A/N: Okay this idea was spawned quite a while ago during one of the many, many random conversations I had with ActuallyNevis and recently cropped back up during a brainstorming session with the fabulous Ryth. After that I just couldn't not write it and I suppose it's kind of fitting that I go back to my roots for fic number 50. (Jesus H Christ 50 Fics!)

Dedications: To all you crazy luvvie's on for being just awesome, amazing people. But especially you Ryth.

Disclaimers: Alas I lay no claim to any of the characters; they belong to their respective owners.

Warnings: Bad language from the off, random character torture, slightly dubious situations and misuse of Jutsu…. So the usual then. XD

Can Anybody Find Me...

Chapter 1: ... Somebody for this idiot to love.

"You do realize that this is not considered healthy Boss."

The comment was largely ignored and the silver-haired man at whom it was directed simply narrowed his eyes into a glare. Perched on his shoulder a small brown pug frowned deeply, his dark eyes radiating annoyance and an exasperation that indicated that this was not the first time they had had conversation. Shifting his position slightly to maintain balance the dog sighed and muttered once again into the pale ear.

"Honestly this stalking..." A silver brow rose "Okay, okay information gathering exercise has got to stop. Just go and talk to him what's the worst that could happen?"

"He could kill me?"

Pakkun growled and resisted the urge to start banging his head against the wooden block that Kakashi called a head. Really considering the man was supposed to be a genius he didn't half act like he'd been dropped on his head at birth sometimes.

"Stop being so bloody melodramatic, you know he wouldn't do that. You're just afraid he's gonna reject you but you'll never know unless you try Boss. So grow a set and stop acting like such a fucking pussy."

The words had the desired effect and this time it was the Jounin who growled. Being called a pussy by this insolent little shit of a mutt of all people was just degrading. Annoyed he shifted his position, dislodging the small pug from his shoulder and sending him sprawling to the ground below.

"You bastard was there any need for that!?"

Kakashi remained silent in the tree an air of smug satisfaction radiating around him, causing Pakkun to bristle further in anger.

"You fucking jackass! No need to throw me out of a tree just because you know I'm right... You know what forget it I'm sick and tired of trying to help you Boss, you're on your own stalking him from now on."

And with that he disappeared in a puff of smoke, just as the kunai thunked into the ground where he had been sitting.

Pakkun reappeared in the meeting hall of Inukoya, the homeland of the nin-ken. He began pacing, his claws clicking on the rough wood of floor as he attempted to cool his temper before going to meet with his brothers and sisters. However it appeared that they had other ideas, upon sensing his return the rest of the pack filtered through the great wooden doors unease and worry on their faces at the sight of their brother's anger.

Uhei stepped forward and nuzzled her bandaged head against her brother in what she hoped was a comforting gesture.

"Brother, what is wrong?"

Pakkun growled slightly, but the nin-ken could tell that it wasn't aimed at them. Akino shook his head in exasperation, slightly dislodging the dark glasses perched on his muzzle.

"He's doing it again isn't he?"

The pug didn't even need to reply the look on his face said it all, a communal groan rose from the assembled pack. Uhei sighed deeply nuzzling closer to Pakkun.

"Really the Boss has got to stop doing this. It's not right and sooner or later the teacher is going to catch on and there will be hell to pay."

"I tried telling him that Uhei, I think we all have at some point or another."

"Yes, yes but last time Shiba say something, Boss threaten no meat for a year." The dark crested dog fidgeted as he spoke.

"He threatened me with that green friend of his." Grumbled Urushi, scratching a knot out of his white fur.

The pug barked a laugh.

"I hope he gets caught, the idiot deserves his comeuppance and we all know that the Iruka-Sensei is not a man to be messed with."

"I think we help."

The deep rumbling voice caught the rest of the pack of guard and they all turned to face the owner. It was quite rare that the giant bulldog spoke but if he did then it was usually important.

"What was that Bull?" Bisuke asked, droopy eyes blinking in disbelief.

"I think we help." Bull reiterated, a serious look on his face.

The pack apart from Uhei and Pakkun burst into howling laughter. The greyhound had a soft look in her eyes, whilst the pug looked thoughtful.

"That is the funniest thing I've heard in ages. How can we help the Boss? We're Nin-ken not matchmakers." Arashi snorted, still yipping in glee.

"No matter, Boss should be happy. Happy Boss, happy Nin-ken."

Bull spoke very slowly, struggling slightly to put his thoughts into words. He furrowed his brow as planned what he wanted to say, ignoring the taunts of his fellow pack brothers and sisters.

"I think he's right." Pakkun suddenly announced a feral grin on his squashed face.

Around him the rest of the Nin-ken backed away at the sight of that grin, they knew it all too well and knew that it meant trouble. Uhei did the doggy equivalent of a face palm, she'd wanted to help the Boss not mentally traumatize him.

"Brother what cracked idea has wormed its way into your head?"

If anything the pug's grin grew even brighter and more evil.

"It's nothing bad or permanently scarring I swear, I just had an idea how we can make the Boss get off his back side and do something while at the same time irritating the hell out of him."

"I know I'm going to regret this but I'm going to ask anyway... How do you intend to do that?" The greyhound asked a worried look on her canine face.

Pakkun tried and failed not to look smug.

"We make him jealous."

Again the pack burst into a chorus of doggy laughter with even Uhei and Bull joining in, the smallest member of the group however looked completely unfazed by the negativity.

"That crazy idea Brother..." Shiba yipped "Boss no fall for it, not enough space in head for emotions."

Arashi, Akino and Bisuke nodded in agreement, the phrase 'emotional retard' being thrown around like a favorite ball.

"And how we do it anyway? We Nin-ken not human." Shiba continued, clearly not convinced by Pakkun's idea.

Again that disturbing smile spread across the pug's face as the plan began to form in his mind, it was going to be tricky but so worth it especially if it meant getting one over on their ungrateful, ignorant lout of a Boss.

"Just leave it to me, I have a plan."

~End Chapter One~

A/N: So yeeeeaaaah this is a bit random and it only promises to get worse. It appears that Boris has once again discovered the crack carrots and has decided to have some fun.

Reviews are the sustenance that keeps me alive XD.