I know something you don't.
It comes and goes,
Like the strength in your bones, woah.
So keep your mind at a rest.
I'll never let the two of us be friends.
Does it hurt?
A Lesson to Romantics
It had hurt.
As much as he wanted to act all macho, hold his head up, stick one thumb in the air and claim that nothing was bothering him and that everything was fine and goddammit Mira I said I was ok, ok?! He couldn't. Because when your best friend, your most important person, finds someone who may matter just that little bit more than you, well, it hurts.
Now, Natsu always knew Lucy was pretty; he wasn't that dense (the fact that he didn't quite comprehend it until Lucy pointed out her own attractiveness herself, however, doesn't need to be mentioned). It also didn't escape him when guys got just a bit too close when talking to her, or when the eyes of his nakama lingered on her chest for a tad too long.
And yeah, that bothered him, but he never acted further than having a few quiet words with said nakama - backed up by a rather intimidating fist, of course.
Anyway, he wasn't dense – it's common knowledge that when you're as pretty as Lucy, you're going to attract attention, and that eventually a decent guy with good intentions may come along, and she may want to, y'know, return the sentiment.
It probably didn't help that it was Gray.
~o~
"Oi, Natsu."
He gave a vague grunt in acknowledgement. Man, did his back hurt. What was Lucy's problem anyway? So, he saw her naked. If she didn't want him coming in, she should've locked her window. That kick left an impressive crack in the pavement when he collided with it this time.
"I need to ask you something." Gray said, hopping onto the bar stool next to Natsu's and shedding his trench coat and shirt in the process.
"Keep your clothes on when you're this close to me, Ice Queen." The Salamander grimaced at the uncomfortably familiar sight of his arch-rival's abs.
Gray smirked. "No. It's funny when you squirm."
Natsu narrowed his eyes. Great, so he was in one of those moods. "Don't you have a question, popsicle?"
"Ah, right." Gray said, shifting awkwardly in his seat and fiddling with the waistband of his underwear. When did he take the rest of his clothes off, dammit? "Do you know if Lucy is… well, involved with someone?"
Natsu blinked. "Involved?"
"Yeah, y'know, is she seeing someone? Romantically, I mean?" The ice-mage said quietly, cautiously eyeing Mira – who had been wiping down the far end of the bar, and was now visibly eavesdropping.
Natsu frowned slightly. "You mean, like a boyfriend?"
"No, I meant a cousin." Gray said, rolling his eyes.
The pink-haired boy's frown deepened. "I don't think she has any cou-"
Gray almost pitied his stupidity. "Yes, I meant if she has a boyfriend."
"Oh. Should'a just said so. I don't think she does."
Gray relaxed visibly. "Good."
Natsu raised an eyebrow slightly. "Why?"
His companion turned the slightest shade of pink, and Natsu would've commented on it if his attention hadn't been drawn to Mira, who was now furiously scrubbing the bar surface to the point where the varnish was coming off.
"I…" Gray started, but paused and looked thoughtful for a moment. "I've wanted to get to know her better for a long time, but held off 'cos of Juvia. Didn't want her causing trouble or anything. But she's seeing Lyon now, so there's nothing really standing in my way."
Mira's arm jerked, knocking over Wakaba's drink in the process.
Natsu thought this over for a minute. So he just wanted to get to know Lucy. That's good, really, they're teammates after all. No harm in being close friends with the guys in charge of protecting your ass.
"So, you don't have a problem with this, do you?" Gray asked slowly, observing his friend.
Natsu shrugged. "Why would I?"
"Well, it might be a bit weird, is all. Y'know, your best friend and 'rival' dating." Gray said mockingly.
Natsu choked on air. "D…DATING? Who said anything about dating?!" He spluttered, face heating up.
(The white-haired barmaid hit the floor, but was promptly ignored. Her 'fangasms' were regular occurrences these days.)
Gray frowned. "That was the whole point of this conversation. Geez, those flames of yours are burning up your brain cells."
Normally, Natsu would have yelled at the ice-make wizard for insulting him, but he was still dazed from this recent revelation. "You… you l-like Lucy?"
"Yeah," Gray smirked, "I do."
~o~
It was starting to really gross him out.
Ok, they weren't a couple yet. But the tension between his blonde best friend and Gray was mounting daily, and every day he was catching the shy looks they shot each other or seeing the small skin-on-skin contact that would paint them both red, and it made Natsu want to hurl. Right now was one of these times.
Lucy had just gotten back from her morning appointment with Cancer, her hair curled and tousled into little loose ringlets and pulled back into a 'flirty' ponytail, as she would describe it. Over all, she looked cute, and once she took her seat at their usual table Gray wasted no time in telling her as such. Luce had flushed a gentle shade of pink, and the satisfied look on Gray's face made Natsu roll his eyes. Yuck.
