Refiner's Fire

Author's Note: Inspired by something that Glen Kean (the guy who animated Disney's Beast) said about the transformation sequence: "It's really about an inner, spiritual transformation that's taking place with the Beast..." In this story, I explore the spiritual struggle that Beast goes through before he is 'reborn' into the prince.

o0o

Chapter 1: Her eyes

Her eyes. I can see them clearly in the gathering storm; bright, clear and unbearably beautiful. She came back to save me and yet I can't help but think of the bitter irony of her being here, looking at me like that, finally. Now, at the end of all things...

I've heard it said that when you're dying, your life flashes before your eyes, and for a moment in Belle's eyes, I can see my mother as she leans over me by my bedside, her soft hair falling on my face, her warmth my only memory of love...

Mother...Beautiful, Queenly, elegant but never happy. It was father that saw to that...

And I...? Who was I to argue against my father, my Sire and my King. On most days I could not even address him as Father... There were countless times I watched him covetously from afar, wishing for the attention he lavished on his accomplices and members of the royal court. His deep rejection and neglect bore testament towards his obvious hatred towards me and yet I still ached to be loved by him...

Loved.

The one thing in this world I never knew except in getting exactly what I wanted, whenever I wanted from my devoted servants who I can only imagine stayed out of pity for the lonely, tempestuous child I became. And yet it was the one thing I yearned for more than anything in the world, even throughout the curse, the one thing that would fill me with such anger and pain that I would literally tear things apart.

And then she came...

Her presence bringing an indiscernible lightness, something I didn't recognise at first because of the darkness I had lived in for so long... hope.

And it was as if a part of me, empty and unknown like an abandoned room was given life, given light, taught to breathe and I forgot who I was in the presence of such beauty.

For that is what she is...my beauty, this beautiful girl who kneels beside me in the rain, trying so hard not to break down, trying so hard to be strong for me.

"You came back..." I manage to whisper with effort.

She nods her head, loose tendrils of hair falling across her face. And I reach up to touch her face, revelling in the softness of her skin, her warmth.

In those years of bitter resentment towards my parents for abandoning me, my father for taking his life and my mother for following shortly after, I did not stop to think, to observe the damage I was inflicting on my own heart, how I was suffering under such a combined bitter hatred. And after I was cursed, I completely lost my humanity... there was just so little of me left. On more than one occasion, my servants found me standing on broken glass in my own blood. It had only been because of them and the fact that I was too much of a coward that I lived... that I am still alive today. Just, barely...

But I cannot help but feel different now, changed... Not perfect, but somehow I've survived being dragged through the flames of hardship without being consumed. Someone once told me that it is these hardships that make you stronger, more durable, determine who you are... I've been melted, moulded, taken-apart at the seams, painfully but surely...

Is that not enough?

Must I pay with my life as well?

I open my eyes to Belle's touch. I hear her audible gasp and feel her gentle hands on my face.

"Maybe it's better... it's better this way..." I make my mouth form words and I once more see my mother's face as she leans over me and whispers in my ear that everything will be alright, but this time I know the truth...

"Shhh don't talk like that. We're together now. Everything's going to be alright. You'll see..." I watch as Belle's eyes fill with sorrow and regret.

I am no longer that vulnerable child who cries for his mother and believes that she will take away his pain... I am an adult now, facing the unknown chasm of death, and knowing that I have never done a kindly or good thing in my life, apart from loving her, loving Belle with everything I am... Belle is crying softly now, and I marvel at her strength, her courage.

"At least I got to see you one last time..."

And as she smiles down on me, I realise that I have to tell her, I need to tell her that I love her before it's too late. Her face dips and blurs as if within a fog, and I hear her voice as if from a distance calling my name. I struggle from within that blackness.

"Belle... I..."

But I can't say it, the breath constricts in my lungs with painful effort.

No. I need to say it. I need to say it. God, let me say it!

She needs to know this. She has to. Suddenly, it is the most important thing in my life. I scream out to the dark void.

Enchantress, if you are there tell her I love her! Please...tell her... help her bear this...

And the effort is too much, and I am slipping, slipping into a vast darkness that weighs me down and wraps its muddy tendrils around my soul.