Welcome! If you're wondering where the update to GMET is, it's coming! But this was a story line that came to me after talking to my Dad one night and also after hearing Rihanna's new song 'American Oxygen'. I just felt compelled to write this story. This will be extremely emotional and difficult to read, but I hope you enjoy it just the same, and that it makes you appreciate what you have in your lives. And remember, don't ever take your loved ones for granted.
The door closed gently as 36 year old Jesse Swanson made his way into the warm and familiar New York City brownstown he shared with his wife of eleven years, Beca, and their two small children, Liam, six, and Mia, three.
Life was good for the Swanson's, what with Jesse as the CEO of a Pharmacutical Company in Manhattan. Beca had now taken a step back from full time music producer to part time music producer and full time mother. But in the end, the family was happy, and they never wanted for anything...mostly. Jesse was quite aware of Beca's one desire, especially as of late. And that was for him to stop working so much. It was a rare occasion that he was home before 7 most evenings, and on this evening inparticular, his watch read 7:57. He knew Beca was going to be displeased. Scratch that, displeased was a total understatement for when Beca Swanson was in a bad mood. And over the past week, Beca had been very displeased, and things were quite strained between them to say the least. He made sure to tread lightly as he made his way into the home. At the very least, the atmosphere was calm and inviting. However, that was the story of their lives. Scents of apple, pumpkin, and caramel from the scented candles wafted through the air as Ella Fitzgerald's voice enveloped the room. In the living room, Liam, and Mia, already bathed and in their pajamas, played quietly next to each other with their toys.
Jesse knew they were blessed, and he was reminded of it every time he saw his children playing together. The Swanson children were low maitence kids, and had been since the day they came into this world. They were polite, well mannered, calm, and grateful children. And they knew fully well how to entertain themselves. Not that Jesse and Beca never played with them, but they didn't rely on it in the way that most children did. Jesse watched as Mia dressed her baby doll and Liam tended to his trains. But it wasn't long however, before the little boy looked up and acknowledged Jesse's presence.
"Daddy!" He gleefully announced as he scrambled to get into his father's arms. Jesse dropped his bag and scooped Liam up as the child wrapped his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Jesse squeezed back and kissed his slightly damp head.
"Hey big guy, how are you?"
"I'm good, Dad, will you play trains with me before I go to bed? I just finished the track! Thomas and Gordon have some very important deliveries to make."
Jesse smiled. "Of course, lemme just get settled and I'll be right over." He answered, as he rubbed his hand over Liam's head, rubbing his hair. Mia looked over at the two boys and smiled.
"And how is Daddy's princess tonight?" Jesse asked as he walked over and bent down to kiss his three year old on the forehead.
"Daddy" She giggled, looking up to her father. "I missed you."
Jesse tried his best to fake a smile, feeling guilty about all his time spent away from his children. He kissed Mia's forehead once more. "I missed you too peanut. You guys be good, I'm gonna check in on mommy and then I'll be right back."
He walked into the kitchen and found her washing dishes at the sink. God, she was pure perfection. The flowing black dress she wore stopped right above her knees revealing her gloriously smooth legs. Her wavy hair hung freely around her shoulders and neck. He knew she was going to be irritated with her, but he couldn't help but touch her. Walking over to her, he gently moved some of her hair, revealing her pale neck. His lips instantly found her pulse point, and he began to kiss as his hands roamed her waist, her belly just starting to swell with baby Swanson number three. She moaned softly at the feel of his hands and lips on her body.
"So this is how it goes, you come home after being gone for thirteen hours and I'm just supposed to be okay with it and give my body over to you?" Beca questioned, annoyence heavy in her voice.
"Bec..." He groaned softly.
"No Jesse. This is bullshit. You have barely seen us today. You've been home long enough to kiss the kids goodbye at the breakfast table, and say goodnight in their beds. You missed Liam's soccer practice, you missed dinner, Mia's going to be 4 next month, maybe you should pencil that in on your planner just in case you forget." She yelled harshly, throwing the dish towel down and putting her head in her hands. "I love you Jesse, but I'm done raising this family alone. You can't just make love to me, get me pregnant, and then expect me to do all the rest. I refuse to raise another baby without you."
Jesse watched with a pained look on his face as Beca's words cut into him like a knife. He knew what she was saying was true, he was overworked. Being a father and husband was more than just a weekened gig. It was evident by the look on her face alone that he had hurt her, and he hated himself for it. Eleven years ago he made a promise to always love her, and to never bring any pain to her. But as he stood next to her on a rainy September evening, he could see that he had clearly failed her.
"Dad?" A small, soft voice echoed. Beca and Jesse turned to see Liam standing in the entry way. Beca quickly wiped her tears and took a breath.
"Hey buddy, come on, let's get you ready for bed." She stated as she scooped her son into her arms.
"But Daddy hasn't played trains with me yet." Liam protested sadly.
"Baby I'm sorry, but it's late, you've got school in the morning and you need to be rested." Beca explained. Jesse, feeling guilty, nodded his head as he rubbed his son's arm.
"Mommy's right big guy. But listen, tomorrow I promise to be home early, and we can spend all evening playing trains, alright?"
Liam smiled, flashing a big, toothless, grin. "Okay, goodnight Daddy, I love you."
"I love you too." Jesse replied as he kissed the top of his head.
Jesse turned the water on and hopped into the shower, allowing the water to cascade over his body, and release his stress.
Things had been like this for about a week now. He knew he was working overtime, but they were so close. His company had been working in overdrive trying to fine tune a pill that would have the ability to delay the onset of alzheimers. Most nights, Jesse wasn't getting home til nearly 8 o'clock. Last Thursday he walked in the door at 9:15. Beca had had enough and he didn't blame her. It certainly wasn't fair for her to have to do everything herself. As he showered, and cleaned himself up, the guilt continued to beat on him. He just wanted them to be okay again. He wanted to be able to kiss her, caress and worship her body, he wanted to be able to make her smile.
Stepping out of the shower, he dried his hair off with the towel before wrapping it around his waist and brushing his teeth.
He walked out of the steam filled room to find her undressing and getting ready for bed. In a lace Victoria's Secret thong and matching bra, Beca Swanson stood in front of him, the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. And yet he couldn't touch her. He eyes shot daggers in his direction.