He got up and left the table a little after that, dragging himself to the bar after deciding that a glass of fire whisky sounded pretty damn good right about now.
Mira smiled sympathetically at the sad sight heading towards her. Natsu hauled himself up at the end of the bar and smacked his forehead on the counter, before lifting his hand and waving lamely. The take-over mage sighed, fixed him his usual drink, and propped herself against the wooden surface in front of him.
"Something bothering you, Natsu?" she asked politely, although she was pretty sure she knew already.
The dragon slayer didn't respond - only huffed slightly and downed his drink with ease. Mira sighed, resting her chin in her upturned palm. Getting anything out of this boy was like scraping nails on a blackboard sometimes.
"Is it Gray and Lucy, by any chance?"
Natsu averted his gaze from Mira's intense stare, and she knew she had her answer. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what the problem is." She stated in her 'no-nonsense' voice, usually saved for when Asuka starts demanding more cookies.
He grumbled something similar to 'don't need your help', and pouted at Mira's raised eyebrow before conceding, "It's just weird, is all. Like, do they have to be like that in public?"
Mira shook her head. "Natsu, it's natural for them to be like that around each other, they are in that stage of their relationship, after all."
"What relationship?" Natsu shot back. "They aren't even dating yet."
Mira sighed again, rubbing at her temples. She loved Natsu like a brother, but sometimes he was too much to handle. "They may not be together yet, as such, but anyone with eyes can see that that's where they're headed. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you tell Gray that you didn't have a problem with him going after Lucy?"
"Well, yeah, but… They're spending so much time together recently. Me and Luce haven't done a job in weeks." Natsu muttered dejectedly.
"Look, if and when they start dating, she'll probably have less time to spend with you. That's just how things are. I know Lucy, and she'll always make time for you, but her boyfriend will probably have to take priority sometimes. You're just going to have to get used to it Natsu." Mira said finally, and picking up his emptied glass, she turned on her heel and left to check on the rest of her customers. Natsu slumped over, head buried in his arms.
What if he didn't want to get used to it?
~o~
July 1st came as a hot, stuffy summer's day in Magnolia this year. And what exactly does this day bring? You got it, none other than the birthday of Fairy Tail's beloved stellar spirit mage. The whole guild was buzzing with people chit-chatting about the various gifts they'd got her, and what they were wearing to her party tonight, and if those balloons should be blown up now or later. Either way, every member was in a high spirits, despite the overbearing heat.
Well, almost.
"Natsu, stop sighing, you're bringing down my vibe." Cana muttered, setting down her glass.
The dragon slayer raised his head slightly in apology from its position on the table, grimacing at the smell of whatever the alcoholic was drinking – something deep red and overly fruity that could, no doubt, knock out the heaviest of drinkers. "Hitting the hard stuff early today, Cana?" he accused.
"Everyone's gettin' hammered tonight, anyway. I'm just warming up." She grinned.
When she didn't receive a customary jovial reply from the flame mage, Cana narrowed her eyes. Sitting cross-legged in a manor more befitting an old man than a young lady, the card-user fixed her gaze on the boy in front of her.
"Oi, what's eatin' you?"
Natsu scowled. "Everyone's been asking me that lately."
"It's cos you're about as good for company as a wet blanket these days. Honestly, what's the deal?" And although she sounded reprimanding, there was concern in her expression.
Natsu wiped away the sweat on his brow, before burying his face back into his arms. "Ish rushi…"
"Speak up, ya brat." Cana snapped.
"It's Lucy." He said, exasperatedly, peeking out from behind his elbow. The busty brunette only raised an eyebrow, signalling for him to continue. "Y'know, her and the ice prick."
"Ah." Cana said, nodding sagely. "The latest 'it-couple'."
"They ain't a couple yet!" Natsu yelled, slamming his hands down on the table.
His older friend looked shocked, putting her hands up in a pacifying gesture, before a wicked smirk crossed her features. "I knew it. It pisses you off, doesn't it?"
"Hell no." Natsu grumbled, crossing his arms and pouting defiantly. Meeting Cana's gaze again, she simply looked at him, and he suddenly felt very much like a child. "Alright, already. It annoys me, so what?"
Cana smirked triumphantly, and Natsu had to resist giving her the finger. "So, why ain't you doing somethin' about it?"
Natsu rubbed at the back of his neck – his scarf really started to itch on humid days like this. "Why should I?"
Cana exhaled, before taking another mouthful of her drink. "Well, their relationship is bugging you cos you like Lucy, right?"
