For Batfam Week 2017: Day 2 – Shenanigans
Sorry if ain't totally funny. I try.
Lines without [Name] means all of them sing it.
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Bruce was with Clark on the high rise as backup. Diana was with the Flash on the opposite building as they watched their protégés prepare for the long wait.
It took two hours and everyone to start thinking nothing was gonna happen tonight before humming was heard over the comms.
Bruce frowned. An old memory coming to him…Oh no.
He didn't realize he'd spoken aloud. And Supergirl, Superboy, Wondergirl and Kid Flash took a step back as their bat peers started smiling.
Widely.
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[Dick] It's a hard-knock life for us. It's a vigilante life for us
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"Nightwing. Stop." Bruce had to stop them. While they weren't loud yet. This, even though he too was thinking their intel was off tonight.
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[Steph] 'Stead of daylight
We're the night!
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Bruce wanted to give himself a face palm. He didn't see Clark try to stifle his smile.
[Tim] We get some bruises
But we're alright!
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Diana shared a smile with Barry as the kids continued.
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It's a vigilante life!
All the folks just fear us, so,
It's really a hard-knock row we hoe
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Kara, Cassie, Kon and Wally looked in awe as the bat kids ignored another bark for them to stop.
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[Duke] Creepy villains!
'xcept some are cool!
[Jason] Painful sunlight
Coz we're the night!
It's a hard-knock life!
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Suddenly there were cars incoming fast towards their target building.
Later as they crash the party, Damian starts another tune. But Stephanie starts near the end as Batman starts coming in (there had been more bad guys than they'd thought).
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[Stephanie] I see a little silhouetto of a man
His name is Bats, name is Bats, will you do the fandango
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The bat kids start punching harder and smiling wider.
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Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening
[Tim] Galileo, Galileo
[Damian] Galileo, Galileo
Galileo Figaro - magnifico!
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The kids stopped singing and only hummed as they looked expectantly at Bruce.
He only stared right back.
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[Dick, Batman voice] I'm just a rich boy nobody loves me.
[Jason] He's just a rich boy from a dead family
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Tim had to pause and give a whistle in disbelief.
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Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, do we let them go?
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At this point all the kids had grabbed a hold of their own goon.
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Bismillah! No we will not let them go
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The line was sang with such glee that the goons didn't care they'd correctly said the next lyrics.
"Let me go!" came various panicked voices.
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Bismillah! We will not let you go
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"Let me go!" They were starting to cry.
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Bismillah! We will not let you go
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"Let me go!"
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Will not let you go
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"Let go!"
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Never let you go
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"Let gooo!"
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Never let you go ooo
[Nightwing] No
[Red Robin] No
[Batgirl] No
[Robin] No
[Red Hood] No
No
"No!" cried one particularly loud as he struggled to get out of the Red Hood's hold. "Please!"
And then the Batman actually sang (if a bit in monotone. He was just so done). His children's smiles then rivaled the Joker's.
[Batman] Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let them go.
But still the criminals wept with relief as the various holds and pins they'd been in eased.
"For now."
They paled before fainting on their own.
After only one brave soul tried to make a run for it, their night ended with a back flip and a hard kick from Batgirl.
There was applause from her fellow bats as she landed and gave a bow.
Laughter rang out from their peers. And exasperated sighs was accompanied with smiles as their mentors looked on. Batman, however, was just so done. (Even if he did smile. Just a little bit.)
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Bonus:
"Hood…" Bruce looked at his son as he started strolling away from them.
"Yeeeesss?" He just knew his son was smiling under the hood.
"Stop starting things."
"What?" Jason did a double take, faltering in his steps. "How did you-?"
"Because you always did this even from before."
"Pssh. Whatever, dad."
For once, the Batman was at a loss for words.
"Welp. It's been real fun. Now beam me up, Scotty."
The comms beeped as a new voice came on. "Aye, aye, oh fearless leader."
"Arsenal..." Jason sighed.
"You know they never actually exactly say it that way." Tim put away his staff and spoke to his brother.
"I know, replacement. Just shut up." Jason started disappearing. "Later, losers." He gave them the finger guns and then faced Bruce. "And just try and catch me, ya big boob."
Bruce snapped out of it and called out, "Hood!"
"Too late. He's gone." Dick stood next to him as he watched Kori's ship fly away.
"He…"
"I know, B. I know."
"…Nightwing. Get your hand off my head."
Dick backed off and went to his siblings, still grinning. He got to pat the Batman. Pfft.
"50 dollars Hood just realized what he said."
"100 that he's freaking out right now."
Dick heard a beep on his comms. Double beeps signaling a private line. He laughed as he listened. His siblings turned to him. "Sorry guys…you're too late. Arsenal just told me their fearless leader just shut down."
Still, Steph quipped, "Bet you his face is as red as his hood."
The other heroes watched as Bruce just sighed and pinched his nose bridge. As if it would be able to stop the headache that was his children.
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Inspiration for this fic and the full Bohemian Batsody lyrics can be read here: Batfamily Groupchat by Batfamily2001 at AO3 (((ff sux and won't let me post the full link so y'all have to google it)))
Read the rest of the fic as well, it's so funny and it's gold.
Didn't totally re-write all of Hard-Knock life, sorry.