How To: Get Your Brother Out of A Closet and THE Closet
[WARNING]
The Following Contains Hilarity, Certain Language Usage, Complete Out-of-the-Blue Randomness, YAOI, Closets, and worst of all, Kaito Shion and the entire Shion Family. Read at your own cost.
~ How-To #1 - DUDES. I totally got my bro out of a closet!
[Posted: THURS 1/2/14 (Read: MONTH/DAY/YEAR) 5:37 AM]
Dudes... Just...
AKAITO, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUDGE?!
Like... I don't even...
THE HELL, MAN?! D:
...
Ok, I seriously need to calm down- CRAP HE"S LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER;igauo;tghgi4ahgp;AHO4o;A
ll/LJPGhi48thigpbpNV;BNIG43P;G{OJGO94UJoN G
;lphis;htghiABvhir8yt0aphg
Sorry about that, Akaito's just pissed off 'cause he CAN'T TAKE ME ON LIKE A MAN!
So, I TOTALLY shouldn't be up this late like this, but can you blame me? I'm scarred for life, man. Just...
WHAT. THE. FUCK?!
.
.
.
Alright, alright, so, I was driving home from work, right? 'Cause, y'know, even someone as sexy as myself needs to make a couple bucks, when I got THE CALL. Why do I call it THE CALL? Because that damn call ruined my life! I nearly died, too! Now, I know I'm not supposed to be on my phone while driving, so my awesome driving skills and I swerved the car towards a nearby restaurant (TACOS!) when I answered my phone. The conversation went a little something like this:
Awesome Sex God: "Len, if this is you calling about the whole 'I don't suck bananas for a living' talk we had earlier, you know I'm right-"
Annoying Life-Ruiner: "Len's gay? Dude, Nigaito owes me SO much money...!"
Awesome Sex God: xD "You placed bets on Len's sexuality? Without ME? Dude, I want in on the action! How much money we talkin' 'bout-"
Annoying Life-Ruiner: "I didn't call you to talk about this, dammit! I... I need your assistance..."
Awesome Sex God: (You don't know how shocked and proud I was) "Is big brother asking help from me? :'D Why, I feel touched-"
Annoying Life-Ruiner: "I knew calling you was a bad idea. I'll just get Kikaito or someone else who isn't a total AIR HEAD."
Awesome Sex God: "No, no! I'm listening, man!"
Alright, so it was silent for a while (a while? Pfft, I considered getting myself some tacos!) before he finally said those glorious words that made me feel like freaking superman. He said:
"I... I need your assistance... Gettingoutofthecloset."
They sunk in on me for a minute before my face looked like this: C: (my cheeks still hurt a bit). "Dude, are you serious? Maybe we should place bets on YOUR sexuality before-"
"MORON, NOT LIKE THAT, I MEANT LITERALLY!"
XDDD "Look who's talking! Which closet?"
"... My room's closet."
XDDDDDD "Ahaa... Dude, my stomach hurts so much! I'll be there in a jiffy!"
Never did my poor, innocent mind think something could've POSSIBLY gone wrong...
OK, so I drove home after that and I ran into my brother's room like the awesome hero I was and made my way over towards his closet. I knocked on it to see if I would receive any answer, and sure enough, a weak knock back responded.
I laughed.
C'mon, it was so damn funny! What would you do if YOUR sibling was trapped in a closet? Yeah, see who's laughing now!
Anyways, I stopped laughing (barely) and asked, "How did you get trapped in there, man?"
He said, "The lock."
I looked at the doorknob, and sure enough, it was locked. So, using my amazing ice-cream-hero powers, I defeated the evil lock and opened the door to free the damsel in distress on the other side! Yes, yes, thank you, oh, no, I don't deserve such applause! And- what is this? ONE BILLION YEN?! Naw, man, you shouldn't have, guys!
So, my awesome awesomeness aside, I asked him how the hell THAT happened, and you know what he said? He said:
"... I was with Mikuo and we were both playing video games when he suddenly... Confessed."
DUDE.
THAT'S NOT COOL!
But, then again, I always knew Hatsunes were total homos. I SWEAR I saw Pigtails touch Meiko's jugs when I looked into the girls' changing rooms for Gym...
*cough*
But, seriously, why? Why AKAITO? He does drugs, his red hair is SO ugly, I think I saw a bird nest on it once, his eyes sometimes have bags under them and he has ZERO muscle! If anything, guys should be going gay for ME!
.
.
.
EW, TO ANY GUY READING THIS, I TOTALLY TAKE THAT BACK, GROSS! LEN, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, DO NOT GET YOUR HOPES UP WITH THE SEXY BEAST! DX
Anyways, he continued with his gay story. Girls, get your tissues out, this was a yaoi moment. SeeU, I know you're listening now, so I just wanna say something before I continue.
YOU MAKE ME SICK.
