Breakaway
Disclaimer: I do not own Sam, Dean or John Winchester, nor do I own the song Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson. Now leave me to my misery and read my little one-shot.
Author's Note: Just a little something a whipped up while waiting for internet access to be returned to me. Let me know what you think, my last one shot turned out to be a one hit wonder and then died.
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
"Dean, there's something I need to talk to you about." Sam said as his brother pushed the door to their hotel room open.
"Yeah?" Dean said, walking in and dumping his jacket on a chair as he made a beeline for the couch and the TV remote. "What?" He asked, though his attention seemed to be held more by the TV then Sam. Sam opened his mouth, and then closed it again.
"I think I should wait till Dad gets back," he said. "It kind of involves him as well." He admitted. Outside, the weather seemed to match the way Sam felt; the rain was bucketing down by the gallon, and it did little to help Sam's nerves as he waited for their Dad to get back.
Dreamin' of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
It was on days like this that Sam began to wonder if he had made the right decision. If maybe he should be staying with what was left of his family. But he had spent the last year preparing to go to college. Could he really throw it all away for the chance that His Dad would slow down a little, be less of a hunter and more of a father?
He shook his head. Like that would ever happen. John Winchester, it had often seemed, cared more about avenging his wife's death then caring for his boys. Sure, he'd loved them, worried about them when they were hurt or sick, been there for them when they really needed him. But what about just being there for them in general? What about staying up with Sam when he'd had a nightmare? Or coming to his first soccer game in school? Or helping him with his homework? Things that father's were supposed to do because they were fathers. Where had he been?
He'd be off hunting god-knows-what when he should have been there for his son. Sam thought bitterly. Suddenly Stanford seemed even more welcoming then it had.
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Sam turned away from the window, not really remembering walking over to it, and sat down beside Dean on the couch. He tried again to tell his brother that he planned on leaving. But he couldn't say it while he only had a quarter of Dean's attention.
He stood up again and gave a sigh of frustration that went unnoticed by his brother. He walked over to one of the three beds and laid down on it, trying to relax until Their Dad came back.
He thought about the reason they were even there. A poltergeist had been wreaking havoc on the local tourist attractions, and the Winchesters had split up earlier that morning to search for it and then exorcise it.
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away
John returned not long after sundown with a pleased look on his face, which told Sam he had succeeded in ridding the town of the poltergeist. Something he and Dean had failed to do when they had fought it earlier that day on the either side of town.
Somehow, fighting demons and spirits just wasn't as fun as it used to be. At least not for Sam. John and Dean still seemed to take pride in what they did, but to Sam it was becoming more of an obligation then anything else.
After a long discussion about the poltergeist and why it had been there, Dean ordered dinner, and fifteen minutes later they were all sitting around the table with pizza sitting in front of them.
Now or never. What he wouldn't give right then for it to be never. "I'm leaving." He said. His Dad stopped with a slice of pizza halfway toward his mouth. Dean coughed and almost choked on the piece he'd been eating. Great, I tell them I'm leaving, and then I get blamed for Dean's premature death. He thought. He didn't give either of them a chance to ask questions, he jumped right into an explanation. "I sent away an application for college… Stanford University." He watched as his Dad's face went blank, and Dean's mouth slowly dropped open. "It was accepted."
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes
'Til I touch the sky
"What do you mean, you're leaving?" His Dad's voice was steady, but Sam could see through the mask of indifference his face had become. Deep down, Sam's decision had already begun to eat away at him.
"I mean, my application was accepted, and in about two weeks, the school year will begin and I'll be going…" He trailed off.
"I see." His Dad's voice was as calm as could be.
No you don't. Sam thought. He could tell his Dad didn't understand what this meant to him. How much time and energy he'd put into working towards it.
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
The argument started out as a civilized conversation, but pretty soon grew as they began digging through some unpleasant memories. After a little while Dean got up and left the room, unable to his Dad and brother shouting at each other anymore but Sam and His Dad were at each other's throats.
"I raised you; I made you everything you are today, and this is how you repay me?" His Dad shouted.
"Maybe everything you wanted!" Sam shouted back. "What about what I wanted? Did you ever stop to think that maybe this wasn't the right life for me?"
