AN: Really long oneshot. I started writing on this when Lucina, Robin and Captain Falcon were announced. Now I can continue Falcon Punching my friends in SSB4 B). But dang, I thought Chrom would be announced instead of Lucina, well technically he is, but he's an assist trophy. :P Now that I got this out of my system, I can focus on Purgatory in Shangri-la. I have like ch2 half finished so yep...
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone in SSB or Falcon Punching or animes.
It's safe to say, I hate everyone. Why? I just do. There's an ache in my neck and a freaking idiot following me around everywhere. I hope it's not a yandere. I can feel myself shudder in disdain already. But hey, yandere's can be cute I guess. I just don't want them to kill me. That's not cute. Anyways, back to the topic. I'm The Fabulous King Marth and I am stuck six feet underground.
It was a stormy, cold night in the deep, dark, lonely woods... Cut out the part with the stormy night and dark woods. It was too hot and bright outside at the mansion. Almost everybody was excited too and that gave me a headache. There was supposed to be someone announced today at 7:00am Pacific time and of course this writter lives in central time. (;3)
So we may have waited a bit longer than them Pacificers. But oh my, did we wait. Mario, that creepy italian plumber that is the face of Nintendo, pointed up to a random screen and said something I translated to as, 'Oh my! It's a bloody hell of a battle going on appearing on the tele!' Heheh, even though he's supposively Italian, I like to imagine he's British. I'm such a handsome devil.
"Look! O'n the TV! There's sa fight going on!" Mario pointed out.
Well everyone turned and looked. Luckily for me, Ike was standing infront of me. Yea, I could see clearly over that beefcake of a man. Seriously though, where did he get all those muscles? Fighting for his friends? Picking up women? I fight for my kingdom...
Mr. Protein shake looked over at me with a mischeavous grin, "Can't see? Do you want me to lift you up on my shoulders for a better view, Princess?"
God, this man irritates me so damn much! But as a prince, I politely declined his offer. "Fuck you." Oh yes I went there.
That damned man still had that grin on his face. "Jeez, Marth, I never knew you had such a potty mouth. But if you want to do it, then let's do up in your room."
The hell? "The hell?"
Ike laughed. I can never tell if this lug is serious or not. It's always been like this back then.
"Hello, i'm Marth, Prince of Altea." I stuck my handout and smiled, "Nice to meet you."
The young mercenary looked up at me from where he was sitting. He slowly got up, his head tilted down to where I couldn't see his face. He was just standing there. Did I do something wrong? Before I could take my hand back, he gripped it tightly with both of his hands and kneeled on one knee. "My dear Princess, you don't understand how much I want to fuck you so badly right now. Will you marry me?" he nearly shouted.
"Err... wha?... I'm a Prince...!" I was confused, what's wrong with this guy?
He got up from his position with a boyish smile. "Heheh, I'm just joking. Name's Ike Greil, leader of the Greil Mercenaries," it sounded like he was bragging then he had a concerned look, "Are you sure you're a dude? You look so much like a Princess."
"Grrr... Stop making fun of my manliness!"
Then somehow, we became great friends.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and was somewhat shoved infront of Ike. "There, you happy Princess?" Typical Ike. He grinned as if he heard what I was thinking and looked ahead up at the screen. I turn around and watch the video unfold.
Turns out. I rock. Got a girl masquerade as me and get punched by Captain Falcon. She lived. Cool. But I don't understand 'Lucina Wakes her blade?' Why they put a question mark there? I dunno, but it looks fishy.
Surely enough Lucina and Robin magically teleported right in the middle of the room. And surely enough, people be crowding them and greeting them. I sighed. I'm not really a people person. Then a thought hit me. Well, more like a Falcon Punch.
"FALCON PAWNCH!" I nearly flew to the otherside of the room. The pain... It was real... Right in my gut. I could hear Ike laughing his ass off. Fucking sadist. Soon I was swarmed with concerned smashers, askng me if I was okay. Such good souls. I could hear Rosalina from all the other voices. "Are you alright?" she asked, the concern real in her voice. [No one else cared or didn't see me fly because they were talking to Lucina and Robin.]
"Yeah," I sat up, "I don't think I ever felt so alive in my life."
"Haha, Marth. I didn't know you could fly like that." Ike laughed, "Damn, I knew you were light, but not that light!"