"I'm sorry." He stated, not knowing what else to say. She sighed in response to his apology.
"I am too." She whispered. Jesse was shocked by her words. What the hell did Beca have to be sorry for? She was practically raising the family by herself.
"Wait what?"
Beca walked over to him and rested her hand on his shoulder. "I know you've been workng overtime for a good cause, and I know how hard you work to provide for our family and the countless lives you save each year. I don't always make it easy." She confessed as her gaze fell to the floor. Jesse lifted her face back up to his with his finger.
"Bec, you don't ever have to apologize for missing me. I should be here more often, I know that, and I'm going to do everything I can to accomplish that. You're not in this marriage alone, I promise you that." He assured her. Rubbing his thumb over her cheek, she smiled slightly. Unsure of how she would react, Jesse tested the waters and leaned in to kiss her. Beca didn't resist. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she fell into the kiss.
"I've missed this so much." Jesse whispered.
"Me too..." She breathed.
He began to walk her backwards towards the bed, and her legs hit the edge. He expected her to lay herself back, but she didn't. She stood there, still kissing him, yet still not moving. His hand slid down from her waist down to her leg before making its way back up to rub at her hip bone causing her head to fall back slightly as a moan escaped her mouth. He took the break from her mouth as an opportunity to kiss up along her neck, leaving her breathless.
"Jesse..." She panted. "It's late, I have laundry to finish up, and I haven't made Liam's lunch for tomorrow." She gripped his hair as he continued lavishing her neck with his lips.
"Do you want me to stop?" He mumbled before his towel fell by the wayside and he slipped his finger through her damp folds, catching her clit and rubbing it softly. Beca released a moan, loudly.
"Fuck it." She groaned before grabbing him by the neck and pulling him onto the bed with her. Beca scooted backwards and fell into the pillows as Jesse settled on top of her. Instantly, she spread her legs and wrapped them around his waist. Her hands fisted in his hair as he kissed her hard and passionately, pulling on her bottom lip with his teeth. Beca moaned deeply, a spreading warmth filled her body, and her breathing became heavier with each passing moment. She shifted slightly as her arm moved back when her elbow smacked onto something metal and hard, sending a shooting pain up her arm.
"Damnit!" She grumbled as she reached behind her to pull out whatever object had caused her the pain. Jesse tried his best to stiffle laughter as Beca rolled her eyes when she pulled the string of trains up by her pillow.
"We need a vacation, seriously." She sighed, throwing the trains onto the floor into a spot she would most likely trip over the following morning sending her into a fury of curse words. But for right now, she could have cared less. Jesse leaned back into her and kissed all along her neck, working closer and closer to her chest.
"I'll take you on a vacation baby. Where do you wanna go, Italy, Spain, Greece, Morroco?" He whispered as his hand caressed her side on it's way down to her panties. Slowly, maddenly slowly, he pulled them off of her body before he reached behind her back to remove her bra, and immediately sucked a breast into his mouth as his hand massaged the other.
"God, I don't even care, I don't plan on leaving the hotel room." Beca breathed out in between a string of moans that praised Jesse's mouth.
Fuck, she was so turned on. She could feel herself completely drenched, and she wanted him so badly. It had been over a week since the last time they had been intimate in any fashion, and her body was screaming out for a release. She had earlier in the week used her vibrator in the shower to take the edge off of things, but it was nothing compared to the real thing, and Beca wanted the real thing-right this very second.
Pushing up on his chest, Jesse got the hint and pulled back, looking deep into his wife's eyes.
"I want you." She whispered, as she pushed him onto his back and straddled his waist. His erection pushed into her back, and Jesse could feel just how wet Beca was.
"Fuck, baby." He moaned, trying to control his breathing. Slowly, way more slowly than Jesse would have liked, Beca sank herself onto him, pushing him into her body as deeply as he would go. After a week of no action, it took him every ounce of self control not to finish on impact. Taking deep breaths, he grabbed her hips gently to prevent her from moving and mumbled out a "just give me a second." He thought about business reports, about the new drug his company was figuring out-something to slow the onset of Alzheimers. He thought about how he was glad he hadn't chosen this day of all days to take Liam to the Yankee's/Red Sox game. It had been a stormy afternoon, and the game had been rained out. Rain pitter pattered outside as the storm continued.
Finally feeling more in control of his body, he raked his hands up and down her sides, scratching her sensually and nodding his head for her to continue. Beca slowly lifted herself up and pushed herself back down again. Her face screwed up with pleasure as she began to build up a rythem.
"God it's been way too long, keep going, please keep going baby." Jesse groaned, encouraging her movements. Not that Beca needed any encouragement, the feeling in her lower belly was delightful, and she had no plans of stopping anytime soon.
She kept thinking to herself that she was being too loud, and needed to soften her moans, but she couldn't stop herself. The sex was good. Maybe it was because they had been so at ends with each other lately, maybe it was because they hadn't been together in what felt like forever, or maybe it was the pregnancy. Whatever the case, she couldn't remember the last time it had been this good, and she hadn't even reached her peak. What she really wanted was to scream out his name, to scratch his back up, to not get off of him until they had both orgasmed so many times their legs could no longer function. Riding him faster and faster, she was almost in tears with pleasure. She reached up and began to massage her breasts and pinch at her nipples, causing her to moan even more if that was even possible.
"I'm almost there, yes, I'm almost there, I'm so close." She moaned. Jesse was memorised by the sight in front of him. The hottest woman he had ever laid eyes on in his entire life was riding him hard and pulling at her breasts. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer with her, he had to get her to finish, and fast.
"Tell me what you need baby, you look so fucking hott, I don't know how much longer I can last." He breathed out. Beca instructed for him to rub at her clit, and he did just as he was told. Jesse reached down between them and found her swollen nub immediately.
"Ah!" Beca cried out loudly as he began to rub, and it quickly went downhill from there. Jesse had hit the money maker, and Beca pressed her hands against his chest to steady herself as she experienced an earth shattering orgasm. Her eyes flew backwards as the feeling exploded inside of her. Her toes curled, and the spreading warmth swallowed her whole. Jesse grunted as he filled her completely.
