Denial and Isolation
It's late at night but the lights in Scorpius' room are still burning. He's sitting on an old couch the whole night, imaging - remembering - the way Rose's lips felt on his.
She'd built a beanbag with his jackets and coats one day and he isn't ready to remove it yet. Maybe she will return, who knows. It certainly feels like she'll visit again next Tuesday.
'She'll come.' He thinks. He closes his eyes and smiles when the picture of her wearing knee socks and his shirt enters his mind.
Anger
His black leather jacket matches with his sunglasses - why is he even wearing them indoors? He doesn't know. Girls approach him from time to time but he doesn't care; all he wants is to get drunk.
"Hey," whispers a smoky voice behind him and he turns around. For a moment he smiles because he thinks it's her but it's not. Rose's cousin has always looked a lot like her and he wonders what Rose will think if he tells her later that her baby cousin - what's her name again? - flirted with him.
But then he remembers that he will never tell her anything again. The cousin is still standing there a smile on her red lips. He has to admit she's pretty but everything seems fake on her. As if she's a child wearing her mother's make up and too big clothes.
"Haven't seen you here like ever," She says, again with her fake deep smoky voice. The cousin then sips at her drink - fire whiskey. He says something and she laughs. Her hands rest on his chest and her long claw like nails scratch him. Scorpius can smell her heavy perfume and it's making him dizzy.
She flutters her long thick eyelashes and it reminds him of Rose and brings back the evening of their first date. A lump starts to form in his throat. The cousin laughs and takes his hand.
"Come on, Scorp. I can make you forget." Her fingers brush over his crotch and she laughs again.
"I'm so sorry." she whispers in his ear. Her lips dangerously close to his. Scorpius knows she doesn't mean it.
Rose never had to use such cheap tricks he thinks. But Rose isn't there. 'Fuck this.' He kisses the cousin's full lips and pretends it are Rose's. He's angry and passionate and when his eyes are closed he's making out with Rose not with her cousin. He's biting her lip and his hands are on Rose's breasts and she moans one of her throaty deep moans and...
Scorpius opens his eyes. Her cousin moans high and unnatural not like Rose.
"I'm sorry." Scorpius says. He doesn't know what for. I'm sorry you're not Rose? I'm sorry I don't love you? I'm sorry I'll fuck you and then forget you? He takes her hand and they apparate to his apartment. He knows it's not her and hopes Rose somehow sees or feels it. He wants to hurt her the way she hurt him.
Bargaining
He wishes he'd spent less time at work and more time with her. He remembers the many many times she waited for him after work until he finally turned off the lights in his office and they walked home together.
It's late when he comes home now. Later than even in the past. He should have showed her more how much she meant to him. She showed it all the time.
Her cousin waited for him today. Not the one he fucked but the one Scorpius actually likes. He waited until Scorpius was ready to go home and walked with him.
"I miss her a lot, too. You know? I'll be there if you need me, man. Keep your head up. It'll get better." He hugs Scorpius and leaves him standing in front of his apartment.
Scorpius is sure he hears him whisper "At least I hope so."
All he can think of are the what ifs.
Depression
He hasn't left his apartment for days. He didn't show up at work but his mother visited him and told him it's fine.
"They understand." she said.
Go, go, go go is all he thinks whenever someone comes to visit (usually it's his mother) but he doesn't say it.
"Mom," He says. "Lets go outside today."
He doesn't want to but it'll make her feel so much better. She'll think he's healthy again and she'll finally leave him alone. So they go outside for a day and he hides his broken heart.
"You've never been a good actor, darling." His mum says when she kisses his forehead and leaves him sometime in the late evening. He doesn't care.
"Why would I be one in this shitty world?" He murmurs but she's long gone. He turns around and walks home to hide in his room again.
Acceptance
Months later it's better. He understands that she'd her reasons to leave. He still wants to know them but he learns to accept that he probably won't ever.
It's breaking his heart that he can't remember the way she looked. He will never forget her amazing hair and her perfect smile but she's now like a puzzle with a few missing pieces.
He's working again now and he started to write a book. Not to publish it, he isn't a good writer. Just to get over it. Not over her. Scorpius will never be over her.
Also he's often hanging around with her male cousin. They're friends now because they understand and they miss her together. He ignores her baby cousin and so she eventually stops calling him.
Sometimes he finds letters Rose wrote him or the book she liked the most and he disappears in daydreams or their past but he always returns.