Before I could say anything, Captain Falcon jumped right over to us. Literally. He landed with ease and gave us his trademark smile "Hallo, Marth! Great to see you again! You look better than you did last time!" he gave a thumbs up, "Now excuse me. I got two more Fire Emblem people to punch before I could move on to Mario's franchise. See you guys later!" he flashed another smile before jumping up right out of our eyes.
"He hasn't changed on bit." I sighed, "But that's Captain Falcon."
"He's like that all the time?" Rosalina asked.
"Yep. You'll get used to it eventually." I answered.
"oogh... His Falcon punches sure got stronger."
"They can't be that strong." Ike gave me his hand, "He never could send me flying with just one Falcon punch."
I took his hand and he helped me up, "It won't send you flying 'cause you're so heavy, but it does hurt way more."
"I don't believe you."
"Okay. Don't believe me. I'm just warning you." I really want to see Ike get punched. I want to laugh way harder than he did at me. Hopefully Captain Falcon punches him when i'm with him. Oh sweet vengenance, come to my dear.
"So, Ike's going to be next? He already hit Lucina, Chrom and Marth. I'm not sure about Robin though... And wasn't there an assist trophy from Fire Emblem too? Maybe he already punched her?" Rosalina asked.
Oh sweet, Rosalina... You're so much taller than me. Like some Giraffe with the 'galaxy under her dress.' (Sakurai) Either way, you're like that little sister I never had... You know what I mean. Just don't worry about it and let's laugh at Ike when he get's Falcon punched in the face.
"He can try and fail miserably. With Ragnell by my side, he's going to wish he never Falcon punched me in the first place." Ike gloated.
I can already see the sparkles in Rosanlina's eye. Damn you, Ike. How dare you attract my little sister Rosalina with your confidence! "Rosalina!" we heard Peach, "GET THE GALAXY OUT OF YOUR DRESS AND COME OVER HERE NOW!"
Rosalina blushed "eheh.. See you guys later," she quickly scrambled off.
Then it was Ike and me again. The two of us. The lone wolves. Yup, I hate him. "So do you want to go over there and talk to the new people?" I asked.
"Nah, they're coming over here." then an idea popped in his peanut sized brain, "Hey, let's look cool for the newcomers so they think we are awesome and sexy... And I guess you could look like less girly or somethin."
I hate you, Ike. "You can do whatever you want. Unlike you, I am going to be a normal person and greet them like one."
"Is that the Hero King Marth!?" I heard the female Marth look-a-like gasp in surprise. Heehee. I am a legend aren't I? The two came over to us. And sure enough, Lucina was fangirling all over me. She fangirled there, fangirled here... Well, not entirely true.
"Hello, you're Lucina aren't you?" I asked quite politely.
She smiled and nodded, "Wow, it's really nice to meet you, Hero King Marth!"
"Please, just call me Marth. That's a really a mouthful to say."
"Okay, Marth. Do you know we're related? Like, your my really great, great, great grandpa or something like that." I smiled. I'm not that old. I'm still young... "Well, it doesn't matter. I'm really happy I can fight along your side. With Robin of course." then her eyes wandered off. I wished they didn't. "Who's that?"
I was 100% positive that I would see something disturbing. I was wrong. It was way more disturbing than I expected it to be. Ike did his famous pose with his shirt ripped opened, showing off his muscles. My jaw dropped. DAMN IT IKE! Lucina was almost drooling. "That's the Radiant Hero Ike." Robin gave a painful smile.
"..uh-huh... Radiant Hero it is..." Lucina looked awed from Ike's maniliness.
"Pleased to meet you both." Ike smiled.
DAMN YOU IKE! THIS WAS MY CHANCE AND YOU RUINED IT FOR ME! I HATE YOU SO GOD DAMN MUCH! "um.. Marth." Robin asked.
"Yes?" I hate you Ike.
"Is this how Ike behaves... Naturally?"
"Oh no, he's usually a really good guy, but now... He's just being... Ike." I couldn't think of another word to describe that idiot.
"I see." Robin said, "Well, this Ike is very different from what I read in my history books."
"Yea, there are some things that aren't written down in history books like personalities and certain events that people don't find important. It's better if you experience it with your won eyes."
"So, you're saying you different too from what they talked about, huh?"
"Well, they do capture most of the character, not everything of the character. Like.. Apparently I'm all serious, but that's when I'm ruling my kingdom. Here, I can let loose. You can see it right?" Hesus, what am I saying?
