/N: I took the in between lines in italic from season 3's episode 6, 3xK. The first bit is Jerry talking to Castle. Second, shorter one is the conversation between Castle and Beckett. It was fascinating, what Jerry said about I decided to put my own spin on it. Here it is, enjoy! Hope you like it! Please review!

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DRAWN TO DEATH

You are drawn to death.

He's not going to say anything. Because it's the truth. It's all he can do to continue holding that gaze, a serpent's stare he would call it. Death is a… comrade of his, you could say. When he had experienced it so much, how does he run away from it? After all, that story he told Beckett that once upon a simpler time, it had to come from somewhere real.

You like to be around it 'cause it thrills you.

He hates the words that are coiling around him, fashioned out of the malice of what this… animal is. That's what Jerry (is that even his real name?) is. But it takes one to know one. And boy, does he know it. All that can go through his head though now, is the litany of sorrysorry to Alexis, to Mother. But most of all, to Kat—no, Beckett.

Now… where does that come from?

He is not a murderer. Never. He likes dancing along that vague line that distinguishes life from death though. Playing with the rules of life, because if he doesn't flaunt the fact he's a rule breaker, what has that got to say about the lies he tries to believe in? Of course, that was a time of pre-Alexis. He can't just up and die on her. At least not for some time.

Your own suppressed impulse?

Maybe. No, it's not a maybe, it's an of course. Because life is just another game, a game that barely anyone sees the point of. A game where people rig up reasons to keep living, solder connections that bind them to this earth of pain, hope, anguish and miracles. He likes toying with money, fame; inflaming people's minds with words that hold them captive for that moment. So, what is life compared to all of that?

How close to death do you wanna get?

Tell me something, Castle. Why did he let you live?

But when he was staring down that gun, that small black barrel, he realises some things are not to be messed with. In that moment, he finally understands why people keep hoping, keep living. It is because life is simply too short. And there is so much yet to be done. It is not going to come with no burdens though, this particular realisation. He knows now that he should have been able to stop him. Should have figured this out sooner. It would help save more people who deserved to live, deserved to live so much more than him. He know when he looks up at the murderer, he too realises that Castle's already suffering worse than what death would have done.

As punishment, make me pay for ruining his plan.