Natsu paled, then flushed a similar colour to Cana's beverage under her scrutinizing gaze. "Wha- NO."
"Eh~~? Who likes Lu-chan?" Levy purred, the tiny solid-script mage appearing out of nowhere at the mention of her best friend's name.
"The halfwit does." Gajeel said hoarsely from his seat beside Natsu.
He spluttered in frustration, "When the hell did you get he-"
"Not important." Gajeel interrupted, his voice a low grumble. "Point is, you got a thing for bunny girl, whether you wanna fess up to it or not."
Levy nodded quickly, pointing a finger directly at Natsu's red face. "That blush you're sporting is good enough evidence."
The salamander threw his arms up in the air. "ALRIGHT, alright. Keep it down, would ya? I don't need that many people knowin'."
The bluenette shared a sideways look with her drunken friend, both grinning in a knowing fashion. Gajeel snorted from beside him. "Man, you messed up bad. You basically passed the girl ya like to your best mate. Idiot."
"WANNA GO, SCRAP-FOR-BRAINS?" Natsu shouted, jumping up from his seat with a fire burning in his eyes to match the flames engulfing his fists.
"Sit down, baka!" Cana demanded, banging her glass down, and making the younger boy gulp. When she had calmed down a bit, the brunette finally spoke again. "As I was saying. You like Lucy, as more than just nakama, and don't try to deny it."
Levy chipped in. "Gray also likes Lu-chan, but if what I know is true, he hasn't made any major moves yet."
"Yeah, so?" Natsu said, scowling slightly at the mention of Gray's name.
"Ya still got time to mark your territory, dumbass." Gajeel said flatly.
"Ah, you think so?" Natsu asked hopefully, raising his eyebrows.
"Absolutely!" Levy said cheerfully. "And now's the perfect time to do it, too! Give her your present, wish her a happy birthday, then confess! It'll be so romantic – two gifts in one." She added giddily.
Gajeel snorted again, and Levy kicked him under the table. Natsu looked sceptical. "I dunno."
"Trust me, I'm her best girlfriend, I know these things. And a gesture like that will sweep her off her feet." Suddenly clapping her hands together, the script mage gushed, "Oh, oh, what did you get her as a present?"
Natsu scratched at his cheek, feeling awkward under Levy's intense stare. For such a small girl, she could be really intimidating. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small red box. Setting it down carefully, he pushed it across the table towards Levy, who eagerly scooped it up.
"Easy, it's breakable." Natsu said quickly, and Cana laughed.
"If it's lasted in your care, I don't think Levy'll be a problem."
The girl in question hummed in awe. "A lacrima?" she asked, taking the round object out of the box.
It was a small thing, really, no bigger than Levy's fist. It appeared clear, but when she held it up it shone a pale blue in certain lights. It sat on a tiny gilded stand, with miniature dark blue crystals embedded in its legs.
"It's a movie Lacrima. I hooked it up with a bunch of pictures." Natsu said, sounding a bit excited, even if he didn't want to admit it. "Here," he said, leaning across and taking the object from Levy's grasp. Placing it down carefully in the middle of the four mages, Natsu waved his hand over the top of the crystal, passing some of his magic into it. "Watch this."
The crystal started to glow, and a small rectangular screen shot out in mid-air. It was fuzzy for a second, but soon enough images started to flash across the screen – a photo of Makarov dressed as Santa with Mira as Mrs Claus at his side from the Christmas party two years back, Erza clad as the Queen of Hearts giving Loke a beat down with her cane from one of the rowdier Halloween parties, Cana with Freed in a headlock (the result of one of the many bar brawls no doubt), and many more. At the end of all the photos was one of Natsu and Lucy, grinning like idiots in front of a Rainbow Sakura tree, taken that year at the Blossom-Viewing Festival, the words 'Happy Birthday, Weirdo.' printed at the bottom.
The screen turned black, and the light in the Lacrima went out. Natsu grinned sheepishly, turning to face his friends to gauge their opinion.
Levy was tearing up. "Natsu… this is great. Lucy's gonna love it." She said, voice breaking slightly. Wiping at her eyes quickly, she thumped her palms against the table, turning to glare at her male companion. "Why can't you get me something like that, huh?!"
Gajeel tutted, ignoring the squawking shrimp in front of him. "Good job Salamander, for once."
Natsu grinned, but his expression turned serious after a moment. "So, think I should tell her then?"
Gajeel only nodded. "Of course!" Levy cried out happily. "As soon as possible. I mean, I like Gray, but I've always preferred NaLu over GrayLu."
Natsu blinked. "The hell is NaLu?"
Levy laughed slightly, almost sinisterly. "Nothing to concern yourself about."