"And just what do you mean by that?" His Dad snapped.
"When was the first time I fought a demon, huh Dad?" Sam asked. "When I was twelve. I was twelve-years-old, Dad. Do you know what most twelve-year-olds do?" He didn't give His Dad a chance to answer. "They go to school, they ride their bikes, they have fun with their families. Most twelve-year-olds don't learn how to shoot a demon in the heart at twenty feet away. Most twelve-year-olds don't know how to tell the difference between a werewolf and a real wolf. Hell, most twelve-year-olds don't even know werewolves a real."
The argument continued along the same vain for another half an hour before both Winchester's had finally shouted themselves hoarse, and all they could do was stand there staring each other up and done, neither one willing to back down.
Out of the darkness
And into the sun
But I won't forget
All the ones that I love
Dean came back to the hotel room about half an hour later. The argument would surely have blown over by now. He pushed the door open, only to see his Dad sitting on the couch with his hand in his hands, and no sign of Sam.
"Dad… where's Sam?" Dean asked hesitantly. His Dad gave a startled jerk at his son's voice. He cleared his throat and got to his feet, trying to hide the fact that a second earlier his face was a mask of regret and pain. He cleared his throat again.
"Your brother's gone." He said.
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
"What… for a walk? Your argument was that bad?" He said that almost hopefully. Please don't let him mean…
"No… he's gone." His Dad said. "He'll be almost at the train station by now…" Dean didn't wait for his Dad to finish. He snapped up the keys to his car from the table, turned on his heel and raced out of the hotel room. He couldn't believe Sam was leaving without saying goodbye to him. He couldn't believe Sam was leaving period. He'd had arguments with their Dad before, but this was…
He was going to leave anyway… Said a voice in the back of his head. But it wasn't supposed to be for another two weeks. He thought. I was supposed to have time to say goodbye to my brother.
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jet plane far away
And breakaway...
Sam sighed as the guy behind the desk looked up from his paper work. He was doing the right thing. He just had to keep telling himself that.
"One ticket to St Louis." He croaked. His voice was hoarse from yelling at his Dad non-stop for almost ten minutes. The guy nodded.
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes
Till I touch the sky
Dean was roaring down the road as fast as was legally allowed. Okay, maybe a little faster, but he had a good reason: he had no idea when the next train left and there was no way he was letting his brother go. He had to get to him before he left.
He hit the break just outside the train station and spun into a park spot. A small part of him hoped there were no speed cameras to catch that small display. A large part of him hoped the train hadn't come or gone yet.
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Sam sat back against the chair as he continued to argue with himself as to whether he was doing the right thing. Not about going to Stanford; he'd finally set that plan in concrete. He was just worried about leaving things as they were with his Dad.
"If you walk out that door now, then don't bother coming back." Those had been his Dad's parting words. It had been worse then a knife to the heart. He'd walked out of the hotel room and he hadn't looked back. And now…
Out of the darkness
And into the sun
But I won't forget
All the ones that I love
"Sam?" Dean ran up the front steps of the station and looked up and down the platforms in search of his brother. He turned and ran back to the counter where the woman was just giving two tickets to a young couple.
"Hi, did you see a young man about this high-" He held his hand a few inches above his own head. "-with dark brown hair, he was probably carrying a duffle bag?"
The woman nodded. "Yes, he was here about… oh, ten minutes ago…" Dean could've kicked himself. He'd been too late. "I told him we didn't have any trains until tomorrow morning, so he left." Or maybe he hadn't been.
"Is there another train station anywhere nearby?" Dean asked. The woman nodded.
"Go back to the crossroads, and take the left, then keep following that road until you reach the turn off. You'll find the train station just past there." She said.
"Okay, thanks." Dean said, turning and running back out to his car.
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
As he reached the pulled the handbrake of his car up, and prepared to go in and talk Sam out of leaving, Dean suddenly stopped. That little voice inside his head that always told him what the right thing for his brother was was telling him not to stop his brother from leaving.