It was magical. Not only the feeling of relief, but the feeling of being reconnected, of knowing that she and Jesse were no longer fighting. She laid on top of him, catching her breath and finally coming down from her high.
"So beautiful, you're so, so, beautiful." Jesse whispered, as he placed a light kiss against her lips. She closed her eyes and climbed off of him before settling into his arms. Still wanting to feel that connection, Jesse peppered Beca's lips with feathery light kisses as she stroked his bare sides with her knuckles.
"I missed you Jess." She stated, looking up at him.
"I missed you too Bec. I'm sorry for hurting you, and I promise, I'm going to try harder, and I will make this up to you." He assured her. Jesse was damn good at his job, and he truly loved what he did, but he knew in his heart of hearts that what mattered most in this life were Beca and their children.
"Come with me." Beca instructed as she took Jesse by the hand and pulled him out of bed. She grabbed her robe from the closet as he threw on a pair of boxers. "Where are we going? It's 10 o'clock, and we just had sex, lets fall asleep together." Beca shook her head as she continued to drag him out of the room. Coming into the living room, Beca adjusted the stereo system as the sweet instrumental jazzy music filled the house softly so as not to disturb the children. She then made her way into the kitchen and grabbed two wine glasses and a bottle of Sparkling Cider.
"Watch the stars with me." She whispered, as she wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled.
Jesse smirked. "We live in New York City, there are no stars." He whispered back.
Rolling her eyes, she poured the glasses and handed his over to him. "Humor me."
"To us." He toasted, clinking glasses with Beca's.
She smiled. "To us."
5:30 came way too quickly, as it normally did. And as Beca hit the alarm off and prepared to get up, Jesse's arm tightened against her.
"Too early." He groaned in protest. Beca sighed and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"I know, but I wanna get my run in before the kids wake up. Plus, I enjoy seeing the sunrise."
Jesse stretched, and finally opened his eyes. "So you're telling me I can't persuade you to stay in bed, even for some more earth shattering sex? I could get you off two, three times before the kids wake up. It'll be a much more exciting form of exercise."
God, that sounded fantastic, and she didn't doubt her husbands ability. But Beca was a creature of habit, and she knew her entire day would be off if she didn't get this run in.
"Mmmm, as tempting as that sounds, I really do need to run. But, I will need a shower afterwards, so..." She replied with a smirk causing Jesse to smile back dreamily.
"Alright, good comprimise." He relented.
Beca got up out of the bed, and immediately went flying as she slipped on Liam's trains that she had haphazardly discarded the night before and landed flat on her ass.
"Fucking trains! Damnit...don't think I've forgotten about that vacation!" She groaned, rubbing at her back.
"Bec, are you alright?" Jesse immediately asked, sitting up in bed.
"I'm fine, honestly, just a total inconvenience, go back to sleep babe." She made her way up off the floor and assembled her running gear-spandex, sports bra, Barden Bella's T-shirt, socks, and shoes. Throwing her hair up into a messy bun, she kissed Jesse and made her way out the door.
Manhattan in September was Beca's favorite time of year, especially when it came to running. At 5:45 in the morning, the sun had yet to rise. It was a warm and inviting morning, with the temperature at about 58 or so degrees-perfect running weather. After she completed her stretches, she took off on her usual route. Every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, Beca ran six miles through the borough, waving at the people she saw every week. And even at this early of an hour, as usual, New York City was lit up and bustling. Shop owners were opening their businesses, business men who were trying their best to climb the corperate ladder were headed into the office early, and the police were out in full force, as usual, working to keep the citizens of Manhattan safe. It was a perfect morning, and as the sun began to rise, signaling an end to the rainy Monday blues, she knew it was going to be a perfect day.
Jesse was still sleeping when she made it back to the house about an hour later. Throwing her sweaty t-shirt off of her and into the hamper, she looked down at her belly, her just beginning to show growing new life belly, and then over at her sleeping husband. He was stretched out in nothing but boxer briefs, and Beca smiled, ready for round 2. Walking over to him, she smaked his ass before climbing on top of him and massaging his shoulders eliciting a string of groans from him.
"Happy Tuesday handsome, come get cleaned up with me." She seductively suggested as she climbed off of him and began to toss articles of clothing, leaving a trail into the bathroom. Jesse sat up in bed and put his glasses on.
"Holy shit, we need to start all our mornings like this."
"Dad?" Liam questioned as he sat on the toilet seat and watched as Jesse shaved.
"What's up buddy?"
"How come you and Mommy take showers together?"
Jesse paused and was momentarily rendered speechless. It was 7 o'clock in the morning on a random Tuesday, and he found himself completely caught off guard by the question. He looked down at his six year old son who was waiting for an answer, and then back in the mirror as he tried to come up with a tasteful and honest but not too honest answer. Wiping the remaining shaving cream off of his face, he bent down to face Liam.
"Well, buddy, because I love your Mommy. That's why I married her, that's why we had you and Mia, and why we decided to make another baby, because we love each other. And one of the ways I like to show Mommy I love her is by kissing her and hugging her and taking care of her. And sometimes, don't tell her I said this, but sometimes, Mommy gets so busy, and has so much going on, that she forgets to wash her hair. So I have to make sure she remembers."
Liam errupted into a fit of giggles at the explination. "Dad, that's silly."
Jesse laughed at his small son's innocent reaction and was in the process of picking him up when he heard Beca's voice.
"Are you two talking about me?" She questioned, as she stood against the door frame in her bathrobe and her hair still wrapped up.
Liam shrugged. "Just about how much we love you."
Jesse extended his hand out for a knuckle bump. "Smart answer dude."
Beca of course rolled her eyes and smirked. "Mmmhmm...listen, you two are going to be late for work and school, so you better get going."
The boys answered with a yes maam and made their way out of the bathroom to get dressed for the day.
20 minutes later, at 7:40, the boys were cleaned up and dressed, ready to take on their days. As was usual in the Swanson household, Beca usually walked Liam to school. But on this particular morning, Jesse had volunteered to drop him off on his way into the office, and Beca of course did not object.
"Liam Swanson, you look sooo handsome!" Beca complimented as she bent down and adjusted his uniform.
"Even handsomer than Daddy?" He questioned.
Beca winked. "Even handsomer than Daddy."