"Yea. " Robin smiled "Well, I hope we can learn more about eachother during this tournament."
I smiled back and nodded, "Me too."
"AND that's how I killed a flaming lion with one hand behind my back." Ike gloated.
"So, brave..." Lucina cooed.
"Ike, stop that already." I dead panned, "Stop filling her head with nonsense."
"Heh, you jelly, bro?" Ike smirked.
Did I ever tell you how much I depise Ike? Oh, I did? Well too bad, I'm going to say it again. I depise Ike as much as I hate being called 'Princess.'
"I see you Emblemers have been acquainted." Master hand appeared, "Very good. Because Ike and Robin are sharing a room and Marth and Lucina are sharing a room too."
"huh? Don't we have enough rooms to have our own?" I asked.
"Yes we do, but I want to make sure Robin and Lucina are... Familiar with modern technology. Since you know... People from Fire Emblem don't have the stuff we have and our stuff in the modern age is way more advance than what they have." Is he calling us stupid? "So yeah, you can teach them the inns and outs of modern technology. Then you get your own rooms. Questions?"
"Nope, imma teach my new buddy Robin everything I know!" Ike patted Robin's back hard, making him lose his breath.
"Not really, but-" he cut me off.
"Okay! No questions! Taa-taa!" and like that, the disembodied hand vanished into thin air. Master hand... The world will never know what Master Hand is up too. I sighed at this stupidness happening around me and looked at my people. "Well, I guess we'll give you a tour of our mansion."
Time Skip: Where we last left off, Ike and I gave a tour to Lucina and Robin. After that, yadda yadda, Ike decided to be a teacher and teach Robin the art of picking up women. Heaven knows that ended up badly. Too bad I'm not Ike and I wasn't there so I can't tell you the story how Robin tried to hit on Wii Fit Trainer. Unless, I use italics, but i'm lazy right now and I might do it on another time, unless readers request it. (wink wink)
So if you had forgotten, my current situation right now is that i'm infact under six feet underground. The whole story that lead to that. Well...
It's been a week since the newcomers and Captain Falcon were announced. I was trying to explain what 'Space Dandy' is to Lucina. That didn't work out to well. She kept asking me questions about what was happening. I told her to shut up and watch the damn show. Didn't use those words exactly... When the episode ended, she was confused and surprised. Apparently she liked it... How?...
"Oh, Marth! You have a lot of these 'animes' in your room! Ooh! Can we watch this one next!" she pulled out a DVD case. I took it from her and examined it. Oh... This one... "Um.. Maybe we should watch something else..." I tried to hide it from her sight.
"I really want to watch that one! The little girl on the cover looks adorable!"
"um... That's a boy, Lucina and Ike gave me that as a gag gift." There is no way i'm letting this girl become a shotacon.
"Please?" Lucina asked.
"How about we try something a little more mainstream you might like... Sword Art Online or Attack on Titan, maybe even Pokemon and not that acursed anime?"
"Fine..." she reluctantly agreed, "But I will watch that anime one way or another."
"Nope, because i'm going to throw it out."
Lucina frowned and crossed her arms. "Trust me, you'll like these better than Boku no Pico." I turned on the TV and the familiar song of SAO came on. In the end Lucina loved it. It was perfect. She forgot about the other anime until.
"Hey, Marth! Look what I found!" Ike laughed as he waved the DVD in the air. I hate you so much, Ike. I tried to grab that offending disc away from him, but of course he had to be taller than me. "Yo, you don't like the gift I gave you? I thought you like anime." he laughed.
"Ike, not infront of Lucina!" Dang that Ike is going to taint her precious soul with that blasted monstrosity or worse... She's going to turn into a shipper.
"Ike pass it to me!" Lucina opened her arms wide.
I gave him that look. Don't do it. Don't do it! If you do she's going to turn into one of them. We can't have that. There'll be more yaoi fanfics of the both of us.
He hesitated before grinning. "Noep! You thought you had friend well too bad gurl. I'm gonna take this and scram. Smell ya' later!" Ike slightly pushed me back and ran off.
Of course that beefy guy's slow. Those muscles way him down. But hey, he did get a tiny bit faster, but not really. I could easily catch up to him and kick his face for pushing me, but Lucina on the otherhand... The girl got up fast and started to dash out the room. I have to put away my plan to get back at Ike later and stop this girl. Luckily I did.
"Marth! Why are you two guys trying to get the disc away from me!? You're only making me more curious!" she struggled under my grip.
