There's a Good Reason These Glasses are Ugly, a csi: miami fanfic

A/N: This is a parody song that my friend, Amber, and I made up in our gym class a couple of years ago. It goes to the song "There's a Reason These Tables are Numbered, Honey, You Just Haven't Realized it Yet" by Panic! at the Disco. Please don't criticize too harshly. We just did this because we were extremely bored. You know how gym is. The original lyrics are at the bottom.

There's a Good Reason These Glasses are Ugly, Natalia, You Just Haven't Cared Yet

Please leave all overdosed Cains and crack heads with the doorman. From that moment you'll be out of place and understaffed. I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it. Ruining reputations of the Miami-Dade PD….

When you're in black shades with accentuating off-center head turns, whoa-oh, everything goes according to plan.

My name's Horatio, I've never looked gayer, you can't stand it, because you say so under your breath. You're reading lips, "Where did he get those sunglasses?" Haven't you heard that my name's Horatio? Never looked gayer and you can't stand it.

Next, is a trip to the- the grocery store in vain. I bet you just can't find a pair of- of his sunglasses. Tonight, tonight, you are, you are, a whispering campaign. I bet to them your name is cheap. I bet to them you look like shhh.

Talk to the manager, oh choke back tears and keep telling yourself that you'll get those glasses. Oh and the shades in that display box in the aisle they just so happened to be cleverly disguised bombs.

Extremely long instrumental

Haven't you heard that my name's Horatio? I've never looked gayer and you can't stand it. Haven't you heard that my name's Horatio? I've never looked gayer and you can't stand it.

And I know, and I know, it just doesn't seem like CSI without those sunglasses. I've never seen so gay a person so please just don't be freaked when I loose my lunch.

Original lyrics:

Please leave all overcoats, canes, and tophats with the doorman. From that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed. I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it. Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...

When you're in black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes woah-oh, everything goes according to plan.

I'm the new cancer. I've never looked better, you can't stand it, because you say so under your breath. You're reading lips, "When did he get all confident?" Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? Never looked better and you can't stand it.

Next is a trip to the- the ladies' room in vain and I bet you just can't keep up with- with the fashionistas. Tonight, tonight, you are, you are, a whispering campaign. I bet to them your name is cheap. I bet to them you look like shhh.

Talk to the mirror, oh choke back tears. And keep telling yourself that "I'm a diva!" Oh, and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table they just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin.

Extremely long instrumental

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? Never looked better and you can't stand it. Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? Never looked better and you can't stand it.

And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up. I've never been so surreptitious so of course I'll be distracted when I spike the punch.