"Wow! Dad, did you hear that? Mommy said I'm handsomer than you!"
"Boy, it's your lucky day. Come on though, we don't want to be late, go grab your lunch box."
Jesse walked over to Beca and wrapped his hands around her waist. "Tonight, I will be home by five, and we are going to dinner tonight as a family, I'll have Kathleen make reservations. And I will also have her look into booking an exoctic week long European vacation." He explained before kissing her.
"So hott. I look forward to it." She smiled before kissing him back. His tongue brushed across her lips and she opened her mouth, allowing him entrance. She groaned slightly when his trailed down to grab at her ass.
"Dad! Come on! You're the one that's going to make us late!" Liam yelled, breaking the couple apart.
"Right! Yes, let's go."
"Bye baby, I love you, you have a good day today okay?" Beca said as she bent down to hug him.
"Bye Mommy, I love you too. Bye Mia! Love you!"
The boys were halfway out the door when Beca spoke up once more.
"Hey Jess?" She called out. Jesse popped his head back in.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
He flashed a smile. "I love you too Beca."
And then, the door shut, and they were gone.
She was in the bathroom blow drying her hair when she heard the noise. Off in the distance she could make out the faint sound of what she assumed was some kind of an explosion. Beca unmistakenly felt the brownstone shake slightly. Pausing for a brief second, she immediately turned the blowdryer off and laid it down on the sink. Slightly on edge, she waited for something else to happen. Some other noise or movement or something. But nothing came. The bathroom was silent, and all that could be heard was Sesame Street coming through the TV in the living room. Tightening her robe, she hurried into the living room where Mia was watching tv and eating her breakfast.
"Come 'mere baby." Beca said as she rushed in and scooped her daughter into her arms. She kissed her forehead and moved some of her messy light brown hair out of her face. The young girls piercing blue eyes stared up at her mother. "Mama, did you feel that too?" She questioned calmly, seemingly unphased by the event. Beca nodded, unsure of what it was.
"Hey, what do you say we go to the park today? Hmm? It's a gorgeous day out!" Beca exclaimed, trying her best not to alarm her daughter. After all, it was most likely nothing.
"Yeah!" Mia happily answered, as her face lit up.
"Perfect! Why don't you go get dressed, and we'll leave in a few minutes okay?"
"Okay Mama." She replied as she ran off down the hall to her room.
Beca, still slightly on edge, and not sure why, switched the TV over to the Today Show, hoping somebody would have some information.
Upon turning the channel, she found Matt Lauer interviewing some rando who was writing a book about a Billionare or something. She was only half paying attening at this point. But after the conversation continued on for several minutes, Beca was starting to believe that there was no big news story, and the noise she had heard was probably just a truck backfire or some sort of construction going on.
"God, you're so damn paranoid." She muttered to herself as she turned her back and prepared to walk down the hall to Mia's room. It was then that she heard it.
Matt interrupted the man he was interviewing.
"Okay, I have got to interrupt you right now, I'm sorry. Richard Hack, thank you very much, we appreciate it, the book is called Hughes. Were gonna go live right now and show you a picture of the World Trade Center, where I understand-do we have it? No, we do not. We have a breaking story though, were gonna come back with that in just a moment. First, this is Today on NBC."
Beca immediately froze. Slowly, she turned back around. What the fuck. No, seriously, what the actual fuck?! What was happening at the World Trade Center?! And how were they going to announce something like that and then cut to a fucking commercial break?! She tried to remain calm, but she just couldn't. Something did not feel right. She immediately rushed to the window, trying in vain to see if she could see anything out of the ordinary. She thought she saw smoke, but she wasn't sure if it was really smoke, or her mind just playing tricks on her. They weren't far from the Towers, maybe 15 minutes or so? But you couldn't readily see them from the windows, not unless you were outside. Panic was starting to set in as Beca tried to breathe. She tried remembering Jesse's information. He was the CEO of Stanley-Fitzgerald Pharmacuticals, located on the 42nd floor of the South Tower.
She paced back and forth through the stupid fucking car max commerical, the ross commerical, and then the McDonald's commerical until finally, Katie Couric's face appeared. Finally, Beca took a seat on the couch.
"As Matt just mentioned, we have a breaking news story to tell you about, aparently a plane has just crashed into the World Trade Center here in New York City, it happened just a few moments ago aparently, we have very little information available at this time. But on the phone..."
A live shot was pulled up of the towers, one of which which clearly had a gapping hole at the top of it. Smoke was billowing out.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Beca's scream was so ear piercing, it even scared her. She couldn't tell by the image which tower had been hit, but she instantly had become hysterical. Mia walked back into the living room, and stared up at her mother in confusion. With tears in her eyes, Beca looked down at the three year old and sat her on the couch.
"Baby, mommy has a phone call to make, I need you to sit right here, okay? Can you do that for mommy?"
Mia nodded her head slowly, before turning to face the television. The soon to be 4 year old sat and stared, no understanding what was happening. All she knew was a building was clearly on fire and her mother was crying. The child had a maturity about her to know not to ask any questions, she just sat and did as she was told.
Beca immediately dialed the number and listened with baited breath as the phone continued to ring.
"Jesse Swanson speaking."
Beca was so overjoyed at the sound of his voice, it took her a minute before she could even speak.
"Jesse, are you okay?" She sobbed out.
"Becs? I'm fine, what's wrong?" He questioned, panic rising in his voice.
"What's wrong? What's wrong?! A fucking plane just flew into the World Trade Center for Christ's sake!" Mia flinched at her mother's words and Beca instantly regretted being so harsh, but she was growing more hysterical with each passing minute and could just barely contain herself.
3 year old Mia Swanson sat transfixed to the tv, watching as smoke and fire engulfed the top of the building. In the back of her mind, Beca knew she should be shielding her young daughter from this travesty, but in the present moment, she just wanted Jesse to come home.
"Beca, love, a plane did not crash into the World Trade Center, that would be ludicris. They're 100 some floor buildings, the tallest buildings in all of Manhatten. Not to mention it is a perfectly cloudless day, you would have to be a complete idiot to miss us." Jesse assured her as he flipped through some papers. "One of the guys said there was some kind of bomb that went off. I can see the smoke, it looks pretty high up. But still, a bomb, contained to the North Tower. Baby were okay."