"Lucina, hold on! You're gonna-!" The door opened, hitting both of us really hard. We both fell back, dazed for a moment. Link peered his head in the room and saw the two of us lying down.
"urm... Sorry?" he looked confused, wondering what we were doing.
Lucina recovered first and quickly jumped up and pushed Link out of the way. "Rude." Link muttered and looked at me, "Isn't she your daughter or something?" I don't have time to slap sense into Link. I have to get to that girl and detain her quick. I pushed Link out of the way and ran down the hall. "Fire Emblem people..." he sighed.
Welp, I lost sight of Lucina and I have no clue where Ike is. Hopefully that idiot atleast threw the astrocity of an anime away. I had enough. I need a nap. I walked down the hallway and noticed Peach with red on her hands, giggling maniacally. She noticed me and waved. I gave her a curt nod and walked away. I don't want to know.
I passed Ike and Robin's room and heard moaning. WTF? Did Ike get a girl or is he with...? I put my ear on the door. Dang, he's having fun. I felt heat rise to my cheeks. What am I even doing? I turned around and saw Samus smirking at me. "Did you want to get in the action?"
"I thought YOU were the one in there." I blushed. Damn this woman.
"Heh, of course you want to imagine me sweaty and naked." I really hate this chic right now, "But sadly. Ike has grown too much. Maybe back in brawl, but now. eh..." Surprises, surprises, "I like my men smaller than me so I can take control. Maybe shotas too, like Pit and you." she winked.
"hwat... I am not shota." I frowned.
She smiled and ruffled my hair, "Suuuure you aren't." Can I stab this woman? "Anyways, gonna be heading off. Mega Man wanted to ask me something important. Have fun busting Ike with Lucina and Rosalina."
Wait what? The woman walked away pretty quickly and I am just there, my blood rising to my face. He's with who!? Lucina is okay, but Rosalina... SHE'S MY LITTLE SISTER! HOW DARE HE SEDUCE MY LITTLE SISTER! I kick down the door, my blood rising at its peak.
I saw Ike, tied up on the bed, looking at me with a mixture of surprise, fear, and a helplessness. The moaning sounds came from the right side of his bedroom and saw Lucina and Rosalina on the couch. Wait a second... Is that? I walked over to them, half expecting something else, and gasped in horror.
Lucina's face was red, "W-why do you even have t-this?"
Rosalina didn't even look at me. Ack! I feel myself falling into despair. Oh! The world is so cruel! SO CRUEL! I've failed.
Lucina closed the laptop and put the disc back in its case. She poked me in the side with it. "You can have it back..."
"... It's better if you throw it out..." I feel darkness shrouding me.
"..." Lucina looked at the DVD case and gave it to Rosalina. She looked at her confused at what to do with it. They started talking, but I didn't pay attention. Darkness is my friend... Darkness is talking to me.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Come on, Marth. Let's go." Lucina said. I sighed and followed her and Rosalina out. Everything's starting to look bleak. "Marth..." The world's against me. "Marth..." There's voices in my head. "Marth!" These voices are mean too me. "MARTH! SNAP OUT OF IT!" I jumped up and noticed we were outside.
"Marth, you didn't forget about the tea party, did you?" Zelda asked.
"uh.. Of course I haven't!" sha, like I even forget.
Lucina frowned "I don't really drink tea."
"Well, we have orange juice and cookies too. You like them, don't you?"
Lucina nodded, but she was still frowning. Rosalina smiled, "Come on. Don't be like that."
Well, after a heart-to-heart conversation between the girls. We finally arrived at the tea party. Zelda was the one who threw the party, so of course it'll crazy later. After we finished the tea, Zelda brought out the hard stuff then all the smashers came out to party.
Honestly, everything was a blurr after that. When I woke up, it was so god damn hot. My shirt was gone and Ike was drooling all over to me. I kicked him off and was surprised he didn't wake up. Luckily, he had his clothes on and I have my pants on so I am certain nothing happened.
It was until I realized, I'm not in my room, but inside a box with Ike. My nightmares came true. I screamed at the top of my lungs. WE ARE GOING TO DIE! Ike woke up and blinked lazily, "Dude, I'm trying to sleep..."
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU EVEN GET HERE!? YOU WERE TIED UP TO THE BED!" ut the moron fell right back to sleep. How can he be sleeping at a time like this? We can lose oxygen and die. I have to stop thinking that. Think postive... Positive thinkng for me...
