AN: This is a repost. This site deleted this fic in the Great Purge last year, because of my summary.

Original Summary: What I think they should have done in HP/EC fics where Bella is a hysterical bitch. Slightly a parody of all those fics where Bella won't let Edward go. Harry is a wizard. Wouldn't it be easy for him to do something?

'No! Edward! How dare you dump me for that British faggot?' a hysterical Isabella Swan screamed at a pair of good-looking boys.

One rolled his emerald eyes. His partner ran his hand through his bronze-coloured hair and sighed.

'Bella,' he began with a tone usuallly used on young dimwitted children, 'I am really sorry, but I don't love you. I thought I did, but I really just loved your scent and your silence.'

His boyfriend snorted at that. 'Yeah, silence...' he murmured.

Edward Cullen gave him a quick sheepish smile, and turned back to the crazed brunette.

'I am really sorry I misled you. You didn't deserve that. But I am not going to mislead you further. I don't love you, so you can better go and date Black.'

'No! I won't accept this, Edward.' Bella screeched. She turned to Harry Potter, who was standing calmly next to the handsome vampire who was supposed to be her boyfriend. 'You! This is all your fault. You seduced him with your stupid accent. You turned him and his family against me.' She lunged at the saviour of the Wizarding world, but before she could grab his throat, her wrists were grabbed and she was flung back.

An enraged Edward glared at her. 'Don't you touch him, Bella.'

Bella glared back at him. 'I am going to tell everyone your secret, Edward.' she hissed venomously. 'If you don't leave him and come back to me, I will tell everyone that you are a vampire. I might even go to a journalist. I will expose the vampires to the world.'

If Edward was not a vampire he would have paled. 'You wouldn't dare.'

Bella laughed madly. 'Oh, wouldn't I? You won't be able to stop me. You won't kill me either because the wolves would protect me.'

Edward growled. 'They wouldn't be able to protect you against the Volturi.'

'But it will be war between the vampires and werewolves. And you wouldn't want that.' Bella said smugly, fully convinced that she had won.

The vampire lost his control when he saw the smug face of his ex-girlfriend. He started screaming at his singer, while the frenzied girl screeched all kinds of profanities back.

The Boy-Who-Lived rolled his eyes again, who knew a 110 year old vampire could be this childish?

He grabbed the vampire's shoulder and pulled him back with the help of a bit magic. 'Now, let's solve this like the adults we are, ok?'

Bella gave a shriek. 'You! How dare you –'

Before she could finish whatever hateful thing she wanted to say, the defeater of Voldemort had whipped his wand out and pointed it at her. 'Obliviate!'

AN: I didn't know if I should end it here...

So I've put a longer end here.

A bluish green light washed over Bella. Her pupils dilated for a moment.

'Bella? Are you okay?' Harry asked in an apparently concerned tone.

Bella, who was looking a little bewildered but much more calm, nodded dazedly. 'Yeah, I think so. I just got dizzy for a moment. What were you saying?'

Harry elbowed Edward, shielding his elbow with a magical shield before he did it.

Edward cleared his throat. 'Oh, right, Bella, I'm really sorry. But I love Harry.'

Bella nodded. 'That's OK.'

An expression uncommon to vampires was on Edward's face. He gaped. 'That's OK?'

Bella nodded again. 'Yeah, Harry can have you. I like Jake more anyway, he is special.' she skipped out of the meadow where they were meeting.

Edward turned to Harry. 'Have I mentioned how glad I am that you're a wizard?'

Harry raised an eyebrow at him. 'Have I mentioned how glad I am that you have only had one muggle girlfriend?'

Edward laughed and gave the wizard a quick kiss. 'Oh, will you explain to the Quileutes what happened?'

'Why me? You were the one who created the mess by telling a human girl about vampires.' Harry said, swatting the vampire away when he tried to steal a kiss.

'They like you more, because of your godfathers.'

'Fine, but you owe me big time after this.' Harry whipped out his mobile phone.

Edward smirked. 'Oh, I can't wait to pay you back.'

Before the wizard could protest or finish his call, he was swooped up by his boyfriend and carried away at an immortal speed.

A delighted laugh carried through the air. All was well.

~The End~