Lyall: Umm, I don't know why I feel like doing this. Maybe because I'm obsessed with Soren and Reyson. Maybe because I'm bored. And maybe because some dorks on DeviantART think that Soren's showing off his legs in FE 10. GAWD, HE'S WEARING PANTS FOR GOD'S SAKE! (seething for no apparent reason)

Soren: ... (twitch)

Ike: Haha! (pokes Soren)

Soren: (breaks Ike's finger)

Ike: NOOOOOOOO!!! (cries) I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!

Soren: We are.

Ike: Heal plz.

Soren: No. (leaves)

Ike: (sad) Mist?

Mist: OMG SOREN YOU MEANIE! (kicks Soren)

Soren: ... (is now totally gone)

Lyall: OMG SOREN COME BAAAAACK! (sad) Fine, be that way. (huggles Reyson)

Reyson: ... (creeped out)

Ike: PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEE! I have a broken limb, anyways.

Mist: (heals Ike)

Ike: YESH!

Lyall: Hey, Soren, go write a disclaimer thingy I can post at the top of every story so I don't have to keep saying that I don't own Fire Emblem, its characters, places, etc. for every single chapter.

Soren: Fine... (being forced to as I rule; mwahahaha)

Lyall: Oh yeah, my brother's helping me with this. He usually helps on parodies and stuff. He does most of the funny parts. I do these rant things. (pleased with self) Another warning (I guess), most of the chapters' content are just random stuff my brother and I throw in. Not a lot of the actual chapter, I guess. Oh well.

---

"HIIIIYAAAAAAHHH!!!" Ike charged at his father, sword in hand. Greil easily parried and pushed Ike back a few meters.

"GAWD!" Ike shouted. "JUST LET ME WIN ONCE IN MY LIFE!"

"But then you wouldn't be learning," Greil said. "And besides, you suck."

"Gah, screw you," Ike muttered as he pulled himself back up. "And for your information, I only moderately suck."

"God, I have better things to do than train a wimp," Greil mumbled. Just then, Boyd came waltzing down, chewing on a twig.

"BALLISTA FODDER, GET OVER HERE!" shouted Greil. Boyd looked at him.

"You mean me?" Boyd asked while pointing to himself.

"Yes, you, dumbnuts." Greil dragged Boyd over next to him. "Good news, you're gonna train Ike to be a proper mercenary," Greil told Boyd.

"I don't wanna!" Boyd whined.

"I UPGRADED YOU TO BALLISTA FODDER! NOW SHOW SOME RESPECT!"

"YES, BALLISTA FODDER!" Boyd started jumping up and down. "Now Rolf will start to respect me!"

"And to keep that title, you need to beat up Ike," Greil said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have things to do. Mist, you make sure they don't kill each other or something." Greil left.

"All right, Ikey, let's fight!" Boyd shouted at Ike, who was at a distance of around eight squares away (or something).

"SWEET, IT'S LIKE WE'RE ON A CHESS BOARD!" Ike squealed as he gazed at the black squares that spontaneously appeared. "Can I be a rook?"

"Just fight Boyd so I can play patty cake with Rolf!" Mist screeched. "I'M WASTING PRECIOUS PATTY CAKE TIME WATCHING YOU TWO!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh..." Ike muttered as he started to advance towards Boyd. All of a sudden, he couldn't walk anymore.

"The hell?" Ike said in disbelief.

Dun dun dun dunnnnn... Big, red, fancy letters spelled out "ENEMY PHASE" (or something) above the field. Ike couldn't stop looking at the shiny letters. To be expected, as he had never been in an actual fight. Boyd couldn't move for some reason.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Boyd screamed. "I CAN'T MOVE!"

Then the same letters spelled "PLAYER PHASE," except in blue.

"Does that mean I get to move?" Ike asked Boyd, two squares away.

"Duhh..." Boyd replied, realizing the narrator was being mean and wanting Ike to beat the shit out of him and for him to lose his "Ballista Fodder" rank. Ike walked over to Boyd and beat the crap out of him. Hey, I suck at battle scenes.

"YES, I WIN!" Ike shouted in victory.

