A/N: Hi... I really feel bad for Archer in this one. My poor baby has to have all his wisdom teeth removed! But, as always, Toad is there to snuggle with him and make everything okay! Yay! :P

WARNING: I have not had any wisdom teeth removed, so chances are some of this will be inaccurate! I'm literally just working off of guesses and help from SpitfireUSN (thank you so much for the help)! Therefore, please don't leave me messages telling me that it's inaccurate, because I know it probably is and that's fine with me! :D

Archer P.O.V

I groaned in pain as I trudged into my room after a long day of training. My jaw had been hurting terribly all day.

Yesterday it had just been a dull ache, and I hadn't thought anything of it because I had been popped in the face by Ghost during hand to hand combat.

But today it was so bad that I had literally been trying not to cry all day. There was a bit of swelling along my jaw as well, which really concerned me.

I could tell Toad was worried, too. The older sniper had asked me several times if I was okay and if I wanted pain meds, but I had said it was just from being hit yesterday and I was fine.

Yeah... I wasn't fine. But I didn't want to go to the dentist. I shuddered just thinking about it.

Dentists are so creepy... with their reclining chairs and shiny tools that are secretly torture instruments... I hate all of it.

I laid down on my bed, trying to ignore the throbbing pain pulsing through my skull.

I vaguely wondered if I could take some strong pain meds without Toad noticing... If he saw, it would just make him more worried than he already was, and that wouldn't help.

At all.

Toad wasn't in here yet, and I figured now was as good a time as any to take some meds. Maybe they'll help... if they don't, I think I'll die.

Just as I'd gathered enough energy to sit up, the door opened and Toad walked in. I groaned and slumped back down. Would anyone mind bringing me a knife? I think I'll just stab myself.

"Are you okay?" He asked, immense concern obvious in his voice.

I closed my eyes and swallowed, trying to think clearly through the pain.

"...'M fine." I finally mumbled.

He sighed and sat down on the bed, just a couple feet away from me.

"No, you're not. You've been pale and really quiet all day, Arch. You keep saying you're fine, which is something you never say. I'm really worried. Why won't you tell me what's wrong?" He asked, pouting as he played with my fingers.

Every word he said echoed in my head like it was a huge bell. Is that normal...? I swallowed down the nausea that had gradually been rising in my throat, and tried to find the words to reply.

I felt really bad for making him worry... I hope he doesn't think he's done something wrong.

"I'm just a bit nauseous... You don't need to worry."

He didn't look convinced.

"Are you sure?" He asked, reaching a hand out toward my face.

Now, just a little FYI: the back of my mouth really, REALLY hurt, sending shooting pains all the way down my jaw. I had discovered earlier- in a very not fun way- that touching anywhere along my jaw line hurt like a motherfucker. Therefore, I was going to avoid touching it at all costs- so I flinched as soon as he raised his hand.

That was the last straw. He knew I wasn't 'fine' now, and he was going to badger me until the problem was fixed. Which most likely meant going to the dentist.

Where the hell is that knife I asked for earlier?

"Does your head hurt? Is that it?" He pushed.

"I'm fine..."

"No, you're not! If you don't tell me what's wrong, I'm gonna bring Doc in here and have him look you all over."

I groaned and said, "No."

"Then tell me what's wrong."

I glared at him in reply.

"Fine. I'll be back in a minute with Doc."

I felt the bed shift as he got up and left. I was in the middle of devising an escape plan when I heard voices and a couple pairs of footsteps approaching the room.

Damn it.

"-he hasn't eaten anything today, either. He won't tell me what's wrong and I'm really worried about-"

"Go away, Doc, I'm fine." I grumbled, glaring at the pair of them as they neared the bed.

"See! I told you he's grumpy!" Toad cried, pointing at me.

Doc smiled and said, "Alright, alright, Toad, calm down. I don't think Archer's gonna die right this minute."

"That's debatable..." I muttered.

"What was that?" Toad asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"...Nothing."

Silence filled the room.

"Okay Archer," Doc said, sitting on the edge of the bed, "what's up with you?"

I had nothing to say, and talking hurt anyways. So I stayed quiet.

He waited about a minute before sighing and looking at Toad.

"You said he hasn't eaten today?"

He nodded and said, "Not that I've seen, no."

"And he hasn't spoken unless he had to?"

"Yeah."

"It's more than likely an issue with his mouth, then. Now that I look closer, his jaw looks a bit swollen, which could mean a number of things. But considering his age and the information you've given me, it's probably his wisdom teeth giving him trouble. If that's the case, he'll need to get them removed, otherwise they'll just keep causing problems."

"Oh... should I schedule a dentist appointment?"