He tried his best to calm her down, but Beca wasn't having any of it. "Jesse I want you to come home. Please, just come home." She begged.
"Beca I can't come home right now, I-" And then just like that, the line went dead.
From the couch, in a trance like voice, Mia turned to face Beca and pointed at the TV. "Mama, look."
Beca turned around to hear the sound of a woman screaming "Oh God! Another one! Another plane just flew in!" A ginormous fireball now engulfed the top of the South Tower. In complete horror, Beca fell to the floor and begain to wail. She had just witnessed on live television a plan crash into her husband's building, she was pretty sure now that her country was under attack, and quite possibly, her husband was dead. It was all too much to take in. Too much to process at once. Suddenly fifteen years didn't seem like nearly enough time. Sobbing on the floor, that was the thought that continued to ring through her mind, fifteen years wasn't enough time.
Mia was utterly confused and frightened. Picking up the phone, she ran over to the fridge where a list of numbers were put up.
Fire Department & Police: 911
Grandma and Grandpa Mitchell: 555-8249
Mimi and Papa Swanson: 555-7624
Aunt Chloe & Uncle Mark: 555-3392
Aunt Stacie: 555-4923
Mia studied the list, with the pictures next to the names. She didn't think now was a time to call 911. Grandma and Grandpa Mitchell lived far away, as did Mimi and Papa. The little girl studied the list even harder and decided that Aunt Stacie, the doctor, was the best choice. Picking up the phone, she pushed the buttons and waited for an answer.
"Hello?"
Mia was silent, quite frightened, she didn't know what to say as she watched Beca, lying on the floor screaming and crying.
"Hello?" The voice said once more.
"Aunt Stacie?" She finally spoke up.
"Mia?" Stacie questioned.
"Something's wrong with Mommy." She flatly explained.
"Mia, what's going on? I need you to talk to me sweet girl." Stacie explained, feeling slightly paniced. She could hear screaming in the background.
"I don't know. The TV is on. There's a big building, and it's on fire. Mama was on the phone, and she started getting fustrated, and yelling bad words. And then there was a nother big 'splosion and fire, and Mama just started screaming and crying." She tried to explain. It was all Stacie needed to hear. She grabbed her keys and prepared to make the 6 block run over to Jesse and Beca's.
"Mia Katherine, are you listening to me?"
"Yes."
"I want you to go into your room and play with some of your toys okay? Mommy will be alright, I promise. Just go play, I'm on my way over." She instructed. Mia hung up the phone and walked into her room leaving her mother alone. She just didn't understand any of it. It frightened her to see Beca this way. When she thought about it, she didn't think she could remember ever seen her mother cry before. She knew it had something to do with the burning building. Fire was bad, fire was scary. She remembered last week when the fire man came to her school and talked about fire safety. Stop, drop, and roll. She hoped the people in the building remembered to do that.
Stacie was panting as she busted into Jesse and Beca's. She wasn't scheduled to work today, but she knew that with what was happening, they were going to need every hand available at New York Presbyterian.
"Beca!" She yelled, running into the house. She found her crumpled on the ground, still crying. Stacie picked her up off the floor and held tightly to her.
"Stacie?" Beca questioned. "What are you doing here?"
"Mia called me, what the hell is going on?" Stacie exclaimed.
It was as if Beca's brain had shut down on her. She had remembered falling to the floor, and screaming, but nothing after that. She hadn't remembered her young daughter being in the room with her, and now she panicked, truly believing she had horrified her young daughter.
"Oh my God, Mia!" She took off running and bolted into the child's bedroom, only to find her playing quietly with barbies. She looked down at her. If this was it, if this was truly how Jesse's life ended, he was going to miss everything. Her first day of school, her first school dance, prom, graduation, marriage, babies. He would miss Liam's soccer games, his own prom, graduation, marriage, and children. He would miss the birth of their third child. Jesse was going to miss everything. Beca scooped Mia up, and cradled her into her arms.
The three year old little girl, with her hair in a messy pony tail and her pajamas still on, looked up at Beca. "Mama, you're scaring me."
"I know honey, and I'm really sorry about that. There's just a big fire, and we want to make sure we stay safe, okay? I'm going to go pick up Liam from school and then maybe we can go see Gramma and Granpa okay?"
Mia nodded her head in agreement.
"You stay with Aunt Stacie, and play barbies, and I'll be right back."
The child once again nodded her head, and Beca walked out of the room.
"Can you stay with her for a little bit while I go grab Liam?" Beca yelled out as she ran into her room, grabbing whatever she could find.
"Yeah, absolutely. But Beca, we should talk about this."
Beca dropped her robe, not giving one tenth of a shit that Stacie was in the room and hurridly threw on a pair of panties and quickly tried to get a bra on before slipping into a pair of jeans and a stripped button down blue and white shirt. Usually, she would have worn a white cami underneath, but there was no time for that. Quite frankly, she didn't care at all what she looked like.
"Stacie I don't have time, I have to get Liam. Lord knows they'll need you at the hospital today, I don't want to keep you here too long." Beca spoke, brushing off her best friend's concern and hurried out of the room.
"Damnit, where the fuck are my keys...what am I saying, it's not like I need to lock up the house, I just need to go." She continued, turning around in circles.
"Becs, can you please just sit down for a minute, I wanna take your blood pressure, it's probably sky high right now." Stacie attempted.
"Seriously?! Seriously right now? My husband could be fucking dead, and you want to take my blood pressure?!"
Stacie continued to push. "Beca..."
"He could be dead Stacie! I could have been talking to my husband as he was killed, I could have witnessed his death on national television. I am 4 months pregnant with my third child. What fucking right does anybody have to take that man from me? You tell me that! He is a good fucking person Stacie, he is a good husband, a good father, and a damn good employer. His company works to save countless amounts of lives. They had no right!" Beca sobbed openly as she slammed her fist against the counter. "They had no right..."
Stacie hugged her tightly, so unsure of what to say to Beca. What was anybody supposed to say given the circumstances. Everything was certainly not going to be okay, not by a long shot. She knew that if in fact Jesse was killed, that Beca would be taken of. Not only financially, but emotionally. They would see to it. Hell, Stacie herself would move in and help Beca raise the kids. And she knew the other girls would help in every way they could. But of course, it wouldn't replace Jesse. It wouldn't take the pain away of loosing a spouse at such a young age. Not knowing what else to do, Stacie held onto Beca and began praying quietly.
