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Shifting Sands, Flowing Tides

Chapter 1

by Kate04

A/N: This one is for the best twin anyone could have, the one and only kadi219, for spending hours talking about plot and character motivation and generally being an awesome cheerleader.

Another big *hug* goes to lontanissima, who always has an opinion and for some reason likes me enough to share it with me. 3

Once again, RockinRobin B did an awesome beta job, but since I'm greedy, all remaining mistakes are MINE!

You know how some things that you read in fan fiction make so much sense that you don't really remember if they are canon or not? My dear twin is known for creating these things - like Sharon's father being a judge or Andy's son being called Charlie, for example. So I shall shamelessly use them in this fic, because they're awesome, but I want you to know where they came from.

Disclaimer: This sandbox belongs to James Duff and all the toys are his, too. Just playing with them. I promise to be careful!

"There are no wrong turnings. Only paths we had not known we were meant to walk."

― Guy Gavriel Kay

Sharon stood in the patio door, a six-pack of cold beer in her hands, and studied the lively crowd that was gathered around the large grill on the small strip of beach that belonged to the big house in Santa Monica they currently occupied. It, and the timeshare in Park City, were the two extravagances their parents had allowed in their lives over the years. Her family was very comfortable financially, but they tried not to let it show too much. Apart from official functions her father's job as a judge required them to attend, they kept out of those pretentious social circles, as he liked to call them. In his opinion, a lot of the moral decay he saw at work every day was due to people putting too much importance on money and material things. Sharon and all her siblings were encouraged to take summer jobs if they were not satisfied with their moderate allowances. Only her little sister had once gotten a raise out of her father, but only because she had volunteered at an animal shelter during her summer vacation.

As thrifty as her parents had been with money, they had been as generous with love and attention. Their house had always been alive with laughter and joy and long, heated debates over dinner. Their mother, while a devoutly catholic wife, had never been shy to voice her opinion or to put their father in his place when she thought he was wrong. There had been passionate fights at times, between her parents, between the children, between parents and children, the Irish temper running hot in all of them, but there had always been love. Those were the memories she associated with that beach house, and they were not limited to her own childhood. Once they had all grown up and started their own families, this house had been there for all of them. The times they all came here together had been few and far between, due to work schedules and the fact that it simply was not big enough for the entire O'Dwyer clan.

When her children had been young, they had spent many weekends at the beach – sometimes just the four of them, sometimes with her parents or some of her siblings and their children, and sometimes with close friends. Sharon had not had a chance to visit in the last several years, as her job had kept her in the city and making the trip out here on her own seemed like too much trouble. While it was only a short drive from her home, a stay required stocking the pantry and cleaning, something she would have to do at home as well, leaving her with twice the work. When they had not been able to find a place that had enough space for their 4th of July party, she had suggested the sizable beach house and everyone had agreed that it would be their best option.

The original plan had been to spend a quiet day in the mountains, just she and Andy, far away from the noisy crowds of LA. Rusty wanted to go on a short trip to San Francisco with a friend and make a quick stop in Palo Alto on the way home. Ricky and Emily were busy with work and Andy's children had plans with their mother and stepfather. It was the perfect opportunity for them to sneak away for a little while.

During the last exhausting months of hunting for Stroh and trying to protect Rusty without his knowledge, they had put their personal relationship on hold for the most part, or rather, she had. Andy had been there for her every step of the way, looking out for her, being a friend, a confidante, and a strong shoulder to lean on when it all had gotten too much for her to carry alone. They desperately needed some time to figure out what they wanted to do about this deepening connection between them. To be completely honest, she was pretty sure that they had already made a decision about that, but it would be nice to have some time and privacy to explore that new aspect of their relationship.

Life had a way of happening in its own way, however. First Andy's ex-wife and her husband had decided to go on a spontaneous river cruise, leaving Charlie and Nicole and her family without any plans. They had asked Andy if he wanted to join them for the day and he couldn't decline. Not when his son was finally starting to warm up to him. Sharon had understood and made the call to cancel their reservation. Even though she had been happy for Andy, the thought of spending that day alone had made her a little sad. That was until Nicole insisted she celebrate with them.