I growled and threw a pillow at him, hitting him square in the face. He pouted and set it down at the head of the bed.

"I'm not sure... Archer, come here and let me see." He ordered, patting the area right in front of him.

I ignored him and moved farther up the bed, away from him.

"Oh, come on. I just wanna look!"

He inched closer and closer until he was right beside me, but I was determined to ignore him. That is, until he reached for my face. I growled and lashed out, literally kicking him off the bed.

He yelped, falling to the floor with a thud. I would've laughed if my head didn't hurt so much. Moving didn't feel very good... ugh...

"Are you okay?" Toad asked worriedly.

"Yeah... but I'm not trying that again. You can, if you want. I'll watch while he kills you." He laughed.

I glared at him and his smile faded as he backed up a pace. I was internally laughing at him. It counts.

"Try to get an appointment as soon as possible." He continued after a moment, "There's definitely something wrong, and if anyone can figure it out, it'd be a dentist. Oh, and get some ice on that jaw. It'll reduce the swelling."

"Okay, thanks Doc. I'm sorry he kicked you off the bed..." He sighed, walking him to the door.

"It's fine, I've had worse. But it's the dentist you should be worried about..."

"Well, Ian, I have a fairly simple fix for you," Dr. Brown said as he slipped his latex gloves off and tossed them into the trashcan. "You need to have your wisdom teeth removed."

Ooooh fuck.

"Oh, that's what we thought too." Toad said nonchalantly- as if nothing was wrong.

I just stared at him for a minute, completely horrified. The Doctor smiled sympathetically and patted me on the shoulder.

"It's really not a big deal, it's a minor procedure. There are many talented oral surgeons in the area as well. You'll be just fine."

"Are there any specific surgeons you'd suggest?" Toad asked, casually wrapping an arm around my waist.

"I'll give you the names and numbers of a few really good ones, so you have some options. I'm going to prescribe something to help with the pain until the operation. I'll also call over and make sure you get scheduled as soon as possible. Those need to come out before they cause any more complications." He said, scribbling rapidly on a sticky note, then handing it to Toad.

I snatched it away from him and hopped off the examination table, throwing it in the trashcan.

"I think I'll just keep my wisdom teeth, thanks." I muttered, grabbing my jacket and heading out to the car.

*Third Person P.O.V*

Toad sighed and retrieved the crumpled note from the trashcan, saying, "Sorry about that. He really doesn't like dentists..."

Dr. Brown smiled tolerantly.

"That's quite alright, there are tons of people who dislike us. Just make sure he gets that appointment scheduled."

"Oh, don't worry. I will. Thanks for everything."

"No problem. Good luck."

A Couple Days Later...

Archer P.O.V

"Tooaaad... I'm fine, can't we just go home?" I begged, pulling at his arm.

"No, Arch, we gotta get this fixed. You'll be fine."

"But... but people DIE under anesthesia! DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE, TOAD?!" I shrieked, wanting to leave more than anything.

People were starting to stare. Oh god...

"Shhh, of course not. Be quiet, you're scaring those kids over there. And dying while under anesthesia is very rare. You won't even be completely under, just sedated. So calm down and fill out your paperwork. Everything's gonna be fine."

"For you it will be! You're not even having anything done! It's all well and good for you to go prancing about, saying 'everything's gonna be fine' and shit, but it's NOT!" I hissed, my chest beginning to feel tight.

"Hey, hey, stop it." He said, catching my chin and making me look at him. "I need you to breathe and listen to me. When I say you're going to be fine, I mean it. I'm not just feeding you shit, Arch. You heard what Dr. Brown said, right? He said it was a minor procedure- no big deal. He's a doctor, he can't lie to you about major and minor procedures. If he says it's not a big deal, it's not. Honestly, baby, you're freaking out over nothing. You need to stop stressing yourself out! Otherwise when you get in there, they're gonna see how high your blood pressure is and think you're having a heart attack."

"No they won't." I mumbled.

"They might, you never know."

I sniffled and quietly asked, "...Can I eat all the ice cream I want when we get home?"

He smiled and gave me a peck on the lips.

"Of course you can."

I went to ask my next question, then hesitated.

"What is it?" He asked gently.

"...Can it be chocolate ice cream?"

He laughed and replied, "What other kind would we have?!"

I gave him a small smile and laughed slightly, feeling a bit better about the whole thing. After a few minutes, Toad and I walked up to the front desk and gave the lady my paperwork.

She read over it and pulled a pill bottle from below the counter, taking a pill from it and putting it in a small cup.

She smiled and handed it to me, saying, "This is a sedation pill. We give them to all our patients before they have certain procedures done- getting wisdom teeth removed, in your case. It'll ease your anxiety and help you relax."