The girls stood there, crying and praying together until Beca began to feel a familiar churning in her stomach. She knew what was to come.
"I'm gonna be sick." She mumbled as she ran out of Stacie's arms and into the kitchen, violently throwing up into the sink while still being overcome by tears. Beca's body was not handling the stress well at all.
Stacie rubbed at her back as her stomach emptied its contents. "Do you want me to go get Liam?"
Beca wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand. "No, I can do it, I can do this."
She rinsed her mouth out with water, and grabbed her purse before hugging Stacie once more and heading out the door.
It was a beautiful late summer morning. The sun was shinning, and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. However it was completely overshadowed by the smoke in the air, standing outside, she could clearly see the South and North Towers stretched high above into the sky. All those people, the business men and women, the firefightgers, the police officers. All those people. It shook Beca to her core.
Liam's school was only 3 blocks from their home, but even so, Beca picked up her speed and her steps quickly turned into a jog. She wasn't the only person running as smoke filled the sky and people ran around panicking, not knowing what was next.
As she ran through the crowds, desperate to hold her first born child, she caught bits and pieces of people's conversations. Some were saying it was an American Airlines flight that hit the tower, and then other's were saying a British Airways flight was responsible for the second tower. As she tried in vain to make it through people, she could hear a woman explaining to someone that terrorists were going to fly planes into buildings every thirty minutes through out the United States. No one knew exactly what was happening, rumors were running rampant, and people were hysterical. Literally, hysterical. Nobody knew how to get off the Island, subway systems were becoming suspended, bridges were being shut down, and people were running through out the city screaming and crying. Manhattan had become a sight for complete mass hysteria.
"Maam, I don't have any information right now I'm sorry. No, do not tell your husband to jump, I would advise against that." An officer instructed to a grieving woman. She knew right then and there that these moments were going to be inbedded into her brain forever. 60 years from now, she would still remember every detail of this horrific day.
The woman continued to cry. "They are burning up in there! The smoke is horrific! Where the hell are the firefighters, and why haven't they put the fire out yet?"
"I can assure you they are doing the very best they can, we've never had a situation like this before. I hate to be frank at all ma'am, but we've never dealt with a bowing 757 fly through a building before. We've never had a fire this high up before. I know it's scary, but the firefighters are doing everything they can to get up there as quickly as they can."
Beca felt like she was going to be sick to her stomach once more. She had to keep moving, she just couldn't listen any more.
Finally, she saw the school and the swarm of parents crying and grabbing their children to hug them tightly. Her tears began to fall again as she thought about how her son must be feeling right now. Liam was older, he was more aware. He knew Jesse worked at the World Trade Center, he knew what it meant when someone told him a plane flew into his Daddy's building. She pushed her way past people trying to make it into the school. Not sure of where to go, she ran down the hall to his classroom. The third door on the left, Mrs. Zianotti's First Grade classroom. Beca opened the door to find the teacher sitting with a half dozen kids on the rug, reading them a story. At the sound of the door opening, every child turned, hoping to see their parent.
Liam looked up to see Beca standing in the door, and he quickly got up and walked over to her. By the time he reached her, he had given into his tears. Beca's heart shattered once more as she picked her son up and gripped him tightly in her arms, not wanting to let go. Mother and son stood together, both crying.
Quietly, she gathered his things, and they walked out into the hallway together. Setting him down in front of her, Beca looked Liam over. He wore his white polo shirt and khaki pants. His hair was combed and parted, and he had Jesse's honey brown eyes. Eyes that dropped down tears.
With those beautiful brown eyes of his, he looked up at her. "Mommy, is my Daddy dead?" He simply questioned. "Did the bad guys kill Daddy?"
Beca let out a ragged breath as the tears continued to pour from deep inside of her. This day was so painful, she felt it in her body. How was she supposed to tell her six year old that she had no idea if his father was coming home? She took a breath, and told him the truth.
"Baby, I don't know. I haven't heard from Daddy yet. We just have to wait and see what happens." She gently explained.
"Mommy, it's okay for boys to cry, right?" Liam asked, trying in vain to hold himself together. Just when Beca thought the pain couldn't get any worse, her heart would take another hit. She wasn't sure how she could possibly have any tears left in her body, but still, they continued to pour.
"Yes, baby, it's okay for boys to cry." Beca reassured him.
"Is it okay for boys to need to hold their mommies?" He croaked, as the tears fell from his eyes.
Beca immediately picked him up and held him tight to her as she sobbed. "Liam you can hold Mommy whenever you need to for as long as you need to. I will always love you, and I will always need you. No matter how big you get, no matter how big this belly of mine gets, you can always hold me, do you understand?"
He nodded his head. "Yes, I understand."
"Baby, do you know how much Mommy loves you? You're the one little boy who knows my body from the inside out. You're the only boy who knows what Mommy's heart sounds like from the inside. I would give everything I had for you."
"I love you too Mommy, I always will."
With her baby in her arms, Beca walked him home trying to make sense of everything. Liam's little arms wrapped around her neck, clinging onto her for dear life. In this moment, she was everything he had.
The pair walked into the Brownstone at 9:45, emotionally drained and completely spent. Chloe, Ashley, and Stacie were on the floor playing with Mia.
"Hey guys." Beca said, dropping her purse on the bench in the hallway. She attempted to put Liam down, but he wouldn'tbudge. Beca wasn't in any way going to push it. She'd spend the rest of her life with him wrapped around her body if that's what she had to do. Making her way to the couch, she sat down, and he rested his head against her chest, eyes staring straight ahead, but he never said a word.
Beca, not knowing what else to do, began to sing.
You and I must make a pact
We must bring salvation back
Where there is love, I'll be there
I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there
I'll be there to comfort you, I'll build my world of dreams around you, I'm so glad I found you
And I'll be there with a love so strong
I'll be your strength, you know I'll keep holding on.
Mia climbed up onto Beca's lap as well, and the girls watched as their best friend sat and comforted her two small children when she herself was dying inside.