A few days after that, she had been informed by her children that there had been a change in their plans. They would all be in LA over the holiday weekend. Apparently, Nicole had called Rusty, who had called Ricky, who had called Emily and then there had been a conference call and by the time Rusty had finished telling her all about it, she had had a headache. All that did not matter much anyway, because the result was that she got to spend a few days with her family and there really was nothing else she needed to know.

How her entire team had ended up being included she still did not know. Andy and Lieutenant Provenza had tried to explain it, but after that explanation had deteriorated into one of their bickering matches, she had decided that there were some things she really did not need to know too much about. At first she had been a little skeptical about letting them into her private life like that, but Andy assured her that it would not change the way they saw her at work. She would still be the boss on Monday. They all respected her as their captain, but they also liked her and saw her as a part of the team, which meant the occasional barbeque or ballgame.

Despite her initial reservations, she realized that it was a good idea to have them over as well. It took some of the tension out of the event. Having all of their children meet for the first time had so much potential to go sideways or, at the very least, result in a lot of awkward silences and uncomfortably stilted conversations. Having people there who were not part of the situation would make things easier for everyone. As it turned out, her concerns had been unnecessary. Emily and Nicole had instantly liked each other. They had spent most of the afternoon so far in one corner, talking about ballet and admiring the boys when they demonstrated what they had learned. Andy's son, after some reluctance, had started a conversation with Ricky, Rusty and Lieutenant Tao, with Dean adding the occasional comment. Nicole's husband looked a little lost, a feeling Sharon could definitely understand. Charlie did something involving computer game developing, if she remembered correctly. If he was talking with her two sons and her Lieutenant it could only mean a lot of technical terms no normal human being would be able to follow.

Making her way over to the grill, Sharon handed the six pack off to Amy, grinning as she heard her two senior Lieutenants quarrel about the best way to grill a hamburger and about Andy's expertise in preparing salads and dips and all sorts of delicious dishes – according to the older Lieutenant a direct result of him having become a vegetarian. They really behaved like an old married couple. Provenza and Julio wondered how Andy could feel so comfortable navigating his Captain's kitchen and how ridiculous he looked with his apron. The consensus seemed to be that it was suspicious when a tough guy like their colleague played housewife and that he should make sure not to make a habit of it or it would no longer impress the girlfriend.

She was very familiar with Andy's skills in the kitchen and appreciated them very much. In fact, she could recall several family get-togethers many, many years ago where he had delighted them with his creations and back then he had been a very healthy carnivore. Those old memories did not visit her often, but they always brought mixed feelings, a sense of nostalgia paired with regret and, if she looked closely enough, a little bit of hurt. It was the past, however, and it did not have a place in what she hoped would be a happier future.

Putting her hand between Andy's shoulder blades, she felt the tension in his muscles relax slightly. He was playing along with their teasing, but she knew that some part of him did not appreciate it. A while ago, he had told her how he wished they would just accept his choice not to eat meat anymore and let it go. It bothered him more than he let on that they kept teasing him about it. Leaning around Andy, her hand still on his back, she smiled sweetly at Lieutenant Provenza and Julio, her voice deceptively cheerful. "Gentlemen, are you saying that the kitchen is a woman's place? If you think so, we might have to discuss your views on gender equality, because that would imply that you have a problem with your boss being in her office instead of her kitchen most of the day. I am not sure she would appreciate hearing that. Rumor has it, she is very fond of diversity seminars, so I would consider my words more carefully if I were you. You never know who might hear you." She gave the older Lieutenant a pointed look, making sure he understood that she was only partly joking.

Provenza simply rolled his eyes and wandered away, grabbing the beer Amy held out for him as he passed. Sharon could not quite hear what he said as he left, only catching wicked and pet and something that sounded like idiots in between his mumbling. She decided that she probably did not want to know. Letting her gaze move towards Julio, one eyebrow lifted, she had to suppress a grin when he just raised his hands in surrender and took a respectful step back. Satisfied with the result, she focused her attention on Andy, putting her free hand on his chest. His eyes sparkled with amusement when he looked down at her, a crooked smile on his face. "That was almost a little mean and I probably should feel sorry for him, but the expression on his face was too funny."

Sharon hummed happily when one of his arms came around her, his hand gently resting on her hip. There was a question in his eyes that she answered by briefly snuggling into his side. If they wanted to move forward with their relationship, she had no intention of hiding it from anyone. She liked to keep her personal business private, but they were among family and she saw no reason to pretend that they did not care deeply for one another. Their children already thought they were dating anyway. As for the team, they spent their days figuring out other people's secrets. It would only be a matter of time until they found out. Their little celebration allowed them some control over how that happened.