"Sammy…" He whispered softly. He didn't want to lose his brother. And judging from the volume the argument had been when he'd left, and the look on his Dad's face when he'd returned, he seriously doubted Sam was planning on coming back to them.
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But I Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away
Breakaway
Sam was just getting up to stretch his legs – he still had another fifteen minutes to wait for the train – when his eyes fell on a familiar figure running out onto the platform across from him and looking wildly around.
He couldn't help but smile as he slowly got to his feet and waved his brother over. When Dean caught sight of him, he looked for a minute like he was going to try and remain the calm, cool Dean he was whenever they came close to a chickflick moment. Then all thoughts of calm were abandoned and Dean ran at his brother, giving Sam just enough time to know what was happening before pulling him into one of the biggest hugs he had given him in… well, it had been that long since Dean had hugged him that he couldn't remember.
"Sammy…" He began, and then his voice cracked and he had to take a minute to collect himself. This was definitely not how Dean normally acted. "Sam… I'm not going to pretend I understand why you're doing this."
"Dean-" Sam started to interrupt.
"No, let me finish." Dean said, and he looked like he was trying hard not to cry. Did he really care about Sam that much?
I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly,
Though it's not easy
To tell you goodbye
"Even if I don't understand the reason," Dean said. "I do understand that this is something you've gotta do. And, well… I may not like it but… it's not like I can stop you, is it?" That speech had gone a lot smoother when he'd formed it in his head not three minutes ago.
But Sam got the meaning behind it, and he couldn't help smiling at his brother. "Thanks Dean." He said. Dean bit his lower lip to keep it from trembling. What was wrong with him? For a minute, they stood there, not really sure what else there was to say. Then Dean pulled his brother into another hug, and this time Sam returned it.
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
Sam's smile broadened when he realized Dean hadn't been as successful as he'd hoped at keeping the tears at bay. When they finally pulled apart, he gave his brother a mock-puzzled.
"What's this, Dean Winchester willingly subjecting himself to a chickflick moment?" He asked. Dean gave him a good natured punch in the shoulder.
"Yes, I've gone soft, I hugged you," He returned Sam's smile, "and if you tell anyone I will kill you." He said, the smile never leaving his face. Sam laughed at that.
"Okay, jerk." He said.
"Good." Dean said. "Bitch." The train pulled up alongside the platform, but the Winchester brothers ignored it.
"Tell Dad… I said goodbye." Sam said, shouldering his back pack and shattering the moment. Dean nodded, turning away from his brother.
"Yeah… yeah, I will." He said. "Good luck, Sam."
Out of the darkness
And into the sun
But I won't forget
The place I come from
Sam sat down on a seat beside the window and looked out, trying to see if he could see Dean among the small crowd of people that had just gotten off. He could just make him out, and he was smiling encouragingly up at him. Then, with a slight nod of his head, the older Winchester turned and walked out of the train station.
The train left shortly after, and Sam looked back for a little while as he left all that he had known behind. That is, he left his older brother and his Dad behind him. For just a second, he was sure he'd seen his mum standing on the platform smiling at him. But she was gone as soon as he tried to get a better look at her, leading him to believe he'd just imagined it.
He turned away from the window as they turned a corner and the train station went out of view. It was time to stop looking back, and start looking forward toward his new life as a college student.
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And break away
He climbed off the train and breathed in the fresh air of Stanford as he stepped out onto the platform. For a minute, he felt a bit sad as lots of other people were greeted by waiting families and friends, while he was completely on his own.
He left the station and, after finding out when the next bus to the college campus would be, took a seat outside the station.
"Hi, you look like you're waiting for someone." Sam looked up not five minutes later as a young woman about his age walked out of the train station, taking a seat beside him.
"Just waiting for the bus to come." He said, smiling.
"Oh, okay."
"I'm Sam." He said after a minute.
"Jessica." Responded the woman after a minute. "But my friends call me Jess."
A/N: Okay, first, let me say that I hope Dean wasn't to out of character on the train platform. Second, I realize this may not fit in with the story as smoothly as it should due to the fact that Sam seemed just as angry with Dean as he was with their father in the first episode. But, oh well. As always, reviews are appreciated, even though this is a one shot and will never be written on again.