Title: The Many Adventures of Red Hood's Helmet (1)
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters within this story, they are the property of DC comics. No copyright infringement is intended.
Genre: Humour
Words: 1668
Summery: Damian decided that to properly enjoy his trophy of Jason Todd's helmet he needed to do something special with it and let Todd know it. Eating out of it should work.
Note: This is the first time I have written proper Batman Universe fanfiction and this has not been edited properly, just to let you know. Feedback would be great.
Damian Wayne hated doing menial work, Pennyworth was really the sort to be doing this but he refused in this case and no matter what he did his father would always side with the help. So he had to do it himself.
Wrist deep in soapy subs Damian scrubbed at the helmet. It was definitely not clean, that much was for certain, blood stains everywhere as well as a very potent smell inside, how Todd did not suffocate he would never know. Not that he cared if the boy did, really he could just go ahead. But there was a certain satisfaction of knowing that he was getting rid of the hideous odour it had stank out his room the previous night.
Taking the helmet out of the water he checked it over.
Clean enough.
Then he pulled the plug and rinsed off all the suds.
Done.
Drying it was more difficult as there were a lot of crevices. Cursing the butler for not fulfilling his duty in helping the young master he carried the still somewhat wet helmet with him, going down to the kitchen where he saw Grayson sitting on a barstool chatting away to Pennyworth whilst eating a bowl of obnoxiously coloured cereal.
"Pennyworth," Damian said at the door, "I need you to line this."
The old man turned around and looked over the helmet sniffing and turning back to what he was doing.
Grayson turned around, smiling at him. "Little D!" He cried happily getting off of his seat and basically attacking him with a 'hug'. Damian fought valiantly but he couldn't seem to push the overly affectionate man away. When Grayson finally relinquished his vice-like grip Damian pushed him away with the hand holding the helmet, which caught the man's eyes.
"Is that Jason's?" Grayson asked slowly.
"Of course," Damian said with a nod. Honestly, he had told them all about defeating them and taking their possessions as trophies, surely the man wasn't that dense. Then again he had worked with him; Grayson was only half-decent if that.
Blue eyes widened, which was amusing.
"Why do you want to line it?"
Damian smiled evilly, highly pleased with himself. "I don't see why you need to know."
Grayson shrugged. He began searching in a few of the cupboards and then returned with a roll of cling film. "This should work for most things," he said slowly.
Good, Grayson had learnt not to try and change his mind on what he wanted to do or preach about family. Damian took the cling film and nodded to his former partner then left the room, as he did he could hear Pennyworth begin lecturing Grayson. So long as it wasn't directed at him.
Sitting at his desk Damian began the painful task of lining the helmet. The film wouldn't stick properly. Grayson must have planned that! Curses!
It was messier than he would have hoped but after half an hour of struggling he had managed to cover the inside and the outside in the film, not that he had originally planned for the outside but it had happened and he made the decision that it was better for that.
Picking the helmet up again he walked back to the kitchen, as he passed his father's study he could hear Drake talking with his father. Very loudly. Drake was so rude.
Sniffing and holding his head up high Damian reassured himself that he would get the nuisance soon.
At the kitchen once more he was pleased to see it was unoccupied, Pennyworth and Grayson had moved on to other things. Placing the helmet on the counter he searched through cupboards until he found a bag of popcorn.
Perfect.
He turned the helmet over and then upended the contents of the bag into it. Done, he threw the bag away casually as he strolled out of the room. Carrying the helmet full of popcorn into the entertainment room. Of course, Grayson had to be there.
Which may be in his favour.
"Grayson!" Damian said, he walked around so he was in front of the man who was watching a strange cartoon show for some reason that Damian did not wish to know. "Do you have Todd's number?"
Grayson blinked and nodded, then he gave a short laugh as he saw the helmet, the man was being particularly dense today. "Little D you shouldn't have done that," he said with badly contained mirth, "it isn't yours."
Damian raised a fine eyebrow. "It is now."
He had taken it as his souvenir and unless Todd beat him in a fight he could not have it back.
"What do you want with Jason's number then?" Grayson sighed.
"None of your business. I want his number or your phone." Simple. Damian sat down next to Grayson on the sofa. Not to be close to the hideously affection ex-partner but so he was closer to the man's phone.