It was at this point that Natsu noticed Cana being strangely quiet. Turning to face the drunk, he noticed the overly sober look on her face.
"What's up Cana?" he asked, confused.
Cana coughed. "I know you just bought the ticket, Natsu, but I think you've missed the train." Natsu tilted his head slightly in confusion, and the brunette merely jutted her chin towards the doors of the guild.
The fiery-haired boy shifted in his seat to get a good look at whatever she meant, and saw a rather large group of excited people all standing round the doorway, talking animatedly about something or other. But he didn't really care for what they were saying. His attention settled immediately on a bashful looking Gray, and next to him was Lucy, looking even more red-faced.
Natsu gulped.
It doesn't mean anything.
Gray laughed at something Elfman had just said, before looking back to Lucy, who turned even more red at the comment.
It doesn't mean anything.
Gray wrapped an arm around his best friend's waist, pulling her snugly against his side. The stripper smirked at something the blonde said, before leaning down and placing a chaste kiss on her temple affectionately. The nakama at Natsu's table were quiet, and the silence made him feel deaf.
It doesn't…
"Shit, Salamander." Gajeel cursed.
Levy held her hands up in a gesture she probably thought was comforting. "Oh god, Natsu, are you-"
He didn't wait for her to finish her sentence. Leaning across the table, he grabbed hold of Cana's drink – the smell burning his throat and nostrils before he'd even taken a sip. Perfect.
He downed it in one go and slammed the glass down on the table, effectively smashing it. Not stopping to reconsider, he headed straight for the nearest window, only picking up his pace when he heard Cana calling after him.
It wasn't until he got home that he noticed the glass shards in his arm, or the blood flowing freely from the cuts on his hand.
~o~
Cause I don't know who I am
When you're running circles in my head
And I don't know just who you are
When you're sleeping in someone else's bed.
~o~
"Natsu?"
The small, familiar voice tugged at the corners of his consciousness, and as much as he felt the need to respond, the pounding in his head protested and pushed him back towards the realm of sleep.
"I know you're awake. Look to me." The voice said, sounding increasingly cross.
Natsu grimaced. Fine, he'd listen, but only to shut the voice up faster. Slowly he cracked one eye open, only to slam it shut again when his delicate sight was assaulted by the bright noonday sun.
"Shut the damn curtains." He croaked before burying his face in his pillow. A sigh, followed by the flap of wings as his blue companion did as was asked. Feeling the cool shade wash over him, Natsu risked opening his eyes again, this time attempting to sit up in his hammock without tumbling off the edge.
Shit. His head swam, vertigo rushed through him from head to toe and his only thought was get to the bathroom quickly, dammit. Scrambling for the door, Natsu didn't quite make it and ended up retching into the kitchen sink.
His stomach emptied, he sank to floor, head in his hands to try and stop the throbbing reverberating through it. When his vision cleared he was met with a glass of water held out by two straining furry paws, and a grim-faced cat staring down at him.
Ah, salvation. Natsu thought, greedily snatching the glass from his friend and gulping down the precious liquid inside. "Thanks buddy."
Happy huffed, balling his tiny paws and resting them on his equally tiny hips. "You can't keep coming home like this, Natsu. Elfman had to drag you here when you passed out last night; he told me to tell you that 'hangovers aren't manly'."
The cat's surrogate father pouted in thought. "I'll apologise later." Grabbing on to the counter, Natsu heaved himself to his feet and stumbled back in the direction he had come from, thinking only of going back to sleep.
Before he could reach the comfort of his hammock, Happy flapped back into his vision, arms folded across his chest. "I'm not done."
Natsu frowned. "What?" he muttered, exasperated.
Happy seemed to deliberate for a minute. He didn't want to start an argument, and Natsu didn't seem willing to deal with what was coming next either. The Exceed had tried many times to talk some sense into his best friend, but any attempts to broach the subject of his drinking were met with strict resistance and a bitter 'fuck off'.
Shaking his blue head, the cat merely sighed and deflated slightly. "Me, Charle, and Wendy are going for a picnic today. Do you wanna come? Wendy misses hanging out with you y'know."
"Nah, I'm just gonna get some sleep. Maybe another time." Natsu said half-heartedly, pulling himself up and onto his bed.
His roommate didn't say anything else, just shook his head again before flying off and out the front door. It clicked shut when he'd gone, and Natsu muttered a curse under his breath.
Burying his face back into his pillow, he tried to breathe evenly, before falling back into a fitful sleep.
The universe seemed to want to disturb him today, as soon enough there was a loud knock at his door. Frowning, Natsu pushed himself up shakily. Through a crack in the curtains he saw pale orange light settling over the sky, and figured he must have been asleep for a good few hours.
