Title: Missing Companion

Author: Lauren A.M.

Rating: PG13 for slight themes

Summary: Normal, teenage depression when you suddenly realize the neat little world you love is replaced by a little bit of reality. And the joy you look forward to seems so far away, while the help you need, in the form of a friend, is so suddenly absent.

Disclaimer: Its all mine today; and everything of mine is Christ's.

Feedback: Please do

Dedication: To Liz- who at least knows what this talks about. And I truely hope none of my RL friends ever stumble across this...

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I am not a romantic

I don't want love notes and flowers

I don't care if you say "I love you"

Unless its through Christ's love only.

I don't want a boyfriend, I need a brother

I don't want gifts or your lips

I just want on arm around my shoulders

A hug, if nothing more

An attuned ear would be welcome

But let your mouth be mute, for my sake

I don't want you to 'make it better'

I don't want you to say "I'll be all right"

I want to hear "I'll pray for you"

And nothing more. Nothing.

You can't make it better.

You. Can. Not. I want you to understand that

My personal hell does not change because you came along

But that hell may seem less of a challenge

I don't want your lips, your words, your body

Just be silent and still and let me cry

O to cry and not be ashamed

To be able to cry and not fear your reaction

Or maybe my eyes will be dry

And all you need bring its yourself

With dry eyes I'll recount what brought me so low

If you truly are my brother, you'll know

You'll understand without experience

Or at least you'll hear the truth and pain in my words

And I know you understand my pain because of your own

I don't expect you to mourn with me

I don't want ignorant sympathy

I want a steady voice and solid arms

Like a father would comfort a child

To lean against you in silence is all I need

I need and anchor when I'm to blind to see Christ

I need you to open my eyes so I can find Him again

That's all I need, a guide

Lead me back to the Father

But don't leave my side

I understand if you only stay a day

Or month or year

This has no contract

Nothing past what you deem worthy

But leave me in one piece, I pray

What I share should be forgotten

Not spread

Never again do I need to hear it

A reminder I could never want

I don't want a boyfriend or lover

I don't want your money or lips

I just need someone with two arms around me

So little I ask, and yet it does not come

It will, in time, in the Father I trust

I'll find Christ's arms again

With or without you

But when my will to live dissolves

And I ache to end it, to go home to My Lord

I pray you'll come before I end this life prematurely

Don't leave me, brother

Rescue me, friend

Find me again, and let me find Him...