Title: Does time heal all wounds?
Author: Mapiya Huyana
Rating: K+ (just to be sure)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Friendship
Pairing: Jane/Lisbon, if you want so.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. I'm admiring Bruno Heller who created The Mentalist.
Summary: "Time heals all wounds - I don't believe so." Jane is thinking about his life, ex-wife, Lisbon and healing.
Author's Note: English isn't my first language so please tell me if there are any mistakes so I can correct them. :) I hope you will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this!
Time heals all wounds is repeated everywhere around me. Time takes the agony away is said many times too. Time fix everything back to normal is claimed by the naives. I don't believe any of those claims.
Although the brutal murder of my family happened many years ago the agony is the same than that day. Time hasn't healed my wounds at all. The agony hasn't gone anywhere. It still lives inside me as great as in the past and as hurtful as then. Every day I feel the agony's force and I grieve for my family. Revenge is the only thing keeping me sane.
Although the agony is as fresh as then there has happened a change. Not in the amount of the agony but about me. I have learned how to live with it. In fact I'm numb to all the agony and pain inside me. That's why I don't feel the agony's stabbing knives like I feel them in the past. You know, if you kick your toes in the corner of something many times in the end it doesn't feel as bad as in the beginning. The pain has become a part of you.
In my case I don't break down mentally anymore when I talk about my ex-wife. I can talk about her if I want to. I rarely want though I know that Lisbon wants me to talk. The agony doesn't preclude me to talk about Angela but the sorrow and yearning does. In the other hand those feelings are inseparable part of me so I must be numb for them too.
Sometimes there are those moments when the agony rolls over me and I can do nothing about it. It happens when I put my armor down. Then something unexpected comes through and I don't know how to handle it. Today that happened when I walked along the street. I have become familiar with couples, running kids and everything that we made together with my family and I know how to handle that kind of situation. I don't wince when I see blonde woman who may look like her. I don't try to find her in the crowd.
Instead of that I felt a sharp pain in my soul and heart when I saw a blue car. The car's shade of light blue was perfect. The color matched perfectly my ex-wife's color of eyes. The color of the car was as light as her eyes, as innocent as hers and as gentle as hers. I couldn't watch any longer but I couldn't walk away. So I stayed there, watched the car and recalled my wife. Finally my memories left me alone but the agony didn't.
This has happened before. I see something unexpected that recalls me about my family. The memories fade out but one moment the agony is stronger than before. Numb feeling will beat the agony and promise me a little mercy until it all starts from beginning.
There are a good moments too in my life because I'm not alone all the time. I have friends. Only a few believes me when I say that my coworkers are my friends. They are my only friends, in fact. My boss is my best friend and worst enemy at the same time. She is the force what carries me when I can't do it at my own. She is also the force that stands strong and unwavering between me and my revenge.
I owe her my entire life or at least my current life. She is the only one who really understands what I need. Today she let me be alone when she understood that I needed a little time on my own. Last week she sat beside me letting me pass out why I feel bad. She listened, helped and comforted me. She really understands me.
Of course the rest of the team is also priceless to me. They are my friends. They can't read me like she can but they know what I have gone through. Their discretion is brilliant too. Van Pelt once saw me in the Lisbon's tight embrace but she didn't make a fool of it. She knew that I needed comforting and Lisbon was the only one who was capable to give it.
Besides with the team I find easy to laugh. I know how to get them smile and they do the same for me even though they don't realize it. Especially Lisbon. She makes me smile in every situation. With her I feel as happy as a damaged man like me can.
Sure, I love it when I make her angry at me. Her eyes are incredible when she is mad. The shade of green looks a little darker than usually and the look she gives to you is sharp and feels like tapping directly into your soul. It's amazing. Opposite for that is when she laughs. Then her eyes shine like skillfully polished emeralds. It's impossible to describe her eyes only by words. You can understand the true beauty of her eyes only by looking at them. And believe me I have seen every possible feeling shining like stars in those eyes.
It would be wrong to tell just how the blue car made me feel and how it recalled me about my wife. Later in the evening when I walked through the park to home, I saw a man on a wooden bench. For the others he looked like an ordinary citizen who was enjoying nature when the twilight was falling. For me he was everything else than ordinary - all this because of his green scarf.
The shade of the scarf was the most beautiful because it matched perfectly her eyes. The color reminded me of Lisbon and I couldn't help but smile. When I continued my journey to home I recalled the moments we share together. Happy moments like that one when we danced in the Class Meeting. The moments of intimacy when we comforted each other and promised that everything will be better. Those numerous times when we laughed together or teased each other.
Time doesn't heal all wounds and time doesn't take the agony away but only time can give us a new opportunity. It is up to us do we take that chance or not. I have found her who makes me happy and complete. I have stuck desperately in an idea of new opportunity and new promise of happiness. Time has brought hardships for us and will bring thousands of more but I believe we can win this time. We can survive whatever life has planned to us. As long as we are together.
Author's Note (again): Well, what do you think? Please give me some feedback so I know what went wrong and right. :) Thanks for reading; I'm waiting for your reviews!