I do not own Danny Phantom or any of the book titles used by Lancer.

Driving Lancer Crazy

The bell trilled loudly, and almost immediately after scores of students flooded through the halls of Casper High and stampeded outside. William Lancer took his time gathering up his marking (which would take all evening) and slung his book bag over his shoulder.

"Finally," he sighed as he headed for the front entrance. "It's been a long day."

Just as he was about to take a step for freedom, Helen Ishiyama stepped out of the main office, an apologetic look on her face. "Glad I caught you before you left."

"That doesn't sound appealing," said Lancer, reluctantly backtracking.

"I know you want to head home, but James called in. He's sick with the flu and can't come in."

Lancer furrowed his brow. "James? The Driver's Ed teacher?"

Helen nodded. "Yes. He has some appointments today, and he's already booked up for the next couple of months. So…"

This is not going to end well for me, thought Lancer.

"...could you possible fill in for James? I know you're qualified for the job."

Lancer frowned. "Do I have a choice?"

Helen smiled. "Nope. Have fun." She handed him the keys to the vehicle. "And thanks."

He shook his head as the woman disappeared back into the office. "Wonderful. Well, this is what I get for having degrees, diplomas and certificates galore. All because I wanted to pursue education in all of its aspects."

He headed through the school and exited through the door that led to the side parking lot. How bad could this be? he thought, trying to look on the bright side. The bright side immediately disappeared when he spotted who he would be teaching.

Danny Fenton, Tucker Foley and Sam Manson were leaning against the beat-up student car, talking casually. When they saw him, they straightened and stared curiously.

"Hey, Mr. Lancer," Danny greeted.

"Are you our Driver's Ed teacher?" Sam asked with a grin. "What happened to Mr. Jackson?"

"He has the flu," Lancer answered shortly, unlocking the trunk and sticking his bag inside.

"Better you than Ms. Testlaff," said Tucker feelingly. "I think she has it out for me."

"Well, duh, Tuck." Sam rolled her eyes. "You dropped a fifteen-pound weight on her foot!"

The three teens seemed oblivious to the horror Lancer was currently feeling. The infamous Amity Trio (as they were dubbed by their classmates) were notorious troublemakers. This was not going to be an easy lesson by any means.

With an inward groan, he shut the trunk firmly and looked at the teens. "All right, listen up. We only have a limited amount of time to get through this lesson and there's three of you. Have you all read through the assigned notes?"

"Yes," they chorused.

Though he seriously doubted it, Lancer nodded. "You've done some test runs with your parents?"

The answer he received was a bit more hesitant this round. "They were short test runs," admitted Tucker. "But we got the gist of how to work the car, at least."

Fantastic. Here's hoping we all come out of this alive. "Alright. Who's going first?"

"Me!" Tucker shouted as he shoved Sam and made a beeline for the driver's seat.

"No, me!" Danny quickly tackled Tucker to the pavement and scrambled to the vehicle.

"Don't think so!" Sam cried, grabbing Danny's ankle and pulling him down.

Lancer stared at the three wrestling teens, each punching and clawing in a desperate attempt to get to the driver's seat.

Yes. This is most definitely not going to end well.

"Pride and Prejudice, stop!" he cried. "Manson, you first."

A triumphant Sam leapt up from the ground, scratches and bruises covering her face and arms. "Losers!" she shouted at her two male friends as she hopped into the driver's seat.

"Favouritism!" Tucker cried as he and Danny climbed sullenly into the backseat.

Lancer groaned, wearily climbing into the passenger's seat. Well, out of the three of them, Manson seems to be the least likely to fall asleep at the wheel or crash into a lamppost.

"Okay, Miss Manson. What do you do first?"

Sam grinned. "Easy. Seatbelt, mirrors and all that crap."

"Um...right. Now what?" Lancer asked wearily after she finished buckling up and adjusting her mirrors.

Sam gripped the wheel and raised her boot-covered foot. Lancer glanced at it in panic. "Miss Manson, what-?"

"Floor it!" Sam cheered as she tore out of the school's parking lot.

"Burn rubber!" cheered Tucker and Danny from the backseat.

Lancer gripped the sides of his seat, knuckles white. "Miss Manson, slow down!"

Sam ignored him as she rounded a corner. She cut it short and bounced off of the curb, causing Lancer to smack his head off of the roof.

"Romeo and Juliet!" he shouted as Sam narrowly missed a run-in with a red Mercedes.

She stuck her head out the window, shaking her fist. "Road hog!" she screamed.

Lancer gasped. "Eyes on the road, Miss Manson!"

Sam leaned back in her seat. "Oops!" She slammed the brakes seconds before a collision course with a lamppost.

Well. She didn't crash into it.

"Miss Manson, your turn is over!" he snapped, trying to get his pounding heart to calm down.

Sam sighed. "Oh, all right."

Tucker jumped up and down in his seat eagerly. "My turn! I call it!"

Danny scowled. "Whatever."

He climbed into the front, jostling Sam as they tried to get past each other. Lancer winced as Sam`s combat boot knocked his chin. Ouch.

Tucker managed to wrangle himself into the driver's seat. Lancer rubbed a hand down his face. "Now, Mr. Foley-"

Lancer was cut off by the sound of screeching tires as Tucker took off, tearing back onto the road. "Not so fast!" he cried.

"Sorry." The car slowed down considerably. Lancer relaxed when they continued to cruise at an acceptable speed. Tucker glanced out the window and did a double-take at the pretty blonde strolling down the sidewalk. He honked the horn and wolf-whistled.

"Mr. Foley!" Lancer snapped. "Pay attent-"

The word was cut off as they hit a nasty bump and all four of the car's occupants hit their heads off of the car's roof.

Sam turned and looked out the back windshield to see what had caused the jolt. "You killed a squirrel!" she cried in horror. "Murderer!"

"Big deal! There are tons of them out there," Danny said dismissively.

Sam scowled. "How would you like it if I mowed you down with a big rig?"

Lancer groaned. "Anne of Green Gables. Foley, back. Fenton, your turn."

Tucker pulled over to the side of the road. Danny cheered as he and Tucker traded places.

"Now-" was all Lancer got out before Danny roared back onto the street.

"All right!" Danny whooped. He narrowly missed a crossing pedestrian. Sam stuck her head out of the backseat window and screamed, "Hey, we're driving here!"

Danny turned around to frown. "Some people have no manners."

"Mr. Fenton! Look out!" Lancer shouted.

Danny whirled around a second too late. The car crashed into a cement pole. The front hood popped open and thick black smoke curled into the air. Coughing, Lancer shooed his students out and everyone piled out of the wreck. He eyed his students for any injuries, and was relieved when they had none. "

Perfect," he drawled, hands on his hips. "Now, how do you suppose I explain this?"

Danny looked thoughtful. "We swerved to avoid hitting a cow."

Sam smiled. "We're in the middle of town, Danny. The only cow here is Tucker."

Tucker gasped. "I resent that!"

Lancer shook his head. "I'm going to find a payphone to call a tow truck. As luck would have it, I left my cell at school."

"Do we pass?" Tucker asked eagerly before the man could depart on his search for a public phone.

For the first time that day, Mr. Lancer laughed loudly.

Same frowned as he set off, still chortling. She crossed her arms. "I don't get what's so funny."