I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
He emerges from his sanctuary, the library, after what seems like decades. It was empty, of course, because who the fuck is in the library before classes even start? Even Madam Brun, who always seemed to adore him, was glaring at him for intruding upon her sanctuary. He knows the expression well; he's used it so many times himself.
Two third-year Hufflepuffs are the only ones in the hallway, and even though he doesn't stop to give them a first glance, they stare at him, open-mouthed, shocked to finally see the legendary Slytherin in the flesh before anyone else this year.
Inside, a tiny bit of him is pleased with their reaction, even as he strides on by.
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss
He revels in his new reputation this year, as the mysterious bully never to be crossed - and for once, not the victim. He rarely thinks about the catalyst for this transformation, a night he's almost fully erased from memory.
It had been June, almost exactly three months ago, when he'd been up on the Astronomy Tower - a Wednesday night, and so luckily it hadn't been already
occupied for, ahem, recreational purposes - glancing out of the telescope, graphing Leo, when his elbow bumped into the telescope, shifting it down. He looked back up from Leo to see the one sight he'd been avoiding for the past month - her.
Except it's not just her. It's her being pushed against a wall. It's her with a calloused manly hand wearing a ring Severus could never afford dragging through her flaming hair. It's her and her lips being assaulted by another pair. It's her and her breasts so very vivid even in her jumper. It's her running her desperate hands over and around and over the smooth lean build of the boy with her. It's her knocking off his chunky glasses and ruffling his unkempt hair.
It's Lily Evans being corrupted by James Potter and evidently loving every second of it.
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
That night, he didn't sleep. He watched the couple until they left at half past midnight, and then he packed his things, turned around, and walked. He walked around the castle and on the grounds. He walked and walked, not caring about the caretaker or the curfew. In fact, he didn't care about anything, he realized as he sank to his knees in the middle of an empty Slytherin Common Room.
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go
And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
That night has never replayed in his mind since. But secretly, in that time when it's not night and not yet dawn, he can acknowledge (but only if he's very,very intoxicated) that he is now held by that untouched memory's power.
When he laughs at Rosier skinning a live cat, it's because of that night. When he brews a potion of his own invention that can melt the drinker's eyeballs, it's because of that night. When he tampers with her potion in order to just ruin one of the perfect things in her life, it's because of that night.
When he goes to an invite-only, very hush-hush meeting in a shady pub in Hogsmeade, it's because of that night.
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside
And the year after, they're public. And people look at him. They look at him with sadness, with pity, with scorn, with laughter, with any and every emotion.
His audience anticipates a breakdown, a change in personality.
And he smiles and smirks and laughs gleefully on the inside because what they don't know, what little Miss Golden Girl and Guy don't know is that he's done - so done - with them. The breakdown that they want has happened and he's a changed man, thanks to them.
So Black can jeer all he wants, he's not getting a reaction out of Severus.
I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
And then suddenly school's over. And he's the valedictorian, if Hogwarts awarded a valedictorian, and yet he's working in a dirty little apothecary down in Knockturn Alley.
But it's still him on top because Potter and his gang of goons have to go into hiding - all because of Severus and his little back room.
The others are jealous, and they watch as he continues to succeed and subsequently get rewarded. Their eyes glint with gold and greed and power.
All that flashes in Severus's black eyes is just a flash of scarlet and the glint of glasses pushed together.
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go
He works and he rises and eventually he's working on something involving the Golden Couple themselves.
And then suddenly there's so much more to it.
Because now it's not a faceless wonder who he's handing over to be slaughtered - it's the bane of and the reason for his existence.
And it's too late to take it back. It's all his fault because he was just going through the motions and now she's dead, dead, dead.
And as he's on his knees, he can't help but think that if he'd just felt back then, he wouldn't have to compensate now and be flooded with every emotion he's ever felt and more.
If only he hadn't looked at the bright side.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or "Mr. Brightside" (The Killers).