For a single moment in time, things were calm, and peaceful for a moment. It looked as if both kids were going to fall asleep against Beca, and then, as it had happened all morning, the next disaster struck.
The china in the cabinets were the first items to shake, and shortly after that, everything was vibrating in the house. Liam's eyes flew open, and Mia began to cry. Beca was horrified and immediately thought there was an earthquake happening. An earthquake, on top of everything else, there was an earthquake happening in Manhattan.
The kids were screaming and crying as Stacie instructed everyone to move away from the windows and stay on the ground. Moving into the hallway, Beca grabbed the throw blanket from the couch and screamed at Liam and Mia to get under her body. Placing herself ontop of her children, she threw the blanket over herself and her friends as they waited for the shaking to stop.
After what seemed like an eternity, but was in all actuality only about ten minutes from start to finish, the shaking finally stopped. Liam and Mia whimpered underneath Beca.
Chloe, slowly rose up from the floor and looked over to the windows. Everything was covered in blackness.
"Guys, stay put for a little bit longer." She said as she made her way into the entry way. Opening the door slowly and timidly, she was met with a sight she had never before seen. The entire street was filled with soot and darkness. Papers flew about, and smoke filled the air. It was like the world was coming to an end. It didn't seem like the type of damage an earthquake would cause. But she didn't have a clue what else could possibly cause this type of catastrophe. Either way, she shut the door and walked back inside.
"Well?" Beca questioned.
Chloe shrugged, not knowing what else to do. "I don't have the slightest clue what happened, but that wasn't an earthquake."
Beca sighed, and stood up as the children whimpered beneathe her. Grabbing the blanket, she took the kids with her, and walked into the bedroom. Everyone just needed to rest.
"Is it on?" Amy asked as her face appeared in front of the camera. In typical late 80's/early 90's fashion, there was a ton of chiffon and teased hair.
"Yes, it says it's recording." Cynthia answered.
Amy smiled. "Okay, good, how do I look?"
"Seriously? Aint nobody care what the hell you look like today! Lemme see the bride!"
"Really? Do we really need to be recording this right now?" Beca griped as Chloe fastened her pearls.
"You're damn right were recording this, Beca Mitchell, it's your wedding day, humor us for a second, will you?"
Beca relaxed her shoulders some and sighed. "Okay, fine. By the way Amy, could they have possibly made your hair any bigger? Mark my words, ten years from now were all going to look back on this moment and realize what a ridiculous fad this was."
"Becs, give a message for Jesse." Cynthia suggested.
"Babe by the time you see this it will be too late to back out, you're stuck with my bitter, sarcastic ass for the rest of your life." She said as she winked.
Beca smiled slightly for the first time since everything went down. Watching the video of her wedding, it put things into a different perspective of her. She wouldn't be the only person who lost a spouse today, and in a way, she was lucky. She got to spend the last few moments with him making love. They had made up, and they were in a good place. She thought about the many men and woman who were filled with regret, who had stupid fights or whose last words had been filled with sarcasm and hate. One of her last words to Jesse had been that she loved him.
The night before, that was about getting each other off, about helping each other find relief. But this morning, in the shower, it was a different type of sex. Jesse had caressed every inch of her body, he had kissed her like theyy were 18 year old kids all over again. He had washed her hair, smiled with her, laughed with her, and made her feel like she was the most important woman in the world. Jesse made Beca feel like she was his world.
She thought everything that had evolved over the last fifteen years. She remembered the first time she had ever seen him, in the back of his parents buick. She thought back to how she fell in love with this total nerd who managed to bring her out of her shell. She thought back to water balloon fights, skinny dipping, and that time when Beca forced Jesse to go sky diving with her. They were married on June 19th, 1990 and took two honeymoons. Jesse, the eternal child, was dead set on a trip to Disney World. While Beca, just wanted to lounge on a beach with a drink in her hand. When the two realized neither was going to budge, they agreed to do both. A week was spent in Disney, and a week in Aruba.
She played over their rise to the top, the many vacations they took, backpacking through Europe and exploring Islands. She remembered how Jesse got her through the very first pregnancy, how he rubbed her feet, attended every doctor's appointment, and fufilled every crazy-middle of the night-craving. Beca thought about how Mia came 2 weeks early, and how she was so determined to make her entrance into the world, Jesse had to deliver her in the living room with 911 on the line.
Jesse and Beca had grown up together, they had created a family from their love. They may have taken taken her husband from her, but they would never take his love from from her, that was all hers. She had what many people were dreaming of today, the satisfaction of knowing that on the day he died, her husband loved her with everything he had.
As Beca sat on the bed, crying, and watching her wedding video, with Liam and Mia asleep next to her, the door creaked open. Expecting to see one of the girls, Beca was shocked to see Jesse standing in front of her. Jesse, covered in soot, and ash, and looking like death warmed over, but none the less, it was Jesse.
Beca could not accept that this was reality. "Jess?" She croaked out.
"Hey beautiful..." He whispered.
"Please tell me I'm not dreaming. Please, just...please?" She begged, with tears falling.
Jesse walked over to where she was sitting up in the bed, and knelt down in front of her. "I'm home baby."
Beca immediately errupted into a fit of tears and grabbed onto him as he hugged her tightly and spun her around.
"I love you, I love you, I love, Oh God, I love you." She cried out. "Please, I know you can't make this kind of promise, but please, just please promise me you wont ever leave us. I can't live in this world without you."
He held onto her tightly as she poured out her emotions, her fear, and vulnerability. Kissing every inch of her face, Jesse cherished this moment.
"I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere, I promise you that. I'll never leave you Beca, ever."
Liam and Mia had been so estatic by the return of their father and yet so traumatized by the days events, they refused to sleep in the own rooms. And Jesse and Beca couldn't blame them in the slightest. They brought in sleeping bags, and allowed them to share their bedroom with them. The night was perfectly still and calm ironically, as the couple laid in each other's arms. Jesse stared straight ahead.
"We don't have to talk about it." Beca whispered, as she lightly ran her fingers over his chest. Jesse looked over at her with tears in his eyes.
"I thought I'd never see you again."
Beca closed her eyes as her own tears began to fall. "I thought the same thing."
