Road Kamelot Is Back In Town
List of Characters:
Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce— Lavi
Captain B. J. Hunnicutt— Tyki Mikk
Major Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan—Road Kamelot
Colonel Sherman Potter—Froi Tidall
Major Charles Emerson Winchester III—Komui Lee
Corporal Walter "Radar" O'Reilley—Allen Walker
Lieutenant Father Mulcahy— Arystar Krory III
Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger—Jasdevi
Lieutenant Nugent—Lenalee Lee
General Lyle Weisenkopf—Cross Marion
The Announcer Guy—Reever Wenham
Chapter 1
The year is 1950. There is a conflict raging in the small country of Korea which is currently divided by north and south. This police action was known as the Korean War. The entire UN was eventually dragged into the conflict, joining the ranks of South Korea. There were various M*A*S*H (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) units stationed just a few miles away from the front such as the 8055th and the 8063rd. But the MASH unit that held the highest percentage of patients survived is the 4077th. Here, the personnel, most of which were drafted, try to keep their sanity in check while madness runs rampant around them.
Reever Wenham, the man who usually operates the PA, announced, "Attention. Attention, all personnel. The Mess Tent is closed this afternoon for the medical staff meeting. Unfortunately, it will reopen for dinner at 1700 hours."
Five of the senior staff are attending this meeting. The leader of the unit, Col. Froi Tidall, sat next to the Chief Surgeon, Capt. Lavi. Across from them are Major Komui Lee, one of their finest surgeons, and Major Road Kamelot, the head nurse.
Capt. Tyki Mikk, another fine surgeon just finished pouring himself a cup of coffee and sat next to Tidall. Once he has settled, Tidal said, "Meeting will come to order. Any old business?"
Lavi replied, "Yeah. Can I go home?"
"Get behind Jasdevi. New business. Any gripes, now's the time to squawk." Road immediately shot her hand up in the air. "Thank you, Road. I have your list."
Komui spoke up. "Once again, I must protest the almost criminal lack of privacy in this camp. Can't we have separate latrines for every officer over the rank of captain?"
Tyki retorted, "Yeah, and you and Road can build it."
Tidall held up his hand. "My turn. Triage. There's too much discussion out there. Make up your minds, then act on it."
"I do my part, but nobody listens to me," Komui said.
Tidall pointed at him. "You, for instance. Don't take case histories. Just diagnose your man, then move on." He then turned to the other Major. "Road Kamelot."
"What did I do?" she asked.
Komui turned to her. "Road, put away your paranoia. Tidall is obviously picking on everybody."
Tidall ignored him. "Tell your nurses not to be shy about hauling a litter if they have to. Some of them are stronger than I am."
Lavi asked, "Can I have their names?"
Cpl. Allen Walker, the company clerk, walked into the Mess Tent, carrying a canvas bag. He called out to Tidall, "Mail call, sir. Should I leave it in my office, or can I disturb you now?"
All immediately requested that Allen distribute the mail. He walked over to the table, but Tidall said, "Allen, later, later."
Allen took some mail out and showed it to him. "I'll leave this picture postcard of your grandson on your desk."
"Uh, mail call, folks." Allen immediately began handing out letters to the officers.
Lavi spoke up, "I move the meeting be adjourned."
"Second," Tyki said.
"Third," said Road.
"Motion carries," Lavi said. "See you next year in Atlantic City." He took a salt shaker and pounded it on the table like a gavel.
"Wow!" exclaimed Tidall as he looked at the postcard. "Look at that little Corey. What a moose."
"Yeah," agreed Allen. "He weighs 56 pounds. He's walking around like crazy and he likes to catch bugs and eat them." He laughed until he noticed Tidall glaring at him. The smile that was on his face was instantly wiped away. "That's all I read, sir. And your daughter sends her love."
Road was staring at the mail she received. "I'm divorced."
"Huh?" Allen said.
"It's official. This is my final divorce decree. I'm officially divorced."
Komui nodded at her. "Congratulations, Road." She looked up at him. A deep sadness seemed to have come over her. Komui saw this. "Or condolences. Whichever the case may be."
Lavi looked at her with a concerned look. "Road, it's what you wanted, isn't it?" She hardly responded at all.
"Road?" Tyki asked.
After a moment, she realized that she was being talked to and she shook her head, snapping out of it. "Yes, yes! I've been waiting for months."
The sound of helicopters suddenly overtook the entire camp. Allen looked up, listening. "Uh-oh. Choppers. Loaded."
Tidall was the first to stand. "Alright. I gave you the halftime pep talk. Now go get them."
Everyone stood up to leave and headed out to tend the wounded coming in. Except Road. She was still staring at the piece of paper before her. Allen walked over to her and said, "Sorry to spoil your celebration, ma'am," and then headed out the door.
Lavi noticed that Road wasn't moving and he, too, came over to her. "Miss Kamelot, you're on."
"Yeah, yeah," she responded. "I just can't get over this good news." She folded the paper back up and put it in one of her pockets. She got on her feet and headed out.
"Right," was all he said. He couldn't help noting that she didn't look happy in the least.