - what if -.

"Jim! Stop it, or you're gonna make it worse." Bones was sitting on his desk, a scowl stuck on his face as he watched his best friend.

"But Bones, what if he doesn't say yes?" Finally halting his stride, Jim turned toward the doctor, desperation written all over his face.

"And why in the world would he say no?"

Because I'm me. I was never supposed to be someone's husband, I was always just a temporary fix. I'm not worth it, he's too good, I'm not - he's too - "Oh I don't know, do I really look like the kind of person a Vulcan wants to be hitched to for life?"

"You look like the kind of person that stubborn Vulcan would want to be stuck with, though God knows why." McCoy got up and walked over to his captain. "Listen Jim, I'm only gonna say this once, but you only have to look at the bastard to tell he's smitten. Quite honestly, I'm surprised that he hasn't asked ya himself yet."

Jim waves his hand dismissively. "If he did, which he won't, it wouldn't be a marriage proposal, per se. Vulcans bond, which is like marriage, kind of, except it's in your head."

"More Vulcan voodoo?"

Sighing, he sank down into one of the uncomfortable chairs. "Yeah. Which is just another reason he'd say no. Vulcans have to bond eventually, for a reason he won't say much about. But you see, it's like you're in each other's heads all the time. Of course he wouldn't want me in his head, or vice versa, all the fucking time! We meld sometimes, sure, but that's not the same."

"Jim. Stop that. If you keep it up, you'll never get up the courage to ask him and if you don't ask him how will he ever say yes?"

A pained expression was his only response. Bones sighed and waved at the door. "Fine. But if you're gonna be miserable, do it somewhere else. I've got a lotta paperwork to get done around here."

Just as Jim reached the door, McCoy called out after him. "Jim! Just...just think about what I said. Have some faith in the hobgoblin."

"Thanks Bones."

. . .

"It has been 1.65 years, Nyota. If he wished to enter into a union, he would have mentioned it already, would he not?"

Nyota Uhura did not sign up to be her ex-boyfriend's romance counselor, but that's exactly what she ended up doing after Alpha shift. The two of them sat in her quarters, discussing none other than Jim Kirk.

"I really don't know, Spock. Have you talked to him about it?"

"Negative."

Nyota sighed and took a sip of her tea. Drumming her fingers on the table that separated them, she tried to think of the best way to handle this situation.

"Ok. So you don't know how he feels about it. Let's go this way then. How do you feel about it?"

"I -" A miniscule frown appeared on his face. "I do not know how to respond to that query. Could you rephrase your question?"

A small smile appeared on her face as she replied. "Do you want to bond with Jim?"

"Of course," he replied without a second's hesitation.

"Then you need to ask him." Nyota reached out and put a hand on his arm. "And Spock? If you want my advice, try doing it the human way also. I think he'd appreciate it."

"You believe I should propose."

"Yes, I do. A bond is the Vulcan equivalent, isn't it?"

He inclined his head in agreement. "Indeed."

"Right. Then yes, I think you should propose and ask him to bond with you. He'll say yes, Spock. He's head over heels for you."

"Head over-?"

"Expression, Spock."

. . .

As Jim hurried down the halls of the Enterprise a week later, he thought about what he was about to do. After his conversation with Bones, he had decided to ask Spock to marry him. It really was the only solution, and he was determined to see it through.

The thing was, with Spock, the answer mattered. No relationship had ever mattered as much as this, and that scared him. If Spock said no, Jim didn't know what he would do.

But Bones was right. There was no indication whatsoever that Spock wouldn't actually say yes. And that's what the captain focused on as he made his way to their shared quarters.

. . .

Spock sat in the quarters he shared with Jim, waiting, telling himself that fidgeting was illogical. Everything was prepared for their dinner, and he had followed Nyota's advice in his preparations. In his pocket was a simple silver wedding band.

Hearing the door swish open, he stood to greet his captain, his Jim.

"Spock?" Jim appeared at the doorway, confusion written on his face. "What's all of this?"

The captain looked around at the room, noticing the few candles Spock had lit and the food he had prepared.

"Jim, I would like to discuss, or rather, speak to you about- that is-" Spock stopped for a minute, took a breath, and tried again. "I would like to ask you something, if you would join me, please."

"Uh, sure." Jim walked over and sat down on one side of the table and waited for Spock to sit opposite him.

But Spock didn't sit down. Instead, he kneeled down in front of the man he had come to love and took that leap of faith. "Jim, I have, and most likely will always have trouble expressing my feelings. In this, though, I will try to be as clear as I am capable of being." Pulling the ring out of his pocket, he continued. "James Tiberius Kirk. I - I love you, as you have most likely deduced. I can not see a future for myself that does not include you. Therefore, I would like to ask you if you would consider bonding with me in the Vulcan tradition - and marrying me, as is the human custom."

Jim, who had sat with his mouth hanging open throughout the speech, looked down at him and slowly smiled. "Spock...yes. Yes, of course."

Spock stood and drew Jim up with him, and the two met in a soft kiss.

"I love you too," Jim murmured against his lips a minute later. They stood close, foreheads touching and matching smiles on their faces.

Jim drew back first, and let out a soft laugh as he held something up for Spock to see. It was a silver ring, very similar to the one Spock was still holding.

"Jim…?" Spock stared at the ring in the other man's hand.

"We really are well matched, aren't we? I was going to ask you to marry me tonight." He reached out and took Spock's hand in his. "Since you covered that for us, I'm going to assume it's a yes?"

"Yes," Spock breathed.

"Good."

Jim slipped the ring onto his finger, and Spock did the same.

"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular," Jim recited. He'd practiced the phrase many times with the help of Uhura.

"And I cherish you, ashayam. I always shall."