The knock sounded again, louder this time, and a shiver ran down his spine when a threatening call came from the other side of the door.
"Natsu, I know you're in there. Open this door at once!" Erza's stoic voice rang out, heavy with authority, and the dragon slayer knew he was in for trouble if he didn't do as he was told. Although, if Erza had come all this way to see him, he was probably in trouble either way.
Approaching the entryway with caution, Natsu tried to ignore the wave of killing intent emanating threw the wood from the other side. Resigned to whatever hellish fate awaited him, he heaved the door open.
Erza scowled at the sight she was greeted with – with heavy bags under his eyes, unruly hair even more so than usual, and something dribbled down the front of last night's shirt that she prayed was only drool, Natsu looked every bit the hung-over slob.
She raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her armoured chest. "You didn't show up at the guild today."
Natsu rolled his eyes, holding the door open enough for Erza to march her way in.
The red-haired warrior scrunched up her nose at the small two-room cottage – something smelt strangely sinister coming from the direction of the kitchenette – and she tried not to trip over the various knick-knacks that littered the floor.
Perching on his beat-up sofa, Erza studied her pink-haired friend, who was currently trying to look anywhere but at her.
"Wanna drink?" he asked gruffly.
"Tea would be nice, thank you." Erza supplied with a nod.
Natsu grumbled something under his breath as he leaned down to reach into his fridge, pulling out two cans of beer. Tossing one to his nakama, Natsu shrugged as he pushed in his ring-pull. "Out of tea." Was all he offered in lieu of explanation, before coming to sit crossed-legged next to her on the couch.
Erza frowned. It was probably best to say what she needed to before he knocked back the beverage. A clear mind is vital for a clear conversation, after all.
"Natsu, Happy came to speak to me today."
No response.
"He's worried about you. We all are."
A slight tense of the shoulders.
"Lucy misses you the most. She says you haven't spoken to her properly in weeks. She knows you're avoiding her."
That slight tense turned into a shudder, and the way his fingers clenched and flexed around the can in his hands did not escape her. Erza placed a hand lightly on his arm.
"Natsu, you have a problem."
He flinched away from her touch, and for a second she thought he was going to argue, but after a few moments he just sighed and ran a hand through his messy locks. "Ya think I don't know that?" he muttered, still refusing to make eye contact.
Erza sat patiently, her drink untouched, deciding to wait for him to speak to her. Pushing the roseate would only make him close off.
Natsu breathed out heavily. "It just helps, ya know. It takes the edge off – I can…" he paused, looking lost for a moment. "I can stand to be around them if I'm drunk. I don't have to think about it – as far as I know, all that I see them do is just a drunken mistake. He didn't touch her, he didn't kiss her, he didn't…"
His voice caught and he trailed off, leaving the sentence open and hanging heavily in the air around them. Although he didn't specify just who he was talking about, he didn't need to – Erza knew all too well.
"I understand, Nats-"
"See that's the thing!" He sneered, crunching the can in his grasp and throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. "You don't know, Erza. No one does. Every day – every damn day – I see 'em together. And it sucks. Gray just flaunts around their relationship – the relationship I could have had if I wasn't so damn slow."
He fisted his hair in his hands, leaping from the sofa to pace around the room. "And you wanna know what's worse? I can't be happy for her. She's my best friend and she's been fucked around by so many douchebags and she deserves to be happy, and all I can think is 'I wish you weren't'. Any time I see them together it just reminds me of what I could've had and it pisses me off."
Collapsing in on himself slightly, he finally muttered dejectedly "You don't understand."
Natsu didn't get a response for a while, and part of him hoped she'd just get up and leave. But then he heard it, a quiet sort of mumble that he rarely heard from her.
"I do understand, Natsu."
Scowling slightly, the salamander looked up abruptly to respond, but his eyes caught on to her hand, specifically the ring on her left hand that she was twisting absently.
"I cannot be around Alzack and Bisca, or even Evergreen and Elfman, for too long either." She said softly, her voice a mix of sympathy and plain sadness.
Shit.
"Fuck… Erza, I'm sorry." Natsu said quickly, moving to sit next to his nakama and being wary not to touch her. Bringing up Jellal always left Erza in a volatile state, and it was often best to leave her be.
Erza smiled sadly, finally meeting his gaze for the first time since she arrived. "It's fine, Natsu. You didn't mean to bring it up." Looking back down at her hands, she fiddled with the small slip of silver on her ring finger – a promise left unfulfilled, a man taken before his time. The red-head laughed breathily, a tear escaping her left eye. "It's silly isn't it? He's been gone for a year, but I can't seem to take it off."