Okay, it's not a cramped up box as I thought before. I can sit up, but can't stand, the box is well litted and... there's a mini fridge in here!? I crawled over to it and opened it up to see it's contents. Great, beer and more beer. Is there something we could eat? I looked closer and saw vodka. I sighed and closed the door.
Well, someone would notice that we are missing and then they'll start looking for us... eventually. This sucks so much. I buried my head into my arms. Ike finally woke up and yawned loudly. "Wow Marth, your room is so tiny."
I glared at him. "This is all your fault isn't it?"
"huh?"
"We are trapped in this tiny box, because of you."
"I don't even know what you are talking about."
"We are about to die inside this box!"
Ike looked around lazily, "We're in a box?"
"Yes, dumbass!"
"... I'm hungry." he yawned again and sat up. "What's in there?"
I sighed. I can't blame this idiot for what is happening now. Even though I want to, it's not his fault. "There's only alcohol in here."
"Cool. Pass me one."
"Seriously? Do you even have a hangover?"
"Duh... Alcohol cures a hangover." he grinned.
"Whatever..." I toss one over to him and he catches it. He looks around the box befoe taking a sip. I sighed and leaned against the wall. Damn it, why did this had to happen to me?
"Hey, Marth." I turned my head over to him, "The situation may look bad now-" It is bad, dumbass, "But look on the brightside."
"What brightside? We're underground."
"Well... " he scooted over to me "I'm alone with a half naked prince."
"I'm not in the mood, Ike." I buried my head in my arms. I just want to be left alone. That's not possible with Ike here. I bet he's frowning. Good. Atleast he's not annoying me anymore. I took in this moment of silence and was peaceful for a second. Yeah, it was good when it lasted.
I felt this sensation under my armpits and soon enough I'm laughing. "Quit it!" I laughed.
"Not until you stop being a gloomy ass Mewtwo. (he's never coming back lol)
"Ike!" Dang it, my sides are already hurting. I can't anymore... "Fine! Stop before you kill me!" he stopped and panted.
I glared at him, hoping I looked menacing enough. He just grinned back. I dislike you so much. I sighed "Well, what can we do now?" I'm bored as hell ans the most interesting thing to do now is stare at the wall of the box.
Ike took this moment to take his shirt off. "Wait, what are you doing!?" I asked in shock.
Ike looked at me like as if he did nothing wrong, "What? It's hot in here." He then thought about it and smirked "Oh ho ho ho, the Princess is getting frisky, eh? You want these guns don't ya?"
My face went red "No! That's not what i'm thinking at all!" Jesus, I thought he was about to rape me there for a second... Ike simply laughed "Oh wow, Samus is right when she said you act like a shota!" Samus is now on my list of things I hate. "She would love this."
"I am no shota! I am a bishounen!" Jeezus, what am I even saying now?
"Suuure you are." Ike smirked.
I frowned, which may have looked like more of a pout, then Ike busted out laughing. That idiot. I'll kill him later whenever we get out of this box. I don't want to get blood everywhere.
Two boring hours passed inside this hot box. Jeezus, if the heat or lack of oxygen isn't going to get me, it will be this boredom. Even Ike is too tired and bored to do anything. This sucks so much.
My stomach rumbled loudily. Ike looked over at me. "Shut up." I said.
"Do you want some beer?" Ike asked.
"..." I don't really like beer really. I'm more of a wine and sake person. He opened one and passed it to me. He then got one for himself, "Drink up."
I looked down at the bottle. This will end badly...
"Mmh... Now to get some of that beer." Snake opened his box. He got very shocked that he found two other people in his box, sleeping. "What the-? IKE! MARTH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BOX!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.
I jumped up, startled by the noise. I then realized I fell asleep on Ike's shoulder. Said man then woke up. We both looked at Snake, very fearfully at first. Then we realized, we were found alive! We jumped out of the box and cheered happily. "Hell yeah! We are free from that torture box!"
Then I realized something. "Wait... Why is Snake here at the mansion if he doesn't have his invitation?" I asked.
"Long story..." Snake replied, "But why were you two in my box!?"
I tried to think about it. Then a thought hit me. Well, it hit Ike like a FALCON PUNCH! The beefy man was sent flying and I grinned. This day isn't too bad.
AN: There are short stories I may do that are mentioned in here. I'll do those when I have time or just feel like it, but I think they won't be as long as this...