As it turned out, no one cared. If they noticed that something was different, it was not commented on, and with every passing hour Sharon felt herself relax more and more. She simply enjoyed having all of her children with her and seeing them get along so well with Andy's kids. Her team fit in seamlessly, talking, joking, and laughing as if they had always been one big family. She was glad to see that Charlie seemed to have overcome is initial awkwardness. He and Rusty listened with rapt attention as Julio and Mike entertained them with stories about Andy and Lieutenant Provenza. Rusty probably knew most of them already, but he had apparently appointed himself Charlie's buffer, since Nicole was busy helping Emily tire out the boys. He knew how uncomfortable it could feel to be tossed into a large group of unfamiliar people and he also understood some of the issues Charlie had with his father. She was so proud of him for helping when he could just as easily have joined his brother. Ricky had found Buzz and they sat on the steps of the porch, no doubt talking about computers. Sometimes she wondered about that boy of hers. She would never say anything of course, but she wished he would show some interest in something else, like dating for example.

With a fresh pitcher of homemade lemonade in hand, Sharon joined Cathy, Patrice, Amy and Lieutenant Cooper, who were discussing different restaurants in LA. The young detective was in the middle of telling a particularly amusing story about a place they had gone to for one of their earlier dates. It involved a very inexperienced waitress, a mouse and a glass of red wine. Sharon's body shook with laughter, her sides already aching, when Amy and Cooper took turns describing how the poor young woman had almost jumped into the Lieutenant's lap to get away from the tiny rodent.

"What the hell?" Andy's angry voice made her whip around, her laughter dying instantly. It took a moment for her to spot the reason for his sudden irritation and when she did, her stomach twisted into a knot. Jack.

She saw the signs right away, the glassy, unfocused eyes, the slightly unsteady gait and the arrogant expression on his face. He was drunk. Closing her eyes, Sharon took a deep breath, seeking the strength she would need to deal with him. Once she opened them again, she looked at Andy, shaking her head slightly to let him know that she did not need him to rescue her. As much as she would like to let him take care of that situation for her, it would only complicate things further. Stepping towards their unwanted visitor, she folded her arms across her chest, glaring at him as he smiled at her happily, as if he had no idea how much his presence annoyed her. "Jack, what are you doing here?" She did not know how many times she had asked this very question and that fact alone made anger boil inside her. Why did he have to keep doing this to her?

"Sharon," he drawled, pronouncing her name the way he knew she hated. "When the kids told me you were having a family barbeque at the beach I was a little hurt that you didn't invite me. So I thought I'd just pop by and surprise you. I must say your idea of family is a little strange these days."

One would think that at some point during the more than three decades she had known Jack Raydor she would have learned not to be surprised by his behaviour, but she obviously still had some work to do on that. She cast a quick glance to where her children had drawn closer and she noticed the guilty look on Emily's face, giving her a good idea who had talked to Jack about their party. Of course, she could not blame her. She was glad that she tried to continue the relationship with her father and she had probably thought he would have more sense than to show up here. She would talk to her later and make sure that knew she was not responsible for her father's unacceptable conduct. First she had to get him to leave, however.

"I don't know what gave you the idea that anyone would be interested in your opinion on who I celebrate this holiday with. The fact that I did not invite you should have been indication enough that you are not welcome here. I want you to go. Now!"

Her voice had dropped to a very low, deceptively calm tone and to those who did not know her it probably sounded as if the situation did not affect her. As Andy looked at the men beside him, however, he noticed that they flinched slightly at the tone they all associated with trouble. They had all stepped towards their captain, flanking her and making sure the kids, Cathy and Patrice were shielded from whatever was going to happen. No one expected any kind of violence, Sharon had left her weapon at home, after all. But they were worried they'd witness her make a grown man cry. He had brought the children into it and that was the one thing Sharon would never tolerate. If he did not despise the man so much, Andy might feel sorry for him, but whatever he had coming was well deserved.

