"So, Commander. You and Thane, huh?" Joker swivelled his chair around and faced her.

Shepard made a concentrated effort to keep from gaping at her pilot. "How did you hear about that?" They'd tried to keep their affections confined to quarters, where there were no prying eyes and no photographers.

Joker just shrugged. "The walls have ears and eyes, Commander. Especially on this ship."

EDI flashed to life on Joker's left. "I assure you, Shepard. I do not engage in idle gossip."

"I didn't think so. Thank you, EDI."

"Nah, it wasn't her." Joker adjusted his ballcap. "But, really. You two are the worst-kept secret onboard. Thane just gives himself away every time he talks about you. Um. At least, that's what Kasumi says."

"Good to know that my private life is out in the open," she grumbled, shaking her head a little.

"Hey, I know you like aliens, 'cause you keep collecting them… but do you really like them that much, Commander?"

"Joker." That was just going a little too far for her—she didn't want to think about Joker thinking about… that.

"Never mind. Forget I asked. Didn't really want to know, anyway." He grinned at her. "Hey, even if I'm not getting any—'cause the leg braces are a real turn-on, don't you know?—it's nice to know someone else is."

Oh, she was not having this conversation. She just wasn't. "I thought you didn't want to know."

"Yeah, scratch that. I don't wanna know. Really don't wanna know."

EDI piped up once again. "My calculations and analysis of vocal patterns inform me that what Jeff is attempting to say is that he's pleased with this new development in your personal life, Shepard."

"EDI." Joker shook a warning finger at the AI.

"Yes, Jeff?"

"What did I say about trying to analyze humans using math?"

"My memory banks stored that particular conversation as ending with 'that's creepy-weird.' I am not entirely certain what that means, Jeff."

"That means, EDI," Joker said slowly, displaying an amount of patience Shepard had never thought her helmsman possessed, "don't do that."

"I fail to see the problem, Jeff."

"Humans don't like being reduced to numbers and math and algorithms, EDI. We're more complex than that."

"At the absolute basic level, you are not, Jeff. You do have highly specific patterns in behaviour that extend across your species…"

"EDI, shush. I don't want a math lesson."

"Aw, Joker. I'm touched." She wasn't able to resist teasing him and distracting him from an impending argument with the AI. "You're trying to congratulate me, aren't you?"

He paused, obviously uncertain of how to answer. "Uh. Maybe?"

"Good answer," she replied, grinning. "Twenty minutes ETA to the relay, you said?"

"Fifteen now, Commander." As he spoke, he swivelled the chair back around to face the controls. That was Joker in his element, at the helm of a powerful ship—he wasn't a people person, just as he claimed.

"Good. Carry on, Joker."

"Aye aye, Commander."

She took lunch with Ken and Gabby—who had taken to calling themselves "Shepard's greasemonkeys"—and Tali. Thankfully, none of them seemed to be interested in her love life. That or they already knew what they wanted to know.

Should've asked Joker just how widespread this news was, she thought, rising from the table.

"You're still aces in my book, Shepard," Gardner commented when she handed her lunch tray to him. "I hear Krios thinks so, too," he added, in a lower voice.

At her age, with her experience, she was well beyond blushing. But damned if it didn't make her feel awkward, like she was back in high school. "Maybe he does. You'll have to ask him."

"Tell him to give you a night off once in a while, eh?" The mess sergeant waved a hand at her and Shepard shook her head, walking past him and up to the main battery. It would be a few hours before they arrived at their destination and it'd been a while since she'd visited with Garrus, after all.

"Shepard," her old friend said, when she entered.

"You got a minute?" She sat down on one of the empty crates in the room and crossed one leg over the other.

"Sure." Garrus leaned back against the railing and looked her over. "You know, your greasemonkeys were up here this morning talking to me about engine throughput? I didn't think they'd ever come up from engineering."

She sighed. "They aren't "my greasemonkeys", Garrus. Donnelly just thinks that's funny."

"He does seem to have an interesting sense of humour," the turian mused, tapping his talons idly against the rail. "You and Krios, huh? I didn't see that coming."

Oh, here we go again. "First Joker, then Gardner, now you. Where are you getting your information?"

Garrus' mandibles twitched in what she'd always thought was the turian equivalent of a grin. "Shepard. You underestimate me. I was trained to watch things, to observe. I'm actually quite good at it. I know that on your watch, I usually just blow things up, but…"

"Figures. Scuttlebutt'll always get you—that's what my father always said."

"Although," Garrus amended, sounding thoughtful, "you did make a valiant attempt at keeping your personal life private."

She rolled her eyes and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. "Key word there being 'attempt.'"

"Hey, it happens, Shepard." Garrus shrugged, the movement looking a little strange. "Especially in close quarters. It seems to me that you're not the topic of gossip. Most of the crew seems happy for you."

She looked away and studied the wall behind her old friend. "Mmm. Joker just tried to congratulate me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. That was… weird."

"Joker? Congratulating you for having a love life? Are you sure we're talking about the same Joker?" Garrus asked, his tone light as he turned to fiddle at the console. After a moment he looked back at her, his expression serious. "Shepard—oh, damn it. I was never any good at this. Has Thane told you he's dying?"

She nodded, remembering that conversation. "He told me that when I first brought him aboard. He's never been anything but honest with me, Garrus."