Toad replied before I had the chance to say no.

"Okay, thank you!" He said, taking the cup from her and nudging it into my hand.

"No problem, dear."

He took my arm and lead me over to the water fountain, taking the pill out of the cup before filling it with water and handing it back to me.

"Go on. Take it." He said sternly.

I sighed, mumbled a few choice phrases under my breath, and took the pill, knowing he would have made me take it anyways if I refused. He smiled and hugged me- which my stomach did not agree with. It was currently busy twisting itself into knots... which didn't feel too good.

"C'mon, Arch, let's go sit down." He said, taking my hand and pulling me back over to our seats.

I sat down, then decided I didn't want to sit and stood back up. I paced back and forth in front of Toad for a few minutes before he grabbed my arm and pulled me back toward my chair.

"Sit down before you wear a hole in the floor."

I sighed and reluctantly sat down again, nervously tapping my feet.

After about five minutes, Toad sighed and put his hand on my knee, saying, "If you don't stop, someone downstairs is gonna think there's a herd of elephants roaming around up here."

"Who would even think of that?" I grumbled, beginning to bite my nails instead.

He immediately took my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine.

"No, Arch, don't bite your nails." He chided, "You need to calm down. Everything's gonna be fine, I promise."

"You can't promise that." I said, my chest tightening with anxiety.

"Yes I can, because I'll be right there with you the whole time, alright?" He said, pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around me.

I buried my face in his chest and breathed in his scent, trying to calm my racing heart. Every time I heard the door to the back rooms open it got hard to breathe. When they called someone else's name, I almost wished it was mine because I wanted to get this over with and leave as quickly as possible.

The door opened and I flinched, tightening my grip on Toad as the oxygen seemed to disappear from the room.

"Shhh, baby, you're fine. Deep breaths..." He murmured, kissing me on the head and rubbing comforting circles into my back.

We sat there like that for a long time, but after a while my heart stopped trying to beat its way out of my chest. It became easier to breathe and I no longer flinched when the door opened. The knots in my stomach slowly unravelled, as well as my previously tensed shoulders.

For the first time since this whole ordeal started, I actually believed everything was going to be okay.

...Then my name was called.

"Go on, dear, have a seat." The blonde nurse that had taken my X-rays- Sarah- said, smiling warmly.

"Okay..." I mumbled, settling myself in the large reclining dentist chair that was in the center of the room.

Toad ruffled my hair and sat down in a chair that was placed off to the side, a few feet away from my legs. I fidgeted nervously in the chair, unable to find a comfortable position no matter how hard I tried. I felt better, yes, but I was still a bit nervous for the procedure.

Who wouldn't be?

"You okay, Arch?" Toad asked, standing up and walking over to hold my hand.

I nodded and said, "Yeah... just nervous."

Toad turned to Sarah and asked, "Can he play on my phone while you're working?"

She nodded as she pulled on a pair of gloves and replied, "Sure, as long as he can follow instructions and lie still while doing it."

"Thank you."

He pulled his phone from his back pocket and handed it to me.

"Yay..." I said, giving him a small smile as I took it from him.

"Alright," Sarah said, holding something up for me to see. "I'm gonna put this over your nose and I need you to take deep breaths for me, alright?"

I looked at her and asked, "Does it have a nasty smell?"

She laughed as she positioned it over my nose.

"No, sweetie, it doesn't have a smell."

I nodded and said, "Okay..."

After a few minutes, the last bit of my stress drained away and I was happy for the first time in weeks.

That's when I caught my reflection in Toad's phone...

"Wooooaaaaah!"

Toad laughed and said, "Well somebody sounds happy."

"Of course I'm happy! I have a beak!" I said, excitedly pointing to the mask on my face.

"Shhh, quiet. Do you remember where we are?" Toad asked with a grin.

"Nope and I don't care because I AM DUCK LORD!"

Sarah laughed, rolling her chair over to me and asking me to open my mouth. I didn't really pay much attention to what she was doing, as I was too busy playing the basketball game in Facebook Messenger.

My high score was 11 when she finished doing... whatever she had been doing. And it was really hard to get to that point, because my hands didn't feel like working properly at the moment.

"We're gonna wait a few minutes for that to kick in, alright? The doctor will be here in a few minutes to start the procedure. How are you feeling, Ian?"

"Gooooooooood." I giggled, smiling up at her.

She laughed- and I was pretty sure I heard Toad laugh too, but I couldn't be sure.

"Alright, you're doing just fine."

I sat up a bit to look at Toad and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Don't laugh at me... turd." I grumbled.

He smiled and said, "I wasn't laughing at you, dear."

