SANTA'S IGLOO!
By WileE2005
DISCLAIMER: Arthur is a trademark and property of Marc Brown, PBS Kids and DHX Media. This is an expansion of a brief flashback sequence from the episode "D.W. Goes to Washington" by Joe Fallon, and this is basically a work of fan-fiction.
It was late in the summer. David Read didn't have to cater any parties, and his wife Jane didn't have to do any tax work. The kids, Arthur and D.W., didn't have any plans. So, they decided to have a fun little outing that weekend. They just needed to decide where to go…
D.W. had an idea. She was watching cartoons on TV, and a commercial break was going. An advertisement came on that got her attention. "Everybody, come quick!" she yelled.
So, they did. The commercial was advertising a place called "Santa's Igloo." It appeared to be a fun Christmas-themed tourist attraction, and on the screen, an igloo with candy canes at its' entrance was on a tropical sunny beach. Santa Claus flew over the beach on his sleigh, pulled by four reindeer, as an announcer said, "Come to Santa's Igloo, where Santa spends the summer!"
"We have to go there!" D.W. said. "We'll get to see Santa Claus… during the summer, and his reindeer too! And it'll be nice and cool in the igloo!"
Arthur wasn't sure; the premise of Santa's Igloo didn't seem to impress him as much as D.W.
The commercial announcer said, "Share a sundae with Santa Claus, and his friendly reindeer!" as Santa could be seen eating a giant sundae with a little boy that looked a lot like James, one of D.W.'s friends. A large reindeer, obviously someone wearing a full reindeer mascot costume, danced happily in the background.
Then the TV screen showed Santa and the "reindeer" waving around the "Santa's Igloo" logo. "Pleeeeeeease?" D.W. pleaded.
"Bleah!" Arthur said, clearly not wanting to go to such a kiddie-themed attraction. His little dog Pal seemingly stuck out his tongue in agreement.
"Hmm," Dave said. "It isn't that far from Elwood City, so maybe we could go. It could be fun for the whole family!"
"I wanted to go to Bionic Bunny Playland," Arthur complained.
Now it was D.W.'s turn to stick out her tongue and go "Bleah!" She turned to Arthur and said, "You and Buster went there this spring, remember?"
Dave and Jane did not seem impressed by the idea of Bionic Bunny Playland. But "Santa's Igloo" did sound somewhat more promising.
…
And so, it was settled. They would go to Santa's Igloo that Sunday, as D.W. had initially misinterpreted "sundae" as "Sunday." Arthur, more annoyed at D.W. than ever, told her, "It's SUNDAE, as in a hot fudge sundae. Not the day of the week!"
"So?" D.W. said. "I can't read. Plus, at least we'll get to have sundaes on a Sunday!"
Arthur groaned.
…
Sunday morning arrived, and the family packed up and left in their station wagon. Arthur was not thrilled about this trip, as he had a feeling with a destination D.W. picked would end up being a disaster.
After an hour and fifteen minutes passed, they drove by a billboard for Santa's Igloo. It had fake snow on top, and had pictures of candy canes, a big ice cream sundae, and the heads of Santa and a reindeer. Santa looked a little different than he did in the commercial, and the reindeer resembled the cartoon kangaroo Spooky-Poo, but with antlers and a red Rudolph nose. The text read: "SANTA'S IGLOO: SHARE A SUNDAE WITH SANTA!"
As they passed the billboard, D.W. asked, "What's it say?"
Annoyed, Arthur said, "'Share a sundae with Santa and his friendly reindeer.'" Their baby sister Kate was asleep throughout most of the ride.
"At least we're getting close…" Jane told David, who was behind the wheel.
…
Things didn't necessarily improve once they got there. They drove onto the street Santa's Igloo was located on, but so far, they just saw some condos.
"It should be around here somewhere…" Dave said, as they drove.
"Look!" D.W. pointed out, as she saw what looked vaguely like the front of an igloo with candy canes lining the entrance. "I think that's it!"
…
"Santa's Igloo" was actually just a mundane house with a fake igloo façade plastered to its front. Wooden candy cane cutouts decorated with Christmas lights lined the entrance to the "igloo," which was fashioned with a rather sleazy-looking neon sign reading "SANTA'S IGLOO."
Inside the house, it didn't look particularly much like a family attraction. There was sparse furniture, several old-looking Christmas decorations plastered everywhere, and a table with chairs. A record player was hooked up to some speakers installed near the top of the room. The man who owned the place, a big fat slob wearing boxer shorts, a tank top, glasses and a Santa hat, saw the car parking in front of the place. He gasped. "Barbara, we've got tourists! The first family to come here in weeks. Let's get ready!"
His wife, Barbara, began to put on her reindeer costume, as the man quickly turned on the record player, playing slow droning Christmas music. Then he put on a fake Santa beard, but it fell from his face, so that it was hanging under his chin, exposing his mouth and stubble. He then pulled on Santa's pants, and as he opened the front door, he pulled the suspenders on. He didn't have time to put on his full Santa costume, plus he was a little too lazy to do so. He didn't even pull on Santa's boots, so he was barefoot.