Much love, Kaito~ ;D
So, my brother decided to scar my innocent mind with the following story:
Tears glistened down his face as he continued to spill his troubled to the sexy little brother. With a sob, he continued on, "I sorta like him too, y'know? But I refuse to admit to it! I always thought I was straight, but...!"
The blue-haired beast next to him brought him into his arms for a *coughawkwardcough* hug between these two troubled siblings. "It's totally okay, man. I mean, total shocker, but it's okay! I won't judge you."
He kept crying into his navy blue shirt, his heart feeling heavy with troublesome emotions. But, even so, he managed to continue, "He left after the confession, but before he could leave, he locked me in the closet. I don't know why he did it, but it left time to think, and... I think I may like him back!"
YEAH, BRING ON THE OSCAR! AND MS. ANN SAID I HAD NO LITERATURE TALENT! SUCK ON THAT, TEACH! :DDD
Needless to say, though, it was TOTALLY awkward between us for the next couple hours before he just randomly grabbed me by the shirt collar and said: "If you tell a single soul about our little talk, I'll make sure you get sent to the other side, do you hear me?!"
His red eyes were so SCARY! But, the awesome me does NOT fear the massive dragon! I most certainly did NOT whimper and mutter a weak "yes, sir!" to my older brother! No, man, I'm MUCH cooler than that!
So, yeah, if it wasn't for the whole closet thing, I probably would've been better off NOT knowing my brother was homo. Like, the hell, man?! What if...
What if Kaiko finds out?
Or Nigaito?
Or, worse yet, mom and dad?! O.o
BRING ON WORLD WAR III.
So yeah, if you ever suspect ANY of your family members/friends of being homosexual, just follow this How-To for bringing a possible homo out of the closet.
How To: Get Some Nice Info Out of Anyone
Materials: Some rope, a chair, something to gag them with, and a good closet
Step One: Infiltrate their base and stealthily tie them up with rope.
Step Two: If they scream and kick, gag them.
Step Three: Once you're sure their out, drag them towards your closet.
Step Four: Wake them up with a good whack and bring your evil on, 'cause it's time for interrogation!
Step Five: If they don't answer any of your questions, lock them up in there with a cell phone in their lap.
Step Six: When they call you crying for their freedom, don't give until the comply to your commands.
Step Seven: When enough time has passed, set them free and watch as they cry at your feet while spilling out their secrets.
It totally works, satisfaction guaranteed. Don't believe me? Just ask Len. I TOTALLY knew it was that little bitch that stole my 3DS. But, he didn't spill the truth on his sexuality. :( JUST ADMIT IT ALREADY, BANANA HEAD!
~ IceCreamGod18
[Comment] ~ [Like] ~ [Favorite] ~ [Follow IceCreamGod18]
Comment(s) - 506
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Favorite(s) - 327
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BananaLover138
Kaito, you seriously need to stop calling me gay! I'M STRAIGHT, DAMMIT! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK HEAD! Also, Mikuo's gay? Damn, you learn something new everyday... [Reply ~ Report]
xXPHANTOMANIACXx
Our dear brother is interested in the same species? Interesting... You are very fortunate that Mother and Father have no interest in our activities. Otherwise, you would be in for a world of hurt, dear brother. I shall make sure our dear little brother and sister are not tainted with such news. [Reply ~ Report]
IHeartYaoi16
OMG, HOTTEST COUPLE EVER! AKAITO AND KUO-KUN, I NEVER WOULD'VE GUESSED IT! x3 Kaito, you absolutely NEED to send me pictures, hon! :DDD [Reply ~ Report]
LeekGirl87
You WHAT?! JUST WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU- WHOA, hold up! Brother, you're into AKAITO?! Dear God, I've been living a lie! D: [Reply ~ Report]
[See More...] [Most Recent]
AKAITO13
BRO JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU...! [Reply ~ Report]
[IceCreamGod18 (In Reply to: AKAITO13)
DUUUUUDEEEEE... Your username sucks. :p]
A.N./ Oh my God, what have I done? xD
So~ I've recently been shipping MikuoxAkaito. Don't ask me why, I just have. C: I plan on writing a oneshot for them soon, but... It's gonna be pretty depressing. I don't know, we'll see...
This story was PURELY created for laughs and out of boredom. Nothing to do at home, and I REALLY don't feel like doing that Algebra Holiday Packet haunting and speaking to me from my backpack, so this was born! :D I don't know if I should continue it, though. Maybe just keep it a MikuoxAkaito-ish oneshot... What do you guys think?
~Character Index~
IceCreamGod18 - Kaito Shion
AKAITO13 - Akaito Shion
BananaLover138 - Len Kagamine
xXPHANTOMANIACXx - Taito Shion
IHeartYaoi16 - SeeU
LeekGirl87 - Miku Hatsune
Review if you want more~ ;)