Natsu shook his head rapidly, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers – a habit from their childhood – hoping to give her some semblance of comfort. "It's not stupid. You loved him; it's okay to miss him."
Erza smiled. "It's the same for you, too." When Natsu eyed her, confused, she smiled. "You love her – it's okay to be unhappy."
Natsu smiled weakly. "Thanks Erza."
Wiping at her eye, she fixed the dragon slayer with a hard look. "You need to stop drinking so much. And apologize to everyone for your behaviour, especially Lucy, okay?"
Scratching at the nape of his neck, Natsu nodded reluctantly.
Erza made her move to leave, crossing the threshold of his front door before turning back and fixing him with a menacing stare that made shivers run up and down his spine. "Tell anyone I cried and I'll pound your head in more times than that hangover you're sporting, capiche?"
And for the first time in a while, Natsu laughed.
~o~
Natsu huffed from beneath his muffler and watched with some amusement as his breath spiralled into the air like smoke. Like a dragon. He was bored and his head still ached and the wall he was leaning against wasn't exactly doing wonders for his back either.
Mavis knew how long he'd been standing outside her apartment, but if the bitter chill that came with Fiore's summer nights was any indication, then his red nose and occasional sneeze would suggest he'd been there for a while.
Another hour and then he'd give up. This could always wait until the morning, and Natsu wasn't afraid to admit that if he could put this off for any amount of time he would. What was he supposed to say anyway? 'Oh hey Luce! Sorry I've been treating you like shit these past few weeks, but the truth is I love you and want to father your magical babies, so how about dumping that stripping fuckboy?'
Hushed footsteps brought Natsu down from his thoughts, and a horrifying mix of relief and fear filled him at the thought of speaking to her, seeing her, simply being near her again. He straightened up, ran one hand through his hair in an attempt to look presentable, and waited.
Natsu planned to stay in his hiding spot down her apartment's alley until Lucy went inside, thinking that twenty minutes after was an appropriate time to jump through her window. That way, she wouldn't know he'd been waiting – genius, he knew.
But his plan quickly went down the crapper when he picked up on two whispered voices, one distinctly feminine and lilting, which he identified as Lucy's. The other was smug and gruff, and for all that he could wish that Lucy was on a midnight stroll with Loke, Natsu knew that particular voice belonged to the Ice Queen. Feeling like an idiot – not to mention a stalker – the flame mage held his breath and listened.
"You didn't have to walk me home, Gray. I could've just summoned Loke or Virgo. Even Plue makes a pretty good body guard, y'know." Lucy said, followed by the jingling of keys and a low snigger from Gray. Natsu felt himself relax at the sound of her voice, purely because it was hers and he always got so much comfort from it.
"Come on, what kind of date would I be if I didn't walk the lady home? Especially if that lady insists on parading 'round in titchy miniskirts." Came Gray's sarcastic reply, along with an indignant 'hey!' from his blonde companion.
Natsu heard the sound of the front door creak open, and for a few moments after there was silence. Dread began to pool in his stomach – oh Mavis, he knew he was gonna regret this.
Slowly peaking his head round the corner, Natsu saw something he'd never forget. Light from inside the hallway spilled out onto the street, illuminating Lucy in Gray's arms, and he was holding her tightly, and they just looked so happy. So content just to be with each other, and Natsu couldn't help but wonder if they had ever been that way, if they could've been that way. Standing on her doorstep and not giving a damn about anything except each other.
Natsu didn't pay a lot of attention to Gray at that point, only noticing the way Lucy's hair floated slightly on the wind, how her hands gripped his friend's trench coat collar, how her eyes sparkled in the moonlight, how she blushed brilliantly as she tugged the Ice Mage inside.
The door shut with a finite click, and the street was dark again. Natsu wobbled back out into the open, a new-born fawn on shaky legs, and just stared. His fists clenched, lips thinned out, shoulder's tensed.
"Anyone with eyes can see that that's where they're headed."
"I know you just bought the ticket, Natsu, but I think you've missed the train."
"You… you l-like Lucy?" "Yeah," Gray smirked. "I do."
And instead of snapping, Natsu relaxed. He knew this was coming, he knew what couples did when they were in love. What kind of douche would he be if he tried to get in the way of that, to end his friends' happiness? Letting out the breath he'd been holding, Natsu shoved his hands in his pockets and started forward, straight past her front door and off into the night.
He'd apologize in the morning, and he would wish them both luck. He'd stay sober, go on missions, and maybe, given a few years, he'd get over her.
~o~
Fast forward one year, and Natsu was ashamed to admit that he was still as pathetically in love with the celestial mage as he'd been before. But, on the plus side, he was able to be around the young lovebirds now without wanting to drill his head (or Gray's, probably Gray's) into the nearest wall.