"I didn't mean it that way." The turian held up his taloned hands. "I wasn't accusing him of deceiving you. I just—I've been there, Shepard. More than once." He paced a tight circle around the room and turned back to her, concern showing plainly in his eyes. "I had no idea if you knew what you were getting into or if you knew you were in love with a dying man."

Garrus? Worried about her? But then again, he knew her better than almost anyone on this ship. They'd been through a hell of a lot—Saren, geth, the mess on Virmire, his hunt for Sidonis—together. She smiled a little.

"It's not the smartest idea I've ever had, no," she confided, "but it's not something I could help. I'll take what time I have with him. I'm a tough girl, Garrus."

"You don't have to tell me that," he muttered. "I saw you get spaced, remember? And you're sitting right here."

"Lots of cybernetics, a few billion credits, and some clever science is keeping me sitting here," she continued. "I knew what I was going into. I know I'm setting myself up to be hurt, loving a dying man—and I did it anyway. I'm not having visions of retirement and drell-human hybrid babies, if that's what you're worried about."

"Good to hear it." Garrus shook his head a little. "At least you're not charging into it blind like you normally do."

"Hey! Watch it, Vakarian!" She jokingly threatened, raising a fist.

He laughed, mandibles twitching again. "Or what?"

"Or this cyborg marine may just have to kick your ass!" Garrus' laughter was contagious and she was trying not to laugh herself as she spoke.

"No, don't do that. Save it for the Reapers."

"Yeah. Good point. And I always have a plan."

Garrus made a sound which might have been a snort. "Shepard, 'you stay here while I rush forward and get shot in the face' does not count as a plan."

"Of course it does," she protested. "It made sense at the time. I never intended to get shot—d'you really think I got as far as I did because I was pretty, Vakarian?"

Garrus considered, mandibles twitching rapidly. "Well, I don't know much about how the human military operates, Shepard, but…" he trailed off into laughter again.

"Besides, I think Chakwas was getting bored over there in that nice new medbay with nobody to patch up," she continued. "Gotta keep her busy somehow or she'll terrorize Mordin."

"You should tell her that, next time she has to patch you up. You ever see the good doctor angry?"

"Yep. Should've heard her after you caught that missile to the face."

Garrus's hand went to the scarred side of his face instinctively. "I know," he said, his voice very dry. "I heard it first."

She pushed herself off the crate and, as she stood, rolled her head and shoulders back and forth a couple of times. "I should go." She nodded towards the door. "Let you get back to work."

"Shepard?"

"Yeah?" She paused, waiting for him to speak.

"You might not have risen through the ranks in the military based on looks—I know you didn't—but, I, uh, as I understand it, in human terms, Thane's lucky."

She grinned, shaking her head. "Garrus, you smooth-talker, you. Should set you loose on the Dark Star when this is all over. You'd be a hit."

"That's optimistic of you, Shepard," he called, as the door slid closed.

She was bound for the elevator, after checking in with Miranda, and fully meaning to go up and file her reports when Mordin flagged her down.

"Shepard. Would like to speak with you," the salarian said, gesturing to his lab. "In private."

She had the distinct feeling that Mordin was trying to stop her becoming the subject of more scuttlebutt, but doubted how successful he'd be. "Lead the way, Mordin," she said, nodding.

"Have become aware of your personal relationship with drell," the professor said, once they were isolated in the lab. He folded his arms and nodded. "Judging by reaction, ship's gossip accurate?"

"Got it in one, Mordin." She stayed standing, watching him at the terminal. "I don't know how the news got around but, yeah."

"Am speaking purely from a medical perspective, Shepard. Am uninterested in gossip. Can offer advice, if needed."

"Uh." This was bad, almost like learning the basics of human reproduction when she'd been an awkward youngster.

He fixed her with unblinking black eyes. "Medical perspective. Am doctor, Shepard. Professionalism and confidentiality paramount. If you would rather human—or female—can forward suggestions to Doctor Chakwas."

No, she didn't want to have this conversation with Mordin. And she didn't want to have it with Chakwas either. "Uh, I think we've got it figured it out, thanks."

"Conception impossible; drell-human hybrid offspring not viable, so contraception not a concern. No diseases communicable between species. Would be cautious with… oral contact. Could result in hallucinations."

Oh, god. If she'd felt like an awkward teenager earlier, it paled in comparison to how she felt now. "I'll keep that in mind, Mordin. Thanks. Guess you don't want me to start seeing things, huh?"

Mordin just blinked at her. "No. Result is undesirable, Shepard. Need you to be lucid."

"Yeah, I need to be lucid," she agreed. "We're done here?"

"Yes. Will be here if you have further questions."

She practically fled the lab, wanting to put a wall between herself and the overly-inquisitive—yet well-meaning-salarian and thought that at the very least, Thane might find this mess amusing. He looked as if he could do with a laugh, some days.

She knew how word travelled aboard starships, but she'd honestly thought they'd been discreet to the point of near-paranoia. Well, if half the ship seemingly knew (and, according to Garrus, seemed to approve), perhaps she didn't need to be so secretive. She wasn't about to flaunt her new relationship because that just begged for trouble, but….

"Commander?" Kelly queried from her post as Shepard passed. "May I speak with you for a moment?"

She decided that slamming her forehead into a nearby surface would be a stupid idea, even if it was tempting; who knew how cybernetics reacted to something like that? Instead, she put on a smile and turned to her yeoman, anticipating the topic of conversation. "Yeah, of course. What's on your mind, Kelly?"