Brian wanted to say it. He had no way to express exactly how much he wanted to say it. And Justin had no idea how close the words were to leaving Brian's lips and falling on his awaiting ears. But Brian simply couldn't bring himself to do it. His mouth would not form those shapes. His vocal chords would not vibrate in the necessary patterns.
The words he needed were common enough; Brian had known all of them since he'd been a toddler. But the particular combination of them was almost completely foreign to him. He had hardly heard them put together in that way as a child, and it was though he'd never exactly learned how they worked together.
One of Brian's hands twisted itself into Justin's hair and he pulled the younger man's head onto his shoulder. Justin's ear was right below Brian's mouth, just waiting for the words.
But Brian kept his mouth firmly shut. He didn't even dare open it to start kissing Justin for fear the words, or one or two of them, particularly the L one, would somehow slip out. That was how much he wanted to say it.
He let Justin nuzzle his neck and cover it with kisses. He'd never dare admit it because it was almost akin to saying the words, but the occasional cuddling was nice, especially with Justin. He didn't smell the same as most men Brian brought home. Instead of cologne and hair gel and other false scents, Justin smelled of paint and pencils, and there was something rather refreshing about it. Absentmindedly, Brian began guiding the pair of them from the kitchen towards the bedroom.
After a too brief moment, Justin put a hand on Brian's shoulder, straightening up and slightly pushing himself away. "I can't, not right now," Justin said quietly, "I'll be late for class."
With that, Justin slipped out of Brian's grasp, and collected his art portfolio and bag. After giving Brian a quick kiss on the cheek, he opened the door to the apartment and left.
Arms hanging limply at his sides and a thin clump of hair falling across his forehead, Brian looked defeated. He had been defeated, by three little words he hadn't been able to bring himself to say. And now Justin was gone for the day, and Brian didn't know if he'd be in the mood to try to say them later. So, he did the closest thing that he could.
Facing towards the door, he whispered, "I love you."