Yes, they were still together; and quite happy too. A few months after the 'night of many regrets' as Natsu had later dubbed it, Gray had moved in with Lucy into her apartment, and it wasn't long after that that Mirajane had started making bets on when the stripper would pop the proverbial question.
Now as much as Natsu envied Gray for having everything he didn't, he still considered the Ice wizard his friend… His fremesis… His acquaintance? Whatever he was, Natsu knew Gray well. They'd been stuck with each other since they were kids after all, and Natsu liked to think he understood the walking popsicle better than most of his other nakama.
And if there was one thing he was absolutely certain of, it was that Gray didn't do commitment. All of the girlfriends the black-haired 'heart throb' had dated during his late teenage years had been brief affairs, never lasting more than a month or two. Gray was the type of guy to duck and run at the first signs of white dresses and wedding bells ringing in the distance.
Hence you can imagine that it had thoroughly shocked him when the couple made it to the three month mark, and nearly floored him when he received an invite to their housewarming party (Gray's winter boots next to Lucy's thigh highs at the front door of the apartment had been a strange sight that stayed with him to this day).
But when Mira mentioned tying the knot, he couldn't help but laugh. There was no way Gray was man enough to do it. No, Natsu was quite content to wait and watch as the cool-as-a-cucumber ice mage got hot under the collar and ran towards the nearest horizon, leaving Lucy to fall into Natsu's waiting arms in search of comfort, announcing how she'd chosen the wrong guy, and that no one was better for her than the almighty salaman-
Ok, so maybe it wouldn't happen that way, but you get his point. It would happen eventually, though, and all Natsu had to do was be patient. He'd get the girl without looking like the bad guy, and all would be well.
Except that it didn't happen. Quite the opposite in fact.
That 'opposite' was how Natsu found himself standing in one of Fiore's more up-market jewellers, shuffling in agitation as Gray pressed his face up against one of the glass display cabinets.
Why was he here? This wasn't part of the plan. Gray wasn't supposed to actually consider marrying Lucy after not-so-gentle prodding from Mira, he wasn't supposed to ask the fire dragon slayer for advice on what sort of ring his fiancée would like, and Natsu certainly wasn't supposed to say yes.
"Oi, baka, you're supposed to get silver for the engagement ring, right?" Natsu vaguely heard Gray ask, but he was too busy in his thoughts to answer properly, offering a grunt instead.
Okay, so Natsu had made a deal with himself on the night of many regrets to not get in the way of their relationship directly; he wouldn't be a jackass, and would offer subtle support to his friends.
But surely that support ended long before choosing the damn ring that would effectively make him lose her forever?
Mavis, he needed a drink.
"Hey, quit spacing out, bakamander." Gray grouched, glaring at his pink-haired companion.
Pulling himself out of his reverie, Natsu offered a mumbled apology, and Gray only sighed before turning back to the array of rings before him.
"As I was saying, I don't want to get a diamond; it's so boring y'know. Maybe she'd like something… I dunno, a bit unorthodox?" The raven-haired boy's brow scrunched up as he scrutinized every piece of jewellery on display.
Natsu rolled his eyes. See, it was stuff like this that made him wonder why he wasn't the one at Luce's side. If Gray knew anything about the busty blonde, he would know that she'd practically beg for a simple ring. After leaving behind her millionaire upbringing, Natsu thought it was obvious that Lucy wanted nothing more than a normal life.
Well, as normal as life could be with a fire-breathing best friend and a flying blue cat for companions, anyway.
It was at this moment that the owner of the shop decided to intervene. He was a balding old man, slightly on the plump side, and the cold glint in his eye betrayed the friendly smile on his face – he was a businessman through and through, and probably knew how to swindle every last jewel out of his customers.
"Can I help you gents?" he asked, in a thick accent Natsu couldn't quite place.
Gray straightened up, readjusting his trench coat as he went. "Yeah, I need an engagement ring. Somethin' special." He said gruffly, pouting a little in what Natsu guessed was embarrassment.
"Ah, young love." The elderly man's face split in a Cheshire grin that made his chubby red cheeks round off like apples, and the dragon slayer found he felt more creeped out by it than anything else. "Do you know what gem you'd like? Diamonds are the standard, but we just received a new collection of engagement rings embedded with emeralds, if you'd like to look?" he inquired, his fingers flicking occasionally, as if he was already counting the jewels Gray would end up forking over.
"Emeralds, huh?" the Ice-make wizard mumbled, scratching at the nape of his neck as he went back to staring at the display cases. "Having a look couldn't hurt, 'suppose."
The store owner carted Gray off to another corner of the store, and Natsu couldn't help but role his eyes. Emeralds? Green, really? Did he not get Lucy at all?