Surprisingly obediently Grayson handed over his phone bringing the listing for Todd up.
Damian took the phone looking it over the phone read Jaybird, honestly? Grayson was far too sentimental, which was a good thing in this case as it was useful that the man had Todd's number.
He sat himself down with the helmet of popcorn in his lap, taking a piece into his mouth, holding the phone back he brought up the camera so he could look at it. Sticking his tongue out with the piece of popcorn on it he pulled a face making sure the helmet was fully in shot and it showed the contents within it.
There was a click as the photo was taken. Looking it over and pleased with it he sent it to Todd. Satisfied he threw the phone back to Grayson.
Nearly immediately the phone was beeping, a triumphant grin in place Damian sat back and watched as Grayson began answering text messages very fast, the phone beeping every five seconds after the last reply was sent. This was far more entertaining than any television show. Grayson went from being distressed, to annoyed, to resigned, sending a frustrated look at Damian every other message. Damian just ate his popcorn contently. Todd must be doing something where he wasn't able to yell down the phone. Which was even better.
Watching the emotions play about Grayson's face was even better, he had gotten to know the man during their partnership and studied his facial expressions intently. They were interesting, so open, which was hard to believe with his father around.
After ten minutes the phone stopped beeping.
Grayson stared down at it suspiciously.
"You shouldn't have done that Damian," Grayson said for the second time that day. If the man was going to lecture him he needed to do better than that. "It may be funny to you but not to Jason."
"I don't care if it isn't," Damian said simply.
Grayson got up and grabbed a handful of the popcorn, phone in his other hand.
"Jason will come to get the helmet," the man spoke with his mouth still full.
Disgusting.
Shrugging Damian looked away uncaringly. It was done out of spite and momentary amusement, whether Todd retaliated didn't matter.
Grayson shook his head and went to the door but stopped when the manors alarm system went off. Beeping and red light flashing. Emergency protocols in action. Loud footsteps could be heard echoing in the halls from above, Drake and Father. Damian stood up letting the helmet fall to the floor and scatter popcorn everywhere.
Running to a wall panel and flipping it over to show the outside Grayson groaned and deactivated the alarms, everything going still.
"Grayson what possessed you to turn it off!" Damian accused.
Father was the only one allowed to make those decisions.
"Wait."
Why?
There was a crash of breaking glass as the windows to the room shattered as something flew into them, landing on the floor in a crouch.
"You little demon brat!"
Then the thing flew at Damian who dodged and kicked it in the stomach, but it came at him fists flying which Damain blocked easily each time.
Pathetic.
Could Todd really do no better than that?
"STOP!" Grayson yelled, grabbed them both and trying to pull them apart.
"I'm going to strangle you! Devil spawn!"
"Just try Todd! I would like to see your face when you lose again."
"NOW!" Grayson yelled shaking them both.
Immediately fists went towards the older man who let go and ducked just in time, then swept his leg to the side knocking them over.
A stupid mistake on Damian's part.
It would have gone further if not for the doors slamming open; it was a surprise that Father and Drake hadn't come in sooner.
"What is going on here?" Father asked, voice cold and distant. Oh wait, that was normal when addressing Damian, so no change.
Todd rose to his feet immediately taking a few steps back glaring at the man. Then he darted for his helmet but Damian was closer and got it first, the dark look that crossed Todd's face was very pleasing.
"Better luck next time," Damian hissed.
"You little…" Todd was about to launch himself at Damian again but stopped suddenly at Father's voice.
"Jason…"
Todd's head snapped back to Father. Then he darted back, jumping through the broken window.
Wise choice. It was better not to get involved in a fight with Batman, Robin, Nightwing and the Waste of Precious Air.
Father left the room, no doubt to wallow in self-pity as he was prone to doing, Drake following him like the ever loyal puppy he was.
Grayson stood there, laying a hand on Damian's arm.
"Are you happy now?"
The phone beeped and Grayson looked at it laughing fondly.
Damian scowled at that. He had never made Grayson laugh like that. What had Todd sent?
"Not yet," he hissed. He wouldn't be happy until he had all of his trophies but first…
Todd would feel his wrath.