"...That was just a fluke," Boyd muttered.

"Yay Ike!" Mist cheered. "Can I go play patty cake with Rolf now?"

"Aren't I supposed to have a rematch with Dad now?" Ike asked.

"PATTY. CAKE. NOW," Mist said, right eye twitching.

"..."

"..."

Then Greil walked down the path.

"So, Boyd, did you win?" Greil asked.

"I was going easy on him," Boyd said.

"But I still won," Ike said.

"Okay, Boyd, since you lost, I'll have to demote you back to 'Asswipe,'" Greil announced.

"SHIT! Now I'll never get Rolf's respect..." Boyd pouted and then left.

"Ookay...anyways, Dad, can I have a rematch?" Ike asked his father.

"Sure, son," Greil responded and got out his ginormous, maneater axe.

"No, Daddy, you'll kill him!" Mist shouted.

"Why are you still here?" Ike asked. "Aren't you supposed to be playing with Rolf about now?"

"I have to give something to you first, though," Mist said as she walked over to Ike and handed him a Vulnerary.

"WHAT? THIS ONLY HAS TWO MORE USES LEFT!" Ike screamed and smacked Mist on the back of her head. "WHAT IF I WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BATTLE? I'D BE DEAD! NOW TAKE THIS THING BACK AND GIVE ME ONE WITH THREE USES!" Ike smacked Mist's head again. Mist started crying and ran away.

"Okay, I'm ready to fight!" Ike shouted to Greil.

"Okay then," Greil said. Then a mysterious voice came out from the axe.

"I'm hungry...FEED ME."

Greil threw his ginormous, maneater axe into a tree and pulled out a giant baguette club thing.

"All right, son, come at me with full force!"

Then the chess board squares appeared again.

"YAY!" Ike cheered. Greil advanced towards Ike and hit him with the baguette club thing.

"GAH!" Ike screamed. Then the arena faded to black and big words spelled "GAME OVER." Then Ike woke up from his unconsciousness.

"Wha...what the heck happened?" Ike asked.

"You got a game over," Greil said.

"Does that mean I win?" Ike asked.

"No."

"...Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Reeeally sure?"

"YES."

"Reeeeeaaaallllyyy sure?"

"YES."

"Really sure?"

"FINE, YOU WIN!" Greil screamed and walked away.

"Sheesh, he didn't have to be such a sore loser," Ike muttered. "It's not my fault I'm so good."

Later at the base, Ike was boasting about his "win."

"...and then, I totally got a "game over"!" Ike proudly said.

Everyone stared at him as if he had a brain tumor.

"I've lost faith in you, Ike," Boyd said.

"I never had faith in him," Shinon remarked.

"That's because you end up working for Daein," Titania mumbled.

"How would you know?" Shinon asked.

Titania quickly hid the game script behind her back.

"Just a guess..."

Ike then continued to ramble about his "win".

The next day, Greil told Ike to take Titania, Oscar, and Boyd to run bandits out of Caldea, a small village. When the four left, Greil sighed.

"If Ike dies, that's one less paycheck to sign."

A few hours later, Ike and the others returned, carrying an extra Steel Sword and Seraph Robe.

"Woot, we looted stuff from the townsfolk!" Ike cheered as he stared at the stuff.

"Damn, they came back," Greil muttered.

---

Ike: NO, I GOT A GAME OVER! (shamed)

Boyd: Haha, you suck. I NEVER got a game over!

Ike: (gives Boyd a fatal wound) Now you did.

Boyd: NOOOOOO! (Boyd's screen fades into blackness)

Rolf: Oscar, I can depend on you, right?

Oscar: Of course, Rolf! Unlike Boyd, I am actually responsible, good-mannered, and not to mention my dashing good looks.

Boyd: (in underworld) SCREW YOU, OSCAR!

Lyall: OH NO, WHERE DID SOREN GOOOO?

Ike: (looks in the official guide from Nintendo Power) Umm, he appears in Chapter Four...

Lyall: Oh yeah. Yay! Anyways, the last bit of this chapter was supposed to be an actual chapter (you know, the first actual chapter in the game), but I totally forgot. Yay.