Sure, she had a lot of green clothes, but they were all gifts from her father or his rich clients. Natsu knew it for a fact that she had never bought any green clothes or accessories for herself, well, ever (it was one of the many things she had gushed about when they'd first met and were determined to know everything about each other).
No, emeralds were a bad idea. Lucy didn't like green, she liked blue. Really, Gray should get her something with a sapphire in, or some other blue stone.
Natsu scanned the display cases, skipping over anything with a seven-figure-or-more price tag, until his eyes settled on a ring in the far corner. It was fairly simple, a small sapphire square flanked by diamonds of equal size, inlaid in a thin silver band. Squinting to read the tiny cursive of the price tag, he saw that it only cost 125,000 jewels, which was a freaking bargain compared to everything else on display.
"Oi, Ice Queen, get over here." The roseate called over his shoulder. "I found you a ring. CanI go now?"
Gray swaggered back over, shopkeeper in tow, and leaned round the dragon slayer to stare into the case. "Which one? They all look pretty boring to me."
Natsu ground his teeth, before pointing to the ring in the corner. "Get that one. It's fine. Trust me, she'll like it."
Gray rubbed at his chin for a few moments, scrutinizing his companion as if to gauge how honest he was being. The latter felt his brow furrow. "Geez, don't doubt me on this. No one knows Luce like I do - not even you, popsicle."
A flash of what may have been anger passed through the raven-haired man's eyes, but Natsu couldn't care less – what he said was true. He knew her unlike anyone else did. Hell, this whole ring business had already proven that, even if Gray hadn't noticed it himself.
The pudgy man, who had preiviously disappeared behind the counter, resurfaced with a red velvet box in hand. "Will that be all, gentlemen?" he inquired, impatience showing in his voice.
Gray sighed. "Yeah, that's everything." He mumbled, taking out his wallet from his coat pocket.
And the ring was bought, and the ice wizard didn't say a word to him on the way back to the guild, and Natsu couldn't escape the feeling that he shouldn't have pointed the damn ring out at all.
~o~
Ethereal.
She looked ethereal. Like some kind of princess (which she kinda was, technically).
Her hair was done up, no doubt by Cancer, in a twisting braid spattered with daisies. Her dress was white and lacy, something her and Erza referred to as a 'Watteau' style that had sheer fabric flowing down her back like a waterfall. The light caught on the little sequins sown into the lace fabric, and it was almost like she had wings.
Her wrists and ankles were covered in dainty daisy chains, and even through her veil Natsu could see the brilliant shine of her smile. Brilliant and beautiful, everything she was was on display, and he couldn't help but feel bitter that it wasn't for him.
And to make matters worse, he was giving her away to Gray. Literally.
Luce had come to him a few weeks before the ceremony, all fidgety and nervous as she told him about her latest wedding mishap – there was no one to give her away. Her parents had been dead for a while, and she didn't have any other living relatives that she knew of. Of course she had considered the old geezer, who was like a father of sorts to her, but height was a bit of an issue there.
And that's when it had dawned on her. Why not have her Natsu trot her down the aisle? Lucy'd blushed prettily when she told him how much he meant to her, that he was the closest thing to family she had, like a brother, her best friend.
And obviously he had said yes. Because it was Lucy and he could never say no to her even if he tried, even if it killed him.
Naturally he had kicked himself for it afterwards, felt everything from jealousy to regret, even loathed her briefly, because why a brother? Why a friend? Why not something more?
But seeing her now, so happy and alive and looking at the man at the end of the aisle with such reverence, her breath hitching when Gray smiled at her (Natsu decided to hate Gray a little less when he saw that the look in his eyes was nothing less than utter adoration), and flushing brilliantly as Natsu passed her hand to the man in front of him, well…
Maybe he could deal with being her brother.
As long as she was happy. Always happy.
~o~
So wrong to say
That I feel this way,
But I'm a man of my word,
And my words will never change.
~o~
A/N: Geeeeeez, it's finally finished. This little bugger took me months to plan and write, and even longer than that for me to gather the courage to publish it. This is my first fanfiction, my first piece of creative writing ever released to the public eye, and I would really appreciate any constructive criticism you have!
I'm considering making this a two- or even three-shot using other character's perspectives (e.g. Gray, Lucy, maybe Mira?), so please let me know what you think.
I'm also willing to take requests for one-shots, or even full length stories (although I feel I should say that I prefer writing angst and romance more than any other genres), but please message me directly if you have any suggestions.
Thanks for reading!
OfBitterTonicsAndSaviours
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or any of its related characters. All I own is this poorly developed plot and a deeply rooted respect for Hiro Mashima and his work.