"Oh come on, Sharon. It's the Fourth of July. You can't seriously want me to drive all the way back downtown and spend the day alone. It's not fair that you get the kids all to yourself." Sharon shook her head, the red hot anger slowly fading away, leaving only a familiar feeling of irritation and pity behind. When had the man she used to love so fiercely turned into such a pathetic person? In the past, she would have let her compassionate nature overrule her sense of self-preservation. She would have given in to his wheedling eventually, letting him have his way for the sake of keeping the peace. That was a habit she had vowed to break the moment she had signed the divorce papers, and she was determined to make him understand that.

"No Jack. You do not get to barge into this private celebration and accuse me of shutting you out of your children's lives. You did that. You walked away from this family, so do not come back now and blame me for not being part of it anymore. Richard and Emily are old enough to decide where and with whom they want to spend their time. They will have to determine what kind of relationship they want to have with you. That is none of my business anymore. I already spent too much time trying to facilitate that. I am done, Jack. You have no place in my life anymore and it is time that you understand that."

For a brief moment, she saw hurt flash in his eyes, but it was immediately replaced by anger, the nasty way his lips curled was only too familiar. He would not give up easily. His claws were out and he would try his best to draw blood. It was usually what happened when he was drunk. Not once, in the long years she had known him, had Jack raised a hand against her in anger. He did not need to; his ability to hurt her with words was more than adequate, even though she had gotten better at not letting him get to her. What concerned her much more were all the people around them. Having her friends and family witness a drawn-out fight with her ex-husband was not her idea of an acceptable party activity. She hated having her private problems dragged out for everyone to see and Jack would regret forcing that onto her.

"Yes, you made that perfectly clear when you filed for divorce without even talking to me about it. It's always about what you want and what you find acceptable. I'm done…" Andy did not let him finish. Sharon would probably not appreciate that he got involved, but he also knew that she would not want to have a fight with Jack in front of her team and the kids. If he could prevent that, he would gladly let her be annoyed with him. "I think you heard her, Jack. It's time for you to go." It was a struggle to keep his temper in check, but neither his nor Sharon's children should have to witness him yelling at the other man. The issues he had with Jack Raydor were in the past and, although he might not be over it, he would not stoop to the same level and get into those in public.

Jack turned slowly to face him, a fake smile creeping over his face as he studied Andy thoroughly. Then he let his gaze wander back and forth between him and Sharon, the wheels obviously turning inside his head. Raydor's eyes narrowed as he fixed his gaze on Andy again. "Andy, my friend. It's so good to see you. I guess it's true then. You are sleeping with my wife. Is that your way of paying me back for fucking Amanda all those years ago? If it is, let me tell you that I got the better end of the deal."

Andy did not think. White hot rage filled him, his muscles reacting long before his mind had a chance to catch up. He had expected Jack to say something stupid, he always did, but he had thought him to have more sense than to bring that up. He almost had his hands on the other man, his right fist already clenching in anticipation. He hungered for it to connect with the strong bone of Jack's jaw, to feel his nose give under the force of the blow. Before he could satisfy this primal need to punish his rival, strong hands closed around his upper arms from behind, dragging him back and holding him despite his best attempts at breaking free.

Louie grunted as his partner's elbow caught him in the side. The idiot was hell-bent on killing Jack Raydor and he was not entirely sure why he should not let him. Since he did not feel like spending the rest of the day with FID, he settled for the second best option. "Julio, would you please take the garbage out? Amy, make sure Mr. Raydor doesn't stub his toe while he's waiting for his cab." He nodded at the young woman, letting her know that he expected her to make sure Julio was not unnecessarily rough. The last thing they needed was Raydor filing charges against Sanchez. That would probably be the end of his career and, as much as he personally would like to see the asshole bleed, he was not worth the trouble. When the two detectives escorted Jack around the front of the house, Andy slowly started to calm down enough for them to let him go. They did so reluctantly, keeping a close eye on him in case he decided to finish what he had started. With his hand still on Andy's shoulder, Louie felt the tension run through his body, the backyard eerily quiet apart from the younger man's ragged breathing and the distant sound of the waves. No one dared to speak or move, all eyes on the Captain and her Lieutenant. While Andy was practically vibrating with energy, full of barely suppressed rage, every single emotion clearly visible on his face and in the way he held himself, the Captain was completely still, her face a mask, hiding whatever was going on inside her.