Jesse reached out and rubbed his hand over Beca's slightly bulging belly. "I laid there on the ground, and thought about how I'd never kiss you again, never hold you in my arms. I thought about everything I would miss in the kids lives, how I would miss this one's birth. I thought about how I would miss everything."
Beca laid there and listened, because she new Jesse needed to talk, and she was more than willing to listen. He closed his eyes and she could tell he was reliving it all over again.
"The smoke, the panic, it was hell. And the hardest thing to see? Those firefighters going up the stairs. We were all panicking to get down, and they were going up. These men and women risked their lives for people they didn't even know."
Beca couldn't even begin to imagine the kind of courage it took to do something like that, to risk something like that. It took a special type of person to be a firefighter/police officer.
"I know it's selfish, but I can't help it, I'm just so glad I have you for another day." She cried.
Hugging each other, and holding onto each other like their lives depended on it, Beca felt guilty. Her husband had survived, but so many others didn't. Suddenly, nothing seemed to matter anymore. Who cared if the dishes didn't get washed, who cared if the laundry waited another day? What was most important, was her family, was to love, and be loved in return.
February 19th, 2002 New York Presbyterian Hospital
"The next time we do this, you're the one giving birth!" Beca screamed as sweat poured down her face and she breathed heavily through her relentless contractions. Jesse looked downward at his pants as a look of horror spread across his face.
"Baby, there's a reason women give birth instead of men." He reminded her.
Beca glared at him and spoke through gritted teeth. " Yeah, because you fuck boys can't take any pain!"
"How's she doing?" Stacie asked as she casually walked into the room. Beca and Jesse both whipped their heads at her, speaking a thousand words through their facial expressions. Leaning up on her elbows, Beca painted.
"Get it out of me before I reach up inside of myself and get it myself!"
Stacie tried her best not to laugh at the description Beca gave as she snapped a latex glove on and checked her cervix.
"Becs you're fully dialated, were ready to start pushing."
A nurse walked into the room and began to prepare blankets as Stacie got up to grab a new pair of gloves and a gown. Jesse began to relax slightly knowing they were almost to the end of this. Their baby would be here any minute.
"We? WE?! We are going to push? I'm pretty sure I'm the one doing all the work over here! There is no we at this...ahhhh...point, dammit!" Beca yelled as she placed her feet in the stirrups. Stacie got into position, and prepared to help one of her closest friends bring her child into the world.
"Alright, the head is right here B, this is gonna be a quick delivery, give me your best and the baby will be in here in five pushes tops.
Beca had been through this enough times to know how her body worked. As she felt the contraction build, she began to push. Jesse stood by her head, gripping her hand as she closed her eyes and worked to get the baby out as quickly as possible.
"Get it out, get it out, get it out!" Beca screamed as she bared down.
"You're doing excellent sweetie, keep going!" Stacie encouraged.
"Oh Godddddd!" Beca cried out before collapsing back onto the bed. Jesse kissed her forehead as he whispered bits of encouragement to her.
"Here comes another contraction, push Beca!" Stacie informed.
Taking a deep breath in, she bared down once more. "Fuckkkk it's crowing, it's crowing!" Beca could feel the so called "ring of fire" as the baby stretched her open.
"Okay, stop pushing." Stacie instructed. Beca squirmed slightly as she tried to fight against her body's natural urge to continue pushing.
"Bec I'm going to do a perineal massage to try and prevent the need for an episiotamy and help prevent tearing."
Beca nodded her head as Stacie grabbed the bottle of lubricant and began to massage. Looking up at Jesse, she knew that these were their final moments together before their newborn baby entered the world.
"You're doing so good, I'm so proud of you." Jesse reassured her as he rested his head against her forehead. Tears dripped down Beca's eyes as she tried to breathe deeply.
"Alright, I think were good, next contraction, push again."
Beca positioned her body and continued to push again as the next contraction hit her. She didn't scream, she didn't curse, she instead focused solely on getting this baby out as quickly as possible.
"There we go, keep going, keep going!" Stacie encouraged as she watched the head become more and more prominate.
With Beca's next push, the head fully emerged. Jesse looked down and watched as Stacie used a bulb syringe to clean the baby's nose and mouth. Turning towards his wife, he was in awe of her strength and courage, just as he had been when she delievered their other two children.
"This is it Beca, one more push and baby is here, give me one more strong push."
With tears in her eyes, Beca mustered up every ounce of strength she had left in her and pushed like she had never pushed before.
Jesse stared in awe as Stacie caught the baby and brought it up onto Beca's chest. It was the like the first time all over again. Beca began to sob as she finally felt some relief from the pressure and knew that she had done it once more.
"What is it? What is it?" She cried. At Stacie's request, Beca lifted the baby up for the very first time. Looking down at it, she began to cry harder.
A girl.
"It's a girl, it's a girl!" She repeated. Jesse burried his face into Beca's drenched hair as he too began crying. They had created another beautiful little girl, and Jesse was here to see it.
He was handed the scissors, and cut her umbilical cord. The baby was taken over to be cleaned, measured, and weighed.
Beca wrapped her arms around Jesse's neck as they cried together. Each of their children's births had been exciting, and emotional, but none as much as this one. Thinking back and remembering that just five months ago Beca had to prepare herself for the possibility that Jesse wouldn't be here to witness this made the moment all that more special.
The nurse brought the baby girl over and immediately placed her in Jesse's arms per Beca's request.
"Serenity Grace...so beautiful" Jesse crooned as he looked down upon his newborn daughter and cried.
In that moment, feeling his heart triple in size, Jesse knew that it didn't get better than this. Life was worth fighting for. His family was worth fighting for. Never would their come a time when Jesse didn't realize just how blessed and lucky they were.
"I'm so grateful you're here." Beca cried.
Jesse handed Serenity over to her and kissed her lips.
"Forever and Always my love. I'm gonna be here til the end of time."
On September 11th, 2001, I had a father and cousin in the World Trade Center, both of whom were fortunate enough to make it out alive. At 12 years old, I'll never forget the look on my mothers face as the realization sunk in that she could have very well just became a single mother to three children. The night before disaster struck, was such a typical evening in so many peoples lives, but it was the next evening, that brought everyone together and made you realize what's important in life. May those who lost their lives on this tragic day rest in peace, and may their loved ones find comfort and strength each and every day.