A/N: So I wanted the rest of that shower scene. This was supposed to be a one shot, but it has expanded and I have four or five chapters written out at this point. There was just so much raw emotion there that this popped into my head and spilled out on paper in a fabulous way. I haven't been inspired to write for a long time, and this was a breath of fresh air. I hope you all enjoy :) and let me know!

"I have nowhere else to go! This is my life now too!"

Callie's broken voice cut through her cries of protest. Arizona stopped yelling and opened her eyes, watching her wife break down through the cascade of water from the shower head. How had she missed this? Tears had flooded Callie's cheeks before the water could reach them. The smooth face cracked under lines of grief, smearing her features like the ruined mascara. Grief that she played a large hand in causing. The realization hit her hard; she felt like she was seeing Callie for the first time since the accident without a filter of pain to block everything out. She wasn't the only one hurting. "Callie."

"You were dying!" Callie gasped, spitting out water and tears and mascara that had seeped in through her open lips. "Why don't you get that? You were dying, Arizona. I was losing Mark and you were dying. I had to plead, beg, I broke down sobbing to get Hunt to let me do that surgery on you. Because I am your wife and I knew that I wouldn't get you back if you lost the leg!"

Arizona tried to get Callie to look at her, but she was afraid to touch her.

"I was in surgery. And you coded. I told Karev to do it. It was your life or your leg, Arizona. I knew you would blame me, turn me into the bad guy who ruined your life, but at least you would have one. I chose your life. The alternative was not something I could live with."

She felt Callie's arms growing weak as they tried to support both of them as her body wracked with sobs. Her heart was breaking slowly, watching her strong Callie beaten down and broken. Knowing that it was her fault. "Callie."

"Mark died!"

"I – I know."

"And then you! I couldn't let you die, Arizona. Everyone around me dies. I'm like a one way ticket to the grave. But not you. If that makes me a bad doctor, or a bad wife, and you make me the bad guy of your existence for the rest of your life…You were dying! I shouldn't have even been your doctor! You made me say yes to that surgery! And then you coded! YOU DID THIS!" Callie smacked her hands against the tile wall. "Why did you do this to me?"

"What?"

"You shouldn't have been on that plane, Arizona. You can blame Karev all you want, I tried to hate him too, but it was your fault. You were too self-righteous. And now this is my life! You broke your leg and made me make a promise that you knew I couldn't keep! And then you tried to die!"

Arizona wasn't sure when she had turned the water off, or if she had, or when they had sunk to the wet floor together; jeans and yoga pants clinging to their skin like plastic wrap.

"And you have blamed me ever since."

"I –"

"Because you couldn't take responsibility for what YOU. DID!"

"Cal–"

"YOU. WERE. DYING!" Callie punctuated her words. "I saved your life."

Arizona reached out, past the fear, and pressed her hand to Callie's cheek, something she hadn't done in months. She felt Callie lean into her touch before those dark chocolate eyes met hers. "And you've been dying every day since."

The anger faded, replaced with fresh tears as her gaze dropped. "I'm sorry, Arizona. But I couldn't let you die."

Gently cradling Callie's jaw, Arizona coaxed her forward. "Come here."

Callie met her eyes again, but she shook her head. This moment would fade, and she couldn't get lost in it. "We have to get you clean. The meeting –"

"Will wait," Arizona said softly. She was in no place to make demands.

"No really, clean first," Callie said, a nervous chuckle breaking through her tears. Arizona rolled her eyes, but let Callie help her out of the wet clothes and wash. "Can you hold yourself long enough for me to get towels so we don't track water through the apartment?"

Arizona nodded, bracing herself against the wall when Callie pulled her arms away. How had she let this happen? How had she gone so long without so much as touching her wife in the most innocent way? But before her mind could process, Callie came back, covered in a robe, holding out a soft, fluffy towel for Arizona to fall into. Literally.

She sat on the edge of the bed, fuzzy pajamas warming her, watching Callie throwing her drenched beautiful hair up into a haphazard ponytail.

"You still won't come?"

"I just can't, Callie. I…I can't."

With a huff, Callie let it go. "Okay."

"Please, come here." Arizona patted the bed beside her.

"I have to go."

"Callie." She watched her wife hesitate.

"Do you blame me Arizona?" Callie couldn't trust her.

Arizona had spent a month and a half in their bed. Not their bed, a bed designed for outpatient care in their bedroom. A bedroom that had become her bedroom while Callie lived on the couch. While Callie snuck in and our at night to change clothes, subsisting around her like a ghost. And she'd ignored Callie's existence for most of it. When Callie had tried to help her she'd screamed, snapped, thrown things, or coldly stared until her wife left the room. The one person obligated to help her. Just yesterday she had recoiled from Callie's touch with an accusatory glare, berated her when Callie tried to get her to do something for herself. No, she didn't blame Callie at all. "Please."

Callie took the few steps forward to stand next to her. That's all she was giving.

"I'm sorry."

The anger had thrown up familiar walls. But right now her face screamed exhaustion. She didn't have anything else to give to this tonight. She'd seen Arizona come back to life for the first time since she'd given the order, but she'd also lost control of her façade and it had let in her anger. She didn't respond.

"Callie, I'm so sorry," Arizona reached out and touched Callie's arm. She felt the flinch this time. Pull away.

It was too much to deal with, knowing that this moment wouldn't last. The apology was an empty as her wife had been since she'd woken up from the surgery that had saved her life. Callie's eyes hardened. She took a step back. "Are you good? You don't need anything?"

"Cal–"

"I have a meeting, Arizona."