Haymitch dreaded what was to come. He loathed himself for what he was about to do. But it was the only way. The only way to keep her safe.
He heard the slight pitter-patter of feet coming down the hallway. A normal person wouldn't have heard anything at all, but he had trained his ears in anticipation of her nightly arrivals. There was a soft knock at the door before it opened just enough for her to squeeze in. As soon as the door was shut back, the most beautiful smile spread across her lips. She looked even more gorgeous than usual tonight. She had gotten rid of her wig and makeup before she came to his room this evening, and her naturally blonde waves danced around her face as she walked towards him.
"Effie…" He whispered, suddenly at a loss for words. She leaned up to kiss him softly. He savored every moment, and made it last a little longer than it should have. He didn't know when he would be able to kiss her like this again, if ever. After a long moment of bliss, he reluctantly pulled away, and she smiled at him brightly.
"Where were you today? You weren't around much. I missed you." She asked, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso.
"Busy. Had some errands to run, things to take care of." He replied and brushed some hair off her face. Effie chuckled and caressed his cheek as he rested his hands on her waist.
"That's usually me, isn't it? Gone all day, running errands, being a busy little worker bee. Sort of uncharacteristic to Haymitch, am I right?" She said as she playfully ran her fingers through his hair.
"I can get things done when I want to." He said gruffly. Effie turned her nose up and made a face in reaction to the stench of alcohol on his breath. It hadn't been this bad in months. He had a lot to drink tonight.
"Why does your breath reek of alcohol?"
"What, you haven't gotten used to it by now?"
"I have, but Haymitch, you've been drinking more than usual tonight." She looked around the floor and saw at least a dozen empty bottles. "You only do this when something's bothering you. Tell me." He looked away and she pulled his chin back so he would face her again. He released his grip from her waist and removed her arms from around him.
He took a deep breath, knowing what he was about to say would change everything forever. He only hoped she would eventually understand. Wouldn't hate him. That maybe someday they could be together again like they had been the past year.
"Effie. We can't do this anymore." He finally managed to spit out. She looked at him with a blank expression, in utter shock.
"What are you talking about, Haymitch?" She asked, confused. He could see the panic building up inside her. He walked over to the nearest table in his room and picked up an unopened bottle of liquor. He pulled out the cork and took a swig without even taking the time to pour it into a glass.
"Us. We can't be together anymore. This all has to end." He said with a wince and took another long swig, emptying half of the bottle down his throat.
She stared at him in disbelief for a moment, and then became enraged.
"Why are you saying this, Haymitch!? You don't love me anymore?" She demanded and walked over to him with hot, angry tears forming in her eyes. It was killing him seeing her like this.
"I do. You know I do. But Effie, we can't work. We never will. Things are too complicated. I can't give you the kind of life you want and deserve. Plus, being with me is dangerous. You know what happened to my family." Haymitch said as he gulped what was left in the bottle of liquor.
Effie turned from infuriated to deeply hurt in a matter of seconds. And more tears began to flow.
"I thought we already talked about this, Haymitch. I don't care about the risks. I just want to be with you. I love you. And it was working just fine. Everything was fine. Why all of a sudden, is it not?"
Haymitch was shaking and he was about to break down. He knew if he did, there would be no going back. He would tell her everything. Tell her that everything he just said was a lie. That he wanted nothing more in the world than to be with her forever. Tell her about the rebellion, District 13, the escape plans later that night. But he wouldn't. He absolutely couldn't risk her safety. He couldn't have someone else die because of his actions. He already lost his whole family because of his selfish mistakes.
"Damn it, Effie! Get out! Now!" He screamed and threw the now empty liquor bottle across the room where it hit the wall, shattering it into millions of pieces. He started pacing the floor with his head in his hands. "Go Effie. Just go. Please." He said softly this time, almost a whisper.
She looked at him longingly, silent tears running down her cheeks, knowing he was just as tormented as she was.
"You know where to find me, Haymitch. I'll be waiting for you. Always." She said softly as she went for the door. She glanced back at him before leaving, his back was to her, and she could see his shoulders shaking.
As soon as the door was shut, Haymitch grabbed another bottle and started drinking again. He wanted more than anything to run out the door and grab her. Take her with him to District 13. Where he could protect her. She was probably safer in the Capitol, but he wouldn't be here with her to protect her just in case. If it was truly his choice, she would be going with him and the rest of the revolutionaries. But Plutarch was picky, and he didn't trust her. When this was all over, he would get her back. He had to, or his life wouldn't be worth living anymore.
He did this to protect her, but little did Haymitch know that his actions were going to do the exact opposite.