"What were you giggling at then?" I demanded.

Before he could reply, Sarah put a hand on my forehead and pushed my head back down, saying, "Lay back."

"Woah... the sky just turned upside down..." I mumbled.

"You sure, Archer?"

"Hey Toad!"

"What?"

"Do you think giraffes are just aliens in disguise? Cause I do." I said, my face deadly serious.

"Uhh..."

"Those bastards are WAAAY too tall to be human!"

"But they're ani-"

"YES! THEY'RE ALIENS! I KNEW IT!" I yelled.

Toad looked like he didn't know what to say, and I laughed.

"Just go with it. And Ian, you need to quiet down." Sarah's voice said from somewhere nearby.

"No I will nooo-" I stopped mid-sentence as I noticed my whole mouth was numb.

How did I not notice that before?

I shrugged mentally and chewed at the inside of my cheek, amused that I couldn't feel it.

"No, Archer, don't bite." Toad ordered, poking my cheek.

I looked him with huge eyes and said, "C'mere for a minute."

He leaned closer to me. I looked directly into his eyes- real serious- ...and then I poked him in the nose.

"Boop!" I giggled.

He laughed and sat back down in his chair.

"Boy, he's really out of it, huh?"

"I am not!" I said.

"Oh, sure you're not, dear." Toad grinned.

I stuck my tongue (which was still numb) out at him and went back to messing around on his phone. That's when the doctor came in and introduced himself... which I was too busy taking funny pictures on Toad's phone to listen to.

He and Toad were discussing something, but again, I was having too much fun to pay attention. They didn't seem to mind though, and soon the doctor sat down beside me to start working.

The details on what happened after that were blurry... I'm pretty sure I sang a song at some point though.

A while later, the doctor left and Sarah removed the mask from my face.

She patted me on the shoulder and said something along the lines of, "You're all done!"

...Wait... what? How could I be done? I've only been here a few minutes...

My mind was still foggy from the nitrous oxide, so I sighed and closed my eyes for a minute, trying not to think about the fact that I was still in a dentist office.

"-ocal anesthetic we gave him should wear off... few hours..." Sarah told someone- I'm assuming Toad.

They talked for a few more minutes, discussing post-op instructions or something. I opened my eyes when I felt a familiar hand on my head, playing with my hair.

"Hey, Arch, how are you feeling?" Toad asked, smiling down at me.

"Ugh..." I replied.

I didn't really feel like saying much else, to be frank. I wanted to be home and in bed.

He laughed slightly and said, "Okay, can you sit up for me? We gotta get you home so you can get some rest."

"Screw home..." I mumbled, "I'll sleep in the car."

My voice was muffled slightly because of the gauze in between my teeth, but I was still understandable, so that's good.

"Alright, but we have to get to the car before you can sleep in it." He grinned, taking my hands and helping me into a sitting position.

The room tilted and I squeezed my eyes shut as my stomach lurched.

"You okay?"

"...Yeah..." I bit out, trying to focus on anything but the swaying of the room.

Luckily, it stopped after a few moments and my stomach settled down a bit.

"You ready to stand up? If you're not, it's okay, I'll wait as long as you need me to." Toad said, rubbing my back comfortingly.

"No, that's okay... I'm alright." I managed, using his arm for support as I stood up.

I swayed slightly, taking a moment to steady myself before cautiously stepping toward the door.

"Careful."

"I'm fine, Toad... let's just go home."

He sighed, saying, "Alright, alright, we're going. Just let me make sure there's nothing else you'll need later."

About 100 Years Later...

Finally.

We were finally on our way home. Toad had talked to Sarah for forever. Then, he signed a bunch of paperwork that he failed to mention beforehand. I was frustrated, to say the least.

Although I was more tired than frustrated. I basically just wanted to sleep for the rest of my life and never wake up. Today had been the most stressful day of my life.

Put me on a vantage point with a sniper rifle and tell me to cover my team as they make their way to the extraction point- I'm perfectly fine. But put me in a dentist office and you might as well just kill me. Quite frankly, it'd be the more humane option.

I sighed as I looked up at the ceiling of the car.

Toad had laid me down in the back so I could sleep, but I was almost scared to. What if I woke up in a few hours and my head hurt worse than it ever had? What if the sutures came loose while I was asleep and I choked to death on blood?

There were endless possibilities because I had a terribly vivid imagination.

But soon, the smooth car ride and droning of the radio made my eyes heavy and lulled me to sleep.

A/N: Okay, well there's part one! Originally, there was only going to be one part, but now there'll be two because this chapter was so long. :P Lol, I don't think you guys will mind though.

Please leave me some reviews and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!