Jack's words were like a physical blow, leaving her breathless, her heartbeat almost deafening inside her head. She could not move. People were yelling and moving around her, but it was merely white noise. She was not part of it. Her thoughts held her hostage, trapping her inside a bubble of anguish and old memories, of betrayal and chances not taken. Too many things went through her head at once, refusing to let her explore them. One thought, however, kept returning; the image of her husband wrapped around Amanda Flynn in a passionate embrace stood before her inner eye with disturbing clarity, making her stomach roll in disgust. While she had worked night shifts and spent her days taking care of their daughter, her husband had cheated on her. And as if that wasn't enough, he had slept with her best friend's wife. She had trusted him. She had trusted them. How much time had the four of them spent together? How often had Emily and Charlie played together while their mothers had shared a cup of tea? How often had she sent Jack to pick up or drop off their daughter at their friends' house when Amanda had watched her? Her heart clenched painfully inside her chest as she thought about all those opportunities she had given them and the one opportunity she had walked away from. Would her life have been different if she had known? How had she not known?

"Mom? Are you all right?" Her daughter's soft, concerned voice reached her through the fog, a gentle hand on her shoulder drawing her back to the present. She instantly felt the concerned eyes of everyone on her. No one spoke. They all just stared in shocked silence. Everyone but Andy. She saw her own pain reflected in his eyes and it was more than she could take. She could not breathe. The need to get away from all those prying eyes was almost overwhelming, making her legs tremble, her knees close to buckling as her head started spinning. Stepping away from Emily, she turned towards the beach and started walking, her whispered apology to the others almost lost on the soft breeze.

"Mom…" Emily sounded like she was about to cry as she started to go after her. Rusty stopped her with a hand on her arm, shaking his head when she gave him a confused look. "Let her go. Give her some time." She was about to protest, but Ricky appeared on her other side, a troubled expression on his face as he studied the retreating form of their mother. "Rusty's right, Em. Mom won't want us to see her like that." They all knew what he meant by like that. It was something he and Sharon had in common; they did not cry in front of people.

Rusty was not surprised when Flynn walked past them and followed her down to the water. The Lieutenant was probably the only person she would not mind having around at the moment and he was sure they had some things to talk about after what Jack had just sprung on everyone. Rusty had been aware that the guy was a bit of a jerk, but he had not expected him to be such an asshole. It did explain a lot though, about the way Sharon had understood his problems with his biological mother and how much she had hurt him. Sharon had always told him that those painful words were not about him, that they did not mean she did not love him. Sharon had taught him that it was the addiction talking, not his mother. He had known on some level that Sharon must have experienced similar things with Jack, but he had not realized just how bad that had been. A small part of him wished that Flynn had gotten his hands on the asshole, a fact he would definitely not share with Sharon.

"Come one, guys. Let's tidy up and go. We should give the family some privacy." It was Patrice who shook them out of their state of shock, her voice carrying a note of authority that made it easy to imagine her as a nurse. She took charge of the cleaning operation, delegating tasks and making sure the place looked spotless in the space of no more than half an hour. The woman was scary in her bossiness, but Rusty supposed that she would need to be if she wanted to survive a relationship with Lieutenant Provenza.

Once everything was the way they had found it earlier that day, the team got their things together and started to leave. The old Lieutenant took Rusty aside, reassuring him that Sharon and Andy would be all right and making him promise that he would call if they needed anything. And then they were gone, leaving the "family" behind in an uncomfortable silence.

Dean was the first to move, offering to take the boys home and put them to bed. They had already collapsed a while ago, exhausted from running around all day, and were asleep in one of the beds upstairs. It was getting late, however, and the way things looked it would be a while until they could resolve this problem. Besides, the topics that would have to be discussed were not exactly suitable for those little ears. As much as Dean wanted to support his wife during this difficult situation, the couple agreed that he should take care of the children.

Rusty wished he could get away with the same excuse that got the youngest members of their family out of this mess, because he was convinced that things would be mentioned he was definitely not old enough to hear either. Instead, he watched Nicole bid her husband and children goodbye and longingly followed the dark SUV with his eyes as it retreated down the road. Being a family was not always easy, but sticking together when things got tough was part of the deal and walking out was not an option.

There they were five adults, not quite strangers, almost family, bound together by the love of two people and a sense of broken trust and broken hearts. Not one of them knew what to say. Awkward did not even begin to describe the situation.

- TBC -