Dear Alex,

It's been five years.

Five years since that day I woke with a gaping wound and bruised knuckles on a hand I remembered to be broken, since the day Headmistress Pearce let Legion into the school to save her sister, since the day I left that building behind. Five years since the day you left me to roam this empty world alone.

I work in a hospital now. I'm sure you must be surprised wherever you are, I mean, even I would never have believed that I would have a steady job where I would be helping people. I was the angry one of the group, the one who didn't care and let everyone know it. I was the one who had the weapons, and hurt everyone without second thought. Ironic, huh?

I'm sure you would have thought I would have joined the police or the army, so I could take my anger out on people who had done wrong. I don't have that anger anymore, though, I lost it to the numbness that I can sometimes still feel somewhere where my heart should have been.

Every day is a battle. I wondered who had done that to you, given you that gaping wound in your side that had taken you away from me before I was given the chance to heal you. I wish daily that I could go back and just stop it, save you from whoever did that to you.

I still have nightmares, you know. Nightmares where I was the one holding the blade that killed you, that I was the one that had killed you. Sometimes I see your face, you were probably brave in your last moments.

You were always brave.

I wish that I had been there though, that I could have helped in some way. I don't know, do something that would make me regret not knowing just a little less.

Selfish, I know, but some things never change. I'm afraid that is one of them. I may be different, I dress different, look different, but I'm still Mara. The same Mara that met you, that annoyed you, that fell in love with you.

I'm still that girl that rarely trusted people and pushed everyone away because she didn't know any better. Not everyone is as kind as you are, Alex, but neither is everyone as selfish as my parents or Headmistress Pearce. Most people fall somewhere between you and them. I'm sorry I hadn't realised just how special you were before, maybe I would have tried a little more, fought a little harder, so that someone like you would still be here.

That isn't the reason I'm writing this though.

There's someone I've met. She was one of the patients I tended to a few weeks ago. She's kind, and I'm sure you would love her. I saved her, I gave her a new life, the life I should have given to you, and she knows it.

She's been back to the hospital nearly every day since, always coming by around lunch time to join me. We're going out for dinner for the first time tonight.

I suppose I just wanted you to know. I want you to be there, to let me know that you approve, even though I know you would anyway, because you are kind and selfless like that. You would never want me to continue alone when I have an opportunity to do otherwise. I can almost see you smiling at me writing this through tears.

You're always going to be the little voice in my ear, my conscience reminding me never to walk that road that I once blindly followed again. Your voice still rings in my ears sometimes, you know?

I will never forget you, Alex, and you will always be in my heart and memory.

Love,

Mara

AN: Ironically, the length of this fic without AN is 666 words according to ffnet...