Law and Order: SVU – There Was This One Time...
Rollins was sure that this time, Carisi was definitely dead
As new as Dodds was, Rollins was no dummy, and she held back a laugh at the face he made at Carisi, then he slowly, carefully, looked at Liv, and then, almost against his will, he turned to look at Barba, though he snapped out of it and looked away, face in a carefully constructed mask that Rollins envied.
Fin had as much of a poker face as Rollins, meaning he downright stared at their blond colleague, and started laughing so hard she had to wonder if he was about to have a respiratory episode right where he stood, though, with a look at Carisi's face, for she didn't dare look at Liv or Barba just yet, she felt like she'd first see the blond get into an ambulance.
Carisi's usually smiling, tanned face, became ashen, his eyes wide in absolute terror, there was no other way to put it, and his body language was firmly stuck right in the middle of flight or fight (though if Rollins still gambled, she'd bet he was dying to get the hell out of dodge until the end of times). Not that she blamed him, she was feeling pretty darn scared herself, and she had nothing to do with his screw–up.
Liv and Barba, standing in shock side by side, had their eyes glued to the blond detective, though the Assistant DA's face was twitching in a way that Rollins guessed meant only horrible humiliation and torture in Carisi's all too near future. Liv though... Oh man.
They had seen Liv's many faces over the years, but Rollins did not think she'd ever seen her face twist quite like that. She longed to embrace her huge belly and hide under her table until the storm passed. Surely Fin could stop dying via laughter, and Dodds could get his ass in gear and protect her, poor little pregnant woman.
"Excuse me, Carisi, but what the–" – Barba stopped, took a deep breath and opened a wide smile, one that Rollins had seen him wear just before he nearly killed rapists with his pointed questions – "Detective Carisi. May I ask you to repeat what you just said?"
"Er... If it's all the same to you... No?" – Carisi tried to laugh it off, but even as Fin continued laughing, propping himself against his desk as tears rolled down his cheeks, and Dodds started to loudly discuss the case they had just closed, Liv and Barba continued to look at him like their were hungry, and be damn well better roll over and die, or they'd rip his chest open while he was still alive in order to get to his liver.
... Fine, so Rollins was binge watching her some Hannibal, get off her aching back already.
"Oh, Carisi" – Liv's tone was honeyed and gentle, and Rollins noticed some of the others cops milling around stopping to look to see what was happening. That tone alone was legendary, and Rollins heard rookies whisper in fear of ever being subjected to it – "I know you're much smarter than that" – she approached his desk like a lioness, her eyes dark and hard.
"I'm sorry!" – Carisi cracked desperately, waving his hands around and nearly taking Liv's eye out, just to help his already lost case – "I didn't mean to say– I mean, I didn't mean to call you guys– Lieutenant, Mr. Barba, you have to believe me!" – he bellowed, much like an accused rapist.
Rollins had to give it to him, he played kicked puppy very well, must be from all those sisters of his.
"You see, Carisi, I could accept your apology" – Liv said soothingly, though her tone sent chills down everyone's back – "but I don't think it would be the best for you, in the long haul. You can't learn a lesson without being properly punished for your mistake, don't you agree, Mr. Barba?" – the man smirked and raised an eyebrow at Carisi.
"Yes, yes, Lieutenant, very true. One does not learn unless they fully understand the error in their ways, and how else will Detective Carisi learn appropriate on the job behavior if we just let him off the hook this time? It sets a terrible precedent"
It was good knowing Carisi. So long!
The blond downright whined and tried to slide out of the situation, but Barba showed shocking lightning–fast reflexes by grabbing his shoulder and keeping him in place. The Assistant DA smirked down at him and Rollins thought he could see his fingers turn into claws. Carisi's eyes widened as he flayed a little.
"Mr. Barba! Seriously, I didn't mean it at all! Liv, Liv! I swear, I didn't mean anything bad by it!"
"You called us 'mom' and 'dad'" – Liv said, her face both amused, irritated, and stormy. Rollins felt like Carisi might live after all, though how well his afterlife would be was up in the air.
Barba continued to look stern and sadistic, his fingers digging into Carisi's shoulder mercilessly. Rollins knew, however, that the man was way too smart to hurt him enough to be charged with assault. Then again, there was no way in hell that Carisi would eve dream of peeping about it, he wasn't that dumb.
Well. He was super dumb, but not all the way.
"Do you think we're at all old enough to be your parents, Carisi?" – Barba questioned with a raised eyebrow.
"Eh, we've seen real young parents before" – Fin commented, and Rollins had a moment of disbelief that she had two dummies for colleagues. Dodds wisely sensed that maybe it wasn't a good idea to stick around after all, but he seemed to realize he was the Sergeant, and unfortunately, he needed to stay. If only to see if they were about to lose two Detectives and would need to replace them.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Detective Tutuola" – Barba started, feigning ignorance – "Would you care to come over here and say that again? That Lieutenant Benson and I are old enough to Carisi's pubescent parents?"
"You know what?" – Fin said after a beat, grabbing his coat blindly – "I need to go after a lead... You know, about the one case, about that one with the one girl, you know, right, Dodds, you know the one?" – the Sargent nodded quickly and went for his own coat too.
"That girl with the evidence for the case?" – the tall brunet said, pointing at the Senior Detective – "Absolutely, I'll come along"
"Sure, leave the pregnant woman all alone" – Rollins mumbled at their fast disappearing backs.
"Don't worry, Rollins" – Liv, with her clearly bat enhanced ears, said reassuringly – "They'll get his. Fin has been here long enough, and Dodds has to learn some time"
"You get a pass because you didn't laugh much" – Barba pointed out – "plus you didn't even try to run"
"Thanks"
"It was good knowing you, Amanda" – Carisi said with a tragic sigh when Barba singlehandedly got him on his feet and marched him to Liv's office.
"Godspeed, Sonny" – Rollins said, rolling her eyes a little.
"Mommy and daddy need to do a little parenting now" – Liv said softly as she passed the expectant mother – "Do text the runaways and let them know that the moment they come back, they are to come to my office without delay. Or else"
"Will do, Lieutenant" – the blonde saluted her almost mockingly and wondered how scarred Carisi would be by the so–called 'parenting'.
She rubbed her stomach and soothingly told her baby that at least she'd have Liv and Barba to help her parent her.
(for better or worse).
Silly little boys, ey?