Chapter 1
Anesthetize the Cow

If New York is to USA then Konoha is to Japan. In the year 2012, Konoha is the Asian equivalent of the city that never sleeps. For Uchiha Sasuke though, the city may not sleep as much as it wants but he cannot, NOT sleep. It has been three days since he'd last had a decent wink of sleep and he's decided that the sleepless streak can continue no longer. No. Drinking 5 gallons of milk has to stop. He swore another cup would make his intestines bleed. And that is just wrong!

See, whoever said that it's always mind over matter never had noisy neighbors. He's already counted almost five hundred bloody sheep, recited the "I am going to sleep" mantra for two-fifty times, and threatened to stab his eyes if he fails to fall asleep in another five minutes thrice. But the noise. Oh, the noise!

He has lived in this apartment for almost three years. And for those almost three years, he's never had a problem with his neighbor (whom he's never met once). Until last month when his good neighbor—whose 90 years of living probably explain why he's never gone out to the lobby before—died. A week later, a girl moved in. Or so he thinks. The chatty guards were not very discrete while discussing the "delicious" attributes of the woman who has just moved in.

Sasuke didn't think he'd have any problem with the new resident. Really, he didn't have any problem with her at all. At least, that was until she apparently got herself a boyfriend two weeks later and now—

"For Kami's sake Kiba! Stop trying to take my virginity! I said no!"

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"…but Saki-chan! It's normal for—"

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"I don't care what is normal or not. I'm going to stay a VIRGIN as long as I want to!"

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"C'mon baby, that's why you're so cranky. You have to loosen up—"

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"CRANKY?! I. AM. NOT. CRANKY. Get out of my apartment."

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"But it's late!"

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"I don't care. Get out before I call the cops."

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"Fine. But let me tell you: stay that way and you'll be a spinster for life!"

.

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There was the sound of something fragile smashing into a hard surface and the door slamming. Then there was silence. Uchiha Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose and rewarded himself with a very audible sigh. At last. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the peace.

Or at least, the peace until the girl started wailing. Uchiha Sasuke gave up. He swung his legs to the edge of the bed and decided to confront the bane of his beauty sleep. The next three minutes got him to turn on all the lights, out of his apartment, and outside his neighbor's. He knocked and waited for the girl to open the door.

There were shuffling noises from behind the door and then the knob turned. The wooden door slid open and the light from the lobby fell on the miserable creature that is making his life miserable.

Sasuke was momentarily shocked upon setting eyes on his neighbor. Surely, this isn't the girl the guards have been talking about. He did a quick onceover on her body and focused on her face. It was red and splotchy from crying, hardly "delicious"—but, he's not here to check her out. When his objective came clear again, he cleared his throat and began—

"I'm trying to sleep. Can you not cry like a cow?"

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His neighbor pouted and pressed the heel of her palm to her eye. "Am I that loud?"

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"Yes."

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"Sorry." Her lips quirked into a half-hearted smile.

He was about to pivot on his heel and sleep when the girl's voice stopped him. "It's just that…my boyfriend just dumped me and I feel bad. Would you like to come in and maybe, share some tea or something?"

He gave her a look that said "seriously. No." and proceeded to his apartment to get his well-deserved rest. Finally.

Ten Minutes Later….

His subconscious was starting to slip into that wonderful world of dreams when he heard the sobbing. Then there came the sniffles.

And then…the wailing. All in a span of sixty seconds. Sasuke nearly cried—if it were not for his Eiffel-sized pride, he really would've done it. He settled for a sigh and a very hapless thought. If it's tea party at midnight she wants, then so be it.

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He grabbed a sweater on his way and pounded on the Wailing Cow's door using his head. "OPEN UP!" the door opened and he walked in.

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"I want blueberry tea and rice crackers." And some bloody peace or bloody sleep-inducing drugs would be nice.
-TBC

Author's note: uhm, review? Thanks for reading :)