"Ho, ho, ho," he greeted the Read family. But he saw they didn't have ice cream with them as he hoped. "Didn't you bring me a sundae?" Barbara came out with her reindeer costume on, but the mask tucked under her arm. "How can you share a sundae with Santa," the slob explained, "if you don't bring a sundae TO Santa?"
The family stared, astonished, though D.W. was smiling.
"But, the commercial said nothing about bringing ice cream," Arthur said. "It just said, 'Share a sundae with Santa.'"
"Yes," the slob said, "but that's part of the fun, little boy! I bring you all presents for Christmas, so why not return the favor?"
Dave sighed. "I'll go get stuff to make a sundae." He headed for the car.
"I'll look after the kids," Jane said, sounding disillusioned.
They headed into the "igloo." But the family wasn't pleased by what they saw.
"Doesn't look very festive," Arthur noted.
"It's not even cold. I thought this was an igloo! Why is it so warm?" D.W. complained.
"Well, the air condition…" the "Santa" impostor began, as he started to pull on his boots, but then realized what he was saying and corrected himself. "Sometimes the igloo gets too cold, little girl, and I need to warm the place up a bit!"
Arthur rolled his eyes. The whole place seemed rather fishy. In the corner he saw Martha putting the reindeer mask on and checking herself in the mirror.
Jane sighed. Even Bionic Bunny Playland was much better than Santa's Igloo turned out to be!
…
After a short while of Jane and the kids sitting as the Santa slob was rambling on with improvised information on what it's like at the North Pole as the "reindeer" was dancing around rather weakly, Dave came back with the ingredients and got to work making a sundae. "Santa" kept giving Dave instructions on how to make it…
"Yes, with three scoops of chocolate, three scoops of vanilla, and two strawberry," the impostor ordered Dave. "Make it nice and big, for the whole family. And cover the top half in chocolate syrup and whipped cream…"
Dave did not seem very happy with being told how to make an ice cream sundae. He often made very pleasant ice cream dishes for the whole family, but nothing this large.
After that, the family and "Santa" sat at the table and ate the sundae.
"Well, at least this sundae is cooling us off a bit," Arthur said.
Jane seemed a bit concerned. "It appears to be melting a little too quickly. We'd better eat it faster."
The family noticed that the "Santa" man seemed to be eating two thirds of it while leaving the remaining third to the family.
D.W. whispered to Arthur, "I didn't know Santa could eat like such a pig!"
The "Santa" slob just finished another large spoonful, with bits of ice cream dripping from his mouth, and he let out a big burp.
Arthur asked Santa, "What else is there to do besides bringing a sundae to share?"
"That's about it," the "Santa" impostor said. "But it sure is quite a memory to remember, isn't it? AAAH, BRAIN FREEZE!" He gave an unpleasant twitching face, clutched the sides of the top of his head, and began banging his head on the table!
Jane did her usual gasp. "You're not a very good example to the kids, Mr. Santa. I wouldn't want MY children banging their heads like that."
D.W. watched with widened eyes. Her own mother was scolding Santa Claus! After he calmed down and his headache went away, D.W. asked "You don't even give us presents here?"
"Well, it's not Christmas…" the slob explained.
Arthur glared at his parents. "I TOLD you coming here was a bad idea. This place looks nothing like it did on TV!"
Dave and Jane glanced at each other.
…
Finally, the family left Santa's Igloo. Only D.W. waved goodbye to "Santa," as Barbara in her reindeer costume was moving much weaker than usual. A little while later on the road…
"That was such a rip-off!" Arthur complained. "I wasn't eager to go in the first place, but I will admit the commercial looked much more convincing. They just lied to us!"
Jane sighed. "I'm glad we didn't take any pictures while we were there. I'd like to forget this trip ever happened."
"When we get home," Dave said, "I'm going to call Bitzi Baxter and tell her to publish a review in the paper about how fraudulent 'Santa's Igloo' was."
"Why's everyone looking so down?" D.W. asked. "We got to meet Santa in the summer!"
Arthur frowned at D.W. "That wasn't the real Santa! It was just a big fat slob dressed like Santa! Plus, the reindeer was phony too!"
"Oh Arthur," D.W. said, shaking her head. "Getting older is making you more of a grouch every day."
Arthur sighed.
Dave then told D.W., "Yeah, honey, I don't think we'll be going to Santa's Igloo ever again."
D.W. looked a tad disappointed. "Yeah, the place could've been better, looking more like it was on TV. It wasn't even cold in the igloo!"
…
The next day, after Dave had called Bitzi, she came over to the Read house and brought Buster with her. Arthur was telling Buster the horrors of Santa's Igloo…
"…and you want to know what the worst part was?" Arthur asked his best friend. "The gimmick was 'Share a sundae with Santa,' but you have to bring the sundae yourself! My dad had to go get ice cream and stuff and whip up a large sundae on the spot!"
"Wow," Buster said. "But it looked so much better on TV! Could it have all been a lie?"
"More like an example of false advertising," Arthur grumbled.
Buster got an idea. "Maybe aliens materialized the REAL Santa and his igloo, and disguised as him and the reindeer in a phony igloo façade as part of a conspiracy!"
Arthur slapped his forehead in annoyance, as Buster went on about his alien theory…
END