A/N: I've decided to post this in the FF7 section because the story is centered around the FF7 characters, and since there are many character cross-overs, I couldn't choose just two to put this in that category.

This idea came to me when I learnt the meaning of the word "Bishi". This happened while I was in an extremely sleep deprived state when almost anything made me laugh hysterically, so please excuse the complete stupidness of this story's concept.

If this generates some interest, I will continue, but this is mainly side-step to try and get me writing again. Requests to put in more characters will be considered, but I might need information about the character before I write them.

Planned characters from: FF7, FF8, FF9, FF10, Zelda, RE4, OHSHC, Fruits Basket, Vampire Knight, Pokemon, Hetalia, and probably more.

*All characters are property of their respective games/anime.


Chapter 1: True Suffering

"Hm?" Cloud caught the towel around his waist before it could unravel as he rubbed another towel on his head, drying his golden hair. He re-secured the towel around his waist and wiped away some of the perspiration on the mirror to look at himself. His hair was still drenched, fresh from the shower, and some drops of water dripped slowly off onto his shoulders and chest.

He plugged in his blowdryer and proceeded to enjoy the hot blast of air through his hair; a small smile of content crept onto his face. Once his hair was dry, he reached to the mirror to open up the cabinet. Almost immediately, his mood shifted from pleasant, to annoyed, to almost angry. "What the hell?" he muttered under his breath as he pushed some products out of the way and took some out to see what was behind it. "Where is it?!"

**

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'A MONTH'?!"

Cloud heard a commotion as he sharply rounded the corner to the large store in the Shinra building. Zack and Reno had beaten him to the store and were now harassing the shopkeeper.

"This is insane! Don't you know your customers at all!?" Reno screamed, leaning over the counter to get in the shopkeeper's face.

"Look, I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about it!"

Zack turned to the door when Cloud walked in, his hair drooped down, covering his eyes a bit. "You, too, huh?" Zack's own hair was a large black mess while Reno held his hair under a black wool hat.

"Goddammit!" the Turk grumbled as he stood back and crossed his arms. "This is just unbelievable."

"Wait," Zack looked from Cloud to Reno and back again. "Someone's got to have some in this building."

The three looked at each other for a moment before Cloud broke the silence. "Sephiroth!"

**

Cloud, Zack, and Reno rode the elevator up and hurried out down the hall as fast as they could. Two Second Classes were running towards them frantically and Zack called out to one of them. "Hey! Kunsel! What happened?"

"It's Sephiroth!" Kunsel said, stopping in front of Zack while his partner ran off. "He's lost his mind! I wouldn't go in there if I were you." Kunsel continued on after his partner.

Zack scratched his head. "Is that right?" He gave a slight chuckle. "it's like he goes insane every time something new happens."

"Come on!" Reno called out, running alongside Cloud, "Hurry up!"

**

The trio reached the end of the hall to find the door to Sephiroth's office wide open, and inside, a complete wreck. There was a rather large dent in the door. Below it, a pile of splint wood, formally a chair, lay grimly on the floor. Papers were littered over the tables and floors, drawers and cabinets open with their contents pulled out carelessly, and in the corner, a large cupboard came crashing down with a boom. Sephiroth stood over it, fuming.

Angeal was leaned against a wall beside one of the open drawers. "I don't know why you're freaking out so much over this. You look exactly the same without your two spikes."

"That's not the point," Sephiroth spoke slowly, his voice low.

"I guess our question is answered," Zack mused as he walked in, stepping over the papers. Reno followed him but Cloud had spotted something in the rubble in front of the door.

He knelt down and began to pick through the pile of wood. There was a small piece of paper inside, heavily creased. He picked it up to examine it. It was a light pink card with happy white cartoon rabbit heads bordering the words. It read:

"You've taunted us with your gravity defying hair for the last time! Now, it's our turn! -Honey"

Confused, Cloud walked into the office and showed it to Sephiroth. "Have you seen this?"

Sephiroth loomed over to Cloud, took the card from his hand. He looked almost ridiculous holding such a cute thing as he read it. "So he is the one responsible for this madness."

"Hm?" a chorus of questioning sounds came from Angeal, Zack, and Reno.

"Who is he?" Cloud asked.

"He is the one I am going to kill if he doesn't smarten up."

Angeal pushed himself off the wall and was about to say something when Reno interrupted. "Look, there's something on the back," he pointed out.

Sephiroth flipped the card and read the words. "We have gathered all of your Concrete Feather gel and products from all corners of your world. Now you'll know the true suffering of flat hair!" Sephiroth threw the card to the side violently.

"Fine," he breathed, "if it is a battle he wants, he will get it." Sephiroth turned to everyone, his left hand raised dramatically in the air. "Go. Gather our brothers from afar. Unite our fellow warriors once again. Come, sword in hand, courage in heart, as we go on this epic raid. Tonight, we take back what is ours. Tonight, we show them our strength! Tonight," he clutched his raised hand in a fist, "we fight!"

"Yeah!!"Both Reno and Zack cheered. "All right!!"

"Oh god..." Angeal placed his palm over his face as he hung his head. "Not again..."

**

"Good. Come to the Shinra building at five o'clock. See ya."

Cloud flipped his cell phone closed and crossed "Leon S. Kennedy" off his long list of names. Reno, Zack, and, surprisingly, Genesis all had lists of their own and were working on getting the message out while Sephiroth plotted their strategy. Angeal had given all of them a speech about how it won't kill them to wait for the next shipment to come in, but his words only encouraged Sephiroth even more.

Cloud ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. It just wasn't the same. He was adamant on getting at least some of the miracle gel back and didn't care to what extremes the General would lead them to get some. And he knew it. Sephiroth saw the stern look in his eyes when he announced the raid and saw unwavering determination in him, so much so that he had made Cloud leader of the Alpha team.

Cloud looked at the next name on the list. "Link." He sighed. The elf boy was a notorious annoyance in their last raid, and though Link was a skilled swordsman, Cloud and many others have agreed that he works best alone. There was just something extremely irritating about travelling with someone who would prefer to roll instead of walk and had a tendency to stop and cut grass every time he saw a patch. Not to mention that he would freeze up with an open-mouthed grin and widened eyes on his face for about half a minute every time he found some treasure.

Cloud dialed the number next to the name. He waited until the dialing sound stopped and then there was a silence. "Hello?" he asked. All of a sudden, there was a long string of "Hut! Hite! Tsyaa!"

"Link. Link, it's Cloud. " He waited for some acknowledgement, but Cloud couldn't decipher any words coming from the other end. "Look, I know you're just as pissed off as any of us. That's why we're going to get our gel back. Meet us at the Shinra building at five o'clock, OK?"

"Hya!"

Cloud hung up and shook his head. "Damn kid." He crossed "Link" off the list and looked at the next name.