This is my first fic in English, and probably will be full of mistakes. Please don't have them in count! Xdd

Disclaimer: I don't own loveless or any of its characters.

Memoirs of a fighter

During the time that I've been a fighter, lots of things happened to me. Some of them good and some of them bad. Between the good things, I think the best has been to meet my sacrifice. Youji. The person who I share the good things with, but also the bad ones.

Our creator, Nagisa-sensei, made us with the characteristic of the lack of the sense of touch, so we also cannot feel pain. Zero can't feel pain. That's what everybody says, but that isn't true. People can't understand how hard is to live without the sense of touch. Okay, I don't feel pain, but I also don't feel the temperature of the food, the soft things…I'll never be able to feel…I'll never feel him. And that hurts. Hurts a lot.

Normally, in front of people, I act harsh. We have a reputation to maintain. I say to people that I don't care if they can feel or not, I tell them that I don't know anything about it neither I want to. But the truth is that I die to do it. I find annoying when they tell me that it's an advantage. They know NOTHING! Are they in the same situation as me? No, they aren't. Lots of days, at night, I think about this. I look at Youji, who is asleep next to me, with his arms around me, and I realise that even if I know that he's touching me, I can't feel it. I don't know the feeling of a kiss, or the feeling of an embrace…and I'd like to know it. I'd love to feel him. I suppose that he'll be warm….again, I suppose.

The first time I met Youji, we were eight. I'll never forget that day. Youji was alone in a room and I was walking with Nagisa through a corridor with lots of doors at both sides. We were in "the seven moons". At the end of the corridor, she slowly opened the door and introduced us. "Youji, since now, Natsuo will be your partner. Your fighter. Next week you'll start your training". And after saying that, she left the room leaving Youji and I alone.

At first I didn't know what to do. When I first looked at him, I thought he was the most beautiful person on earth. In fact, lost of times, to hide what I feel, I say the everything is cute, "kawaii", but I never say that he's cute; although that's what I think. He always gets jealous and I like that. It's kinda funny. But…well, what I was saying is that we were alone in a room. In that room was a huge bed with two teddy bears on it. As none of us was doing anything, I sat down on the bed and grabbed one of the plushies. I stared at it for a long time, and then, just to break the silence, I said "It's very cute, don't you think so?" Youji, leaving his stat of half-shock looked at me in the eyes and replied "Yeah, really cute". He said that in a so sincere tone and with so penetrating eyes that I couldn't help but blush horribly. Because in fact, he wasn't looking at the plushies…he was looking at ME! His purple eyes deeply connected with my green eyes. Yeah, eyes. Plural. At that time, I had both of them.

Since that moment we became very good friends. That is for example, one of the good things that have happened to me. Lots of the pairs fighter/sacrifice aren't friends. They are team mates, nothing more. Others, use fighters as tools. A very good example of that is Beloved. Aoyagi Seimei. Nagisa-sensei told us about him. Some time later, we met Agatsuma Soubi, Beloved's fighter...he beat us. But if I tell you the truth…I'm happy I met him. He helped us a lot and, if he hadn't done it, Nagisa would have punished us. And I swear that an angry Nagisa is not a good Nagisa.

During the training, I lost my right eye. We were fighting against homeless (Ritsu sensei's students). The fighter threw a restriction attack only against Youji, and I (inexperience as I was) I placed myself in front of him to protect him. The attack didn't reach its destiny (the neck) and it hit my face. The battle finished with my face covered in blood and Youji shouting at me for being so stupid.

They took me to the hospital and I had been there admitted for three days. During those days, Nagisa came to see me and started to tell me off. Since then, she doesn't like me. Youji also came to see me. When he came, I was asleep. He only sat in a chair next to me and took my hand. But of course, I couldn't feel it.

I woke up and saw Youji sitting on a chair with half of his body over the stretcher I was laying in. He was asleep. He really looked like an angel…I shook him slighty and he woke up. We looked at each other for a long time and then he shouted: "You're an irresponsible! If one of us has to receive damage then that's me!"…When he calmed down, I was going to cry. He realised it and exused. "I'm sorry Tsun, but…This annoyed me a lot. You shouldn't have receive any damage". In that moment I realised it. Youji was worried for me. I answered him: "It's okay You-chan, I only wanted to protect you...besides, it didn't hurt."

Since that moment our relationship became even closer. Lots of times I've heard Youji complaining about what happened to my eye. He says that happened because he isn't a good sacrifice. For me, he's the best sacrifice on earth.

I still remember when Nagisa-sensei ordered us to defeat Soubi and Ritsuka. Loveless. At first, when I found out that Soubi had changed his sacrifice, I got so angry that I did my best to defeat him. I despised him with all my heart…I wanted him to suffer…How did he dared to have another sacrifice? I could never be with somebody who isn't Youji!. Although I didn't have to worry, I know my sacrifice. If the opponent is annoying, Youji doesn't give a second thought and hammers in other's hands. That's Youji. As he can't feel pain, he likes watching other's faces while they're suffering. He likes the sound of their shouts, their blood…If I tell you the truth, I also like it. But I'm more…calm than him.

When I woke up after our battle, I didn't remember much. I was lying in a bed, with clothes that weren't mine, my hands bandaged and Youji next to me. He was sleeping deeply, but I had to wake him up because I needed to remember where we were. I woke him up and he did remember what had happened. It seems that Soubi had beaten us, but he also had taken us to his house. We had been talking for a while when he told me: "You want to have fun?", and with a little smile, he took a string and went to the door. He tied the string to something that was next to it and placed himself on the other side stretching the string. So, if someone wanted to enter the house, they would fall down.

After a while, we heard steps. They were Soubi and another boy that, in that moment, we didn't know who he was. The door opened and the boy who wasn't Soubi (later we knew that his name was Kio), stumbled and fall to the floor throwing away the bags he was carrying and making Youji laugh uncontrollably. I love to see Youji's laughter. Especially, in that moment that our situation, wasn't precisely the best.

After that encounter, he started to get on well with them…in fact, one day that Youji was taking a bath, the phone rang. I was looking through the window because I didn't want him to see that I was blushing because of him. That would be embarrassing…

Anyway, Youji told me to answer it because it could be Nagisa-sensei, but no. It was Soubi. Someone had beaten him and needed our help.

That day, we found out the betrayal of our creator. Nagisa-sensei had created another pair of Zeros before us. This time, two girls. They were a pair of bitches. I'll never forgive them for what they did to Youji. That moment hurt. Hurt a lot. "Zero can't feel pain"...that's not true.

Full restriction...What the hell was that? And Why I didn't know that spell? The moment I saw Youji falling to the floor, I felt as if the land had broken under my feet.

After that, I had been a lot of time looking after him. It hurt to see him like that…I couldn't stand it. I took his hand and I'd been at his side until he woke up. Youji asked me to lie next to him so he could feel my presence. Because although we can't literally feel. If we are in an embrace, we know what we are doing, and though most of you can't understand it, that's our way to "feel pleasure".

As I said before, in my life have happened good and bad things. The best one, of course, has been to know Youji, because even if we are beaten, blamed or whatever. If we are together everything is fine.

And if I could find the way to recover the sense of touch, I'd do it. Because bad things I feel them with or without touch. But good things…no. And that's something unjust. Justice? Yeah, I know. That doesn't exist. I hate to be just, and that's what we told Shinonome Hitomi, Ritsuka's teacher once.

If the world is unjust with me, I'll be unjust with the world.

The end.